“I don’t know. How I can be afraid of something I’ve wanted so badly for so long?”
He watched her struggle to hold in her tears. She tossed her head back, furiously blinking them away with sheer will.
“If you need to cry, then cry, lass. Let it out.”
She shook her head, her mouth tightening mulishly. “If I’m going to cry over anything, it’s going to be because I was stupid. I’d rather learn from my mistake and move on.”
“Fair enough. Why do you think you can’t give me your trust and honesty?”
Raine didn’t answer right away. “I’m not...very good with either one. I never learned as a kid. I haven’t had much practice at Shadows. I even lied to myself that Hammer could love me as more than a little pet. I don’t think he knows how to be honest, either. To get rid of me, he spouted a bunch of crap about having a wife who was a slave that you shared with him. I wish he’d have saved the B.S. I could have filled in the blanks with a better lie of my own.”
“What makes you think he lied? Juliet was lovely, but sadly flawed, like most of us. She seemed the most devoted slave to Hammer.” Liam kept talking into Raine’s stunned expression. “Yes, we shared her on occasion, but the lesson you should take from her tale isn’t obedience, though that would be nice… But what you should learn that she tragically never did is communication. We rely on it in the power exchange. It’s as essential as the air we breathe. You’ll learn to give me your tears and your broken heart. I would have your pain, just as I will your pleasure.”
Liam lifted her then, as easily as he would a child, and sat her on his lap. Holding her to him and surrounding her with his strength, he rocked her, stroking her until the terrible pain she’d been holding in for so long couldn’t be silenced a moment longer. She wept long, hot tears.
“Get it all out. Just hold on to me tight and let it go.”
She hid her face from him, but couldn’t stop her sobbing. “I don’t know how to do this, cry and bleed in front of someone. I feel too exposed. It hurts too much.” She shook her head, struggling for each shuddering breath as she fought to contain her emotions. “He didn’t tell me what happened to Juliet—god, she even sounds pretty—but I’d lay money I’m far worse at communicating than she was.” She sat back from him, curling her arms around her middle. “And I’m not going to be good for you. You’ll split me open like a ripe peach, all right, but you won’t like the rotting core underneath. I can’t stand that, without meaning to, I’ve come between you and your best friend. I’m like an atomic bomb everywhere I go. Destructive. Stupid. Thoughtless. You should cut your losses and let me go. I owe you too much to stay and screw up your life.” She yanked from his grip altogether and climbed from the tub, then raced for the door.
The pain in her voice told him that her terrible guilt only fed her inadequacies. She would dart, even naked, into the cold. Yes, to save herself. But everything about her expression said she actually believed she’d be saving him, too.
Liam acted quickly. Chasing her put the control in her hands. Time to wrench it away.
“Stop! Present yourself, sub.”
Her body froze. Liam could almost hear her determination to flee fighting with her need to submit to his Dominance. He waited a moment, letting his command sink in. Then, with a sob, she fell to her knees on the tile and assumed the pose. Her shoulders still shook, and her breath still shuddered. He waited as she composed herself, soaping his body and rinsing. He saw the moment she chose to heed the submissive within. Her breath evened out. Her body relaxed. Her mind seemed to quiet. And Liam just watched.
Raine giving him her power was intoxicating.
He stepped from the tub and squatted beside her as steam rose upward from their heated flesh. “As I said, you will learn to give me everything inside you, Raine. Easy or hard, that’s up to you. But you will learn.” Rising, he extended a hand and helped her up. “Come, before you get a chill. Let’s dry you off. Then I intend to feed you.”
#
Raine trembled, her knees aching from the cold tile. But it was the power of his whip-like commands still lashing through her brain that made her shake. Oh god, oh god, oh god. He’d found one of her weaknesses and he was too smart not to know it. With that voice, somehow sharp and velvety at once, he’d revealed himself a Dom in gentleman’s clothing.
