I honestly couldn’t believe what he said. I also had a hard time describing the sudden urge to put him in his place. I didn’t know the Grimes well and I had no fond feelings for Mathis, but the tragedy that hit that family couldn’t let me be indifferent. I was sure that this despicable moment I was unfortunate to be a part of had a lot to do with it and the things left unresolved, but someone grieving and in pain couldn’t make others miserable.
Slowly and with deliberate movement, I broke the stillness by drying my mouth and putting down my napkin next to my plate. The appetite the starter had awakened had disappeared and after opening my mouth I didn’t think we’d stay much longer anyway.
Mathis’ eyes were now on me. I didn’t have to check to make sure. Every time he stared at me I felt it physically, a sensation between uneasiness and a heat wave that seemed to grow more and more as time went on.
I daintily cleared my throat and offered the older man my most sugary smile as his eyes latched onto me again, searching somewhere he could hit. He would come up empty as he didn’t know me.
“I need to warn you beforehand so there’s no misunderstanding here, Mr. Grimes. Your son knew upon marrying me that controlling me and what comes out of my mouth would be challenging. I’m sure you’ll be able to keep this in mind considering we’ve been married for just about twenty-four hours now.’’ I planted my palms flat on the white tablecloth and made sure to keep my back straight and my eyes on the man I grew to dislike more and more. He blinked at me, momentarily taken aback before he composed himself and glared at me once again. “You see, while I often think that my role is pretty much similar to an escort, I deeply resent it when someone else, someone I don’t even know, judges me in such a way.’’ I leaned slightly over the table and relished in his attention on me, and if I was honest, on the others’ too. Actually, the thrill coursing through me and making my blood sing came from the man who had given me his name yesterday, whose stare was unwavering. “You know nothing of me or my life, Mr. Grimes. It’s of no interest of me if you don’t respect me as starting from now on I won’t respect you either, but your callous attack on my husband is despicable and makes me sick. Instead of talking in such a way with the only son you have left, you should cherish him.’’
“You don’t know a thing about my family!’’ he bellowed as color rose on his face.
“And you don’t know a thing about me or my life!’’ I bit back with as much intensity. My eyes narrowed so much that I had tunnel vision. I didn’t see the lavish apartment anymore or the other three people around the table. Only the man in front of me existed. My body was coiled so tight I was sure I’d be able to launch myself over the big table. My dress and heels wouldn’t impair my movements with the energy bursting through me and screaming to be unleashed in the least polished or educated way. “Your son is married to me on a business arrangement, but he is my husband and I won’t stand you or anyone else insulting us.’’
“Little bi—‘’
“I’d weigh my words if I were you, Dad,’’ Mathis said grimly. The only sign belaying his impending explosion aside from his locked jaw and the hard look on his face was the way he threw his napkin on the table, not paying attention when it half fell in the remnants of his starter.
“Oscar, please!’’ Sylvie said again and grasped her husband’s tight fist on the table while Megan seemed to have shrunk in her chair.
“Are you threatening me, son?’’
We all turned to look at Mathis who smiled in such a cold way that I shivered. His whole face looked dangerous and his handsome features resembled those of an evil person rendered ugly from all the awful things they envisioned doing. Mathis wasn’t truly ugly even when smiling in that dangerous way, but he scared me. It made me wonder to what extent he could go just to get on top of a situation and if he would ever show me personally, I had no doubt that I wouldn’t be able to win.
“I’m just reminding you who holds most of your clients and who is the active major investor in most of your suppliers.’’ He stood up and helped me up by taking my hand in his and guiding me to my feet without rushing me. “Don’t ever think about insulting my wife again, Dad.’’
“Your wife? This is an arrangement with an expiration date,’’ the older man spewed as Mathis led me out without giving me the time to say goodbye to his mother and sister.
My husband’s steps didn’t falter and he didn’t release his grip on my hand as we walked through the apartment and left when Sylvie’s outburst rang through the quiet rooms while Megan didn’t peep a word.
