by Emily Bishop
How does it feel to own one of the richest ranches in Texas while families like the Smiths have gone bankrupt?
Are there any plans for a reunion between you and Bruna Mendez?
Were you involved with Summer Cole?
The questions were classless, just like the paparazzi.
Yet somehow, everything went back to Summer. Moments of clarity were overshadowed by doubts. Had I been too cruel, too rough? Was she innocent? Did she really love me? Or was she just like Bruna in every way imaginable, and that was why I had fallen for her? Maybe I was attracted to those type of women, because I myself was a fucked-up, broken man.
In those darkest moments, I grabbed my whisky bottle and nursed my wounds with the searing liquour that invited blissful nothingness.
One lesson I had learnt from this entire experience: I was never going to open up myself again. Never again. Not a chance in hell.
Juanita had kindly notified my family that I was suffering. They had attempted to intervene with phone calls that ended up with only silence on my end, a boat-load of tears from my mother, and desperate promises to come visit me. I had shut them down mercilessly.
I needed no one.
I was sitting on my porch when Bruna found me. She cleared her throat for my attention.
I tore my gaze and met her chocolate brown eyes, which glimmered with happiness.
“James, hi,” she purred, beaming up at me. Her hands were shoved into the pockets of her dress, and her strappy heels looked completely out of place in the middle of a fucking ranch.
I didn’t bother to speak. I nodded at her curtly.
Bruna’s face transformed into mock concern. “Jesus, James, you look rough. A clean shave can do wonders, you know.”
Still, I didn’t respond. I had no fight left in me.
Bruna made her way across to me, closing the gap between us. Her bright red lipstick shone at me, for all the wrong reasons.
“Why are you giving me the silent treatment?”
Words kept coming out of her mouth, but I had no interest in them. I pulled my gaze away from hers and fixed them ahead, toward my endless fields. If only I had the power to become those fields and melt into stillness.
“I can see Summer isn’t anywhere to be seen. Have you broken off the engagement?”
I flinched at the sound of her name. It brought me back to places I longed to forget. Her silky smooth skin. Her golden waves. Her forest green eyes filled with life, wisdom, intelligence, light..The way she tossed her head back and let out a boom of laughter that tugged at my heart. Her never-ending pop-culture refences. Her strength, her humor.
It was too much. I let out a long sigh, begging for the numbness to overtake me and wipe her out cleanly.
Bruna registered the pain in my face and then stilled. “Oh, James. I had no idea you really were in love with her. I thought…I thought she was this play thing you had to forget me. If I had known…”
What the fuck?
I snapped my head in Bruna’s direction. Finally I spoke. “What do you mean?”
Bruna stared at me and bit her lip. It was an old tic of hers, but I recognized it. She was on edge.
With raised eyebrows, Bruna waved her hand away. “No, no, it’s nothing.”
But I caught the uncertainty radiating off her. I stood and took a stepped toward her.
“If you had known what?” I asked.
Bruna flinched. Her eyes darted around the porch, as if she were looking for an exit. As I closed the distance between us, Bruna’s shoulders sagged in defeat. She tossed her head upward, to meet my eyes.
“I thought you felt it too. Our love. I knew you were angry at me and had every right to be. But I was convinced you’re still in love with me, as I am with you. Don’t you see, James? We’re meant to be together.” Bruna reached over to grab hold of my hand, but I pulled away at the last second.
“Don’t,” I snapped. Uneasiness stirred in my gut as I digested her words. When Bruna wanted something, she went for it, no matter the cost. She had wanted me back, believing I was still in love with her. At what length had she gone to, to make that happen?
The ground underneath me spun, and I took a moment to collect myself.
Deep breath in, James.
“I haven’t loved you in a long time, Bruna. How can’t you see that?”
When I next met her gaze, tears swam in her eyes.
“You’re in love with that yogi-wannabe aren’t you?” she snorted.
“She’s a yogi-master, not a wannabe. And I was engaged to her for fuck’s sake. Of course I…” I hesitated.
I am in love with her. Not was.
“I see. I was wrong. I thought I was doing you a favor.”
“What the fuck do you mean by that?” I asked coolly.
A sheen of sweat broke out on my back, as her blunt statement sank in.
What did you do?
Bruna bit her lip again, and she dropped her gaze to the floor.
“I thought she was just a plaything that you’d get over eventually. I wanted you back, so I went for it.” She shrugged.
“You went for it?” My voice rose up a notch, and Bruna clenched her jaw in response.
It all came together, the fragments pieced together. Summer had reacted with complete shock when I had accused her of ratting me out to the media. She had opened her mouth to deny the accusations, had even suggested someone had tampered with her laptop, and I had shut her down mercilessly.
But no…Bruna can’t stoop that low.
“It wasn’t hard to find out Summer’s last name. Once I found her on LinkedIn I realized she was a journalist…so I did a bit of snooping around here and there. I quickly pieced together that she was here for a story, to cover a ranch. And there you were, owning a ranch and all. It took a while, but eventually I sent her back to where she came from. You’re mine.” Bruna rested her hand against her chest, as if to reiterate her point.
