One Dom To Love (The Doms of Her Life - Book 1)

by Shayla Black Jenna Jacob Isabella LaPearl

  As they ran to do his bidding, he looked about, watching others scene. He hadn’t done that since that fateful night with Marlie. Shit, he didn’t really want to, and Hammer felt a bit guilty about shirking his responsibilities to the others here today. But he couldn’t bring himself to voluntarily take the hand of another sub and…

  “Sir?”

  Someone tapped his back, and a soft, sensual voice broke into his thoughts. He turned to find Crystal. She sent him an inviting glance. The single sub had few reservations about the Doms she chose to give her power to and even fewer boundaries. He usually strapped her up and pushed her to the edge about once a week. Often, he fucked her afterward. But he hadn’t been interested enough to even look her way lately. She wasn’t Raine. No one was. And the last thing he felt like doing now was Crystal.

  “What is it, girl?” If he was lucky, maybe she had a complaint he could fix or trouble with another Dom whose head he could bash in.

  Instead, she reached for his hand, prodding his fingers open with something cool and leathery. He looked down to find her giving him a single tail, then sliding to her knees. “Please, Sir. I need to feel the kiss of the whip.”

  Fuck. Guilt pressed down on him. He’d neglected her, and it wasn’t her fault.

  Since the blowup with Liam and Raine’s departure, he wondered if the grapevine was working and members would start talking, whisper that he’d lost control. Would they wonder if they should play elsewhere? Speculate that he might not be able to run a safe place?

  It would be better for everyone if he put the possible rumors to rest. He never wanted to use a sub in anger…but he wasn’t mad at the nubile woman. In fact, anger had fallen far down on his list of emotions. Panic and desolation seemed to be vying for the top spot.

  Confident that he wouldn’t take Crystal past a place she could handle, Hammer nodded and gestured across the room. An eager smile spread across her lips as she headed to a suspension frame near the back wall.

  Hammer untied the little bow holding her sheer, nude baby-doll together and flung it away. Compliantly, she raised her arms to the dangling cuffs, and he secured her in. Then he grabbed her little thong in his fist and gave a mighty yank. It tore from her body, and Hammer tossed it aside. The actions were familiar. He’d done this a thousand times. But nothing felt the same. None of it excited him.

  Against his will, his eyes traveled across the dungeon to the infamous spanking bench Raine had perched on for her punishment with Beck…and where she’d given herself to Liam. God, he could still see her there, angry and frightened and determined, at least until Beck had fucked it all up. He didn’t have the first clue where she’d gotten those Fuck You Very Much panties. At the time, he’d been furious. Now, he smiled a bit fondly. Only Raine…

  How the fuck was he going to heal this gaping wound in his chest? How long was he going to miss her and need her and regret every second of the way he’d so fucked up.

  “Sir?” Crystal stared at him over her shoulder.

  Hammer could give this woman what she craved, and it didn’t cost him a thing. Why couldn’t Raine be as easy? Why did she want his heart and soul? Love he didn’t have to give?

  Gripping Crystal’s long auburn curls in his fist, he jerked her head back as his lips whispered over her ear. “Your safeword is ‘power,’ girl.”

  “Yes, Sir. Thank you. But you know I won’t need one.” She sent him a dreamy smile.

  “You might,” he warned.

  He smoothed a broad hand over her creamy flesh. Immediately, thoughts of Raine filled his head. His blood surged, boiled. Closing his eyes for a brief moment, he allowed himself to remember how her soft ivory flesh yielded beneath his hands.

  Tightly, he gripped the leather-plaited handle of the whip and got ready to inflict pain.

  But he was good at that, wasn’t he? He’d brought so much pain down on Raine with his actions. His gut seized at the thought of inflicting more, even on a pain slut who craved it. Visions of the marks he’d left marring Raine’s sensual body flooded his mind, and he liked the idea that those were the last marks he’d left on a woman. The memories of her slick, swollen pussy and how fucking epic she felt wrapped around his cock consumed him.

  Shit, he had to focus.