MATHIS
With her hand clasped into mine, I led her farther down the street in the opposite direction of our car. I couldn’t sit still in a car right now or be encased in a small enclosed space. My need to burst, to explode and let out that anger only my father was able to cultivate made me want to go back in there, but he wasn’t the one really at fault anyway. Things were a lot more complicated than that.
I forced air through my lungs, ignoring the common pain in my chest and the shaking Lila must feel through our clasped hands. I focused on my feet pounding the concrete sidewalk, the sound barely audible of my dress shoes hitting the ground while cars whizzed past us in the early Sunday evening traffic. I also concentrated some of my attention on the warmth of my wife’s hand in mine, centering some of my volatile energy and calming the impending anxiety attack that would make the third one in the last day.
“I’m sorry,’’ Lila said, her voice so small I almost missed it. She sounded nothing like the woman I knew, nothing like the woman who stood up to my father — something almost no one ever did.
“Don’t,’’ I said through gritted teeth, tightening my grip on her hand to almost pain. She didn’t try to get me to release her. She didn’t slow down either.
“Mathis.’’ I didn’t look her away even if hearing my name coming from her mouth did something to me I couldn’t identify, something I couldn’t fathom when I was too far gone into the darkness ever present in my head, when the anger tried to poison everything inside me, when nothing but that damn pain took over my whole self until I was just a shell of a man, drowning and yet holding tightly onto a control that was barely present and rarely real. “Mathis, please I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—‘’
I stopped abruptly and turned to her. She stumbled on her heels, but she quickly found her footing in a gasp when her blue eyes, so intense, locked onto mine. One cursory look showed me that under her cream scarf hanging loosely around her neck, her pulse beat strong and fast, betraying her nerves and maybe fear at seeing a look I was sure screamed my impending explosion. Her light skin, smooth and perfect, was marred by goosebumps I was sure the fall weather had nothing to do with it.
“Don’t apologize. Just don’t, Lila.’’ I raked a hand through my hair and breathed deeply. All the while, there standing in the middle of the deserted sidewalk I kept on holding hands with my wife. Without looking at her I felt her eyes on me, taking stock of the signs of my breakdown. It shattered the image she had of me, an image I wanted her to have of me, an image I had perfected over the years, an image I had lost myself to on my own volition.
I stared around at the expensive buildings surrounding us, looming over and that feeling of being lost intensified. For a few very brief seconds, nothing made sense. The fact that I was married, the expensive suit I had on, the dress shoes on my feet, the overpriced watch on my wrist gleaming under the street lights, the sports car parked somewhere on the opposite side of the street behind us. Nothing made any sense.
But then, out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the polished window of a closed cupcake shop. I couldn’t make out much of my face in these conditions, but it was enough of a reminder.
The air stilled in my chest, my blood roared through my veins and my trembling subsided. But I didn’t release Lila’s hand.
“I made things worse,’’ she said after a while. The difference in her voice from the other times whe
n she had talked to me was staggering. I glanced at her and saw her eyes lost looking farther up the street. “I let my temper get the better of me when he was right about calling me a prostitute.’’
My fingers tightened around hers while another bout of anger assaulted me upon being reminded of the words my father had used to describe my wife. “He was not right. You’re not a damn prostitute and you better stop calling yourself that,’’ I said through my teeth. I breathed out slowly and loudly to try and calm down when everything inside me was reeling from the surge of anger trapped inside of me. “My father tried to get a rise out of me and it has nothing to do with you, Lila.’’
“But—‘’
“Stop.’’ My voice rang harsh in the night. I locked eyes with my wife and my glare had the desired effect on her for once. She shut up. She also glared right back at me while trying to get her hand back, but I didn’t let go. Instead, and also because toying with her had become something I enjoyed greatly, something that distracted me from everything else, I entwined our fingers as if we were lovers holding hands. “Thank you for taking my defense.’’
