Stronger Than This

by Abby Mccarthy

  She looked defeated and frustrated. “No, ye can’t let her decide what we’re doing.” I could see it written all over Marie’s face. She was filled with regret. I wanted to punch something, I was so frustrated, but I knew I could never let Marie see that. So, I gritted my teeth.

  “There’s nothing wrong with us kissing, Marie.”

  “There is,” she let out a frustrated sigh, “I’m married.”

  “Fecking hell.”

  I WAS SITTING AT THE clubhouse having a beer with my daughter. It had been two weeks since Marie dropped the bombshell that she was married. In that time, I’d been keeping myself busy moving around the States trying to find out more about Tank. The pieces were falling in place, and they were doing so in a way I really didn't like. What had appeared to me to be a club gone bad, was now beginning to look more and more like a setup. I was pissed. I didn't give those men the honor they deserved.

  Jules had already been out to visit Tank’s old lady who wasn't that upset considering she did hear that he was with a woman when I showed up. Apparently even if dope wasn't something he was doing on the regular, other women were. So, I'd been moody.

  I didn't like being wrong about something and worse than that, I’d heard a rumor that a club we were on good terms with, The Angry Jacks, had been duped similarly. This felt strategic.

  I was also pissed because of Marie. I had a severe case of blue balls that wouldn't go away whenever I thought of her, but besides that, she was a married woman. He might’ve been a son of a bitch bastard, but he was married to Marie, whoever the fuck he was. She couldn't belong to me. Worse, since that night, a mask had come over her. If I saw her, she would turn the other way. If I showed up at Benny’s, she would be polite, but would barely look at me.

  The only time I was able to be near her was when she was sitting on my damn deck, and even then I was silent. She let me give her comfort by my presence, but it wouldn’t last. I’d have a few minutes in silence with her and then she’d leave. It was like a wall had been thrown up on her end, and I'm not going to lie, once those words “I'm married” passed her lips, maybe one slammed down on me too. I’m not the type of man to fuck another man’s wife.

  “Are you going to be in this mood all night? I’ve been here for weeks now, and you’ve been gone most of it,” Maura complained. “Corbin called me, he’ll be home in three days, so I’ll be heading out soon.”

  I suddenly felt bad. I always made time for Maura, and I hadn’t been lately. “I’m sorry. It’s just I’ve been a wee bit occupied with club stuff.”

  “And woman troubles,” she added.

  I hadn’t talked to her about Marie, but I knew she could tell that whatever was starting to happen was no longer happening. “Dere’s no trouble. I had a pretty little thing just last night,” I said, even though it wasn't true. I wouldn't have been able to be with another woman. My mind would've been too distracted.

  “Ugh, Dad. Way too much information.” It worked. The mention of her dear old dad getting laid made her drop the subject.

  “So, when Corbin is home will ye be seeing to making me a pappa?”

  “If he has his way,” she laughed. “I could wait a few more years, but I'm not going to lie, the idea of a miniature Corbin isn’t all that bad.”

  “Ye’ll make a wonderful mom, whenever dat is. I know ye, Maura. There is something dat’s making ye afraid. So, what is it?”

  “I thought we were talking about you and your woman troubles, not my uterus.” Looking away, Maura grabbed her beer and took a large swig, .

  “Do not change the subject. I’m not letting ye off that easy.” I gave her my all-knowing father look that in all her years she’s never been able to deny opening up to.

  “Alright. Don’t get mad, okay?”

  “Maura, what’s got ye scared?”

  She sighed, “You’re the best. I mean every girl would be thrilled to have a dad like you. But...” she paused and looked away like she was nervous. “I really don't want this to come off wrong.”

  “Go, on baby girl. Nothing ye say will upset me.”

  With a deep breath, she let it out, “Well, it was just us. I never had a mom. I don't know how to be maternal. What if I screw it up? Screw him or her up? Don't get me wrong, we had an awesome life, but there were times I really needed a mom, and I never got that. What if I don't know how to be one?”

