by Nora Flite
“Yes,” she said softly, glancing across at me as she snuggled back under her blankets. “We've said it. Have you—I mean, sorry, that's rude—”
“We haven't,” I said quickly, frowning hard at the admission. “Not... yet, anyway.”
Bethany said nothing, her eyes on the ceiling in thought. I copied her, watching the swirls of old paint, my brain a mess.
I had so many questions, so much I wanted to know, and wished I didn't.
“Hey,” I said carefully, wary of the ground I was treading. “Who said it first?”
“...Nicholas.”
“And... when you and Deacon were together...”
Her silence was heavy, the quell before a storm.
Maybe I don't want to know, maybe she doesn't want to say. Maybe... maybe...
“Deacon,” she whispered, like her throat was closing around the name, keeping it at bay. “It was Deacon who said it first.”
Leaning over, she turned off the lamp, bathing us in darkness.
Chapter 17.
“I've already told you. No!”
The shout ripped me from my sleep, from dreams I couldn't have been sure weren't nightmares.
There had been many of those, still.
Downstairs, I heard more angry voices. Only one of them I recognized clearly; it was enough to make me certain I knew the other.
Why is Dr. Day yelling at Deacon?
Sitting up, tugging a sweater over myself, I slid from the bed. Bethany was gone, I noticed. With a warm heat on my neck, my nerves on edge, I moved carefully down the stairs.
The voices became stronger, confirming my suspicions when I paused at the bottom of the steps. Deacon was standing in the hall, his father mere feet away.
Gingerly, I stepped backwards, not wanting them to see me.
“I know you said no, Dad. I heard you. You're not hearing me, though. You're going to stay here for another two days anyway, why can't I just borrow the car for a quick trip?”
“Because it isn't a quick trip,” Dylan grumbled. “You're asking to drive all the way to Rhode Island, it's going to take you all day! You'll have, what, tomorrow before you need to leave?”
I could only see Deacon's profile, but his sheepish smile was obvious. “I thought we'd leave tomorrow night, be back here by morning the day after Christmas. It'll be tight, but if we drive on from here right away, we can catch our flight.”
“No. No, Deacon, this is outrageous.” Mr. Day scrubbed at his scalp, an action I had seen his son copy so many times. “You're asking me to let you drive my car out in this awful weather, just so that girl can see her parents for—”
“Leah.” His voice was sharp, like arguing was something they had both done to the point of routine. “Her name is Leah, Dad.”
Sighing, Mr. Day hung his head. “Listen to me, son. I respect that you like this girl, but this is ridiculous. It's a waste of time.”
A waste of time... is he right?
Before I could sink into a pit of guilt over making the pair of them fight, another voice broke in. It was smooth, feminine, and unexpected when I realized who it was.
“You can borrow my car,” Bethany said, pushing between them both.
Deacon stared, his mouth opening uselessly. “I—but, Bethany, are you sure?”
Her shrug was light, as if this was such a non-issue. “You'll be back late the day after Christmas? I can handle that, Nicholas and I aren't going anywhere, anyway.”
If Deacon was shocked, I was blown away. I'd been trying to push aside any strange feelings for his ex. Hearing her explain how she loved Nicholas last night, it had helped... though there was still a deep sting inside of me from learning that the song I loved had a different origin to Deacon.
But she wants to help us. How can I be anything but grateful?
Deacon seemed to have the same thought process. Smiling, he reached out, pulling her to him for a deep embrace.
I was astounded that my heart didn't stop; perhaps I'd actually begun accepting their past meant nothing, now. “Bethany, you're amazing. Thank you, this means so much to me... and to Leah.”
Lifting her head, she glanced up at me on the stairs, meeting my eyes calmly. “I know.”
Clearing my throat, acting like I had just woken up, I walked down to the bottom step. “Uh, morning, everyone.”
He looked surprised, but my boyfriend quickly let Bethany go. We were all so close already, I was hesitant to move into the hallway and take up more space. Deacon reached out, giving me no option as he pulled me close. “Did you hear the news?”
