by Zoe Fishman
“No, of course not,” said David as I stared mutely ahead. “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t know her last name. We were lifeguarding at the pool where it happened,” he explained. “We just want to make sure that she’s okay, maybe talk to her parents if they’re here.”
“You were the lifeguards at the pool where a little girl drowned?” She shook her head in disapproval. “Guess y’all’s lifeguard days is over.”
“She didn’t drown,” I offered. “She—I saved her.” She regarded me with an ounce more of interest.
“Listen, we don’t mean to annoy you,” interjected David. “We just want to see Tanisha. Maybe you could check the log and tell us where we could find her?”
She sighed heavily and began to flip some papers around. “Little black girl. Tanisha Green. She’s here. In room 405.”
“Is she okay?” I asked, my voice trembling.
“Seems to be.”
“Thank you,” said David, saving me from saying something that was sure to destroy the moment. “Let’s go, Ruth.” We got on an empty elevator. My finger shook as I pressed 4.
“You scared?” I asked. I backed up against the wall and then flinched immediately. This place was germ central.
“What’s to be scared of? She said that Tanisha was fine. Don’t worry, Ruth. I got this.”
Ding!
We stepped off and were assaulted by mauve. From the walls to the front desk, to the chairs to even the undertone of the floor tile, it was like being trapped inside the wardrobe trailer for The Golden Girls.
We made a left and slowly walked toward Tanisha’s room. As we passed open doors, I glanced inside, wondering if I would see spurting blood or women in labor, screaming for epidurals. No luck—all I heard was the faint drone of TV sitcoms and the occasional cough. At room 405, my heart froze in my chest.
“David, why are we here?” I asked, grabbing his hand.
“Because it’s the right thing to do.”
We lingered in the doorway. There was Tanisha, her gangly body lying on the bed with her braids spread over the green pillowcase. Four other people were in the room—a teenage boy flipping channels on the television, a tween girl perched on the windowsill and texting on her phone, a chubby boy about seven or so who was sitting on the bed with Tanisha and holding her hand. Her mother—at least I assumed it was her mother because of the resemblance, same cheekbones and bright eyes—sat in the mauve chair next to her bed, talking on her cell phone.
“Yes, she’s fine. The doctor says everything is okay, thank God. Thank God.” She paused, listening to the voice on the other end. “Yes, he was thorough! What you think this is?” She looked up at us with question marks in her eyes. Who the hell are you?
Tanisha turned to follow her gaze. When she saw me, she broke into a shy smile.
“I gotta go, Shirl. Somebody’s here. I’ll call you later.” She stood up, a mama bear defending her cubs. “Can I help you?”
“Um, hello.” David extended his hand. She glanced down and ignored it. He continued, undeterred. “I’m David, and this is Ruth.”
“Hi, Tanisha,” I said, waving to her from the doorway. She waved back timidly.
Sensing that we weren’t a threat, her mother’s tense posture dissipated a bit. “Okay. And?”
“We were the lifeguards on duty when Tanisha had her—her accident.”
“Oh really?” Now she was practically snarling. I felt seconds away from having my neck severed.
“So you were the ones who weren’t watching my baby? The ones who let her almost drown to death?”
“Well, actually, we didn’t let her drown,” answered David. I was impressed by his coolness. My voice had an annoying habit of rising several octaves when I was nervous. If I’d been the one facing off with the mom, glass would be shattering throughout the building. “My sister saved her.”
I begrudgingly stepped out from behind him. “Hello.”
“Tanisha, is that true? This girl saved you?”
“Yes, Mama. She pulled me up out of the water.”
Her mother looked me up and down. “You don’t look like much of a lifeguard to me. Whatchoo gonna do if someone over sixty pounds drowns in that pool?”
“I’m stronger than I look,” I answered defiantly. Now she was pissing me off. I saved her kid, and she was bullying me?