  Opening his eyes, he stepped back, arching the whip high above his head, and with a flick of his wrist, a deafening crack filled the air. Sweat broke out along his brow and trickled down his back. The room spun and a sickening taste filled his mouth. Staring at Crystal’s unmarred ass, the canvas he was expected to paint with wicked red welts, he clutched the handle of the whip with both hands. His body trembled as he fought for control.

  Raine had left him. His uncompromising needs and his goddamn fears had driven her away, leaving him with no way to harness the overwhelming panic.

  He shook his head and closed his eyes.

  Suddenly, a strong hand gripped his forearm. Snapping around, he growled at Beck, who stood next to him looking deeply concerned.

  “I’ll take care of her, Macen,” he whispered in a voice that only Hammer could hear.

  “I got it,” he assured Beck.

  “You don’t. Pull your head out of your ass,” Beck murmured for his ears alone, obviously trying to save Hammer the embarrassment.

  He shrugged Beck off. “What the fuck are you still doing here? You’ve been banned.”

  Beck snorted. “Banned. Yeah, right. Sorry, chief, I’m still here because I’m the only one who will risk standing up to you. You’re dealing with too much. Go unwind in your room. I’ll see to Crystal’s session.”

  The asshole was treating him like a BDSM invalid. “Go the fuck away.”

  “No. Look at yourself. You’re white as a fucking ghost. If the members truly knew how much you were falling apart, the ramifications would be disastrous. I can’t let you scene with Crystal, not while you’re half out of your mind over her.”

  Hammer didn’t have to guess which her Beck meant.

  “I don’t want to talk about it. Get your shit and get out.”

  “I’m not leaving until I know you’re stable enough to be let loose among the subs. Now give me the whip and go unwind in your room.”

  Who did Beck think he was talking to? He clenched his fists and narrowed his eyes, ready to knock the fucker’s head off.

  “Ah-ahh, don’t start swinging here. It’ll ruin your fine, upstanding reputation as the bad ass Dom in charge now, won’t it?” Beck taunted with an arch of his brow.

  Hammer looked up. All eyes were on him. Even Crystal had turned to see the reason he hadn’t started working her over yet. Hell, the sadist was right. “Shit.”

  “I got this,” Beck assured. “I’ll give Crystal whatever she needs.”

  With a sigh of defeat, he clapped Beck on the back. “Her safeword is ‘power.’ Don’t forget it.”

  “No sweat. You worry about figuring out if you’re going to get yourself together or self-destruct. Now that Raine is gone, man, those are your only two options.”

  With a disgusted sigh, Hammer slapped the handle of the whip into Beck’s hand, then clenched his jaw and walked away. The club members’ nervous looks did not escape him. Inwardly cursing for being such an idiot, he headed down the hall, to his room, picking up a bottle of Patrón on the way.

  As he stripped off his clothes, Hammer stared at the wild tangle of his bed, the sheets still strewn from his night with Raine. If he closed his eyes, he could picture her naked and willing, legs spread, offering him every part of her without an ounce of reservation. God, she’d been all his wildest fantasies come true.

  After all he’d put her through, Hammer couldn’t blame Raine for taking Liam up on his offer. If Liam’s ploy unraveled and she returned broken, he’d be there to pick up the pieces…like he always did. But for now, he was stuck here, alone.

  Raine’s scent lingered here, driving him mad. He could still feel her in this room. Hear her. Taste her. But it was a mirage. His eyes blurred.

>   Liam wasn’t going to call suddenly and cough up their fucking location. But even if he could talk to her, Hammer wondered what he could really say except that he was sorry. Anything more would only hurt her.

  Numb and empty, he unscrewed the top from the bottle and guzzled the clear liquid, relishing the burn down his throat.

  As the tequila tore past his control, he allowed himself to drown in memories of Raine. The party he’d thrown for her eighteenth birthday, the night she’d cried to him after losing her virginity, the triumphant day she’d received her college degree—he’d been there for her. Her constant. And Hammer hadn’t realized until now how much he needed her to need him.

  Would Liam be taking his place?

  Hammer had no idea how long he’d been sitting in the middle of his bed, clutching the pillow she’d slept on, but by the looks of the nearly empty bottle of Patrón, he figured it had been a while. How many more bottles would it take before he passed out? He’d drink an entire case if it would ease this ache.