The full brunt of her words hit me. This woman was bat-shit crazy.
“So you fucking tampered with her laptop and changed up her final draft to reveal my name and the ranch’s location?”
Bruna’s eyes widened in disbelief. “I never said anything like that.” Her words came out flat.
Very convincing.
I pulled together the pieces as quickly as I could. “Of course you wouldn’t be dumb enough to admit to a felony in front of a lawyer. But I fucking swear, I will find the evidence I need to bring you down. No matter what it takes.”
How did she do it, I wondered.
Bruna didn’t like to get her hands dirty. Knowing her, she probably hired a private investigator to uncover what she needed to know, and then she took her time, biding her time like a snake until an opportunity presented itself. Maybe she even found a way to hack into Summer’s computer remotely, without ever having to physically be in the room. That would be much harder to prove, and more on par with Bruna’s style.
“It doesn’t matter what I did in the end. It looks like you really do love her.”
I felt myself slipping, almost falling, I was scrambling to stay afloat. I had assumed the worst in Summer. I had shut her down and pushed her away. I had lost her, because of my chronic distrust in people.
My tongue felt so heavy in my mouth that I could barely form my next words.
“You’re a liar, Bruna. What else? What else have you lied about?”
I forced myself to look into the eyes of the woman I once loved. No traces of her remained.
Conflicted, she bit her red-stained lips again.
“James, I…” Bruna whispered my name, and I shook my head. My eyes moistened in pain, but I forced back any trace of tears. I wasn’t going to give Bruna the satisfaction of seeing me like this.
“The drugs. The suicidal thoughts. The depression. The therapist. All lies?” I asked, as my voice dropped dangerously low.
Bruna didn’t need to answer. Her guilt-laden face told me everything I needed to know.
&
nbsp; The anger was instant. It set fire to my gut like gasoline. My insides burned, and the nausea lodged itself up my throat.
“You’re sick, Bruna. In the head. I don’t know what happened to you, but you need help.”
Bruna opened her mouth like a goldfish to speak up, but I raised my hand, silencing her.
“You’ve done enough damage to me don’t you think? You destroyed me last year and now you took the one good thing I had left. Are you happy? Are you fucking happy?” I was shouting now, and I didn’t give a shit anymore.
Bruna burst into tears. She reached out to me, but I stepped back, shaking my head over and over again. “You’re going to leave now and never come back. You hear me?”
“Please James I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You fucking broke into my girlfriend’s laptop, changed her story, forced me to break up with her, and almost made me launch a lawsuit against her…all the while raining down paparrazi on the ranch I bought specifically to get away from all that…and you say you didn’t mean to hurt me?”
“I don’t know where you got this idea that I broke into—”
“Save your bullshit, Bruna. It’s over. I swear to god if you don’t leave right this second I’m going to call the cops.”
Bruna’s eyes widened at that statement. “You wouldn’t do that. We’re like family.”
“Family?” I snorted. “You’re delusional. I’m not going to repeat myself. Out you go.”
Bruna gasped as if I had just punched her in the throat, and she keeled over sobbing frantically. She gripped her hands in her hair and tugged.
Whoa.
This situation was getting out of control.
“I love you so much, James. Don’t you see? All of this…I did it for you. My intention wasn’t to hurt you.” Her eyes were coal-black now, her eyeliner smudged. A crazed look engulfed her features as she attempted to reach for my hand again.
“I very much doubt that,” I snapped, shirking away from her touch. “Don’t even think about coming back here,” I added. “I’ll get a restraining order against you. And if you so much as come near Summer again, it will be game over for you. I truly mean that. You know I don’t bullshit about these things. I will end you.” My entire voice quivered in rage, and I relished it, the hot piercing rage that flooded my senses and overshadowed my hearing.
“I will always love you, James.” Bruna’s last words got lost in her sobs and with one final shake of her head, she ran down my porch steps and out of my sight.
It wasn’t enough. Roaring, I smashed my fist into my railing, once, twice.
Exhausted, I slumped down onto my porch steps and then buried my head in my hands.
Well played, James. You destroyed the one good thing in your life—and for no good reason. Now what?
*
Like a possessed man, I raced across the desert-plain sky, with only one though dominating my mind.
Summer.
I had to get to her in New York. I had to tell her how sorry I was.
I hit the gas harder than I ever thought possible, and the houses faded into a blur around me.
As I gripped the steering wheel, I was so fixed ahead at my task that I almost missed that blonde head leaning against the bus stop.
As my car drove past her, my heart froze.
It couldn’t be her.
Desperate to check, I made a rapid U-turn, and then drove back to the bus stop. Pulling my car into the bus parking lane, I climbed out in a flash and made quick strikes over to the bus stop.
The woman’s head was turned away, but her body…I could recognize that body in pitch darkness.
“Summer?” I called out her name, and her entire body tensed. Slowly, the blonde turned her head around, and sure enough, it was her.
Our eyes clashed together, a torrent of confusion, loss, anger, and pain.
Talk about great timing.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, ignoring her silence.
Summer shook her head at me, her face gray.