“I guess you must be.” She extended her hand. “I’m Mary, Tanisha’s mom. Thank you. I dunno what I woulda done if something had happened to my baby.”
“And who are you?” she asked David. “You were the other lifeguard on duty?”
“Yes, ma’am. Tanisha slipped under right beneath my lifeguard stand, so I wasn’t able to see her. Ruth saw her go under.”
Mary sat down on the edge of the bed. “How you gonna have a lifeguard stand that doesn’t let you see the whole pool? Sounds pretty ignorant to me.”
“Yeah, well, the idea is that if you’re in the deep end, you’re more likely to be a good swimmer, I guess,” he countered. As discreetly as I could, I pinched his oblique. It was time for him to shut up now.
“Oh, that’s the idea, huh?” Sarcasm dripped off her tongue. “Sounds like a pretty self-satisfied way to manage a pool. ‘Nothin’ bad is gonna happen at this pool, no wayyyy. We all know how to swim.’ ”
“Mama,” said Tanisha, sitting up from her pillows. “Quit bein’ mean. Miss Ruth saved me.”
“I know, baby. I just don’t know what to make of this whole mess.” She looked up at me and then back to her daughter. “You want to thank Miss Ruth, T?” She nodded.
“All right, go on.” She stood up and motioned toward the bed. I sat gingerly next to Tanisha, who seemed even smaller now, on dry land. Her arms were as wiry as bobby pins.
“Thank you, Miss Ruth,” she said. I took in her sweet face, her bright brown eyes, and the smoothness of her forehead. She smiled to reveal a missing front tooth.
“Hey, were you missing that before?” I asked. Her brother watched me curiously, inching up to me like a cat.
“I just lost it in the ambulance!” she replied proudly. “It was real loose befo’, but then I guess I jes pushed on it or somethin’. Maybe with my tongue when I was underwater.”
“Well, congrats. You look great without a tooth.”
“No, I don’t, Miss Ruth. I look silly.”
“Tanisha, I’m so glad you’re okay.”
She nodded. “Me too. I shouldn’t have been in the deep end. I was jes curious, though. Wanted to see how deep it really was.” I nodded in understanding.
“What I can’t figure out is how that dumb Tiffany let her wander away like that. How do you lose a child who can’t swim at a pool?” asked Mary. “Now Monique, I thought she had a little bit more sense, but I guess not.”
“They did seem pretty swamped,” offered David. “That was a lot of kids for two women.”
“Well then, you know what? They shouldn’t have gone to the damn pool. Period.”
“Mama,” said Tanisha, “please don’t git Miss Tiffany and Miss Monique in trouble. I love them.”
“Sweetie, I love a lot of things that are bad for me, but you can’t let two teachers who almost let you die go unpunished. It ain’t right.” Tanisha’s lip trembled. “I’m sorry, baby. It’s a hard fact of life.”
She looked at us. “I might have to sue that Kiddy Kare.” Please don’t say you’re suing the pool. Please just leave it alone.
“And yo’ pool too. Might as well tell you now.”
“I’m not sure that’s such a smart idea,” said David.
“David!” I hissed.
“What, it’s the truth!”
Mary watched our exchange with a bemused expression.
“You scared?” she asked. “You should be.”
“We should get going,” I said. Any more backta
lk from David and the situation would go from bad to worse, I was sure of it. “Tanisha, I’m so glad you’re okay.” I hugged her gingerly. She still smelled of chlorine.
“Thanks for letting us see Tanisha,” I said to Mary, who stood regally in the doorway. I could picture her in an Egyptian headdress holding court on the Nile.
“Thanks for not letting my baby drown,” she said to me. She nodded at David, who had one foot out the door.
“Nice to meet you, Mary,” he said. We turned to leave.
“Wait, can I ask you somethin’?” Mary followed us into the hallway. “Now, I know I can be confrontational, and that y’all are prolly scared half to death by the loud, angry black woman. I’m sorry for that. The truth is, I am loud. And in this case, I am angry. Justifiably so, I would say. There were four people supposed to be watching my baby—people I pay good money to—and still, she almost died. Think about that.” She paused for effect.