  Lowering his head to the pillow again, he caught a whiff of her waning scent. But he wanted more. The fresh reminders of her would make him continue bleeding, and he welcomed it.

  Crawling out of bed, he stumbled down the hall to Raine’s room. Yanking open her closet door, he pawed several shirts suspended on hangers and hugged them to his chest. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply. Ahh, there she is. Her scent filled him, made his mouth water, and a stunning visual of her swirled in his head. Much better.

  He nearly tripped over his own feet as he turned and wandered back to his room. Sinking to the bed, he clutched her clothing against his face, breathing in her sweet floral and feminine musk, wishing he could hear her tender voice. Look into her big blue eyes sparkling with undeniable love.

  God, he’d taken so much of her for granted. An agonizing scream tore from his throat.

  “Christ, Macen. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Beck’s dark eyes narrowed with pity as he stood in the doorway, eyeing the near-empty bottle of tequila. “Patrón didn’t help you before. What makes you think it’s going to change anything now? Pull yourself together. Seriously, dude, you’re scaring the natives more than I do.”

  Yanking Raine’s shirt away, he tried to stand, but just fell back to the bed. “You think I give a fuck what anyone else thinks? You’re not a shrink. Go find someone else’s spurting artery to repair and get the hell out.”

  He laughed. “Jesus christ, you’re pathetic. You didn’t want Raine enough to fight for her, despite fucking her all night. Loudly, I might add. You two lovebirds made it impossible for me to get any damn sleep.” A smirk tugged on his lips. “And now you’re going to cry in your beer? I thought the Irish lug was your bosom buddy. You just stood there while he swept her out the front door. It’s over, man. She’s gone. Stop weeping and start taking care of your business.”

  “I didn’t have a fucking choice. How can I love her when she can’t be what I need—when fuck, I can’t be what she needs, either? This shit is…” his voice trailed off. “Yeah, Liam is my best friend. Hell, he’s like my goddamn brother. So why did he do this to me? He knew… The bastard reads me like a fucking book. And he still stabbed me in the back.” Hammer shook his head, staring into the bottom of his bottle. “He’s going to fuck with her head. It’s his MO.”

  With a sigh, Beck strolled into the room and picked up the bottle between Hammer’s feet. He drained the last gulp in one healthy swallow. As he set it on the nightstand, he pulled up a chair, flipped it around, and straddled it. “Let me ask you something. Besides last night, when did you ever treat Raine as anything other than a kid?”

  “Probably never. I wanted to protect her, and it just fucking took over everything else.”

  “Then you can’t possibly know if Raine is incapable of being what you want. One night with her isn’t going to tell you shit! You didn’t try before. You’re still not.”

  “You don’t understand.” Hammer scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t want a submissive. I need a slave. You know she never will be.”

  “You love her,” Beck said quietly.

  Hopelessness plowed through him like a freight train, and tears closed up his throat. “Yeah,” he choked out. “And I have no fucking clue where to find her or how to save her before Liam turns her inside out.”

  “I think he cares about her, too.”

  “But he’ll never love her like I do. No one will.” He hung his head.

  “You didn’t show her that.”

  “The hell I didn’t! Maybe not in the way you mean, but I’ve always taken care of Raine. The night I found her in the alley, I didn’t dare look at the terrified girl as she tried to hide by the dumpster. I didn’t know anything about her, but one look, and I had to protect her. I was frantic that she’d take off down the alley and be raped. Or shot full of drugs or bullets. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and lock her away to keep her safe. She was so tiny and falling apart. Then fuck, I looked into her eyes… She seemed so damn lost. Hell, the first few weeks she was here, Raine jumped every time I raised my voice. But I refused to give up on her. I still can’t.”

  “She’s not that waif from the alley anymore, man, and if you think that…you’ve got the whole river of denial running in your veins. I have no doubt that you had your cock in every one of her openings last night. It’s no big secret that she wanted you just as badly. As far as being a slave, it’s not like a submissive can blink her eyes and presto, she’s grown to that level. If you were giving yourself advice, you’d tell yourself that it takes time to train her. You’ll teach her to drive, but not to be what you need? You won’t even give her a taste. Why?”

