Stronger Than This

by Abby Mccarthy

  My heart felt like it was going to explode. He saw me in ways that I never imagined seeing myself.

  He took a deep breath, then laid it all out. “I am going to kill yer husband. Here’s what I’ve figured. Ye were in Florida, and he rides, but he won't ride for much longer. I promise.”

  I wanted to argue and tell him how afraid that made me, but he finished his vow of murder by kissing me.

  He kissed me hard, then soft. It felt like something was shifting between us. It felt like I was changing. Every time his lips met mine, I felt a little surer of myself. He got up and locked his bedroom door.

  “There are people here,” I wanted to make sure they liked me and didn't think that I was a hussy.

  “So.”

  “So, they’ll know.”

  “So.”

  “I want them to like me.”

  “And ye don't think that they’ll like ye knowing I’m in here with ye, and yer making me happy?”

  “I make you happy?”

  “I know that was hard for ye love, and seeing how brave ye are makes me incredibly happy.”

  “Then make love to me.” So he did. He took his time. I didn't get wild or talk dirty. Well, there was that one time, but for the most part, it was Mickey showing me that it was okay to let him love me. And it was me showing him it was alright for him to take the wheels.

  In being tame, I felt like I was exposing a part of myself that I was only then learning existed and in letting him love me, I was starting to learn that it was okay for me to love me.

  THE COOKOUT WAS DIFFERENT than any other club cookout I’d ever been to. Talon was swinging Serenity in a circle. I was sitting next to Mickey, who was being attentive and sweet. He knew this was overwhelming for me, and he wasn't going to make me do it by myself. That alone was encouraging in a way I wasn't used to.

  Daws and Aubrey had wetsuits on and were on the Wave Runner. Burgers were cooking on the grill, and Tiny showed up with a pig that he apparently smoked in the earth. I didn't even know that was a thing.

  Apparently, Mickey’s cookout wasn't limited to only his club. Jenny’s entire family was here; and between her brothers, mom, nieces, and nephews there had to be at least twenty of them. Because Jenny’s family was Italian, I realized I had really gone overboard with food, considering they brought enough food to feed a small country.

  There was a table with six men, two of whom I’d met before, and four of which were new faces for me. They played cards and drank, but they never seemed like they were a threat to Talon or me. In fact, I felt comfortable.

  “If I take Talon on the four-wheeler, will ye be okay?” Mickey asked.

  I looked across the yard towards Zeke who was pathetically watching Talon. She was still giving him the silent treatment. I felt awful for him.

  “Maybe you can impart some of your wisdom on Talon?” I nodded towards Zeke, “I think she’s been hard enough on him.”

  “I agree.” He kissed me on my forehead and called out to Talon. Once she heard what he wanted to do with her, she squealed with excitement and brought Serenity to her daddy, then took off towards the shed where Mickey was pulling out a helmet.

  “He’s great with her,” Jenny said taking a seat next to me.

  “He really is, isn’t he? How’d she do last night with you?”

  “Talon’s great.”

  “She is. I think I’m going to grab a beer. Do you need anything?”

  Jenny patted her baby bump. “I could use another lemonade.”

  “Sure thing.” I grabbed a beer from the cooler and poured lemonade into a red Solo cup for Jenny. Turning towards Jenny, something felt off. I looked around, and nothing looked different, but I had a strange prickle at the back of my neck like someone was watching. Nothing seemed unusual. The guys were playing cards and bullshitting with each other. Jules was tossing Serenity in the air. Aubrey and Daws were still in the water. Something just felt different. It was probably nerves, but I couldn't shake this feeling of being watched. I tried to shake it off, but it wouldn't leave me.

  I brought Jenny her lemonade, and I couldn't hide my furrowed brow from her. “What is it? Everything okay?”

  I shook my head, “I just got this feeling, that’s all.”

  “That happened to me for a long time. I think it helped that my ex died, but even then, I’d still get this feeling. My therapist said it was because I had lived in fear for so long that I didn’t know how to just be.”

  I nodded, “Yeah, maybe that’s it.” We sat quietly for a few minutes, perhaps both of us were reflecting.

