by Nora Flite
Thinking of how he had been there, watching me the moment I had understood what I felt for Leah. He must have seen it easily.
“Not what,” I said, my voice almost cracking. “Who.”
He smiled, looking to the side as his arm tried to block a gust of biting wind. “She's lucky, having you in her corner.”
“It's funny, she seems to think she has horrible luck, actually.”
“Can I... can I ask what happened to her?”
That gave me pause, my eyes narrowing on his concerned face. “What do you mean?”
“Sorry, Mom talked to me about the marks on her throat.”
My expression must have become irritated, Nicholas was poised like I might do something drastic. “Easy, Deacon. I told her I had no clue, and I won't tell her anything, I promise. But something obviously went down... you can see it in that girl's eyes.”
It's true, her wounds are obvious beyond the ones healing on the surface. They peek through her, if you're paying attention.
Sighing, I pushed my shoulders into my ears, shivering in the chill. “It's a long story. I'd rather not go into it, but... trust me, she hasn't had it easy.”
“Is that why you guys won't be visiting her family for Christmas?”
“I—why would we...”
“I mean,” he said, lamenting out loud, “it just seems sad, to me, that she wouldn't want to see them. Even with all the stuff we've been through, between us and our own parents, I still would feel terrible not seeing them for the holidays.”
That... is he right? I wonder if Leah... if she actually would want to see them, and just isn't saying it? Why hide that from me?
Biting my tongue, I decided against going down this line of conversation without my girlfriend there to take part. “Let's get back, this snow is really coming down.”
Nicholas said no more. He followed me through the frost, our steps leaving prints that lined up on the winter ground.
****
By the lack of sounds in the kitchen, I assumed everyone else had already headed up to their rooms for bed. Kicking snow off our boots, we both found Bethany sitting on the sofa seconds later. She was sipping tea, those blue eyes happy to see us.
Instantly, though, that look shifted to confusion. “Where's Leah?” Sitting up, she tried to look behind us.
Baffled, I twisted, staring into the empty hall. “What do you mean? Isn't she upstairs?”
“No,” Bethany answered, wrinkling her nose. “She told me she was going to look for you, actually. I just assumed you guys would be together, weren't you hanging out just outside?”
Spinning, I stomped back towards the front door, looking for what I already knew wouldn't be there.
Leah's coat, as well as her boots, were gone.
“Deacon?” Nicholas asked, following me a few steps. “Deacon, what are you—”
“I have to go find her,” I snapped, not looking back as I grabbed the door knob. “She's out in the snow, Nicholas. She doesn't know this area. If she went to find us, she...”
“It's okay,” he said, serious and intense. “Go look for her. Call me if you need anything, otherwise, I'm coming out to find you in fifteen minutes.”
Pausing, the cold air washing in as I cracked the door, I stared over my shoulder at him. “Please, don't tell anyone else. I don't need them worrying.”
“I won't,” he assured me. “Now, go already.”
Gritting my teeth, I vanished out into the blur of white.
Chapter 15.
The world was buzzing with icy specks, blocking much of my vision.
Turning side to side, trying to think of where to even begin looking, I spotted something fading in the snow.
Footprints, those have to be hers! How did I miss those when we came back?
Burning with frustration at my own unawareness, fearful of how quickly the tracks were being erased, I began to follow them.
I understood how I had missed her when the foot prints led me around the house, a different direction completely.
It wasn't long before the trail began to vanish. Dammit, no, how else can I find her!? Panicking, I started to run, the biting whiteness covering my ankles.
The blizzard was heavy, blinding me. I didn't know where Leah could have gone, and though I knew the house was behind me, I couldn't see it anymore.
“Leah!” I shouted, uncaring if my parents heard me shouting. I was convinced the howling wind would muffle me, either way. “Leah! Leah!”
Where could she be? The only thing in this direction is...
The barn rose up before me, my heart thumping in a rush of hope. Pushing the door open, I started to shout, but was cut off when something slammed into my chest.