  “I told her this morning,” he slurred. “I explained what to expect as my slave. She ran screaming.”

  “Do you seriously not know how to compromise? Ease her into it? Maybe it’s time to wise up. Your so-called friend has collared Raine now. You’re going to have to get at least as clever as Liam and figure out your shit to even think about winning her back.”

  A wounded growl erupted from his chest. “Even if she wasn’t wearing his collar, I’d still be too much for her to handle. I almost broke her last night.” His shoulders sagged as he sighed. “Where the hell did he take her? Do you know? I need her back. I’ve got to know she’s okay.” Tears blurred his vision, and Beck just shook his head. “Help me. Please?”

  “God, you’re a pussy when you get drunk.” Beck rolled his eyes. “I don’t know where she is. You think I’ve got a crystal ball? Did you try to call her? Call Liam?”

  “Her cell phone’s still here, and the son of a bitch won’t answer his. I’ve sent messages, a shitload of them,” Hammer mumbled, trying to quell the panic swirling inside him.

  “I’ll bet, but have you tried leaving a sober message he might understand?”

  Hammer just glared. “Some fucking help you are.”

  “You need to sleep it off. Booze won’t help, trust me. I’ve been there. But if she’s still what you really want, then I’ll help you figure out a way to fight for her.”

  “I can’t.” His voice cracked. “What if I won, then what? I’d just end up killing her. Then I’d have the guilt of two deaths to live with. Living with one is hard enough.”

  “Raine isn’t Juliet. You’ve been so focused on what you think she can’t do that you’ve never stopped to consider what she can. Or what you want now. You aren’t the same person. Your wife died years ago. Try a little. It’s time.”

  Launching toward Beck, Hammer grabbed him by the shirt. “Help me find her, Ken. I can’t live without knowing she’s all right. What if she needs me?”

  “Fuck, you whine more pitifully than a damn dog. Rest. I’ll see if I can find her.”

  “Thank you, man.” He slumped to his side on the bed. His eyes felt like weights as they slid shut. Every minute Raine was gone chafed his soul. “Make it soon.”

  Chapter 12

  Raine stared at the darkened wall.
Liam’s body warmth kept her cozy in the big bed, despite the chilly night. He’d grabbed her in his sleep and cradled her head on his shoulder. She’d gone to him wordlessly, gratefully.

  But her head was still spinning. After her long nap, sleep wouldn’t come.

  It had been confusing enough to love Hammer and want Liam with that rush of undeniable passion. But now to wonder how or if she could stop herself from falling in love with Liam, too... Devoid of answers, she closed her eyes and nuzzled her cheek against him.

  Hammer’s passion for her had been a flickering flame, probably snuffed out by the time morning had rolled around. Curiosity satisfied, he’d likely moved on.

  But Liam’s devotion to her... He’d taken her from a painful place and showered her with care. He’d demanded to see inside her past and her soul, not because he wanted to decide if he’d be arrested for harboring a minor, like Hammer. Liam had done it purely because he wanted to know. He’d given her ecstasy with no expectation of anything in return. He’d taken the news that she could, even now, be pregnant by Hammer with a steadfastness that blew her away.

  He just cared. It wasn’t an act. It wasn’t a trick. Raine had no idea what she’d done to deserve him, but she wasn’t going to continue second-guessing when it only made her crazy.

  She’d always assumed love was a grand blaze, an all-consuming conflagration that would burn her soul...like she felt with Hammer. As she’d worked through college Lit, she’d read Shakespeare’s sonnets, never quite understanding one hundred sixteen.

  “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds,” she whispered in the dark. “Or bends with the remover to remove.” O no! It is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken…

  Suddenly, that made sense. Because of Liam.

  “But bears it out, even to the edge of doom...”

  Raine held him tighter. She had no idea how she’d begun falling so hard and so quickly. Her heart had been seemingly set, then fate had thrown her a curveball. And she understood now that love wasn’t just wanting, but a steady devotion, no matter what.