  Since meeting Jenny, I’d learned that she and Aubrey were a lot alike. Maybe that was where the ease of our friendship came from; the hell I’d lived in that became a part of me recognized the same kind of hell in them. They were both younger than me, but abuse ages you.

  The sound of the four-wheeler bounced off the trees, and I watched as a laughing Talon and a grinning Mickey came through the woods. They parked close to the shed, and I went to them, shaking off the eerie feeling I’d had.

  “That was awesome, Mom. You have to try it.”

  Mickey looked at me, “What do ye say, Marie? Are ye up for it?”

  I bit my lip contemplating, then nodded. Talon took off her helmet and handed it to me.

  “It’s going to be great. Wait til you see. Mickey take her over that one hill, okay?”

  Talon’s high energy was infectious, and I felt all my nerves that were there just minutes ago, melting away.

  “Come on, love,” Mickey extended his hand to me and I got on the big machine. Before I knew it, we’d taken off. I had no idea there were trails like this along the lake. He drove fast, and the four-wheeler got lift a few times, making me scream. I felt young and carefree. Mickey stopped the four-wheeler on the part of the trail that butted up against the lake.

  I got off off of the ATV and, took off the helmet. Mickey put his arms around me, and we stayed quiet for a few minutes. I loved that about Mickey. I loved that he didn't need to fill moments with chatter. We could just enjoy the calm. And then it hit me; love. Mickey had been making me feel loved for some time now. He’d been nothing, but kind and patient with me. I asked him to make love to me. Heck, he even called me love, but until this moment I wasn’t ready to admit it. My heart felt full, incredibly so. I knew my past loomed over us, but being with Mickey made me feel things I’d never felt before. I felt valued and respected.

  When I first met Mickey, I’d been mentally comparing everything to Drake, but the truth was the two men were nothing alike. Their clubs were nothing alike. I was sure that no man here would be okay with what Drake did to me. They weren’t the type of men who’d turn a blind eye, and Mickey was beginning to show me that real men never would.

  My view of things was changing, and although I had a lot of fear, I was also accepting my feelings for Mickey. This day was teaching me that I needed to be open about my feelings. So, with his arms around me, I went for it.

  “Mickey?”

  “Marie.”

  “I need to tell you something.”

  Mickey turned me to face him, and I knew he instinctively understood that what I needed to say to him was important. I looked up at him. He was so beautiful. I loved the laugh lines around his eyes. I loved the gray at his temples and the color of his eyes. I felt so overwhelmed by my love for him that my lip began to quiver. His head tilted to the side, and he swiped at a single tear that fell.

  “Love?” Him calling me that made me smile.

  “That’s just it, Mickey, that’s what I want to tell you. I’m falling in love with you. It scares the hell out of me, but I am falling so hard, so fast.”

  He sucked in a breath, “Thank Christ,” he laughed and the heaviness dissipated. “I’ve been in love with ye, since the moment ye opened yer sassy mouth.” He tilted my chin and kissed me. It was soft. His beard tickled my cheek, and his tongue darted out licking the moisture from my lips. His hands cradled my face. I gripped his ha
nds and held on while he gently kissed me. It was the sweetest kiss Mickey had ever given me. I ran my hand down his chest, and all I wanted to do was feel his skin against my own. I couldn’t help, but press my breasts into him. His nearness always made my body react.

  Mickey growled and pulled his lips away from mine, “We have to get back, but I need to be inside of ye. I was trying to behave, but dat’s not really my style. I’m going to feck ye fast and hard. Want ye to bend over the four-wheeler.”

  I didn't hesitate. I walked to the back of the four-wheeler, pressed my face against the cushiony seat and held onto the sidebars.

  “God, yer perfect,” Mickey said walking behind me, unbuttoning my jeans and pulling them along with my underwear down to my knees. His fingers trailed down my ass crack and to my pussy. Images of him fucking my ass ran through my head making my pussy clench. I let out a soft moan. I could hear the clink of his buckle.

  “Ye need me to make ye come on my hand first, or ye want my cock.”

  “Give me your dick, Mickey.”

