Dmitri shakes off Nikolai and takes a hunting knife off the wall and approaches Ivan's body stumbling.
''You don't deserve these!'' rips his shirt off and then cuts the stars off Ivan's shoulders. After that, he cuts his own stars off saying ''and I don't want mine anymore!'' throwing the pieces of skin on Ivan's bleeding chest ''here, take them to Hell with you''
Nikolai carries Dmitri to his car and when he puts the keys in the ignition Dmitri grabs his arms and whispers ''no hospital, take me to the Arctic Ocean!''
''What? Why?'' Nikolai asks, shaken by the request. He knows what Dmitri wants to do.
''You know why...my heart's been dead a long time...it's about time for the rest of me to follow it!'' Dmitri whispers in an uneven and weak voice.
''I won't do that!'' Nikolai says.
''I'm not a believer, never been one but if there's a chance in a billion that she still exists somewhere beyond this world, I must try to find her! She's not in this world anymore, hasn't been for years so what the Hell am I doing here anyway?! You don't get it kid, I am starting to forget her face, I'm dreaming her no more...even my visions of happiness which tormented my soul are gone and I feel crushed...animals like me don't deserve happiness, and why would I receive something like that when all my life I've given nothing but misery and sorrow...what right do I have to ask, no, demand happiness? So instead I ask you to give me peace.'' Dmitri says, fading away.
Nikolai nods sadly, driving off into the night. By the time they reach an isolated beach, the right front seat is drenched in blood and Dmitri is barely conscious. The beach leads into the Arctic. Dmitri walks crooked, almost losing his balance a few times, ripping his clothes off... he takes one look back and sees Nikolai in front of the car crying.
''Listen to me boy, I know you loved Ana, maybe as much as I did, don't turn into me, after she died, hate grew strong in me. I hated everyone's happiness, I hated everything...honor her memory...'' Dmitri says, coughing blood.
''I know, I see it...'' Nikolai answers.
''It is not our abilities, our personalities or our desires that make us what we really are. It is our fears alone that define everything about us'' Dmitri whispers.
''What are you talking about, Dmitri?'' Nikolai asks, seeing Dmitri looking up at the sky, delirious.
''It's what she used to say'' Dmitri utters and for a fleeing moment he remembers her smile and his pain is no more.
The cold rain drops are like sapphire shards scratching Dmitri's face and in the distance a glorious sunrise is barely visible...the arctic sunrise, the rarest of them all. ''I've never seen a sunrise in my life, and I won't because all my life has been spent in darkness and it shall end in darkness as well'' Dmitri says to himself.
''Dmitri, are you all right?'' Nikolai asks worried seeing how Dmitri is barely conscious and talking to himself.
''Take this.'' Dmitri says, ripping a chain from his neck, on it there's a wedding band and a key. Nikolai understands it belonged to Anastasia ''the other one will remain on my finger, even at the bottom of the ocean.'' Dmitri says. Nikolai nods as his eyes turn watery.
''Find your own way in this world kid, and learn from me, your father and your brothers what not to do, keep your humanity'' he whispers softly, Nikolai can't hear it but he can see Dmitri's eyes and somehow he understands.
''Don't you fear what will happen now? After you die?'' Nikolai asks.
''I've become accustomed to pain to such a degree that I fear its absence. No greater suffering can outshine the one that has crumbled my wretched soul in this world but maybe there's pain in the next world as well. I also fear that death alone will not deaden the pain in my heart. Goodbye boy. You have the same eyes as she did. Thank you for reminding me...''
''One last thing Dmitri, I untied Anatoly in that shed and he told me he knew one thing about you for certain, that you loved Ana more than anything in this world...you didn't end her suffering, did you? you couldn't take her life?'' Nikolai asks.
''Smart kid...just like her...I was born without a purpose in this world and existed only like a weed in the fields and then I met her, she gave my life meaning, I couldn't end her life no matter how sick she was or how much she begged me...you are the only one that I ever admitted that to.'' Dmitri mumbles, barely coherent as blood bursts out of his mouth.
The furious frozen winds battering my mortally wounded, numb body...just a few more breaths and then this will all be over...step inside, a few steps, let it surround you, let it invade your body, breath it in and at last, die...not soon enough still. Maybe I'll be back to the only place I felt human, in your arms...it's been a long and senseless life without you.
Dmitri enters the ocean closing his eyes...letting himself be carried away...he barely feels the freezing water as the currents take him away, far, far away...down into the bottomless dark depths. They say those with heavy hearts always sink and yet he soars higher than the skies with the hope he fells in his last thought as he loses conscience. It is worth a thousand deaths...just a glimmer, a small chance that he may see her again, just one more time for rarely does an angel like Ana venture outside the Gates of Heaven, but when it happens it is a sight to behold. ''I love you Anastasia. Forever.'' the last words whispered by Dmitri as his heart stops and darkness swallows him up.
''Find her Dmitri! She must be so scared all alone these last few years...she will be so happy to see you...'' Nikolai says to himself and looks to the sunrise...his eyes filled with hope.
Arctic Sunrise Page 11
