I’m restless by the time I walk into the bar, and it’s not until my eyes find hers that I relax. She’s in a booth this time, instead of by the bar. Amara smiles at me, but for the first time since I met her, that beautiful smile of hers doesn’t reach her eyes.
I walk toward her, and her eyes never leave mine. She’s done this to me from the very first moment we met. She captivates me with a single look.
“Hey,” I say, my voice soft.
“Hi,” she replies, her voice shaky.
I slide into the booth, taking in the way she’s trembling ever so slightly. “Do you want to talk about it or do you want a hug?”
She looks into my eyes, and then she smiles. “A hug, please.”
I open up my arms for her and she moves closer, resting her head on top of my shoulder, her lips brushing against my neck. I close my arms around her and hold her tightly.
“Sometimes, when my sister has a bad day, all she really needs is a hug. I’ve been told that I’m a bit of a problem-solver, so my first instinct is to ask you what’s wrong and find a way to fix it… but she taught me that it can wait.”
Amara sighs and snuggles closer. “Aria is a wise woman.”
I nod. “She is.”
Amara pulls away a little to look at me, her expression unreadable. “Did you… did you tell her about us?”
I nod and thread my hand through her hair. “Of course. She was so happy, it was kinda cute. Even Grayson seemed excited for us. I think he actually likes you, you know?”
Amara grins at me, a hint of relief in her eyes. I guess it’s just as hard on her to keep our relationship a secret as it is for me. “I wondered, but I didn’t really dare ask before. How do you feel about your best friend being with your sister?”
I look away, unsure how to answer. “It’s complicated. They’re both very broken individuals, and at the start I wasn’t sure if they’d be each other’s destruction or salvation. I knew it could only ever be either of those two. There’s no middle ground with them, and that’s what worried me. The last thing I wanted is for either of them to get hurt. My worries were misplaced, though. They’re happy together, and I’m happy for them.”
She blinks, drawing my attention to her ridiculously long lashes. She’s beautiful. Every little thing about her is just beautiful.
“They’re lucky to have you, you know?”
I frown, wishing that was true. Both Aria and Gray have given me far more than I’ve ever given them. Aria practically raised herself. And Gray? He’s something else altogether. I never understood why a man so brilliant and so reclusive chose me to be friends with. Compared to either Aria or Gray, I’m solidly mediocre. I work hard, but I’m not a genius like both of them are.
I sigh and lean in, cupping her cheek gently. “So, do you want to talk about what upset you today?” She’s been avoiding the topic, and while I don’t want to push her, I’m concerned.
Amara pulls away, and I instantly miss her touch. “I ran into my father,” she whispers, almost as though she can’t bear to say it out loud. “It just feels like it reopened so many wounds. I thought I’d healed, but just seeing him took me back to a time that I’d prefer to forget altogether. He asked me if I wanted him to stop contacting me, and I didn’t know what to say, Noah. I always thought my answer would be a resounding yes, but when it came down to it, I couldn’t say it.”
I bite down on my lip and nod, unsure of what to say. She hasn’t told me much about her father, and I get it, so I don’t probe. I hate talking about my parents too. Right now, in this moment, I wish she’d let me in, though. I wish I knew more about him, so I could find the right words to say.
“I won’t pretend to know what that’s like, Amara… but you seem conflicted. You wouldn’t feel that way if part of you didn’t want him in your life. I know he’s hurt you, and I know he left you, but he’s back now, isn’t he? I guess the question is whether you think you can forgive him, and whether you want him in your life going forward. I can’t tell you the answer to that, but I can tell you I’d give the world to speak to my father one last time. All parents are different, but you have yours… and if even a small part of you wants him in your life, then at least think about it carefully before you decide.”
Amara looks down at her hands, her entire demeanor turning vulnerable. I lean back and take a sip of the cocktail in front of her as she mulls over my words. This seems like a sore subject for her, and all I want to do is console her and support her, but I worry I might’ve said the wrong thing. It’s hard for me to understand what she’s going through, because there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to have the luxury of arguing with my parents.