  I was pensive for a moment, thinking about my words before I spoke. “First, don’t ever think that I will be offended that ye think about the fact that ye were not raised with a mum. I know dat ye missed out on dat, but I refused to bring a woman around who wasn’t worthy of ye. Ye have girlfriends and bonds with women don't ye?” I waited for her to answer.

  “You know I do.”

  “Did a mum have to show ye how to be a best friend?”

  “Well, no.”

  “And the club, we're yer family, right?”

  “You know you are.”

  “And did a mum have to show ye how to love them?”

  “No.”

  “Ye don't love because a mum needed to show ye how. Ye love because of who ye are. Ye don't judge. Ye have fun. Ye love with all yer heart and Corbin already knows dis about ye, but I’ll tell ye because ye need to hear it. Ye’ll be da best damn mum der is. And dat’s a fact.”

  She reached over and squeezed my hand. She knew what I said was true. She appreciated it. Aubrey approached with a huge grin on her face. “Have you seen Daws?”

  “He’s in the back with Jules.” I tilted my head letting her know it was safe to go back. She was a good woman. She'd been through some horrible stuff, but she was stronger than hell because of it. The pause in our conversation was all Maura needed to shift the conversation again.

  “So,” she began.

  “So,” I mocked tearing off a small part of the label from my beer.

  “You never bring women around me. Even your speech you just gave me, you admitted that they were never important enough, but you let Marie drive me home. You could’ve driven me home, you know I can handle my liquor, but you didn’t. What is it about her? What happened?”

  Just the mention of Marie’s name had me closing my eyes. The thought of what could’ve been created a deep longing in my chest. I’m getting fucking soft in my old age. Maura squeezed my hand again. “Did she do something to you? Do I need to have a word with her?”

  “No, no. It’s nothing like dat. She’s married.”

  “So.”

  “What do you mean so?”

  “I mean, it’s clear as day her husband’s not here. A woman doesn't find herself moving up here because she wants to be found either. As far as I’m concerned, her husband shouldn’t matter.”

  “That’s the thing. It’s not yer concern.”

  Maura laughed, even though my tone told her I was in no mood for jokes. “You got it bad! Not my concern, ha. Anything to do with you is my concern. We’re family.”

  I slammed back the rest of my beer, not liking how this made me feel and threw some money on the bar. Little Titty Rhonda snatched it up, and I kissed Maura on the head.

  “Let me know when yer leaving.”

  “I will, Daddy. Just think about what I said. He doesn't matter. Only here and now matters. Not her past. You taught me this lesson so many times over.”

  I needed to get out of there and clear my head. Once I was outside, I noticed that there was a chill in the air. I pulled on a beanie and goggles, then zipped up my vest and left. I rode for a while, and before I knew it, I found myself parked outside of Benny’s.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Marie

  “Is he still out there?” Evelyn peered over my shoulder out the window of Benny’s. Mickey was sitting outside on his bike. I’d seen him since I told him I was married, but not much. I knew he was avoiding me, just like now. I wasn't sure what he was doing outside. I didn’t answer Evelyn since she could apparently see for herself that Mickey was still out there.

  “Why
don’t you go say something to him?” She pleaded.

  “I’m not going out there.”

  “Why not? Your last table left five minutes ago.”

  “So, why do you think he’s out there for me?”

  “I’ll go ask him what he’s doing, then.” Evelyn moved away from the window and started for the door.

  “No!” I grabbed her hand, stopping her from going out there. I put my hand on her shoulder. “I’ll see why he’s here.”

  I walked outside, noting how much cooler it had gotten since I’d started my shift. Mickey looked at me with a surprised expression that he quickly hid, as I approached.

  “Hey, everything okay? You’ve been sitting out here for a while.”

  “That I have. I wanted ye to come to me. Took ye long enough.”

  “What on Earth are you talking about?” I asked even though I somehow felt like I understood what he meant. I just didn't want to admit it. I sighed, “Mickey, go home.”

