He shrugged. "Yes, but it's not important."
"Not important. I must know it all," she insisted. "Was I in love with Chester?"
"No, you weren't."
"Then why did I marry him? Am I a gold digger or something worse?"
Gil sighed heavily and finally looked at her. He came to hold her close as he told her everything.
"I was a whore?" She stood up once more and moved about restlessly. "Oh dear God!" she shrieked, disbelieving. Her eyes were wild with a fear of hearing more about herself she would hate.
"I never saw you as one. We never…"
"Never?" Her eyes widened.
"No, we had a deal. For three years, you were to be with me, go to the tables and sit every night. You were to collect ten percent savings on my winnings. At the end of those three years, you could get a divorce and also leave me if you wanted. But as it stands, you are a married woman. Married to Chester Smith."
"I see. Married to Chester, raped by Eb, and living with you. My, and I had no idea! And what of this Chester Smith? Why did I marry him in the first place?"
"Do you remember working at Al's?"
Suddenly it came to her. "Oh, God, I am a whore. I came with Jo Ella to Veda to find a husband. And I settled for Chester. I wasn't in love with him. I just thought he'd protect me. But I'm nothing more than a common whore."
"No, you're not," he argued. "You've never been one with me. You're the grandest lady I've ever known, Trish."
"How long have we been together?"
"About four months now."
She nodded. "I'm nothing but a bond servant to you."
"That's not true…"
"Well, at least now I know."
"Trish, we need to talk about this. Things have changed."
Her mind raced to the past, as the emotions and indignation swamped her. "Chester raped me too, didn't he?"
"Yes."
"No wonder you didn't want me."
"Dammit, I never said that."
"You don't have to. You bought the green dress?"
"Yes."
"It's lovely. You've been very good to me, and I trusted you."
"I hope you still do." He glanced at her."
"I'm glad I know the truth now," she said sadly. And then something occurred to her. He hadn't touched her. Either because she was such damaged goods, or because he didn't want her in the first place. But nonetheless he hadn't taken the advantage of her, like the others. She had to respect that. "It all makes sense to me now. I understand it. At least Eb is dead."
"Yes, he'll never hurt you again," Gil promised.
"I wasn't even a good whore." She looked at him strangely. "I remember now. I turned my feelings off and never looked back," she admitted. "I was a cold witch to most the men that touched me. No…that's not true, to all the men that touched me."
She grabbed her head, his her eyes from him. This was the one decent man in her life, and although she recognized it, she also knew that she wanted him, and he didn't want her. Life could be so unfair. Pain stabbed at her heart. Perhaps she'd been better off when she hadn't known all of this. The truth could be an ugly thing.
"Trish, life doesn't go on unless you stop looking back. You are no longer a whore. You are saving your money, and you'll be able to do what you want. It was a good arrangement. At least for a while it was…"
She nodded. "An arrangement. That's what it was."
"No. Not now, Trish." He held her close. "When I found out Eb had kidnapped you, I-I nearly went out of my mind."
"Please, let's don't complicate this any more than it already is," she begged. "I appreciate your honesty and being so thoughtful. I owe you so much…"
"But, Trish, there's things we need to talk about."
"Not tonight. I'm too tired," She sighed and she went to bed on the settee, as though sleep could erase all the bad and make it better.
She married for the wrong reasons, the wrong man. She'd been accosted by the devil himself. But through it all this man had been at her side. He'd helped her. He was still helping her. She trusted him, and that trust had been earned, she realized. She respected him, for what he was, a gentleman. But what made her heart ache now was that she had made one fatal mistake. She fell in love with Gil. Like a fairytale she had thought they were married and in love. When in truth, she was in love with him. Four months, was that all? It only took four months to fall hopelessly in love with a man that didn't want her.
Tears washed her pillow. Her heart broke. But as always, she would wear a shield of protection, he'd never know how hurt she really was. He was a good man, and it wasn't his fault she'd fallen in love with him. She owed him in so many ways, and loved him in those ways.
Heart-broken, she finally let her eyes close and sleep overcame her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
She did her job. She smiled at all the right times, said all the right words, but something was amiss.
Not long after their discussion, she got sick.
Every morning as they went to have breakfast, she hurried off so she could throw up. Afraid of what it meant, she kept silent about her sickness. Had she fallen gravely ill from all of this? Had hiding the truth caused this sickness? Fear once again took hold of her. She had to be dying, no one was this sick every day.
If he knew the truth, he might want out of their arrangement and that would break her heart. She'd realized long ago, before Eb, she would have to face the day of leaving Gil Davis and going on her own way. What she didn't expect was to feel so bad about it.
He'd learn the truth soon enough. For now, she had to bide her time until she could talk to the doctor. She had to be dying, there was no other answer.
But biding her time wasn't easy either. Trish had made a huge mistake. She had fallen in love with Gil. She had no right to, but it had happened. What woman wouldn't fall in love with him? He'd been so kind to her, so fair.
One night after the games were over, he announced they'd be moving on.
"Oh, so soon?" she asked, taking her hat off and putting the pin away.
