by Jen Gilroy
“Nothing worked out like I thought it would.” Amy rubbed at her eyes with her pajama sleeve. “I wanted the two of you to go out because I thought… I don’t have a dad, and I wanted to be like all the other kids.” Her eyes were haunted and desperate. “I thought Coach Luc would be great because he understands about hockey, and he also made me feel special.”
“Special how?” Why hadn’t Amy already felt special?
“Hockey’s the only thing I’m good at. Here, I don’t have to be good at school to stay in hockey, and when Coach Luc started coaching me, that made me special. Even though some of the other kids and their parents didn’t like it, for the first time in my whole life, I had something other kids wanted. It was nice, you know?” Her voice shook, and Cat’s heart broke a little bit more.
“When Luc and I started seeing each other, although that’s what you thought you wanted, you didn’t feel special anymore?” Cat tried to keep the wobble out of her voice—and the fear.
Amy twirled the monkey’s tail. “Kylie said if you and Coach Luc got together, you might love him best, not me.”
Cat let out an unsteady breath. “Love doesn’t work that way, honey. The human heart stretches like a big rubber band so there’s always enough love to go around. How I love you is different from the way I love your grandma or Uncle Nick and Aunt Georgia, but it doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
Although there was no question that what she felt for Luc was love, it was a secret love and always had to be. He couldn’t love her back the way she loved him. Even if he did, they couldn’t be together because it made Amy so uncomfortable. “No matter if I someday fell in love with a man, it wouldn’t take anything away from my love for you.”
“But Mason, as well as a bunch of the other kids at school, said Coach Luc was only working with me because of you.” Amy’s voice caught and fresh tears rolled down her face. “That means I’m not special at all.”
“Mason and all those kids are wrong. A lot of them are probably jealous of how good you are at hockey. Do you honestly think someone like Coach Luc would spend so much time helping you if you didn’t have talent?” Cat grabbed a handful of tissues from the box and patted at Amy’s tears.
“I guess not, but even though you’ve never said so, I don’t think you like me playing hockey. What I’m good at doesn’t make me special to you, either.” Amy’s words came out in a wrenching sob.
“Of course you’re special to me, and for all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with hockey.” How had Amy not known how much she loved her? “You’re the best daughter I could ever have hoped for. You’re loving, kind, funny, and smart, and that’s only the start. We’re still a team, and we always will be.”
“But hockey…” Amy stared at the quilt. “Is it something to do with my dad?”
From the day that Amy had put on her first pair of hockey skates and moved onto the ice with such passion and purpose, Cat had known this moment was coming. But like an ostrich, she’d avoided it and pretended Amy would never ask much about the man who’d fathered her beyond the bare facts Cat had already shared. Somewhere along the way, she should have learned that avoiding problems only made them bigger.
“Your dad played college hockey for the University of North Dakota.” Cat sucked air into her lungs. “He was good at it, but he played rough, and I’m scared you… for you…” She stopped and swallowed hard. Although she hadn’t meant to, and as Luc had already pointed out, she’d transferred some of her feelings about Jared to their daughter. Now she was paying the price.
Amy let out a huff. “You need to trust me, Mom. I got your genes, too. I know I messed up today, but I’m not my dad. I don’t want to be like him, either. He sounds like a real loser. Why did you hook up with him in the first place?”
“I messed up, too.” Even though she’d been a lot older than her daughter back then and had almost finished college, Cat had wanted to fit in as much as Amy did now. “But out of that came the best thing in my life—you.” She smoothed Amy’s tangled hair.
“Mason said I was a mistake.” Amy spit the words out.
“I never thought that, and I never said it, either. Neither would Grandma, Uncle Nick, or Aunt Georgia. They’re your family, and although you were a surprise, they all love you as much as I do, and they did from the very start.” Cat made her voice strong and certain. Amy had to believe her, but if she didn’t, Cat would keep telling her the truth over and over for as long as it took.