  “Nah. Was wondering what time yer done?”

  Evelyn who must’ve been listening in from the doorway to Benny’s shouted, “She just has to cash out!” I was going to kill her.

  “Let me take ye for a ride.”

  “Why?”

  I was genuinely confused. He’d started to show interest, and then he backed off, which I was grateful for. I really had no idea why he was back to trying to get me to get on the back of his bike. Over the last two weeks, I’d thought a lot about the times I’d been on his bike, and what I thought was that, undoubtedly, I’d liked it. I also thought that him no longer coming around had been for the best.

  “I’ve already made myself clear, that I like ye. I’d like to know more about ye. It was a shock to hear ye were married, but my daughter set me straight.”

  My heart hammered in my chest. His daughter. What a fool, was I. “Oh?” I asked with an unsureness to my voice that made my voice quiver.

  “Yes, she reminded me it doesn't matter about yer past and seeing as yer here, and he’s not, and based on those marks on yer body, he didn't really earn the title.”

  I felt confused. You know that saying about absence? Well, Drake’s absence only made me hate him more, where Mickey’s absence definitely made me miss him. Not that I even really knew much about him. But that damn kiss of his was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. Then, there was Talon. Talon was...

  “Yer overthinking.” He swung his leg off of his bike and headed towards me. I was still in my head thinking about Talon and how hard this was for her when Mickey swiftly put both hands on the side of my face, and he kissed me.

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  All thoughts were completely obliterated. My entire body reacted to him. His lips were soft and the tickle of his beard that had grown in more over that last two weeks brushed against my face. At first, my hands were still. Then, I couldn't help myself. Right there, out in the open I went for it. My hands were tugging at his hair. My entire body was lit up. I pawed at him, and he kissed the fuck out of my mouth. It was hard, then soft, and then deep and suggestive. I moved my hand inside his vest. I had to touch him; get closer to him. My hand brushed against metal; most likely his gun. It barely registered. Nothing did. It was just him and me. My hand brushed again against his gun, and I moved past it. Those things were always in the way. Mickey noticed this time though, and he abruptly pulled away from me.

  I was panting. Hard. He stared at me as if trying to figure me out.

  “Ye ready to ride?”

  Fuck.

  “I can’t,” I told him trying to calm the ache between my legs, because make no mistake, him breaking the kiss was hell. I couldn't remember the last time I’d felt this wanton.

  “Marie,” he said my name thick with a roll of his tongue that sounded just as needy for me as I was for him.

  I shook my head, “It’s Talon. We have plans. We’re painting our bedrooms.”

  At that, he smiled. “I’ll bring dinner,” he turned on his boot, then walked back to his bike. I stood there staring while Mickey backed the bike away from his spot and pulled onto the road.

  “Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!” Evelyn repeated as soon as I walked back into Benny’s.

  “And to think I thought you were quiet when I started.” I glared thinking that she was anything but quiet – telling Mickey what time I was off.

  “Oh, stop. You should be thanking me. That kiss he just gave you...” She fanned herself and walked away laughing like it was the funniest thing.

  TALON WAS PULLING HER bed away from the wall and prepping her room for paint when I got home. She was wearing light pink overalls, and her blonde hair was tied in a messy knot on the top of her head.

  “Hey, Mom!” she called out when I stepped in her doorway. “How was work?”

  “It was good. How was school?”

  She sighed, “School was school. I miss my friends.”

  “I know, honey. Meet any new girlfriends this week.”

  “Nope, they’re all still bitches.”

  “Talon,” I said her name with a bite to let her know I didn’t like her language.

  “Well, this Tina-girl got all kinds of mad today because her boyfriend came over to where I was eating lunch and tried to talk to me. I wasn't at all interested. She made a scene, and I was about to punch her, Mom. I swear to God, if Zeke didn't intervene I would’ve...”

  “Talon,” I cut her off. “You gotta be smarter than that, honey. Violence isn't the answer.”

  “Dad would’ve said...”