“Deacon!” Leah shouted, hugging me hard, laughing. “Oh thank goodness, I was getting worried I'd have to camp the night out in here!”
“Leah,” I said, crushing her to me so hard it had to hurt. When she didn't wince, I held her at arms length. “Leah, are you okay?”
“Yes,” she said, looking unconvinced. Her face was red, breath steamy in the darkness of the barn. The chattering of her teeth, the way she vibrated under my touch, scared me.
Turning, I flicked on the light switch, the yellow glow filling the big room. “You're freezing, Leah.” Taking off one of my gloves, I felt her cheek. “You're like ice!”
“I'm fine, just cold.” To punctuate her point, she hugged herself. “I thought I would find you fast, but then I got turned around back here when it started snowing. It came down so suddenly.”
“You shouldn't have come looking for me,” I frowned, moving around the barn. Searching for blankets, I tore a few down off of a shelf. My grandparents kept the barn maintained, weather proof for the winter. It wasn't heated, as supplies didn't need heat, but they did keep electricity for the lights.
And these blankets, luckily.
Turning, I went to wrap one around Leah. The look of irritation on her face halted me. “I'm sorry,” she said slowly, “did you say I shouldn't have gone looking for you?”
“I—Leah, you could have been stuck out here, freezing to death because of this snow!”
“I didn't know it was going to snow,” she said, taking one of the blankets from me. “Not anymore than you did. Are you seriously blaming me for worrying about you? For going to look for you, the way you did for me?”
“No, I...” Rubbing my neck, I sighed. “Sorry, you're right. You're not at fault for the weather. I was just worried.”
“So was I,” she said, huddling in the thick cloth.
Smiling, I tossed another one on her, then put the last on the hay-sprinkled floor. Gently, I slid my hands around her, trying to get her to share the blankets with me. “You were worried about me?”
“Of course.” Pouting, she pulled me into her arms, coiling the heavy cloth around our bodies. Gently, we knelt on the floor, our body heat already starting to erase her trembling. “How could I not be? You vanished outside with Nicholas, after everything that's happened with him...”
“Him and I are fine,” I assured her, tugging her against me. She felt good there, like she was meant to fit in my arms. “We had a long talk.”
“About?”
“Everything,” I chuckled, resting my temple against the side of her head. “So much stuff. It's fine now, though. For the first time, I think he and I actually understand each other.”
Leah said nothing, the only sound was her rattling breathing. Her arms coiled around my waist, forcing herself against me tighter. “Deacon... can I talk to you about something?”
“Of course.” Her hair tickled my cheek, smelling like vanilla.
I sensed her hesitation, but she pushed on before I could ask if she was alright. “Why—why didn't you get me anything for Christmas? I know, it's a really selfish thing to even ask, but I can't figure out if I did something wrong, or if there's something I'm missing, or—”
My abrupt laughter shut her up, I could see the confusion in her eyes wh
en she leaned away from my warmth. “Sorry,” I said quickly, trying to control how ridiculous it all felt. “I shouldn't laugh, it's just that when I think about how we ended up in this barn, it's sort of because of the gift I was getting you.”
“I... I don't understand...”
Sitting up, I held her shoulders, making her look into my amused face. “The day I left early, with Nicholas? I had been trying to leave before you woke up, to go shopping for you and get you a gift in secret. But I also ended up making a huge mess with my brother, fighting over such petty stuff.” Shaking my head, I looked away, recalling the turmoil I'd felt.
“And?” She pressed me, drawing me back to her curious eyes. “I'm still not following.”
“We got into that fight, I ended up driving back alone. When Mom told me to get his bag to take here, I found the gifts he had gotten for us accidentally. I thought... I felt awful, like the worse brother ever, Leah.”
Wrinkling her forehead, she mulled over this information. “Are you saying you felt guilty, so you gave him the gift you had bought for me that day?”
“Pretty much, yes.” Sighing, I scratched over my scalp, frustrated with my past actions. “Because of all that, setting up such a dumb situation where Nicholas got even more angry with me... it was what led him and I outside tonight, to clear everything up. And,” I mused, cupping her cheek gently, “it's also what sent you looking for me.”