I took a step closer and watched as she flinched. I tossed my head to the side, beckoning for her to join me on the grass.
“Let’s sit down,” I offered.
Reluctantly, Summer followed me to the grass and settled down beside me. I couldn’t help but notice the physical distance between us. She was keeping me at arm’s length, wary and distrusting of my presence. The realization punched me in the heart. I did this to her.
“Why were you driving like a possessed demon?” Summer finally asked.
I forced down the smile that was edging to break out of me.
God, I missed your humor.
“I was driving to get to the airport.”
“Were you going to India on a self-discovering pilgrimage?”
Touché. I deserved every bite of that comment.
“I was going to fly to New York,” I admitted.
“And what’s in New York besides horrible traffic, annoying crowds, and dirty streets?”
“You.”
Summer’s eyes flew up to my face in shock.
“I see,” she said quietly.
I dove right in. “Bruna has been lying to me all along. From her so-called drug addiction to her depression before she left me at the altar. I also found out she somehow tampered with your laptop. She changed your story to include my name in your final draft. I still haven’t figured out how she managed to do it, but I suspected she hired some IT guy to hack into your laptop. Summer…I am so so sorry.”
Summer cocked an eyebrow at me. “You finally figured it out, eh? And you’re sorry ….” Her voice trailed away, as if she couldn’t continue on, as if she didn’t want to waste another word on me.
Silence.
For a long time we sat there, and neither of us uttered a single word.
I didn’t expect her to say anything, not after I had so catastrophically, mind-crushingly fucked us up. Telling someone you didn’t trust them and had assumed the worst in them wasn’t exactly a fantastic conversation motivator.
At least she knew now. Everything. The truth sat on her shoulders, and she had the power to choose where we went from here.
My heart picked up its pace at the thought of her walking away after this.
Finally, I couldn’t bear it any longer. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, to take me back after I hurt you and so colossally fucked up. I didn’t know how to cope with myself, with my negativity, my distrust in people…so I pushed you away. But that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. I love you so much, Summer. It hurts to breathe just thinking about it.”
I slowly tilted my head to the side, studying Summer’s reaction.
Tears streamed down her cheeks, and her lips wobbled, as if she were suppressing a sob. Her body trembled slightly.
“I’m going to see a therapist… Tomorrow’s my first appointment actually. I have to deal with this shit inside me, and I want to own up to it. I want to be better. For you. For us, if you…if you want there to be an us, that is.”
Summer nodded at me, almost manically, but her eyes were unfocused and distant. A haunting look possessed her, and she bit her lower lip.
She looked so lost and sad that it stabbed at my heart. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and pull her in, to reassure her, to take away all the pain I had inflicted on her. Yet I remained still. I had to give her a moment to digest everything.
“You’re going to have to do better, James. And it makes me happy that you’ve agreed to see a therapist. That means you really want to be better.” Summer finally summed up the courage to look at me. A flicker of relief washed over her eyes and I loosened under her gaze. Perfectly crystalized tears spilt down her long eyelashes as she added, “I’m pregnant with your child.”
Holy fuck.
My entire body froze at her statement.
She’s pregnant?
How? When?
Oh wait.
My eyes narrowed as an image overtook me, of us making love agains
t the backdrop of a waterfall. She had mentioned that day that she had forgotten to take her pill three days back, and that we had to be careful.
I fixed my eyes up toward the blue sky. I was going to be a father. With the woman I loved.
I let the news wash over me until a calmness settled in, stilling my breath. Parenthood was supposed to be a terrifying prospect…I was supposed to be shitting myself. But no. I felt…what was that fluttering sensation in my gut?
Happy.
“I’m an idiot, and I’m broken…but I’m yours, and you’re mine. I fucking love you, Summer. And this baby… this baby needs a father. This baby needs me,” I said.
As I spoke, I watched the sorrow fade from her eyes, replaced by shock, surprise, and then finally, light. She opened up her mouth to speak, but I had to finish.
“I love you, Summer, and god, I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done. I swear this won’t happen again. I’ll be a better man. For you. For this little guy.” Almost as if it was second nature to me, I rested my hands against her belly and smiled.
Summer caught it all, and the tears streamed down her face steadily. The most beautiful smile split open her face. And then she hit me against the shoulder. It was a light hit, but still I was taken aback.
“Damn you, James! I’m so angry with you. You should have trusted me. You should have let me in. And the way you left me like that? You locked me out of your own house. I stood there for hours, and you couldn’t even come out to hear me out.”
My shoulders dropped at her words. I lowered my gaze down toward the pavement in hot shame.
“I know I’ve fucked up. Believe me, I don’t think I should get a free pass on this. If you can forgive me at all, one day—"
“Oh, shut up, James. Can’t you see? I love you. But one thing I want you to understand. This can never happen again. You can’t ever shut me out again. I almost didn’t survive last time.” Summer choked at her words before continuing quietly, “otherwise, you’ll lose me for good.”
“We can take things as slow as you want. Turtle-pace slow. I’ll do anything Summer, anything for you. I love you. Please give me another chance. Let me show you how amazing our life can be together, as a family.”
