I maneuvered him into a more comfortable position on my arm and held the bottle for him. Something I hadn’t had to do for him since he was a little over five months old.
It was weird.
There were things that I hadn’t done in a very long time, such as rock him to sleep.
Although, I still held him a lot, I hadn’t had to rock him in a long time because he just plain didn’t like me to do it.
He was a very inquisitive child, and hated being hampered by what I thought of as the ‘cage of my arms.’
My son, though, had needed me a lot more lately to do things he’d been doing on his own for a while. Which made my mind wander to a time later on down the road when he wouldn’t need me at all anymore.
One day I would put him down to walk on his own, and the next day he wouldn’t let me pick him back up again.
Or one day I’d give him his bath, and the next he’d refuse to let me stay while he showered.
It was something I tried not to think about.
Colton’s time wasn’t promised, and I didn’t want to think that I would ever lose a single minute with him.
“He’s doing so well,” my mother said, watching as Colton inhaled his bottle.
This was the baby I was used to.
Eating me out of house and home even at eight months old.
“Ohhh,” my mother said, jolting me out of my contemplation of his improved eating pattern.
I looked up, a grin immediately splitting my face.
“Hey!” I said, smiling happily at who was at the door.
I had a reason to be happy today.
But, then again, I always tried to keep a positive attitude.
It was a mindset I’d adopted at sixteen, when I’d been dealing with the first painful experiences of my young life: the loss of my father followed almost immediately by my first break up with a serious boyfriend.
Tai’s beautiful bronzed skin wrinkled at the corners of his eyes as he stood at the door taking in the room.
He wasn’t alone, though.
There were about six other firemen directly behind him.
“Good morning,” he said. “How’s he doing?”
I waved him inside and looked down when I felt movement from Colton.
Colton was frantically tapping his forehead with his thumb, repeatedly saying ‘daddy’ over and over.
I grinned.
“I think he’s much better today,” I laughed.
He nodded. “That I can see. And he’s taking a bottle, too.”
I nodded in confirmation.
“He is, and he did. Started last night about an hour after you left,” I agreed.
He turned and motioned to the other guys to come into the room.
“And who are these men?” I asked.
Tai pointed to a taller blonde man directly to his right.
“This is Drew. He’s the oldest of the bunch in case you can’t tell,” Tai said laughingly. “He’s the FAO for Truck 3 and a stickler for the rules, so be careful what you say around him.”
I smiled.
“Nice to meet you,” Drew said in a delicious Southern drawl.
He was obviously from Texas with that accent. He was tall and blonde and had arms the size of tree trunks. His eyes were a sharp, stormy gray, and he had a great smile.
“Nice to meet you, too. What’s an FAO?” I asked.
“Fire apparatus operator,” he answered immediately. “I drive the big red truck.”
I grinned.
“I know what the big red trucks are,” I teased back.
Tai cleared his throat.
“This man right here,” he pointed to a man with dark brown, nearly black hair that hung beautifully around his face, highlighting his chiseled cheekbones and dark brown eyes. “Is Bowe, our resident chef for all things Italian.”
I blinked, surprised at how beautiful the man was.
He was serious eye candy.
Not that Drew wasn’t, but Bowe was captivating.
“Nice to meet you,” Bowe said in a deep voice that practically had goosebumps breaking out across my skin.
“Lord have mercy,” my mother tried to whisper under her breath.
She didn’t accomplish what she’d tried to do because Bowe smiled like he’d heard exactly what she’d said.
“This is our chief, Allen Shepherd, and his wife, Linnie,” he said, pointing to an older woman that was hanging back in the doorway.
“And these two buggers are Fatbaby and PD,” he said.
“Fatbaby and PD?” I asked, a smile in my voice.
“They call me Paula Deen, PD for short,” the tall one said.
He was tall, too. At least six and a half feet, if not more.
He’d had to crouch when he came through the doorway.
“Ahh,” I said. “Gotcha. Does that mean you cook well?”
He grinned unabashedly. “I get by.”
The one called ‘Fatbaby’ snorted. “He’s being humble. He can cook like a motherfuc…err…like Paula Deen.”
I giggled. “Gotcha.”
“And don’t ask about Fatbaby. It’s not a pretty story,” he said, a somberness now tinting his voice.
I could sense a sore subject when I heard one, so I decided to turn my attention back to the man I was most excited about being there.
Tai.
He came closer once I looked back at him, and Colt practically flew out of my arms in his haste to get at Tai.
Tai grinned and held out his hands, Colt weakly fell into his arms, and Tai picked him up as if he weighed nothing more than air.
He expertly cradled Colt into his arms, pulling him to his chest like he’d done it a half million times before, and I fell deeper.
“My brother’s going to try to stop by tonight to meet you,” he said, looking in Colt’s direction, but directing his words toward me.
I nodded, but at my mom and not towards Tai.
She’d started squeezing my shoulder around the time that Tai had cradled Colt to his chest, and I brought my hand up to hers.