“Hm…’’ She tugged on her hand, but I tightened my grip around her fingers. She frowned down at our hands clasped together. I followed her lead and looked down between us. My hand, bigger and with a couple of veins visible under my pale skin swallowed almost completely her own, so thin and delicate. The smoothness of her flesh only registered now. “You’re welcome.’’ She tugged again with more strength, but she failed to extricate herself from me.
“Give up already, Lila. I’m not going to let you go,’’ I said with a smirk as the fury poisoning me receded to only leave behind mild amusement at watching my wife. But amusement wasn’t the only thing I felt. No, upon realizing how she came to my aid with my father, how she defended me, I felt something in my chest I didn’t remember feeling in a very, very long time, if at all. “You’re mine.’’
She stopped tugging on her hand and stood taller in front of me, ignoring the fact that I towered over her without much of an effort, that I held the power in that relationship. Once again, she showed me her spirit, the fire inhabiting her. It burned so bright, so hot in the adversity. I couldn’t see her ever giving up in the face of life, even when dealt with the shittiest hand. Maybe that was what fascinated me the most about her. She was resilient.
“I’m my own person even if you gave me your last name, Mathis. What happened tonight won’t change a thing.’’
When my name left her delicious looking mouth a thrill ran through my veins. I took a step to get closer to her until only our hands clasped together stopped our bodies from touching. One look at the base of her neck told me that while she wanted to show an unaffected front, her pulse was going at breakneck speed. Her pupils started to get larger as her eyes briefly fell to my mouth. Color rose in her cheeks.
My wife was breathtaking.
I inhaled deeply, not caring to hide what I was doing as I took in her scent. Her perfume complemented her perfectly, only making her more heady than she naturally was.
“You’re mistaken, Lila. Everything started changing the moment we met.’’ I brought my free hand to her face and with the tip of my finger I traced her delicate cheekbone and then her chin, and up the little dip under her lower lip. She shivered and gasped. Once again, her eyes fell to my mouth.
I craved her touch. I longed for her mouth on mine. I could very well damn myself to sink into her and make her scream my name until she submitted herself to me and let me have her until I couldn’t stand anymore.
I wanted my wife with a desperation that took me by surprise and made me release her hand and take a step back. I felt my frown returning, pushing away the signs of wonder probably visible on my face.
I expected Lila to wrap her arms around herself, both in comfort and in a protective move, but she didn’t. Once again, I underestimated her and briefly forgot what kind of person she was. Instead, she straightened up further, jutted her chin upward and glared at me.
“Ready to go now?’’ she asked with a bite that would chill a lesser man, but it only made my dick harder than it already was.
I turned around and walked to the car, not once spying over my shoulder to make sure she was following. One, because I heard her heels on the ground. Two, because I needed a moment without her in my line of sight to gather back some of my composure.
Tonight had been as bad as I expected, but Lila was the silver lining.
She was also becoming harder and harder to resist.
It only meant one thing. I needed her out of my system even sooner than I thought.
As I unlocked the car and opened the passenger door for my wife, I vowed to myself to break her stupid resolve to not have sex with me before we passed the one week mark of our marriage.
***
LILA
It’s still foreign to listen to someone’s breathing next to me in the dark of the night. It’s the second night, the second night I was a married woman and the second night spent sharing a bed with my husband. It wasn’t surprising if I had a hard time falling asleep with someone I barely knew sleeping right next to me, but what had me unable to even close my eyes wasn’t just that. The events from a couple of hours ago still circled in my head, going round and round until my emotions spiraled uncontrollably.
The fact remained that it pained me how Mathis’ father’s behavior was so harsh toward his son and how in turn it hurt Sylvie and Megan. And the fact that it pained me how it hurt my husband even if he wouldn’t let it show or say it out loud had me ready to tear out my hair and shake some sense into me.
Why did I care that anything happened to Mathis Grimes?
He might be my husband for the next few years at best, it didn’t mean that we were a couple in any sense of the word.
I let my hands drift over my thighs covered by the silk of my pajama pants and sighed, willing sleep to take away all these thoughts running wild through my head, willing sleep to make me forget how affected I was when he came so close to me in the street and looked at me in such a way I felt it in the deepest parts of me, making me want to fidget indecently while his touch seared my skin to the bones.