"It's time. Most of the cattlemen have gone, and the regulars are tired of losing their money to me. I can't outstay my welcome. They might not accept me back." Gil smiled as he turned to look at her.
She tensed and turned to look at him. "Gil, I need to see the doctor before we leave," she announced, trying to be casual about it.
Alarm registered on his handsome face. "Are you ill?"
"N-no, nothing like that. I just want to be sure I'm all right. He knows all my injuries and whether I've healed well or not. If I go to a new doctor in a new place, they wouldn't have any idea. Besides, I'd rather not involve another doctor. I haven't been back for a checkup. I'd like to do that before we go."
"Certainly. Do you want me to take you?" He glanced at the hat she put away in the closet.
"No, I can go myself." Although uncertainties climbed up her back, she put on a smile and tried to act normal.
"All right. Let me know what he says, will you?" Gil insisted, his expression grew contemplating.
"Of course." She nodded, not letting him see her concern. Panic stricken, she hardened her resolve.
The next day, she made an appointment and went to see Dr. Malloy. The doc was sitting in his office waiting for her, as though he'd just come from eating his lunch, the way he kept wiping his mouth as though he had food there.
She couldn't control her shaking. She was a ball of nerves. Pulling out her hankie she gripped it.
"So, Mrs. Davis, I hear you have your memory back," he said pleasantly, eyeing her with precision.
"Yes, I do." Worry gnawed at her confidence as she tried to meet the doctor's probing gaze.
"But there is something wrong?" he speculated. "After all, I thought you were fine, and here you are back to see me. Now, do you want to tell me what the problem is?"
"I'm afraid…" Her voice broke and tears were close to falling. "I'm dying doc."
"Of course you are not dy
ing. Whatever gave you that idea. I checked you thoroughly before you left. Whatever gives you the idea that you are dying?"" He leaned forward and took her shaking hands.
"I've been sick…every morning, almost like clockwork. There's no explanation for it. I must be dying. I get so ill." Her voice faltered.
The doctor stared for a long moment. His face went white. "You mean… every morning you are sick, around the same time."
"Yes doc. I came here for you to confirm it, before I tell my h-, before I tell Gil."
"I see, well then, I'll do an examination. Step into my office and we'll get this mystery solved right away, then."
She nodded and moved toward his office.
He shook his head and followed.
Half an hour later, he met her behind his desk. "Well young lady, I must tell you first that you are not dying. I suspicion that…you are pregnant."
"Pregnant?" Her eyes widened in shock. Her mouth fell open and she stared at the man for a long moment. "There must be some mistake…"
"No mistake. I've seen enough to know that you are with child. Almost four months along, I'd say. You are not dying." He smiled at her. "I'm really surprised I did not catch it upon earlier examination, but sometimes it can be tricky to acknowledge in the early stages. I'm sure along with the sickness in the morning, you've had sleepy bouts too."
She stood rock still, her mind whirling, her mouth opening and closing and then her eyes got bigger and rounder. "Oh dear God…it's Eb's baby?"
The doctor looked perplexed. "I doubt that very seriously. That disaster befell you only a few weeks ago. No, it must be your husbands?"
Then Trish almost fell backwards. Not Gil's but Chester's? That was just as bad. What was she to do? She didn't love Chester, not after what he did to her. But it would make more sense that it was Chester's. Already she could see how her waist was filling out, she thought she was merely gaining weight.
"Mrs. Davis, rest assured I am not shocked. I've heard many stories in my time. Yours is not that unusual, unfortunately. What does surprise me is the rape. You carried it through the rape. That is unusual. I'm surprised." The old man adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat. "Now tell me, have you spoken with your husband about your concerns?" He got up and moved around then turned and looked at her once more.
Trish cringed. "No."
"I'm glad to hear it. I don't want him worrying that you are dying. I am glad you came to see me though. And I'd like to congratulate you."
"Thank you," She managed to say, not looking the old doctor in the eye.
"Now don't you fret any more about this. You are a young and healthy woman, you'll bring this baby to term, I'm sure of it. And for heaven's sake, tell that proud husband of yours. Celebrate. This is an occasion The doctor petted her head. "The best way to handle this is with honesty, my dear, I can tell you that, he'll be thrilled if I have him pegged right. "
Trish nodded and wiped her eyes with a hankie. "I know you are right. But…"
"You think your husband would leave you?"
"No, he's not the kind of man to leave a woman. But I was just raped, he might think it's not his or something." She suddenly wished with all her heart that it was Gil's baby. She dreamed to make love with him, just once. But then again, she knew instinctively that once would never be enough with Gil. She loved him, and being intimate with him would make her love him more.
Oh how she wished she could change things. Chester's baby! How could anything so beautiful as a baby, belong to a man like that? And how was she going to tell Gil?
"Now, now, let's don't stir up trouble. You are almost four months pregnant, soon you'll be feeling movement. You are worrying for nothing. It could not belong to this Eb, so why worry. You've been through a lot. Now, everything is working out fine. Be happy. And you are not going to die. You are a healthy young woman. "the doctor assured her.
"Y-yes." Tears ran down her cheeks.