“It’s complicated, Noah. My father made a lot of bad choices, and our family suffered for it. Not just ours. He destroyed multiple lives alongside his own, and some of the things he did are simply unforgivable. I know they are, and part of me wants to punish him for everything Mom and I went through, but he’s my Dad. Seeing him was painful because it reminded me of everything I missed out on, everything he missed out on.”
I wrap my hand around her waist and pull her against me, her head dropping to my shoulder. “I know you’re hurt, and I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through, but whatever you choose to do, make sure that you aren’t hurting yourself with your own choices just because they seem like the right ones.”
Amara nods, a tear dropping down her cheek. “I don’t know what to do, Noah.”
I press a kiss on top of her head. “You don’t need to figure it out right now, baby. Take your time.”
She nods, and I hold her as she tries to compose herself. I hope she’ll let me in someday. I hope I’ll one day have the strength to tell her about my parents without breaking down. I hope we can heal each other. But above all, I hope that someday, she and I can both let go of the past.
Chapter 41
Noah
I stare up at the Astor mansion, wrecked with guilt. I’ve been avoiding this for as long as I could, but Harold is no longer taking no for an answer, and neither is Charlotte.
She invites me over for dinner at least once a month, and usually I love her for it. Tonight I’m feeling conflicted. I’m dating Amara behind their backs, and I’m about to walk in with a smile on my face, pretending like I’m not counting down the seconds until I can get her alone. I feel strangely out of it as I walk in, almost numb. I guess I’m just resigned.
I need to speak to Amara. There’s no way we can keep our relationship a secret much longer. They’ll find out eventually, and I’d much rather they hear it from us. I know she’s scared, but I don’t think I can do this for much longer. I want to take her on dates without having to worry that we’ll be seen together. I want to kiss her in public and hold her hand. I want it all with her, and we can’t commit to each other fully when there’s still so much standing between us.
“You’re here, darling,” Charlotte says when I walk into the dining room, a bright smile on her face. I try my hardest to keep my eyes on her, but all I can see is Amara looking way too fucking stunning in that dark green dress she’s wearing, her long red hair flowing down her body. I can’t wait to get her out of that dress.
Charlotte rises from her chair at the dining table, and I smile as I walk up to her. She hugs me tightly and then leans back to look at me, grinning. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever. How have you been, sweetheart?” She pulls my seat out for me, and I sit down opposite Amara.
“That’s because he hasn’t been here in a while,” Harold says, taking the seat next to mine. “Have I been keeping you too busy, boy?”
I smile at him and shake my head. “Not at all. I enjoy working with you, Harold. You know that.”
He nods and looks at his daughter with a raised brow, and my heart squeezes tightly. Harold is so gentle with his family, and being around them always reminds me of what I’m missing. I wish I could introduce Amara to my parents. My mother would have loved her, and my father would have adored he
r. It’s all I can think about throughout dinner.
“You all right, sweetheart? You barely touched your food,” Charlotte says.
I smile at her as the staff clears the table. “It was lovely, as always. I’m just tired, that’s all.”
Harold glances at me, his brows raised. “What’s got you so tired? Or rather… who?” I tense, forcing myself not to look at Amara, and Harold chuckles. “I guess things worked out for Kim and you. She’s a lovely girl, and she’ll bring your career to new heights.”
Amara’s expression drops, and I look down when I see a flash of hurt in her eyes. I’m tempted to tell Harold everything right now, but I can’t do that without Amara’s consent. This is something we’ll have to do together. We need to be on the same page.
“No, it’s not Kim. I’m genuinely just tired.” It’s not a lie. Amara and I have been spending our evenings together, and when she leaves, we end up on the phone for hours before going to bed. I’ve barely been sleeping, but I don’t mind it at all. Every minute I get to spend with her is precious.
Amara rises to her feet the second the table is cleared, and I look up at her to find her avoiding my gaze. “I’m tired,” she says. “I’m going to bed early.”