  He slid the head of his cock along my pussy. The barbell slapped against my clit sending shivers through me. In one long, hard thrust, Mickey entered me. In and out he moved. He did it hard, and he did it fast just like he said he would.

  “Love yer pussy.”

  “Love you,” I panted in between thrusts. He swirled his fingers around my clit in a continuous motion, while I held on and enjoyed the ride. My climax rushed through me, fast and unexpected. The moment I started to climax around Mickey, he went wild riding me and bucking his hips so furiously that it felt like my climax would never end. He slammed down hard into me, and then he was coming. “I fecking love ye so much.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Marie

  “Come on. Answer, Mickey.” I prayed as I waited for him to pick up.

  Three rings, no answer.

  I hit end, and dialed Talon, was met with no answer again, then redialed Mickey.

  “Mickey, it’s me. I’m really worried. Talon didn't come home on the bus. I’m heading to the school now. Call me back. I’m scared.”

  I disconnected, then hopped in my car and drove entirely too fast to the school. I burst into the building. The janitor cleaning the floors glanced up briefly. I ran to her locker, nothing. Then the gym, empty. Finally, giving up my search, I went to the office and went straight into the principal's office.

  Mrs. Englewood sat at her desk, typing on her computer. She looked up from the screen as I burst in and the color drained on her face.

  “Where is she?”

  “They didn’t contact you yet?”

  “Who? What are you talking about? Where’s Talon?”

  “The police came by here at the end of the day. They said she needed to come with them. They pulled her out of her eighth-period class and told me that they would be in contact with you. I’m so sorry I thought for sure they would’ve been in touch with you by now.”

  “The police? Oh, my God. You promised me that you would help keep us safe here? Did you tell someone?”

  “No, nothing like that at all. I’m so sorry. The police station is just over on Fifth Street. Do you know where that is? I’m sure that they can clear it up.”

  I glared, “Yes, of course, the police station.” I backed out of her office and moved to my car. She was safe. There had to be some type of misunderstanding. Talon would never have done anything to have the cops pick her up. I got into my car in a state of numbness.

  Dread filled my belly. I called Mickey again and left another voicemail. I called Aubrey and left a message too that if she saw him to call me.

  The police station was only a five-minute drive from the school. I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and walked inside. A woman with her hair pulled back tightly into a bun, in an oversized sweater, with glasses too big for her face and crooked teeth sat behind a glass window. There was no getting in until you passed by her.

  “Can I help you?” she asked.

  “My... my daughter, Talon Bettinger, was picked up at school.” I was trying to remain calm, but I was anything but.

  “What’s your name? Do you have photo ID?”

  “I didn't even think of it. I’m sorry I was just so worried when she didn’t get off the bus. My name’s Marie, and I’d like to see my daughter.”

  “Have a seat and an officer will be with you shortly.”

  “Oh, my God! I just want to see my daughter and find out what the hell is going on.”

  “Miss, if you could please have a seat.”

  I was getting – no I was past getting – I was pissed, but I needed to keep my cool. I was in a police station after all. I pulled out my cell phone and redialed Mickey, then the woman opened the glass barrier and said, “There are no cell phones allowed in here.”

  I quickly shut the phone and stared at the clock on the wall as the second hand ticked past. Five minutes passed by gray door to the right of the woman opened, and two uniformed officers stepped out.

  “Hello, Mrs. Bettinger. My name is Officer Draven, and this is Officer Ryan. Did you know there is an APB out for you?”

  “What are you talking about an APB? I haven’t done anything. I just want to see my daughter.”

  “I’m afraid that can't happen right now. You crossed state lines with your daughter when there was an allegation filed with the Jackson County Family Court in Florida. They’ve been looking for you for kidnapping.”

  “Kidnapping? Are you kidding me? This is a fucking joke. She’s my fucking daughter.”

  “Ma’am, you need to calm down.”

  "This is wrong. I took Talon to keep her safe from her dad.”

  “So, you admit taking her?”

  “Of course, I do. She’s my daughter. This is just absurd. How can I kidnap my own kid?”