"I must say that having met your husband, I think him a reasonable man, so there's nothing to fear. Just tell him. Be honest. The worst thing you could do is hide this from him. He needs to know so he can help take care of you. Mrs. Davis, your husband loves you. He knows you were raped. Do you really think he would leave you at a time like this? This is a time of joy for the both of you."
Trish stared through her tears at the old man. "No, he'd never leave me, at least not until the baby was born. "
"Your husband is a gentleman, and his interest in you is real. He proved that when he brought you to me. You will be a part of that baby, so why wouldn't he love it as he loves you?"
In a normal situation, that was true. But Gil wasn't her husband, and the doc didn't know that, no one did. He could easily be rid of her if he wanted to. This child wasn't his responsibility. And this child was Chester's, her heart cried. If he ever found out, he'd never give her a divorce.
Her fear was that Gil would leave her after the child was born. And she simply didn't know what she would do.
She was still legally married to Chester. Her only hope was Gil. But could she ask him? It certainly wasn't part of their bargain to accept a baby into their deal.
"Do you love your husband, Mrs. Davis?" the doctor asked, putting away his papers and lighting a pipe.
"Yes, of course…"
"Then tell him. He has the right to know, and it's the best thing for both of you."
"All right. Forgive me for my lack of courage." She took his hand again.
He held it firmly in his. "Have faith in him if you love him."
She nodded.
As she left his office and walked down the street to the hotel, she shivered with tension. The doctor was right. Best to get it said now and quit fretting about it.
But it was so unfair to Gil!
Chapter Twenty-Three
She entered the lobby of the hotel, the desk clerk nodded and smiled at her. He always spoke to her and acknowledged her. She liked him.
The lobby was busy today, people coming and going since the cattle auction was over.
She went up the stairs slowly, turning over how she would tell him in her mind.
"Did you see him? How was your checkup?" Gil asked, his concern centered on her as he came through the door just after she arrived. He'd obviously seen her in the lobby and came up behind her.
"I saw him." She began removing her hat and gloves.
"Is everything all right now?"
"That's what we need to talk about," she began. "Do you have a minute?"
"Of course, for you always." He smiled taking her hand in his. " Why do you look so concerned? Surely you've healed well?" He sat beside her on the settee.
"Gil, I don't know how to tell you…" She began as the tears followed.
He reached for her and pulled her into his arms. "Just tell me. What's wrong? We can work through anything."
His nearness was heavenly for she needed his strength, but she pulled away so she could look at him. "There's no way to hide this. There's nothing I can do. I'm… pregnant."
Gil's face drained of color. "P-pregnant?" He swallowed hard.
"This certainly wasn't part of the bargain we made. It's not what you expected to hear, either. I can tell by your face. The baby… the baby…" She couldn't finish.
His gaze fell to the floor. He was very quiet for a long moment. "The child is Eb's?"
"No…Chester's. I'm four months pregnant." She closed her eyes and cringed.
"No wonder you've been acting so strange. I had no idea…" He began. "How long have you known?"
"This week. But I must confess, I never dreamed I was pregnant. I thought I was dying of some dread disease. I've been trying to figure out how to tell you. Can you forgive me?" She turned to look at him. When he was silent, she stared at her hands and murmured lowly, "I need to be alone for a while… to plan to think… "
"Of course. I'll go downstairs. There's a game going on. I might join them."
"All right," she muttered miserably.
&nb
sp; "Will you join me later?" His voice lowered, and his arms went around her.
"Maybe…"
"Trish, don't fret, this will all work out." He turned to leave.
She nodded and waited until he left to crumble into tears. He had been shocked and bewildered. She'd made such a mess of things for him.
Well, no more. She would leave now. It was best anyway. She was falling in love with Gil, and she was sure he would want to be rid of her. He was a gambler, not father material. The last thing he expected to hear. There was no hope for the love she had for him. Being around him would only compound the hurt. She had to plan for herself and the baby.
But the tears won and she lay across the bed crying for a long time. When she got up, she started packing then stopped long enough to rest on the bed.
Several hours after he had left, Gil came back into the room. He took her into his arms. "We need to talk about this."
"Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm packing now. I'll be out of your life in no time. You don't deserve this burden. But I couldn't keep it from you any longer. I don't expect you to do anything, Gil. I just wanted to tell you. To be honest with you."
She stood, took out some things from a drawer, and started throwing things inside her bag. Tears fell down her cheeks.
"I'll leave quietly and that will be the end of it," she said in an almost whisper.
"Leave?" He nearly shouted and came toward her. "You can't leave."
"It's best," she suggested meekly, not daring to look into his eyes and see the condemnation.
"Rubbish, it isn't best at all. This changes nothing," he announced as though he had everything figured out.
She looked him square in the eye and saw no condemnation, only understanding.
"Of course it does," she argued. "You didn't bargain for a married woman with a child that—"
He pulled her gently to him, looking into her tear stained eyes. "Don't do this. It wasn't your fault. This child is yours, a part of you. Be happy. It's a time of celebration, not discouragement. We can work this out."
"It wasn't your fault either!" She sighed.
Winning the Lady (Book 4 of the Red River Valley Brides) Page 15