Looking up, I found Dr. Day staring at me. It was the solemn expression of a man who'd been beaten, but that felt the defeat was impossible. “I heard something about us borrowing Bethany's car.”
“Yeah,” she said, tucking her hands into the pockets of the mauve hoodie she had on. “I think it's fine. Just drive carefully is all I ask. I'm in no rush to go anywhere, though I figure you guys have a plane to catch in two days.”
“We do,” Deacon agreed, his fingers wrapping around my own at our hips. It filled me with a rush of glee, yet guilt was soon to follow; there was no mistaking the irritation on Dylan's face at our display.
I can't tell... but is he actually angry at me over this decision?
Deacon glanced at me, following my eyes to his father. “Do you have something you want to say, Dad?”
“No.” It was a gruff word, final and firm. “You do what you want, you always have. Tell everyone you're leaving, at least. You should know enough to try and be considerate.” With that, the larger man turned, striding away down the hall.
The fists at his sides were plain to my eye, I'd learned to unconsciously looked for such signs of anger. Peering sideways, up at the young man beside me, I found a startling similarity in his body language.
Those deft hands that made wonderful art, that touched me so sweetly, were also shaped into hard fists.
He's more like his father than he realizes.
Deacon blinked, noticing me staring. That smile, those perfect teeth, set my heart fluttering. “Well, I guess I should go give everyone the news. Why don't you call your parents, tell them we're coming?”
My delight shifted to jittery nerves. “Uh, yeah, good idea.”
He turned towards Bethany, the blonde having stood by us quietly for some time. “And seriously, thank you so much. I promise we'll drive carefully.”
Digging into her pocket, she offered the jingling keys. He took them with a tight smile. “It's fine, I trust you.”
Deacon paused, then wrapped her in one more quick hug. He was brimming with energy, it followed him in his light steps as he headed off to find the rest of his family.
Bethany watched him go, her blue eyes flicking to me curiously. “You really will be careful, right? After last night, I think the snow might be ready to really start showing.”
“I—yes, don't worry about it.”
She nodded, leaving us to stand there in uncomfortable silence. Fidgeting with the hem of my sweater, I peeked back at her solemn face. “Thank you. You didn't have to do this, but I'm really happy that you did.”
Shrugging, she brushed her hair away from her throat. “I don't mind helping. But I'll be truthful here, I did it for a reason.”
“What reason?” My tone was low, wary.
What could she possibly...?
The sapphire color of her dark-rimmed eyes was intense. It was difficult to look away from the sincerity in there. “You need to promise me something.”
It was hard to nod, but I made my head bob slowly. Did I even have a choice after what she'd offered me? “Tell me.”
We couldn't have moved closer, I thought. In that hallway, Bethany seemed mere inches from my face. Her voice was hard, unbending when it came to my ears.
“Deacon has one major flaw. He loves stronger, more fiercely, than anyone I've ever known. Whatever you do... don't break his heart.”
“I...” My tongue stuck to the roof of
my mouth. “Why would I...”
“Promise me.”
How can I promise that? Is it possible to mean such a thing at this point in our relationship?
But as I stood there, absorbing her words, taking them in and tasting them fully... I realized that making such a promise didn't seem so impossible.
It didn't seem out of reach.
Tightening my lips, I narrowed my eyes and gave a curt nod.
“I won't break his heart. I promise.”
Though she smiled, like she was truly relieved, I wondered if Bethany actually believed me.
****
The phone was heavy in my hand.
I can do this. I want to do this.
Knowing the first basic step was to just... turn the phone on... I held the POWER button, watching everything light up. The screen blinked, the phone display chirping at me.
This is a way better phone than my old one. I don't want to know how much Deacon spent on this.
Shaking finger tips moved over the buttons, inputting the phone number. I was halfway through putting the familiar name into my phone, on my way to sending a text to Vanessa, before I cursed.