Yes, I felt it, too.
My mother always said to tell the true quality of a man, just give him a baby.
Depending on how he held that baby determined if he was relationship material.
And needless to say, my mother definitely could tell that Tai was a keeper.
“Tai,” I said. “This is my mother, Judith. Mom, this is Tai.”
Tai smiled and held out his hand to my mom, which my mom took, being careful not to jostle Colt as she shook.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Tai,” she said cordially. “It’s nice to meet all of you. Are y’all supposed to be working right now? We aren’t taking you away from anything are we?”
PD and Fatbaby took up seats on Colt’s hospital bed while the other three took up posts along the short window ledge that doubled as a window seat.
“We’re being covered by the other truck for about an hour. We can’t stay long because it’s too hard on the other crew to be running one ambulance for much longer than that,” Chief Shepherd said. “But we do this about once a week so others can go on grocery runs, do scheduled maintenance on the trucks or do some school visits.”
“Ahhh,” my mother said.
Linnie leaned her head against her husband’s shoulder.
“This is about all the excitement Allen here gets now that he’s been relegated to desk duty, per doctor’s orders,” Linnie explained. “So he’s more lenient with the amount of time each crew spends out and about because it gets him away from his desk and his mountain of paperwork, as he calls it.”
I got up and pointed towards the chair.
“Have a seat,” I said. “I need to go get this washed,” I said, indicating to the bottle.
Tai sat, but I saw it was somewhat reluctantly. He didn’t want me to give up my seat for him.
Well, too bad.
As I went into the bathroom and studied my haggard appearance, I wondered if he saw
anything special in me other than a desperate mother.
I stared at the messy blonde ponytail that rode on the top of my head and had been for about a week now.
I studied my makeup-less face and the freckles that dusted my nose
Did he find freckles attractive?
I secretly hoped so.
Because I got butterflies when Tai’s dark eyes locked on mine.
And when he spoke? Shivers danced down my spine.
Chapter 4
According to the Kraft Macaroni & Cheese box, I eat enough to be considered a family of four.
-Mia’s secret thoughts
Mia
2 weeks later
“Give momma one more kiss, big boy,” the nurse said.
I smiled and leaned down over the railing of the bed they’d transferred Colt to and gave him a kiss, inhaling his scent one more time as I disentangled my hair from his grip before I backed away.
He smiled, and I held my breath as I watched them roll my son away.
My heart was in my throat.
I don’t know what I expected, but this wasn’t anywhere near as easy as I thought it’d be. I mean, this was Colt’s second chance at life.
This was the first step. The placement of the central line. A procedure that was performed on hundreds of thousands of people.
I should be thinking happy, positive thoughts.
But I wasn’t.
My head was on the papers I’d signed only an hour before.
Possible complications that could result from surgery: Anesthesia complications. Infection. Sepsis. Pneumothorax. Air embolism. Catheter occlusion. Death.
They were reflecting on the fact that, even though Colt could come through this procedure just fine, he could still potentially have complications…days, or even months, later.
So no, I was not in a good way five minutes after they took my son back.
I was crying like a baby in the corner of Colt’s room.
The nurses were giving me a wide berth.
My mom had gone to the waiting room to give me time to collect myself, and I hadn’t seen Tai today because his brother had undergone his own procedure to withdraw the marrow he would be donating to Colt, which would then be frozen until Colton completed the chemotherapy treatments he was required to have before the marrow transplant surgery. So, of course, Tai would be with Jack.
Jack was a sweet man.
His wife was even sweeter. And those kids of his were absolute darlings.
Catori and Adam were their names, and they had ‘Stoker Genes’ as Winter liked to call it.
The dark good looks, smooth tanned skin, and captivating, knowing eyes.
They weren’t like normal kids. I was sure Stokers didn’t produce normal kids.
I took a deep, steadying breath as I picked my head up from my hands, and stilled when I saw the man sitting in the chair directly in front of me.
I hadn’t even heard him come in.
“H-hey,” I hiccupped and sniffled.
Very ladylike, I knew, but I couldn’t help it.
“You okay?” He asked softly.
I shrugged and let my feet drop down from the chair, exhaling deeply to try to control the fresh wave of tears that were bubbling up.
My eyes zeroed in on his wrist.
He was trailing his finger over the purple ribbon that was tattooed on the inside of his wrist.
It was one of those breast cancer awareness type ribbons, only this one was purple.
Over and over he traced it, almost as if he didn’t even realize he was doing it.
“What’s the purple ribbon mean?” I asked to get my mind on something other than Colt.
It didn’t work, but it was a small distraction.
“My sister was married to an abusive asshole,” he started.
I blinked.
That hadn’t been what I expected him to say.
“So the ribbon stands for domestic violence?” I asked.
I’d seen it before, but I hadn’t really paid attention to what each color meant.
“Yes, it does,” he said. “Her husband beat her to death.”
I froze.
