“What?” he barks, and I jolt from the sharpness of it.
Swallowing hard, I sit up next to him. “It wasn’t what it looked like that night; I swear. When I saw you—”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” His deep-rumbling growl cuts me off.
I push forward. “When I saw you down there with her, I snapped. You were all over her, and …”
“Who the fuck was I supposed to be all over, Jessalyn?! Huh?” He shoots to his feet, then turns toward me, tension radiating from him. “The only goddamn girl I was to be with that night was you! We planned that shit; had it pinned to a fucking science when we’d …” He breaks off then, his head sinking back on his shoulders as he forces out a laugh of pure disbelief.
“Wait, you think I fucking cheated you. Is that why you acted like a goddamn slut and gave the first dickhead you saw your virginity? Tell me I’m wrong, I fucking dare you.”
He is fucking wrong. “Something h-happened that night.” My eyes meet Ellis’ over Callum’s shoulder. The moment he closes his eyes, his shoulder dropping in understanding, I know then at least one of them gets it.
“Jesus fuck, Jess,” Ellis says, sympathy in his voice. “Were you—I mean, did someone …” he stammers, then snaps his mouth shut.
I nod. “Yeah.”
“What are you talking about?!” Callum loses his patience and swipes his arm out, hitting the bedside lamp so hard it flies toward the three boys and slams into the wall, shattering.
Shaking, I feel the hollowness from that night creep up on me. My vision blurs in front of me, torturing me as snapshots of that night fly through my brain. “I was …” I gulp, almost choking at the dryness of my throat. “I was—someone raped me.”
Everything around us stops.
CHAPTER 20
Tears dance in my on my lids as I meet four sets of eyes filled with grief and disbelief. Ellis’ brows pinch together in pain. Quinn, even the hardass he is, can’t stop his own pain from seeping through his features. Asher looks dumbfounded, lost. But Callum … I’ll remember his reaction for the rest of my time on this earth.
He’s livid, thunderous. Yet, when he speaks his words come out softer than a hummingbird’s flutter. “What?” he finally chokes out, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the effort.
I’ve never seen Callum so close to losing it before. He’s been mad, yes. I am very aware of that emotion exuding from him. But this, right now, I’m very unfamiliar with.
He looks lost. Broken.
He reminds me of myself from two years ago.
Steadying myself, I continue on, “That night, someone raped me. I saw you with Alessandra in the kitchen—both of you were drunk and grinding all over each other.” Callum looks like he’s going to be sick, but I’ve come too far to stop now. He needs to know everything. “That’s when I ran up the stairs, took someone’s drink and downed it. I-I just didn’t know they doctored the drink.”
An emotionally drained chuckle falls from my lips. It’s kind of ironic, really. Because at least he was right about something, it just may not be how he expected it to be.
“So, everything you said to me on that first day—everything you insinuated—was right.” I sniff. “I am trying to use my body to hide everything. I do that, because it’s the only thing that will stop the memories from attacking me. I just couldn’t tell you any of this because the moment you saw what you did, you already made your mind up about me. You also tossed me to the side and left before I could even utter a single word.”
“Jess … little mouse,” he whispers, and as if all the fight drains out of him, he sinks to the floor on his knees beside the bed.
I hate the pity they’re all looking at me with now. I can take sympathy, but not pity. I’ve fought too hard for too long to get to where I am, and I will not give it up.
I survived something that should have broken me.
I won’t let it hold dominion over me anymore.
Worrying my lips between my teeth, I cower into myself. “Please, don’t—don’t look at me like I’m a wounded animal or something. That just makes it all worse.”
“H-How are we—Jesus …” Callum puts his face in his hands, body shuddering. “The shit we’ve put you through; what I put you through. Fucking hell.”
I sniff. “D-Do you believe me?”
His head snaps up to mine, eyes narrowing. “What kind of fucking question is that, Jess?”
He can’t expect me to not ask that. After all the things I’ve done over the past two years—all the men I’ve been with. Anyone in their right mind would second guess my statement. The only reason I have Ellis on my side is probably because he witnessed my meltdown. He saw the terror in my eyes before I passed out in his arms.
His anger also has a little of mine rising, too.
“A fucking obvious one. Remember, Cal, you left. You didn’t let me explain. You. Just. Fucking. Left. I was stuck here with your stupid orders and fucking idiotic stunts because you thought I cheated on you. I’ve been through two years of pure hell because of you, and it wasn’t even me that cheated in the first place!”
He’s silent for several seconds, mulling over my words. Ellis, Quinn, and Asher stand quietly by the door, their gazes glancing between the both of us several times before they finally settle on Callum.
“I remember little from that night,” Callum confesses. “I got too drunk, and when someone came down and told me you were upstairs in the bathroom, I was passed out on the couch in the living room. It took everything to get up there, because I vaguely remember the worry and disbelief in their voice.
“I can’t remember who it was, but I just knew I needed to get to you. Even stumbling and falling, something nagged at the back of my mind. When I saw the two of you lying on the floor, I’m fucking sorry I jumped to conclusions. But Jess, you would have done the same thing.”