Dammit! Just call your parents already, stop stalling.
Gritting my teeth, I erased the message in a hurry. Sitting alone in the bedroom upstairs, my bags packed and on the blanket beside me, I hunched in the darkness over the glowing device.
Do it, just do it.
Tapping in the phone number of my parents' cell phone, it occurred to me that there was a chance they didn't even use that number anymore.
What if they don't have that phone now? So much could have happened in the last two months.
Wrinkling my brow, I bent closer to the red cell. No, stop making excuses. Just do it!
My thumb pounded down the CALL button.
Shivering anxiously, I held the phone to my ear, listening to the ringing. Each time it jingled, my chest stuttered, reminding me to breathe.
I felt a mixture of sadness, tinged with relief, when the fifth ring produced nothing.
Maybe they did change their number—
The phone clicked loudly, shocking me. “Hello?” That voice was so familiar, the questioning hint of curiosity and doubt that could only come from my mother.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Leah?” She gasped, giving a quick laugh. “Oh my gosh! We were so worried about you! We hadn't heard anything from you in so long, your father and I, we—we were starting to think—”
“I'm fine,” I said quickly, an excited, nervous edge rising. “I'm really fine. I'm so sorry I haven't called... it's been a little crazy for a while.”
Crazy, and if I'm honest, I was just so scared to talk to you two again.
“You sound good,” I added, recognizing a clarity in her voice that I hadn't heard in a long, long time.
Chuckling, she sounded high-pitched from what felt like relief and disbelief all at once. “Things have been a bit crazy for us, too. God, Leah, I'm so happy you called. Do you want to talk to your father? Here, here let me go get him!”
“Wait, no, Mom,” I blurted quickly. “Hold up, I'm calling because I wanted to tell you—uh, well, I'm coming to visit.”
“You're what?” Again she laughed, so loudly I moved the phone. “That's so great! You can see our new place and everything!”
I had to mull that over, struggling to believe what I'd heard. “Your new what?”
“We moved into a new apartment, you'll love it. Let me give you our address, actually.” Quickly, she rambled it off, my brain struggling to commit it to memory. “You can even stay with us, when are you coming?”
They moved? What... what's changed since I left? I didn't expect this at all. “Uh,” I drawled the sound out. “I should be there tonight, late tonight. I mean, we should be there tonight.”
“Wait, 'we'?”
Here it goes.
Swallowing, I licked my lips. “Yeah. Mom, I sort of met someone.”
“You what? Leah, what about Owen? Are you... are you still in California, then?”
“It's a seriously long story. I'm actually in Kentucky, uh, with my... Deacon, his name is Deacon.” My cheeks felt hot, the rush of trying to decide what to say, what to hide, making me nervous. “I'm staying with his family right now.”
She was quiet a moment, if I hadn't heard her breathing, I'd have thought the line went dead. “Oh, oh. I see. Well, then I'm excited to meet him! You can tell us everything when you get here. This is... this is amazing, Leah. I'm so glad you're coming, it's a Christmas miracle.”
“Yeah,” I replied softly, wondering if she wasn't far off. “It kind of is.”
“I'll go let your father know, he's shoveling the snow in the driveway.”
“Okay, Mom.” My lips moved, hesitating a split second. “...I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too. See you soon, honey.”
The phone clicked, ending the most surreal conversation I thought I had ever had.
****
I found Deacon in the kitchen, his bags at his feet. He was talking to Nicholas, his hands braced on the tabletop across from his brother. Both of them looked up as I approached.
“Are you alright?” Deacon asked me, pushing off the hard surface to reach for my forearms. “You look like you just saw a ghost.”
In a way, I feel like I have. My mouth made a smile, a weak shape that I knew didn't fool Deacon completely. “I'm fine, yeah.”
Nicholas arched an eyebrow, an expression that was reminiscent of how the man I loved would show his doubt. However, when Nicholas did it, those sharper features and hard eyes gave it a crueler edge. “Well, that's a lie. Something clearly spooked you.”