“Even if Mason’s a big liar, he yelled it out real loud.” Amy’s voice was hoarse from crying. “Everybody must have heard, and they’ll think I…”
“No, they’ll think he’s the one who made a mistake.” Cat tried to steady her breathing. “I’ll go to school and talk to your teachers and Coach Scott and everyone to make this right.”
“You’d do that for me?” Amy sniffed.
“Of course. I’d do anything for you.” Even if it meant she had to give up Luc forever. Cat’s stomach plummeted like it was in freefall. “As for hockey making you special to me, it does, but it’s only one part of it.”
“Really?” Amy’s voice cracked.
“Really.” Cat wrapped her in a hug. “As far as hockey goes, though, Luc told me about this summer hockey camp for girls in New York State. He thinks you could get a scholarship if he recommends you. That should tell you how special he thinks you are. What do you say?”
“Me?” Amy’s mouth dropped open. “You’d let me go?”
“Yes, you, and yes, I would. Despite what happened today, I trust you and believe in you.” Cat rubbed her temples. Between worry about Amy, Luc, and her never-ending job search, she’d had a headache for days, a dull, persistent throb behind her eyes. “If you could continue with Coach Luc and go to the camp, would that make up for not playing on a team right now?”
“Like yeah.” Amy blew her nose into a tissue. “Hockey season’s almost over anyway.” Her eyes, the same light blue as Jared’s, became thoughtful. “But Coach Luc said there’s a good girls’ team an hour from here. They play in tournaments and everything. If I could keep working with him and also play on that team next season, I wouldn’t care about not going back to Boston. Once you fix things at school, we could stay in Firefly Lake.”
Cat stared at her hands. If nothing came through from all those job applications she’d sent out, what would she do? Amy couldn’t go back to her old school, but the research grant funding only ran until the end of June. She didn’t want to uproot Amy again, but she might not have a choice. And if she didn’t get a better job, she might not have enough money to pay for hockey anyway. If Amy played on that girls’ team, there would be gas money and lots of other costs. Around and around her thoughts circled, but she was never any closer to an answer.
“Only a few hours ago you were running away from Firefly Lake.” Cat laced her fingers with Amy’s. “Although I’ve said yes to that hockey camp, you have to understand that running away from problems is never a solution. You have to face the consequences of your actions.” Cat’s stomach turned over. She needed to take her own advice, starting with Luc. “I was frantic when your uncle Nick called and said he couldn’t find you. He was frantic, too. As for taking his wallet, you know better than that.”
“I didn’t spend any of his money, and even if I had, I planned to pay everything back.” Amy’s expression was too innocent. “Are you going to ground me?”
“Maybe.” But a simple grounding might not bring home to Amy the seriousness of what she’d done. “You and I are going to sit down tomorrow and talk about the right consequences for what you did.”
“You mean I have to help you come up with a punishment?” Amy rolled her eyes.
“Why not? It’ll mean more that way, don’t you think?” Cat didn’t want to go through this kind of worry ever again.
“Why do you always have to be so smart?” Amy grinned and dimples dented her cheeks. “I love you, Mom, and I’m sorry.”
“I love yo
u, too, so very much.” Cat reached over to flick off the bedside light and kissed Amy’s forehead.
“What about you and the coach?” The bed frame creaked as Amy slid farther down under the quilt.
“I’ll call him tomorrow, but you’re my priority and you always will be.” A half answer, but the truth was staring Cat in the face. After what had happened today, there couldn’t be anything more between her and Luc. She’d been the focus of town gossip once and, although the hurt had faded, those old wounds were still there. She should have paid attention to logic and never gotten involved with her daughter’s coach in the first place. Putting Amy first meant making hard choices.
“Kylie also said that if you and Coach Luc got together, you could have a baby. You wouldn’t do that, would you? With him or anyone?” Amy’s voice was small.
“Of course not. Whatever gave Kylie that idea?” Although Cat would have liked to give Amy a sister or brother, being a single mom to one child was hard enough. And with Amy on the brink of adolescence, it was too late.
“Everybody loves babies best. Look at Lexie.” Amy rolled onto her side and curled up into a ball.