Leah quirked the corner of her mouth up. “It's like that whole butterfly wing effect thing.”
“Haha, what?”
“Nothing,” she laughed, eyes glowing in the yellow lights. “So you gave away my gift. It sounds like it was worth it, I'm glad, knowing that.”
“Oh, no.” Letting go of her, ignoring her frown, I dug into my coat pocket. The cell phone was cool in my palm when I offered it to her.
Sensing her unsureness, I wrapped her fingers around the device firmly. “He gave it back, said he didn't need it and you could find a better use for it.”
Almost reverently, she took the cell phone, opening it to examine the inside. “Deacon, this is way too nice of a gift for me.”
“Oh,” I said, grinning sardonically. “So now it goes from being sad over getting nothing, to being sad I gave you something too good?”
“Shh,” she admonished me, her smile helpless. “I just mean... I don't deserve—”
“No.” This time, I was serious. Hunching my eyebrows, my hands found her waist, holding her tightly. “You don't get to say that. Not ever. Leah, you deserve everything I can give you, and then a million times more.”
Her dark orbs fixed on me, wavering. “Why?”
A shiver ran through me, electric. Because I love you.
Yet, for some reason, I couldn't find the courage to say it. “Because I said so,” I blurted, kissing her on the cheek awkwardly. Why am I scared to just say it?
Leah blinked, studying me for a moment that stretched. Outside, the sound of the snow scratched and wailed. “...Alright.”
“Leah, I—it was my fault you lost your phone the first time around.”
“No it wasn't.” Her tone was sharp with disbelief. “Not at all! You were right, no matter what ended up happening, it was time to give Owen's phone back. It never really felt like mine, anyway. It was a tie I didn't want to maintain.”
Snuggling against her, I closed my eyes, not wanting to talk about any of that anymore. “You should turn it on, check it out.”
“Don't I need a phone plan first, though?”
My heart gave a small jump. “No, I... I sort of added you to my plan, actually.”
“You what?” She sat up, holding the phone like it might explode. “Oh, Deacon, you didn't need to—”
“I wanted to,” I explained, realizing the truth of it as I did so. “Maybe I didn't think it all the way through, but I wanted you to be able to use it right away.”
Like a wild animal, she gawked at me. “What did you want me to use it for?”
“To call... to call your family, Leah.” I didn't think about it before, but maybe Nicholas is right. She hasn't talked about them, or to them, in so long it seems. “It's going to be Christmas Eve tomorrow, actual Christmas Eve. Don't you want to talk to them?”
“You know about my family. Why would I... what would make you think...” Hot tears began to well in the corners of her eyes, trickling down bit by bit.
Wiping them away, I wrapped her in my arms, holding her tenderly. “You've seen me around my own family here. If I were in your shoes, I guess I think I'd be home-sick.”
Her answer was a sniffling sob, an exhausted sound that made it clear how she had been barely holding it together. “Fine. Fine, you're right, I do miss them... it was easy not to talk to them when I didn't have the option. But now, you gave me this, and I—Deacon, I...”
Making a soothing sound in her ear, I rocked her slightly, listening to the sadness drain away. “It's okay, you don't need to explain it to me. You love them, how could you not? Hurt aside, they're still your family... and it's okay to want to talk to them.”
“It's more than that.” Her voice was a hoarse whisper, the weather almost blocking it out. If her breath wasn't on my ear, I'd have missed it. “Deacon, I want to see them, too.”
Tensing my jaw, I pulled back; looking into her shiny, red-edged eyes. There was no hesitation on my end when I spoke. “Then let's do it. Let's drive down and see them.”
Her response was to laugh, a hand covering her mouth. Rubbing her cheeks, she bit her lip, unable to stop the nervous giggles. “What? Are you serious?”
“Yes, I really am. Leah, we have just enough time to make the drive, then come back here to catch our flight back to California. It'd be tight, but we can do it. If you want to, if you really want to.”