She walks away, leaving us staring after her. She seems annoyed, and all I want to do is go after her and make sure she’s okay, but I can’t.
“What’s wrong with her?” Harold asks his daughter.
Charlotte shakes her head. “Who knows? I think she’s been busy with school. She’s probably just tired.”
It isn’t that. I’m guessing that she’s mad because Harold brought up Kim, but there’s nothing I can do about that until she gives me permission to tell him about us.
“I’d better get going,” I say as I rise from my seat. “Dinner was lovely as always,” I tell Charlotte.
She smiles as I walk up to her and presses a kiss to my cheek while Harold claps me on the back. I’m torn as I walk out of the dining room. I know I should walk out and get into my car, but I can’t. Not when I know Amara is upset.
I bite down on my lip and hesitate in the hallway, turning to walk toward her bedroom instead of the exit. It’s stupid, and I know it, but I can’t stay away.
I pause in front of her bedroom door, looking around to make sure there’s no staff around. I find Amara sitting on her bed, her knees pulled to her chest. She looks up at me, surprised. Her surprise is swiftly replaced by sadness, though.
I lean back against her door, a smile on my face. “Hi, baby.”
She purses her lips and stares at me as she rises to her feet. “Kim again?” she says, her eyes flashing with possessiveness. I smile to myself. She’s so fucking sexy when she looks at me like that, but I don’t have the guts to tell her that right now.
“Has Grandpa been making you see her? Has she been there any of the times you went for lunch with him?”
She pauses in front of me and places her palms on my chest. Her eyes are flashing with anger, and I just can’t help myself. I thread my hand through her hair and pull her closer, kissing her the way I wanted to when I first walked into the dining room.
Amara kisses me back, her body melting against mine for just a second before she pushes against me, her eyes narrowed.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
I chuckle and cup her cheek. I fucking adore her. “No, baby. I haven’t seen her since that day at the vineyard. I only have eyes for you, you know that.”
Her anger diminishes just slightly, but it doesn’t dissipate. I grab her and turn us around, pushing her against the door. “I’m more than happy to tell your grandfather all about us. That’ll shut him up.”
Amara looks at me, her eyes brimming with fear and insecurity. “You know we can’t.”
I lean in, my lips brushing against her. I kiss the edge of her lips, teasing her. Amara tilts her head, and I smile against her lips before kissing her. I pull away to look at her, unsure how to reason with her. “He’ll find out eventually, baby… and it’ll make him stop talking about Kim altogether.”
“I’m not ready,” she says, her voice soft. “I’m not ready yet, Noah. I’m not ready to face the consequences of loving you.”
I nod at her and sigh. I’ll respect her decision for now, but we can’t keep this up. We have to tell Harold before he finds out.
Amara rises to her tiptoes to kiss me, and my worries fade away. The power she holds over me is insane. “Noah, I don’t even want you thinking about her,” she says, her gaze accusatory. Her hands run down my body, and my eyes fall closed.
I smile at her and cup her cheek, my thumb brushing over her lips. “My thoughts are always filled with you. Always.”
“Prove it.” Amara’s hands run down to my suit trousers, and I groan when she grabs my cock.
“Here? Now?”
She nods. “Everyone thinks I went to bed. I want your hands on my body, Noah. I want your thoughts filled with me.”
I chuckle as I lift her into my arms. “Oh baby, don’t you fucking tempt me. You know I’ve been wanting to fuck you against this goddamn door forever now.”
She smirks at me provocatively and wraps her legs around me. I lean in and kiss her, and the way she moves against me drives me insane.
Amara gasps when I reach underneath her dress and drag my thumb over her clit, teasing her. I’m really starting to appreciate this not wearing underwear thing. I kiss her and play with her, enjoying the way she just gets wetter and wetter for me. I love the way she moves her hips, the way she makes it so clear she wants me deep inside her.