“No matter how old you are, you’ll always be my baby.” Cat eased off the bed and tucked the quilt around her daughter like she had when Amy was small.
“What if the kids at school don’t stop talking about me?” Amy’s shoulders stiffened.
“They will.” Cat had to make sure of it. “Now stop worrying and go to sleep. Everything will look better in the morning.”
For Amy, it probably would. For Cat, however, the problems went too deep for one night of fitful sleep to fix.
Luc shot the puck from center ice toward the net, where it hit the goal cage with a clang that echoed in the empty arena. Even though the doctor had cleared Amy to skate, she hadn’t turned up for coaching since the day she’d gone missing, or to help out at the last few practices of the season. After almost a week, and apart from one brief phone call when she’d asked him to give her space, Cat was communicating with him by text messages and only if it had something to do with Amy’s hockey.
He fired another puck. This time it hit the glass.
“If you break it, you pay for it.” Scott’s head popped up from behind the penalty box.
“It’s shatterproof.” Unlike his heart. Luc skated over to the boards and skidded to a stop. “What are you doing here?”
“I swung by to pick up some paperwork.” Scott’s gaze sharpened. “You doing after-work target practice?”
Luc shrugged and leaned on his stick. “What’s it to you?”
“Amy didn’t show again today?” Behind his glasses, Scott’s eyes were wise.
“No.” Each day that went by without him seeing Cat and Amy, Luc’s heart hurt a little bit more. Only a few short months ago, he hadn’t thought he could feel much of anything again or take pleasure in everyday life, but almost without him noticing it, that kid and her mom had changed him.
“Cat was at school earlier.” Scott came around the penalty box to meet Luc by the boards. “The first day Amy went back to school, some of the kids gave her more grief about you coaching her. Their folks aren’t much better. Now Amy doesn’t want to go to school or even leave the apartment.”
“That poor kid.” Anger seared Luc, quick and hot. “Anybody who has seen Amy play has to recognize she’s got potential.”
“It doesn’t have anything to do with seeing her play. If a parent thinks another kid’s getting an unfair advantage, they’ll make an issue of it. Since Firefly Lake’s such a small town, talk spreads faster here than it would most other places.” Scott’s jaw went tight. “You must remember what it was like for you.”
“You mean when I didn’t wear my jersey until I had to go on the ice because a couple of the parents would boo me? That was mostly at away games.” But it had still hurt because all Luc wanted was to play the game he loved as well as he could.
“Some home games, too.” Although Scott’s voice was even, Luc flinched. “You’re the big hero around here now because you were an Olympian and NHL all-star, but back when you were Amy’s age, it was different.”
“Yeah, it was.” And it had taught Luc early on who he could and couldn’t trust.
“I talked to Cat, and she’s going to send Amy back to school again tomorrow. The other teachers and I will do everything we can to stop the talk during school hours, but you can’t police kids every minute. Amy’s a great girl, and she was doing so well. It’s a shame this stuff blew up and dented her confidence again.”
Luc’s stomach rolled. “How can I help?”
“Are you and Cat still seeing each other?” Scott stared at a point above Luc’s head.
“What makes you think that’s your business?” Luc sucked in a breath. He respected Cat’s need for space right now, but he wanted to help her and Amy, too.
“It’s not, but when even a few folks make it their business, kids pick up on that.” Scott’s tone was neutral, not judging. “Then, before you know it, the rumors are swirling. I love Firefly Lake, and I never wanted to live anywhere else, but it’s not the kind of place where you can keep to yourself.”
“I’ll talk to Cat.” She couldn’t avoid him forever. “All this must be tearing her up.” The place that Luc had counted on to give him sanctuary and stability to regroup had turned out to be as complicated as anywhere else.
“Cat looked rough earlier. Amy’s her whole life, and the main reason she moved to Firefly Lake was to give Amy a fresh start. It’s only a guess, but I think she’s blaming herself for what’s happened.”
There was a grim twist to Scott’s mouth, and sweat trickled between Luc’s shoulder blades. “If Amy isn’t going to school, what’s she doing?”