I did do the same thing, but that’s where we differ. He was coherent during his mistake. Some dick drugged and raped me during mine. I also didn’t hold his mistake against him. Just everything that happened after that.
Even with all the shit we put each other through, he knew if he ever got with Alessandra it would hurt me tremendously. After all the shit she put me through during our younger years, I expected him to at least respect that. He could have hated me all he wants, but that didn’t stop him from dating someone else.
Callum is a handsome guy. He can have a pick of any of the girls at our school.
But he still chose her, knowing it would piss me off. Knowing it would hurt me beyond all comprehension.
“There was no need for me to jump to conclusions with your mishap, Callum.” I rise from the bed, painting as much strength on my face as possible. “You were grunting, groaning, kissing, sucking, groping—you were doing everything but having sex with her right there in the kitchen.”
“I can explain ...” Aren’t those the words I spoke to him that night. After I finally got all the feeling back in my body and he burst into the bathroom, looking at both myself and the guy, confusion, then anger, then disgust rolling over his features within a split second.
Yes, I think they were. Only this is—he didn’t listen.
Just like I’m not going to now.
I take a deep breath, pinning him with my stare and allowing him to see all the hurt and pain I’ve held in over the years. “I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t sting, because it did. But I’m not going to hold that against you, because you were so drunk you could barely stand. And trust me, I get drunks better than anyone I know. So, I would have forgiven you.”
I sniffle, then force out a laugh as I continue, my tone growing more somber with each word, “I would have forgiven you for bloody murder, Callum. I loved you that much. You were it for me.” He winces at that, and I know he’s replaying all the things that’s happened since that night.
“I honestly do not remember any of that, Jessalyn. I promise you.” He’s quiet in his admission, and all I do is nod that I hear
d. My mind is on a tangent, and it will stay that way until I get everything I have to say out.
“And I forgive you for that. But the facts still remain the same, Callum.”
“What is that?” he asks, his voice small and unsure.
“Instead of pushing your anger to the side and at least asking me about that night, you two literally picked back up where you left off in that kitchen two years ago. And you know how I feel about her.”
“We’re not together now,” he surmises, but it doesn’t matter. The damage is already done. My body may want him, but my mind, she’s a fickle bitch, and I’m locking her ass up.
“That’s not the point, Callum. You chose her.” This time, I can’t hide the weakness in my voice, my body shuddering by the memories of seeing them together. The smiles she pulled from him when the only thing I got was sneering lips and narrowed eyes.
He walks around the bed, coming straight for me. If I allow him to get his arms around me now, I’ll break. And I can’t break no more.
I stop him before he gets close to me. My heart is practically on my sleeve here, and just spying the tears dancing in Callum’s eyes, I know he’s teetering on the breaking point. “Jess, please …”
I never wanted to break him—to break any of them—this way. I wanted to bring them to their knees when they got a taste of their own medicine. I didn’t want to watch them suffer, drowning in the ocean of truth and understanding as I stood on the shore, watching and waiting.
But it’s too late for that. Far too late to salvage anything, I’m afraid. Callum made his choice, and mine isn’t changing simply because he didn’t know the truth about that night. If he’d stayed around; if he would have listened to me when I tried to explain myself, we wouldn’t be in this predicament in the first place.
Hell, we could have moved past this. We could have been happy and in love.
But no. He had to strike the match near a vat of gasoline and implode my entire world.
“No, Cal,” I whisper.
I hate the words sitting on the tip of my tongue.
I hate them more than I do that night.
More than Callum’s betrayal.
More than what the things I do to myself because I’ve been too scared to confront my demons.
My eyes meet Quinn’s, then Asher’s, then Ellis.’ They’re all silent, emotionless. They look as hollowed out as I feel with their drooped shoulders and cowering stances. Nothing at all like the men that first arrived at school at the beginning of August.
And then my eyes fall from them to the man within arm’s length. My bottom lip quivers as I see the sorrow—the overwhelming guilt—residing within his jaded green depths.
“I-I’m sorry, Cal.” My heart shatters in my chest, leaving a dull, achy thud behind. “I can forgive many things, but … I don’t know if I can ever forgive that.”
It takes everything I have to turn away from him. Especially, when I see that first tear break away from his lash and slide down his handsome face. But I do. I have to be strong for myself. Because if he can do that to me once, how do I know he won’t do that again.
He chose her twice already, while both times leaving me in the dust.
He can fool me once, and that’s on him.
But he won’t fool me twice.
Without a backwards glance, I make my way out of the room. Out of his house. And out of his life.
The same way he did me two years ago.
TO BE CONTINUED IN
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About the Author
USA Today Bestselling Author Belladona Cunning enjoys long walks on the beach ... Ha, yeah, right! While she does love the beach, she loves smutty, steam worthy romance even more. When she's not in the writing cave, you can find her running around with her two hellions and Mr. Cunning enjoying everything life has to offer.
You can follow Belladona on her Facebook Group (where she usually seems to loiter when not writing.) at: @AuthorBelladonaCunning
Break Me, Baby: A Reverse Harem High School Bully Romance (Silver Creek High Book 1) Page 16