  “I’m sorry to have to do this, but her father is adamant.”

  “What did you just say?” My blood ran cold at the thought of Drake.

  “He’s here? Listen to me. You’re making a mistake.”

  “Miss, you’re under arrest for kidnapping. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand your rights as they have been read to you?”

  I couldn't believe what was happening. They were placing my hands behind my back. “Call my boyfriend; Mickey McCafferty.”

  “Shit,” Officer Ryan said. “I didn't know.”

  Officer Drazen looked worried. “We have to do it.”

  My hands were cuffed behind my back, then they led me inside. Once in the large open room, my heart stopped. I nearly fell to my knees as Drake sat in a chair, staring daggers at me. I could feel his fingers around my throat choking me, as he glared at me.

  The officer, sensing my panic directed me away from Drake, and into a another/smaller/interrogation room. “I’m not supposed to do this. I had no idea you were Mickey’s. This guy out here; he has all this paperwork from a judge. Look, I can tell he’s a piece of work. Go ahead and use your phone, before we book you. I’ll do everything I can to make sure that these crap charges get thrown out, but for now, you’ll have to make your call, and then I’ll have to book you. I’ll keep you away from him for as long as I can.”

  He uncuffed me. I rubbed my wrist, then put my hand to my chest trying to relieve some pressure. “Where’s my daughter? She’s not safe.”

  “Has he ever hit her? When we asked her, she said no.”

  “No, but...”

  “I’m sorry. He has court documents saying she has to go with him. It sounds to me like this is a Family Court issue. Once you get an attorney, they should be able to argue that.”

  My heart sank, “So, he has her?” I asked, as my voice broke and tears began to fall.

  “Ma’am. You need to make that phone call and hold yourself together. I’ve seen men like him and they only get off on making women c
ry.”

  “Yes, yes. Thank you.” I pulled out my cell phone and scrolled down to the clubhouse’s phone number that Mickey had made me add to my contacts, even though I was sure I wouldn't need it. My fingers moved over the buttons, and I hit send, then waited for someone to answer.

  “Dray’s Customs,” a man’s voice on the other end answered.

  “Hey, this is, Marie. Mickey’s...” my voice broke, “I’ve been trying to get a hold of him, and he hasn't been answering, and the school, and the police, and they arrested me, and I need help. My ex is here, and he has Tal, and I’m scared.”

  I didn't know how much of that made sense. I was beyond frazzled.

  “Shit, Marie. This is Daws. Mickey’s on his bike, probably hasn't heard it ring. We’ll get our attorney there, right away. Don't talk to the cops. Don't talk to anyone. I’m leaving now, but calling, Janis, she’s the best attorney. Hang in there. I’ll be there soon.”

  Daws disconnected, and I pulled the phone away from my ear staring at it. Janis would be here. Daws would come they’d send help.

  I WAS PUT IN A HOLDING cell. I'd been processed, which included surrendering my personal belongings, a mugshot, and fingerprinting. There was a homeless guy who reeked of booze that permeated the air, asleep in the cell next to me. The cell across from me was empty, and I was all alone in my cell, waiting. I hadn’t been in here long, and the police officer was kind to me.

  I sat staring at the clock as minutes ticked by, and prayed that Talon was okay. I was so focused on the ticking of the second hand that I didn't notice the door open. I should’ve. I should’ve been more aware of the monster that was on the other side of the wall waiting to strike.

  “Marie,” Drake’s deep voice reverberated against the cell doors. I looked up at him and stood, somehow needing to feel bigger. Mickey had been teaching me it was okay to stand taller; okay to feel more confident. I’d been working hard at letting the hold Drake had over me dissolve. I’d found that real love made me stronger.

  I stood straighter squaring my shoulders and tried to stare Drake in the eyes even though he towered over me. He came close to the bars, and I spoke before he had the chance. “The police, Drake? Really? Who’d you have to pay off to get that warrant issued? I want you to drop the charges, and leave Talon and me alone. You and I both know why I took her and left. You would’ve killed me if I'd stayed.” My hand shook, and I clasped it with my other to stop it from visibly showing, although I was sure he already noticed.