“That’s just horrendous, Tai. I’m so sorry to hear that,” I said, looking down at my hands.
“She was my best friend,” he said. “Until I got into junior high and realized that I liked being with my guy friends and flirting with girls more than I liked hanging out with my sister.”
“That’s normal,” I said. “Everyone does that.”
He shook his head.
“She used to beg me to come see her. But I was too busy fucking my life up. Just waiting for the next goddamned party,” he said with no inflection in his voice whatsoever. “And while I was doing that, my sister was getting beaten. So badly that she couldn’t fucking walk some days,” he said. “I would’ve seen it had I went to her. Taken her up on her invitations.”
“So, you’re God?” I asked.
It wasn’t an idle question.
Only God could see what lay ahead.
Tai, even at his young age, had no way to see the future. He, like most teenagers, myself included, was selfish.
He shrugged.
“So the tattoo is to symbolize what she meant to you?” I asked.
He nodded.
“It makes me feel…closer…to her,” he said. “I miss her like crazy, and today has been a little nerve wracking for me, even though I knew nothing would come of my fears when Jack was taken in for his surgery.”
The little bit of fear that receded in the wake of Tai’s presence came flooding back at the reminder of the potential risks of Colt’s surgery, and I started to shake.
“I’m scared,” I said softly.
Suddenly, I was wrapped up in his strong arms.
I buried my face into Tai’s neck, threw my arms around his chest and sobbed.
He didn’t try to console me or downplay my fears. Didn’t try to give me false platitudes.
And we stayed like that for what felt like a long time, when Tai’s phone vibrated.
He leaned to the side, not letting me go completely, and withdrew his phone from his pocket.
Then he laughed and pressed the play button on the video he received from Winter.
Jack was in the hospital bed with his arms straining the hospital gown they had on him.
His eyes were barely open slits, and he was looking at Winter with his heart in his eyes.
“I’ve hit the jackpot with you, you know,” he said to the camera and Winter. “I can’t wait to take you to my place and get you under me. I bet you taste sweeter than sugar, don’t you?”
On and on the pickup lines went, and each one getting cheesier than the one before it.
“Did you know that I’m married to you?” Winter asked Jack.
His eyes widened comically.
“You’re married to me?” He asked in clear surprise. “Why?”
Winter giggled.
“I ask myself that same question often,” she admitted. “But then I see you with our kids, and I forget everything you do to piss me off.”
“I don’t think I would intentionally piss someone like you off,” he admitted. “And how many kids do we have? And can we make more?”
Winter grinned. “We have two kids, and you got snipped a couple of months ago so we didn’t have anymore. You said you wanted to focus on the family you have.”
“I’m stupid. Obviously,” he slurred, his eyes getting heavy.
“You’re not stupid,” Winter defended him.
I giggled as I watched him raise his arm.
Winter took his hand.
“What do you want, big man?” She asked him.
“Get in bed with me.” He ordered.
“Even drugged up on the good stuff, you’re bossy,” she said, leaning down and kissing his forehead.
The video cut off, as I took in a deep, relieved breath and let it out.
I hadn’t realized how worried I’d
been about him.
But knowing that he was okay really took a large weight off my chest.
One down, one to go.
“Did they say how long they expected this surgery to take?” Tai asked.
I opened my mouth to reply when a soft, hesitant knock sounded at the door.
I looked up and smiled at the nurse who’d promised she’d take care of Colt while he was away from me. The doctor was right behind her, but the nurse was the one I had connected with pre-surgery.
The smile, however, dropped from my face the instant I saw the look on hers.
I stood, dislodging Tai’s hand from mine and clenching my fists.
“What’s wrong?” I asked worriedly.
She bit her lip, and I saw her eyes fill with tears.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
***
Two days later
Tai’s hand felt like a solid weight in mine.
He was being as solid as a rock, which was exactly what I needed.
He hadn’t left my side since I’d gotten the news.
News I still hadn’t been able to comprehend.
How?
How could he leave me?
How could this have happened?
These questions flew through my brain, hitting me over and over again like physical blows.
I’d known about the complications.
I was a nurse, after all.
I knew, just like most everyone did, that there was always a possibility of complications with any surgery.
Always.
But I never thought that there would’ve been a complication in Colt’s surgery.
“I’m so sorry,” the doctor said. “Colt had a reaction to the anesthesia that caused him to go into cardiac distress. We weren’t able to get his heart re-started.”
Those words haunted my dreams.
We weren’t able to get his heart re-started.
More was said after that, but I’d shut down.
No, it couldn’t be.
Not my baby.
Not that beautiful bundle of life.
Tai’s hand found its way into mine, and I squeezed for all I was worth, which was pathetically not much.
I hadn’t found it in me to eat since Colt had passed.
Right at that very moment, I was so nauseous from hunger that I could barely stand up on my own two feet.
Something that Tai must’ve realized because both of his arms wrapped around my body to help hold me up.
Shock Advised (Kilgore Fire #1) Page 3