She stared at me, sinking into the fact I really meant what I was saying. “I want to. Now that it's a possibility, I honestly...”
“Then,” I said carefully, taking her wrists, lifting her hand with the phone between us, “call them. Tell them we're coming.”
Oh my god, I'm going to have to figure out how to convince my parents to let me borrow a car, how to get down to Rhode Island on time, the fact I'll actually be meeting her parents, the...
My thoughts ended, smashed away when Leah threw herself on top of me. Her lips were warm, welcome on my own.
The rush of desire rippled through me, lids closing gently, out of my control. So quickly, I was lost in the sensations; lost in her.
Fingers dragged across her back, crushing her against me. Wanting to feel her soft skin, I tugged my gloves off.
The blanket under my body kept the cold, hard floor from ruining the moment. I wasn't sure I'd have noticed the chilly ground even if it was against my bare skin.
She makes it so hard to think!
Why did I need to think?
Her teeth nipped my lower lip, then dragged down to my throat. I could feel my own pulse through her, the desperate gasp of my pleasure filling my ears.
“God, Leah, I...”
Straddling me under the blankets, she searched for the zipper on my coat, the sound vibrating through the barn. Every inch of me seemed to be trembling; metallic, constant.
“Your phone,” Leah said suddenly, sitting up. Dazed, I shoved my hand into my pocket, finding the device buzzing.
Shit, Nicholas.
Pressing it to my ear, I spoke fast. “Everything is fine, I found her—yeah. In the barn, yeah. Of course we'll be coming back soon. No, Nicholas, it's really... Yes. Yes, I just want some time, thanks.” Shaking my head, I closed the phone and hid it away.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes,” I said softly, ruffling my hair. “He was just, uh, a little too cocky sounding when he realized I was sort of, well, busy.”
Leah settled back on my chest, pushing my jacket open with her hands. The way she smiled up at me made my mouth tingle. “Is that what we are? Busy?”
“Yeah, I'd say so.” Cupping her chin,
I guided her to me for a kiss as soft as a whisper. Tracing the shape of her perfect lips, I nuzzled into her hair with a sigh.
Her weight felt good on me, welcome in the quiet barn. She slid down me, lifting my shirt out of the way to expose my stomach. “I missed you, you know,” she sighed.
I couldn't respond, she stole my voice when she licked the hard skin of my lower belly. Down, she went, my belt clinking as she removed it.
She missed me, after only a few days.
Groaning, her teeth tickling across my hip, I reached down to feel her soft hair. “I missed you so much, too, Leah, I—aah!” Biting my tongue, I arched into her firm touch when she rubbed her cheek along my thigh.
“I know,” she whispered, glowing with mischief. “I can tell.”
My blood was racing, every bit of me craving her touch. Leah was eager, if she'd been planning to tease me, it was quickly falling apart.
Gripping my jeans, she tugged them down, exposing the dark cloth of my briefs. I knew what she would see, my excitement was far too obvious.
“Wait,” I grunted, reaching down to grab her arms. Leah glanced up, eyes twinkling like onyx in the dim light.
Coaxing her up, I guided her forward until she was kneeling over me. “I want to see more of you,” I groaned, pulling her scarf away.
“But it's cold,” she said weakly, even as her own fingers removed her coat.
“Not for long, it won't be,” I grinned at her.
The wetness of melted snow had made her hair damp in places, I felt it through the gaps of my knuckles.
Sitting up with her straddling my lap, I eagerly ripped her sweater over her head, letting it fall to the side. She had an adorable lacy blue bra on, a sight that made me groan when I realized I might never have seen it that night.
“God, Leah, you're beautiful.” My words were solid, I meant them completely. The girl I love is talented and beautiful, how did I get so lucky?
The blush on her cheeks was enchanting, it reminded me of what a contrast her forward nature combined with her shy modesty could be. “Shh, Deacon, I'm not—”
“No,” I said quickly, my tone scratchy with raw emotion. “Don't even say it.” Cupping her cheeks, I kissed her forehead, then her throat.