Biting her lip, Raine risked a peek up at him. One look at his face told her that he’d brought her here not just to rescue her and let her heal, but to unravel her utterly. Here on his turf, in his bed, under his control, she’d have no place to hide. And no Hammer to interfere.
Anxiety bloomed in her stomach.
Liam reached back for a towel, but did he give it to her or cover her with it? Of course not. He gently dried her, then wrapped it around his waist before leading her, stark naked, to the bed. There was a message in that, and she couldn’t fail to understand.
She eyed the food spread out on the nearby dresser. Not that she was hungry, but eating would buy her time. Because not for one second did she imagine that what came after the meal would be easy.
“Kneel on the floor facing the bed, Raine. Get comfortable. You might be there a while,” Liam said with an arch in his brow.
She watched as he moved to the thermostat in the room. He stared at it, nodded, then turned back toward her, clearly ready to unleash whatever he had planned. So maybe he wasn’t waiting until after the meal to make her life difficult.
Prowling to the dresser, Liam removed something from one of the drawers and set it aside, out her line of vision, before selecting food for them both. Then he returned to the bed and sat in front of her. “Hands behind your back.”
Why? She wanted to ask the question, but knew how BDSM worked. He commanded; she obeyed without question. That didn’t mean she always liked it…but she wanted it. Reminding herself that Liam wouldn’t really, truly hurt her, even though he must still be angry, Raine slowly wound her hands behind her.
“That’s not bad. A little faster would be nice. Try hard not to think so much. Trust, not logic. Do you understand?”
She watched him, her stomach dancing with nerves, then she nodded.
“Answer me with words. I’ll not be relying on a bob of your head.”
Raine had a hard time getting the word out, as if it implied more trust than she was ready to grant, but she knew that he’d likely make her spend all day on her knees until she complied. “Yes.”
“Yes, what? What do you call me?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Better. Now open your mouth. Let’s feed you a bit.”
“I’m not actually hungry.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I didn’t ask if you were hungry. You skipped breakfast, and you won’t be skipping lunch. I told you to open your mouth.”
Raine eyed the little platter in his hands, then watched as he picked up a piece of buttered bread and brought it toward her mouth. She leaned away and turned her head. “I can feed myself.”
“I assume you’ve been doing that for years. But I’ll be feeding you today. No arguments.”
She should probably let it go, but…damn, she found that hard. When she opened her mouth to argue, he merely shoved the bread inside.
“Chew now. Swallow.”
Reflexively, she did, then he followed with a sip of red wine. A chunk of pineapple after that, then a bite of succulent roast beef. Wordlessly, she allowed him to place the food in her mouth, squirming as he watched, the flavors mingling on her tongue while she consumed every bite. It was intimate and weirdly arousing, taking food from his hand. She didn’t hate it.
Until he came toward her with a dill pickle spear. Then she backed up quickly, almost springing to her feet to avoid him. “No.”
Liam paused. “Are you allergic to them?”
She scrunched up her face. “No, but they’re disgusting. They reek like fermented gym socks.”
He smiled. “That’s quite an analogy.”
She gave h
im a hesitant grin back. “Well, they do.”
“So it’s safe to say you’d like to be avoiding them, then?”
“Absolutely!”
“Keep that in mind as we go on. And last…” He popped a piece of chocolate into her mouth.
What wasn’t to like about chocolate? But this chocolate? Positively divine. Something baked by the angels and sent down from heaven. The best she’d ever had in her life. As it melted on her tongue, she moaned.
“Like that, do you?”
“This qualifies as love. Oh my god…”
He grinned at her again, and was probably laughing a bit at her expense, but she didn’t care. That chocolate was worth whatever bit of fun he poked at her. She’d almost crawl across glass for more.
“Well, then, you should also keep that in mind as we move on.”
Raine wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that statement, but if there was more chocolate involved, she could deal. “Yes, Sir.”
“Excellent. Now close your eyes.”