She yanks on my belt, her movements frantic, and I grin. I hold her up as she grabs my cock and aligns it. She looks at me pleadingly, and I’m tempted to tease her, to withhold what she wants, but I can’t. I’m too desperate for her.
Amara moans as I push into her, and I wrap my hand over her mouth. “Quiet, baby. Your grandfather and mother are probably only a few doors away.”
She nods, and I let go of her, placing my hands on her hips instead. I pull back, only to thrust back into her, hard. I fuck her like that, up against her door in her childhood bedroom. She’s biting down on her lip, trying to keep her moans in, and she’s never looked sexier.
“Look at you,” I whisper. “Your grandfather just bid us goodnight, and here you are just minutes later, taking my cock up against your door.”
Amara leans in and kisses me, her touch punishing. “You’re no better,” she tells me, her lips moving to my neck. She kisses me right below my ear, sending a shiver running down my spine. “You’re the one fucking me in my grandfather’s house. Tell me, babe… how good is my pussy?”
I laugh, I can’t help it. I love everything about this woman. “Best I ever had,” I whisper.
“The only one you’ll ever have,” she warns me, and I grab her hair, pulling her lips back to mine. I kiss her, and the way she moves her body against mine, the way her tongue tangles with mine… fucking hell. She’s fucking me with her goddamn mouth. This woman. She’ll be the death of me.
I fuck her hard, rotating my hips against her the way she likes it. “You want to come all over my cock, don’t you?”
She moans, and I shake my head as I wrap my hand over her mouth, warning her with my expression. The way she looks at me, with desperation and lust warring in her eyes… she’s close. I smile as I fuck her harder, enjoying the way I’m keeping her on the edge.
“I’m going to make a mess of your pussy, baby. I’m going to come so fucking deep inside you, you’ll have wetness leaking down your thighs all night. You’ll go to bed like that, with a reminder of me in my absence.”
She moans, and I tighten my grip on her face, pressing my hand against her lips harder. “Shh,” I whisper. “If you can’t be quiet you don’t get to come.”
She nods, her gaze pleading, and I smile as I increase my pace. I fuck her harder, keeping her at an angle that makes my cock brush against her clit every time I push back into her. The way she moves
her body against mine… fuck.
It doesn’t take Amara long to lose control, and when her muscles contract around my cock, I lose it too. I come deep inside her, barely able to suppress my own moans.
She smiles at me, and my heart skips a beat. “I’m so fucking obsessed with you,” I whisper, and she laughs.
“I love you, Noah.”
I press a kiss to her forehead, my heart racing. “I love you too, baby.”
I pull back to look at her and cup her face. “I want this with you, Amara. I’m done hiding. I want to be with you openly. I’m done sneaking around. We have to tell your grandfather. Soon.”
She looks at me, her expression resigned. She inhales deeply, and then she nods. “Okay, babe. We’ll tell him soon.”
I nod. I have no idea how Harold is going to respond, but there’s no escaping this. I’m not letting Amara go, and I’m ready to truly be with her — fully, wholeheartedly, openly.
Chapter 42
Noah
I smile to myself as I flip through my files, eager for this day to end so I can go home to Amara. The last couple of weeks have been perfect. Truly being able to call her mine changed everything for me. I didn’t think I could fall any further for her, but I did.
I sit up in surprise when my office door slams open, my eyes wide. Harold walks in, his expression chilling. The way he looks at me… he knows.
I’m resigned when he throws a stack of photos onto my desk, all of them of Amara and me. There are photos of us in Cali and then there are some of us walking in and out of my house, my arms around her. He’s even got a few photos of us kissing. How? How did Amara and I not realize we were being watched?
“I warned you,” Harold says. “I offered you my support, my guidance, my network. I offered you all I could, Noah. I asked you for one simple thing in return. All I asked of you was that you stay away from my granddaughter.” His voice breaks, and his expression betrays genuine hurt I wasn’t expecting. It was never my intention to hurt him, to let him down.
Dr. Grant (Off-Limits) Page 18