“Cat’s mom’s keeping an eye on Amy at the apartment so Cat can work.” He paused and gave Luc a pointed look. “The doctor told Michael he can’t come back to work until the middle of April. Cat’s running that gallery by herself. On top of everything with Amy, she’s sure got her hands full.”
Luc suppressed a groan. Cat hadn’t told him she needed help, and she must have sworn Gabrielle to secrecy, too. But that didn’t matter. He was going to help her, no matter what. If it weren’t for him, she wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.
“Thanks, buddy. It was lucky you came by.”
“Lucky?” Amusement twinkled in Scott’s hazel eyes. “Luck’s got nothing to do with it. I guessed you’d be here. Some guys head to the bar when life dumps a load of crap on them. You head to the ice. The paperwork was an excuse for Stephanie out there. Unlike you, I haven’t forgotten how small towns work.”
Luc grinned. “Smart ass.”
“Takes one to know one.” Scott clapped Luc’s shoulder. “Go find Cat. At the very least, you’ll get my wife off my case. She loves a happy ending.”
He’d had his happy ending once. Another one wasn’t in the cards.
Scott eyed him up and down and gave him another meaningful look. “You won a Stanley Cup and an Olympic medal. You also faced the biggest enforcers the NHL could throw at you. Don’t tell me you’re too much of a chickenshit to talk to one woman.”
“Dickhead.” Luc grinned.
Twenty minutes later, he’d lost the grin. He wasn’t scared to face Cat, but it had been a long time since he’d had to make his case with a woman. And whenever he’d messed up with Maggie, he’d known what made her tick. With Cat, he barely had a clue.
Luc parked his truck outside the gallery and strode inside with a box of Cat’s favorite muffins from the Daily Bread bakery. Baked goods weren’t as obvious as flowers, and she didn’t seem like the kind of woman who’d appreciate him turning up with a bunch of roses.
“I’m sorry, but we’re about to close.” Cat looked up from behind the desk and her expression froze.
“Great timing then.” He went back to the door and flipped the CLOSED sign over to face the street.
“My mom’s upstairs with Amy, but she needs
to get home. It’s her book club night.” Cat’s gaze darted from side to side.
“My mom’s in that book club, and it doesn’t start for two hours. I only need ten minutes.” He pulled out a chair across the desk from Cat and sat. “I heard there’s a lot of stuff going on with Amy and school. Why didn’t you call me?”
“I couldn’t.” She plucked at the tie on the box of muffins Luc set on the desk between them. “Scott told you?”
“Yes.” He paused. It wasn’t only the dark shadows beneath her eyes or more prominent cheekbones. She was also hunched in the chair like she was somehow broken. “You said you needed space and time, and I’ve given you that. But I’m a big part of the reason Amy’s upset, so I want to fix it.”
“It’s not only Amy, it’s me.” She pushed the muffin box aside. “I shouldn’t have gotten involved with you. You’re her coach, and since I don’t want you to stop coaching her, we can’t see each other anymore.”
A weight pressed on Luc’s chest. “Isn’t that a bit extreme? It was a kiss, that’s all. True, we didn’t show the best judgment and should have been more discreet, but—”
“But what?” Cat rested her chin on her hands. “I like you. I like what we had together, but Amy comes first. I moved here to help get her back on track, but now she’s refusing to go to school because the other kids won’t stop talking about her. It’s like it was in Boston, only ten times worse.”
“Because they’re talking about you, too? About us?” Luc’s heart ached.
She gave a quick jerk of her chin. “In Boston she was teased for her dyslexia, but here everyone’s talking about my family.” She gulped and pressed her hands to her face. “The details are different, sure, but it’s still exactly like it was all those years ago with my dad. It’s… I can’t…” The gulp turned into a choked sound. “I promised myself no child of mine would ever have to go through what I did, and now…”
“Back then, you didn’t have anybody to stand up for you.” A slow anger burned in Luc’s gut and spiraled upward. “Now you have me and lots of other people in town. I bet it’s only a few who are talking. Most people don’t care if we see each other or not.”