The command made her frown. He wanted to feed her when she couldn’t see? “Wait. Is this one of those ‘trust’ exercises? Wouldn’t it be better if I let you stand behind me while I tipped back and waited to see if you’ll catch me?”
“Another day, maybe. Not now. Yes, this is about trust. Everything is. Close your eyes.”
His voice had dropped another octave. A fresh swarm of butterflies emerged in her stomach. She didn’t like it. Not being able to see made her feel wretchedly exposed.
“If you don’t hurry, I’ll be taking everything back to the kitchen except the pickles.”
Raine slammed her eyes shut.
“About time. Keep them shut and hold still.”
She heard the bed squeak just a bit, then felt the rush of cool air on her arm as Liam walked past. His gaze on her back seemed to singe her skin. Then something cool and silky fluttered in front of her face before he settled it over her eyes and knotted it at the back of her head. A blindfold. Oh, hell.
It scared her a little. But she was also able to focus on the sounds of his movements, the warmth in the air, the humming of her skin. Anticipation. Everything he did to and for her felt almost like a seduction.
His footsteps trailed away from her, then a drawer opened, closed. He returned, and Raine felt his grip settle around her wrists. A moment later, he snapped something around them snugly. Leather? A gentle tug proved the cuffs were attached.
“Restraints? What the… I said I wouldn’t try to feed myself.”
“I heard you. Think of these as my insurance policy. Beside, you look fetching all bound.”
He was a Dom. Of course he’d think so. Besides… “You pervs just like it because it makes a sub’s boobs stick out.”
“That, too, you mouthy wench. Now focus. Pay very special attention to everything I say. There’s going to be a test.”
Great. She’d failed plenty of those in her life. She wasn’t keen to fail this one now. Somehow, she was pretty sure he’d make that really unfun. And the idea of failing him again upset her even more.
“I’ll do my best.”
“Glad to hear it,” he sounded almost amused, but she didn’t believe for a second that he wasn’t taking this seriously. Yesterday, she might have believed that he’d dance to her whim. Now...not so much.
“What’s your favorite color?”
Liam had not dragged her out of Shadows and up a mountain to find out if she liked green more than blue.
“Red,” she said tentatively, hoping like hell there wasn’t a wrong answer.
“A nice color. Open your mouth.”
The demand made her pause, wonder what the hell he was up to. But maybe there would be chocolate. She parted her lips. Between them, he stuck more bread and followed that with a sip of the sweet, rich wine.
She smiled. This might not be a terrible game, after all…as long as the questions didn’t get too difficult.
Yeah, she didn’t hold out a lot of hope for that.
“And what’s your favorite pizza topping?”
Was this a getting-to-know-you exercise or a quiz for dinner? She didn’t know exactly where they were, but she gathered he’d brought her to basically the middle of nowhere. Doubtful anyone delivered out here. “Mushrooms and extra cheese, but I’m not that picky. Avoid bell peppers and anchovies, and I’ll probably eat it.”
“Good to know. Open up again.”
This time she did so quickly, hoping for a bit more of that lovely melting heaven on her tongue. Instead, she got a bite of a really rich cheese. A little tart, a tad smoky… He followed it with more bread. Raine sensed his eyes on her, felt her nipples getting hard. Wow, this game was way sexier than she’d first thought. She licked her lips, then plumped them a bit. “What’s next?”
Absolute silence. She could hear him breathing. His body heat poured toward her in a warm wave. His displeasure wasn’t far behind.
“Sir,” she corrected quickly. “What’s next, Sir?”
“When matters get tough, why do you always run, lass?”
His question slammed her in the chest like a semi chasing the land speed record. She had to force her answer out. “I-I don’t run; I just leave a situation when I’m making it worse.”
“I see. Open.”
Raine couldn’t get a read on his tone, but she dutifully parted her lips.
“Stick out your tongue.”
She frowned, hoping he was in the mood to give her chocolate. She could hope it was melting.