“But what I wanted to ask you, though, is . . . well, it’s a loaded question, but I need to ask it.”
“Sure, what is it?” asked David.
“If my baby had been white, would y’all have been watching her more closely?” I looked to David, stunned. I thought I would let him take the floor on this one.
“Mary, the truth of the matter is that we watched your daughter more closely because she is black.”
“Oh, so now you’re telling me it’s a given that a black child can’t swim? It’s a race thing?” Her nostrils flared. “Is that what’s happening?”
“I think we’re done here,” I said. I gave a half-wave and pushed David in front of me.
“Don’t look back,” I murmured behind him.
“I won’t.”
13
Silence fueled the ride home. No radio, no cigarettes, no nothing. On the plus side, I had saved a kid’s life. On the minus side, everything else. I was going to have to take David’s secret to the grave and somehow not resent the hell out of him for it, and Mary was going to sue the free world. Don’t forget that Tanisha is alive. Things could be so much worse right now, worse than I was capable of fathoming—or rather, worse than my privileged white mind was capable of fathoming, as Mary would probably say. The idea that we wouldn’t keep an eye on Tanisha because she was black still burned me. It just wasn’t true that her life didn’t matter to me as much as a white child’s would have. We pulled into the driveway.
“Do you think Mom and Dad know yet?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
I took a deep breath. “Well, hopefully they won’t be too nuts about it.”
“You’re kidding, right?” David cocked his eyebrow.
“Right.” I opened the car door.
On cue, the back door opened, and my dad pushed open the screen. He held Maddie back with his left leg. A blur of white and caramel squirmed behind him.
“Are you two okay?” he bellowed.
“Yes, we’re fine, Dad,” I answered, stepping over the dog and into the house. Mom sat at the kitchen table, wringing her hands in her lap. She peered at us over the top of her glasses before jumping up to embrace us.
“We’ve been so worried about you,” she said. “Jason called us about two hours ago to tell us the news, but you haven’t been answering your cell phones.”
“Which, by the way, is ironic considering we pay for those cell phones,” Dad interjected.
“Honestly, Sam! Is this the time?” Her look of disdain could have melted steel.
“You’re right. Not the point. Where have you been?” he asked again.
“And what happened at the pool?” asked Mom.
“Can we sit down first?” I asked. “Man.” We collapsed into our respective spots at the table. To sit anywhere else always felt strange, like you were channeling the other person.
My parents sat down too, anxiety emanating off of them in waves. Maddie, sensing that something was amiss, curled at my feet. I slipped my flip-flops off and buried my toes in her coat.
“So, David, you saved a little black girl from drowning? Is that what happened?” Anger and hurt filled me in equal measure. Of course. David saved her while I twiddled my thumbs. I looked at him incredulously.
“No, Mom, Ruth saved her.” Their mouths parted in shock.
“Ruth?” asked my dad. He looked at me. “You saved her?”
“What? Is that so impossible to believe?”
“No, of course not, Ruthie, that’s not what we meant,” Mom replied. She took my hand and squeezed. “We’re so proud of you, honey. That’s amazing.”
“It really is,” agreed Dad. He gazed at me with wonder. “Good for you.”
“Did Jason tell you that David saved her? Is that what he thinks too?”
“I’m not sure. He was speaking so quickly, and we were so shocked. I’m sorry, Ruth.” This was not how I wanted to behave—like a petulant child whose lollipop had been taken away. I wanted to be noble and dignified. Funny how you couldn’t fight the role you were most comfortable playing when it came to family.
“I was on the stand, and the little girl—her name is Tanisha—the little girl fell into the deep end,” David explained. “She was in my blind spot right beneath me. I couldn’t see her.” He paused. “But Ruth—Ruth saw her go under from the snack bar. She dove in and swam to her in, like, three seconds. It was pretty amazing.” I stared down at the table.