  I cut her off again, “I don’t care what he would’ve said. It wouldn't have been right.”

  “What’s not right is someone disrespecting me.”

  I took a deep breath. I let Drake instill this attitude. This was my fault. “Tina was jealous of you. You’re pretty. This was her insecurity, not yours. If you were to hit her, that would show a few things. First, it would show that you’re weak, because you couldn't deal with a problem with words. Secondly, using your fist is ugly. You want to show her up? You act like class, not trash.”

  I waited for a beat to let my words sink in, and they eventually seemed to. She changed the subject. “So, what are we having for dinner?”

  “About that,” I was unable to finish my sentence, because there was a knock at the door.

  “Who’s that?” she asked.

  “It’s probably Mickey. He wanted to bring us dinner. I’ll just go get the door.” I moved out of her room and to the door before Talon could protest. Mickey stood holding two boxes of pizza, a six pack of beer and behind him, Zeke was carrying a twelve pack of soda and a bucket filled with rollers and paint supplies.

  “Hi,” I said in a breathy whisper that surprised me. Nervous jitters filled my belly, and that was a shock to me too. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt anything like that with Drake.

  “I brought a helper. Hope pizza is okay?”

  “Thanks, Mickey.” Talon didn't seem to be as upset about the fact that Mickey was there once she saw Zeke. I figured out pretty quickly that she had a crush on him.

  “Why don’t we have some dinner, then we’ll help ye ladies get those rooms painted.”

  Talon was quick to respond to Mickey, “Mom and I can get these painted just fine.”

  “Ah, don’t be like that, pretty bird,” Zeke flirted, throwing his arm over Talon’s shoulder. Talon’s cheeks turned pink, and she moved to a pizza box, that was now on the coffee table, and opened it. Zeke didn't waste time swooping in and grabbing a piece, eating half of it in one bite.

  Talon’s resistance seemed to fade.Mickey opened the other box. “What’s your poison? Cheese or Meat Lovers?”

  “I’ll take the meat,” I answered and watched amusement flicker in Mickey’s eyes. I immediately cottoned on to how that sounded.

  “So, Marie, where’d ye grow up?” Mickey asked after he’d watched me take a bite of pizza.

  “Oklahoma,” I answered not thinking about the fact that I was givi
ng him information on me. “Small town. Left when I was young. Never looked back.”

  “Really?” Talon asked, “I always thought you were from Florida. How did I not know that?”

  “Florida, huh?” Mickey asked, and I felt like Talon just gave away a vital piece of info about us. I shrugged off Mickey’s question and focused on Talon’s instead.

  “Nope, there was nothing in Oklahoma, but cornfields and cows.”

  “Where’d you meet Dad, then?” Talon seemed fascinated by my answers. I realized I'd spent a long time not talking to her because Drake made me feel so closed in.

  “I was working at some shitty bar off the interstate.”

  “You bartended? Even then?” Talon was on a roll with her questions.

  “Yeah, I waited tables until I was old enough to pass for old enough to bartend.”

  “You lied about your age?” Talon stared at me, like I grew an extra head.

  “Sometimes.” I shrugged.

  “So, how old were you then when you met Dad?” There it was again, Talon bringing up Drake. I finally realized what she was doing. She wanted him on my mind with Mickey here.

  “I was twenty-two. Hey, Zeke? Talon had a rough day today. Some girl named Tina’s boyfriend was showing too much interest in her and Tina got mad. Do you know him? Maybe you can ask him to back off.”

  “Mom,” she scolded, “I can handle it.”

  Zeke’s face hardened. He didn’t seem quite so innocent anymore.

  “Was it Aaron Fletcher?” he asked Talon. Her face was red with embarrassment, and she looked to me. Her eyes screamed, ‘thanks, mom’.

  “It doesn’t matter,” Talon huffed.

  Zeke grabbed another slice of pizza and said, “Marie, you mind if I talk to Talon out on the porch?”

  “Go, ahead.” I tilted my head to the door. Talon followed a semi-ticked off Zeke outside.