Instead, something slimy slithered across her taste buds. That awful smell hit her next. She curled inward as her stomach bucked. Damn, she didn’t have her hands free to clutch it, but she did something even better; she spit the pickle out.
“Stop. That’s not acceptable! Open again. By god, you will chew and swallow.”
“B-but I answered you.”
“As answers went, it was a weak one, and well you know it.”
“No, that’s the serious, honest truth. Why would I stay where I’m not wanted? Where I just seem to fuck everything up?”
That wave of his displeasure came at her again, this time like a towering tsunami. “You will not use that language, Raine. Do you hear me?”
Seriously? She was supposed to amend her vocabulary, too? But that strict voice…even without seeing him, Raine knew he’d unleash something really unpleasant—like a whole jar of pickles—if she didn’t cooperate.
“Yes, Sir. I’m telling you the honest truth, Sir.”
Liam paused for a long moment. “All right, then. If that’s the truth as you see it, we’ll let that go for now. Open.”
“Am I getting the pickle?” She cringed.
“Open now!”
Raine did, knowing she probably looked like a toddler spitting out its vegetables. Sure enough, he plopped the pickle on her tongue again.
“Chew and swallow.”
Crap, she felt like she might throw up. But she managed to hold her breath and choke it down.
“Wine?” she croaked.
He placated her, putting the glass to her lips and letting her take a few long swallows.
“Thank you.” The flavor of the fermented grapes was a relief.
“Who are you thanking?”
What was his sudden preoccupation with formality and protocol? “You, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”
“Better. Who taught you to cook?”
How did they get from running away to knowing her way around a kitchen? “I taught myself, Sir. It’s better than starving.”
“Fair enough.”
For her effort, he rewarded her with a juicy bite of the roast beef that did a blessed shitload to remove the terrible pickle flavor lingering.
“Why were you in the alley the night Hammer found you?”
What kind of question was that? “Because I had no place else to go and the one behind Shadows wasn’t crowded with drug addicts and pimps searching for fresh meat.”
He grabbed her jaw in his hand
. He didn’t squeeze hard or hurt her, but his grip let her know that he could. “Are you willfully misunderstanding my question?”
“No. Sir,” she added hastily. “If you want to know why I chose Hammer’s alley over another, that’s the reason.”
Liam sighed, and she sensed him re-gathering his patience as he released his hold on her jaw. “Let’s try again, then. Why, at seventeen, were you spending the night in an alley rather than under your parents’ roof?”
“I ran away. I was making the situation there worse, according to my dad. So I left.”
Those were some of the hardest words she’d ever spoken. Funny how the awful man’s rejection still had the power to hurt her years later. She needed to get over it, but Raine had discovered telling herself that logically and actually being able to do it weren’t the same thing.
And on top of Hammer’s rejection… It was like a can being crushed, then recycled, only to be crushed again.
Her breath hitched as she choked back a sob. Crap, she’d been a teary mess all morning. Maybe she really should just move on. This wouldn’t be the first time she’d lost her place in the world. She’d survived after leaving home and found something better. Maybe she could do that again. One door had closed, then she’d opened another, right?
Right. But Hammer had been the first man to break her heart. Getting over that and the loss of home at once wouldn’t be easy.
“I believe that’s how you see the situation,” Liam murmured softly.
She leaned forward to lay her cheek on the bed, but found his thigh instead. The human comfort was too much to resist, even knowing that giving him control now only gave him the power to hurt her later. But when he started softly stroking her hair, she couldn’t resist nuzzling him a bit more.
“That’s a good lass.” He caressed the side of her face with his fingers, then nestled them at her nape and lifted her face to him. “Mouth open.”
Dutifully, she complied. The sinful flavor of that good dark chocolate burst over her tongue. She moaned long and low, smacking her lips.
One Dom To Love (The Doms of Her Life - Book 1) Page 16