“We’re so proud of you.” I nodded in response as my eyes welled with tears. To hear that they were proud of me was a rarity.
“Thanks,” I mumbled. “It was pretty scary.”
“I can’t even imagine, honey.” Mom got up and kneeled beside me. She hugged me close. “You saved someone’s life today.”
“Ruth, that’s really something.” Dad got up too and hugged me from the other side. I looked to my left, through an opening in my parents’ entwined limbs, and watched David, who was staring at the floor.
“Well, it’s not like David sat on his ass eating bonbons,” I said, untangling myself. “As soon as he saw what was happening, he helped me pull her out.” My parents went back to their seats and turned their attention to him.
“I would hope so,” said Dad. “Let me ask you this. How does a pool have a blind spot? Isn’t that playing with fire?”
“I guess it’s never been an issue before,” mumbled David. “Usually, if you come to a neighborhood pool and you’re in the deep end, you know how to fucking swim.”
“Language,” whispered Mom.
“This was a black girl, this Tanisha?” asked Dad.
“No, she was a white girl named Tanisha. Come on, Dad.” David stared at him belligerently across the table.
“Fair enough.” He took off his glasses and massaged the bridge of his nose. “Who was she there with? Did she come with her parents?”
“She came with a Kiddy Kare group,” I answered. “There were about thirteen of them with two teachers.”
“Did the board know they were coming?” asked Mom. “Or did they just show up?”
“Yes, they knew they were coming. Fifteen nonmembers can’t just show up unannounced,” David said, his voice thick with annoyance.
“So why just two lifeguards on duty?” asked Dad. “With a group like that coming, you’d think that the board would take extra precautions.”
“Dad, it’s not like they were there by themselves,” I answered. “They were being watched by two teachers too, don’t forget.”
“I thought that a majority of them would be able to tread water at least,” added David. “Most of them were in floaties. Either they didn’t put them on Tanisha, or she took them off herself when they weren’t looking. The whole thing was a major liability.”
Dad’s ears perked up at the legal jargon. “A liability, huh?”
“Yeah, definitely. I guess the pool really needs the mon
ey or something.” David arched his back and stretched.
“Did you have to resuscitate her?” asked Mom.
“Thankfully, no. Once we got her out, she started coughing up water. For a second I thought I would have to, but she was okay.”
“Did you remember what to do?”
“Of course, Mom, I’m not an idiot.”
“That’s not what I meant at all! I just wonder if I would be able to remember all of the steps under that kind of stress.”
“It’s very impressive that you did,” added Dad. I stole a glance at David. He hadn’t remembered.
“So what happened after she came to?”
“David had called 911, so they took her to the hospital to make sure everything was okay. She was fine, we checked on her.”
“Don’t tell me you went to the hospital,” said Dad.
“What’s wrong with going there?” asked David. “Why wouldn’t we?”
“You did, didn’t you?” my dad barked. His chair shrieked over the tile floor as he backed it away to stand up.
“Dad, what’s your problem?” I asked. “We wanted to make sure she was okay. It was the right thing to do!”
“Did you speak with her parents?” he asked. “Did they think it was the right thing for you to do?”
“We spoke to her mom,” answered David. “It was fine.”
“Was it fine? Because you know they’re going to sue somebody, and it very well could be the pool. You shouldn’t have spoken to them without a lawyer present.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” The pitch of my voice rose. “We did the right thing! How could we not go and see her? She almost drowned on our watch!”
“Exactly, Ruth. Any parent whose kid is endangered on somebody else’s watch is like a ticking time bomb of guilt and blame. And I’m sure she wasn’t pleased to see two white kids come strolling in.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” asked David.
“Exactly what you think it means. If you think for a minute that they’re not going to claim some sort of racism, you’re out of your naive little minds. A black child drowns at a white pool? Come on, David. Use your head.” Dad began to pace.