Opening my mouth, I felt like I had forgotten how to talk.
“Tsk, Nicholas,” Deacon scolded, his palms running down my arms to my fingers.
“Sorry,” he said quickly, lifting his working arm in defeat. “I didn't mean that to come out like that, Leah.”
Shaking my head, I squeezed Deacon's hands briefly before stepping back. “No, it's okay. You're not wrong, not really. I uh, talked to my mom just now.”
My boyfriend looked down at me, saying so much with just his sad eyes. “And?”
And it was weird, really weird. I'm still wrapping my head around it, I thought in despair. “She said she'd see us tonight. That she's really looking forward to meeting you.”
“Oh! Well that's great. In that case, we should get going. It'll take us all day to get there.” He moved quick, kissing me on the cheek before grabbing his bags. “Are yours at the bottom of the stairs?”
Burning from my blush, I shot a glance at Nicholas; his grin was unhelpful. “Um, yeah. Did you already say goodbye to everyone?”
“Told them all what was up. Okay, I'll go load everything into the SUV, then. Grab some coffee, you'll want it for the ride.” Deacon scurried off, his steps heavy from his speed.
Alone with Nicholas, very aware of how he was watching everything I did, I hurried to grab the travel mug that had been apparently left out for me.
“Do I make you nervous, or something?” He asked.
Jumping, I spilled some of the hot coffee from the pot. “What? Oh, no, not at all!” He does make me nervous, how can he not? I can't tell where he stands with me. Is he on Deacon's side, or his dad's?
His father seems to think this trip is a mistake.
Nicholas stood, bringing me a napkin in his one good hand. Blinking, I took it, wiping up the spill. “Listen, Leah,” he started, leaning on the counter. So close, I could see the flicker of sorrow in his green eyes. “I think I need to apologize.”
“I—what? Why?”
“Well,” he laughed, scratching his cheek, “I'm pretty sure any strife you've had out here has sort of been caused by me, intentionally or not.”
My gut reaction was to argue against that, yet he shut his eyes, waving his palm quickly. “Let me just finish. I'm sure Deacon explained some stuff to you.”
Yes, I thought, he explained some things... not everything.
“But,” he went on, squinting at me curiously, “I want you to know that everything was my fault. So don't blame him, please. I honestly deserved every bit of his anger, and I earned that shove.” Laughing, he flashed his pearly teeth.
The hairs on my neck rippled uneasily. “Did you say shove?”
He crinkled his forehead, smile breaking. “Deacon didn't tell you about that, did he. Well, shit. Forget I mentioned it then, it was really nothing.”
“Wait,” I said, almost knocking my coffee off the counter. Nicholas, even with his wrist injury, was able to snatch it and keep it from tumbling. “Back up. You're trying to tell me that Deacon shoved you?”
“Sort of, it was more like he knocked me to the ground—”
“He knocked you to the ground?” I hissed, covering my mouth in shock. “What? When, how did I not know about this?”
Nicholas stepped back, confused by my sudden reaction. He couldn't have known about why this would bother me, not the real details.
How could he understand what I had been through? That I'd once dated a man who had ended it all by shoving me, shoving me, into a table?
Clearing his throat, he watched me closely. “I uh, it just... it wasn't a big deal. Trust me, we're brothers, we've tussled before.”
“Tell me when,” I said quietly.
His jaw fell, then closed in resilience. “The first night I met you, when I came here with Bethany. That was when it went down. But, really, it wasn't...”
I was no longer listening.
He lied to me that night. Deacon told me nothing had happened, just that he'd learned about Nicholas dating his ex.
But that wasn't it.
He didn't tell me the most important part.
He attacked Nicholas. He attacked him, and then he lied to me about it.
I felt dizzy, my world view crumbling in my shock. Only a month ago, I'd been in Nicholas's shoes, and I would never have suggested what had happened to me was 'no big deal.'