“What’s wrong?’’ he asked me with a rough voice that rumbled in the quiet night until it seeped through me and made me shiver.
I stopped breathing for a second before I gathered my wits and turned my head to the side. I couldn’t see him clearly, but I knew he was watching me. Already, my breasts naked under the top of my pajamas started to feel heavier with a dark desire I hated. My body betrayed me just because it hadn’t had the kind of attention it craved in a long time and because the man lying next to me was good looking. My body didn’t care of my dislike I felt toward that man.
“Nothing’s wrong.’’
“Really? Are you saying that you’re not replaying what happened tonight?’’ he pressed on and I could hear the smirk around his words.
I clenched my hands into fists at my sides and sighed. “Are you?’’
I expected him to deny it and retort with something vulgar or demeaning, but instead he cleared his throat and brought a hand under his head to support it as he kept on looking at me. “I was wondering what you know about my brother. It sounded like you knew something. I didn’t realize it until we got to bed.’’
I winced and fixed my eyes on the high ceiling lost in the dark above us. “Your mother told me you had a twin brother and he died when you two were thirteen. I don’t know anything else.’’
“When did she tell you that?’’
Suddenly hot with discomfort, I pulled the sheet down until it rested at my waist and uncovered my bare arms. “Right before the wedding ceremony. I think she wanted to… hm… make sure that I saw you in a different light.’’
He snorted then and moved around. The bed caved slightly more as he came closer to me until I felt his body heat without feeling his touch whatsoever. It was more difficult to ignore the weight of his stare on me. I glanced
sideways and bit on my lip when I realized that I could see his face quite clearly now too.
“Did it work?’’
His gruff voice forced goosebumps onto my skin as, without really knowing why, I let my gaze get lost in his. The intensity, the agony I glimpsed in there had my heart hammering in my chest almost to the point of pain.
“I didn’t try to escape so I suppose it did.’’ I watched his frown deepening. “I don’t know what happened to your brother and I’m aware it’s none of my business. I won’t be asking anything.’’
“Why not? Isn’t it what people do when they learn something tragic happened to someone they know?’’
“Nosey people do, friends too and family members of course. But we’re none of those things.’’
Gently, almost as if doubting his own move, he traced my cheekbone quite the same way he had done earlier in the street. This time, though, in the quiet and privacy of the room and the night hiding away the world outside, it felt different. It became harder to swallow and breathe. When his finger met my lower lip I couldn’t contain the gasp inside.
“You’re my wife. Even if you don’t want to acknowledge it, you’re mine, Lila. Mine.’’
He pulled his hand away and traced his own lips with the tip of the same finger that had been on mine seconds before. My whole body reacted to that tiny move. I pressed my thighs together and crossed my legs at the ankles.
“Does that mean you’re going to tell me what happened? Or is it that you wanting me to ask so you have some proof that you’re getting to me?’’
“Tell you what, my little wife,’’ he said, trying to muster up some condescension in his voice, but it fell flat. Maybe it was because he was whispering, maybe because he was tired, but somehow it sounded more sad than anything else. I bet he wouldn’t have any trouble using his cold exterior in another setting when he could protect himself with his confidence, his suits and wealth. Right about now, he was a hurt son, a grieving brother and a man lost in his own thoughts. That Mathis intrigued me too much for my own good and it scared me. “While you don’t want to say that I affect you, or at least your body, I’m going to say that you make me want to fuck you. Even now when my fucking mind is nowhere near the right frame to do so. I’d enjoy it immensely to use your perfect body to lose myself for a few hours. I’d have a really good time winning our little standoff and forgetting my damn past, but I’m not going to do anything tonight and I won’t ask you to prove to me that I affect you because I don’t need it. I know you want me.’’ He sighed and pursued in a more subdued voice. “My brother was my best friend, my better half. He was everything I wasn’t, everything my father wanted in a son. The wrong twin died that day.’’
Be A Doll: A Carter Manor Novel Page 10
