by Garza, Amber
I run my hand over my head, so tired of my family acting like I’m going out with the town pariah. “She has no reason to worry. Ivy’s not a bad person. Mom just doesn’t know the whole story.”
“Why don’t you tell her?” He crosses his arms over his chest, and gives me a challenging stare.
“It’s not my story to tell.” I reach for the door. “I’m going to be with Ivy no matter what anyone else thinks about it.” Warm air washes over my face as I stalk toward my bike. The scent of grass and Mom’s rose bushes wafts through the air. I woke up this morning knowing exactly what I have to do to fix things for Ivy, and I won’t let anyone get in my way. As I hop on my bike, I glance over at Cole’s house glad to see that his car is gone. He’s been texting me every day to see if I want to hang out. The last time I said no, he sent a text back about Ivy having me wrapped around her little finger. I wanted to get mad, but the truth is that he’s right. Not only that, but there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
I can practically get to my destination without even thinking. For years it was the place I rode to more times than I could count. My bike glides across the road, navigating its way as if it has a memory of its own. When I pull up I take a deep breath, and yank off my helmet. Then I storm toward the front door, my muscles tensing beneath my flesh. I knock, and a part of me is hoping Frank answers. In my mind I picture him with his hands all over Ivy, and anger courses through me. It would feel so good to slam my fist into his face. I won’t be able to hit Ivy’s mom, even if I want to. After watching her strike Ivy, I would be lying if I said I didn’t fantasize about it.
The door swings open, and Ivy’s mom peeks outside, her eyes widening. “Ivy’s not here.”
“I’m not looking for Ivy.” My jaw tightens.
“Then what do you want?” Her eyes harden, and she blocks the doorway with her body.
“You and I have a little unfinished business.” I shove the door open, and push past her.
She staggers backward, a look of panic crossing her features. “You get out of here now or I’m calling the cops.”
“And say what?” I tower over her. “That you beat your daughter? That you have for years? That you call her names and treat her like trash?”
Her lips tremble, and she sidesteps me. Only I grab her arm. “What? You don’t like what I’m saying? You don’t want to hear the truth?”
“It’s not true. You’re lying, and you better never tell anyone this drivel. No one will believe you anyway. Besides, Ivy will never back up your story.” The gleam in her eyes makes me sick. She’s scared Ivy for years. She’s destroyed her, and she knows Ivy will never talk.
I ball my hands into fists at my sides to keep from lashing out at her. “You listen to me. Ivy may not want to go to the police, and I’ll respect that for now. But you ever lay a hand on her again and I’m coming after you. And I’m not scared of you the way Ivy is.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “Do you remember Ivy’s boyfriend Cam? Do you recall what I did to him?”
She shudders, hugging herself.
“Do you know why I did it?”
“No,” her voice is barely above a whisper.
“Because I saw Ivy’s bruises. The ones you put there. And I thought Cam did it.” I relish the look of fear that crosses her face. “Don’t ever underestimate what I would do for Ivy.”
“Asher?” A familiar voice speaks behind me, and a little of my courage withers. I didn’t know he was here. I wouldn’t have said so much if I did. Ivy will kill me.
I turn around to see Ivy’s grandpa standing in the hallway behind his walker. “Is this true?”
“Ask your daughter,” I say, glaring at her. Then I head outside and race to my bike. I have to get to Ivy and tell her what I’ve done. The last thing I want is for her to hear it from her grandpa. Man, I really should’ve checked to make sure Ivy’s mom was alone. I promised Ivy I wouldn’t tell him her secret. I only wanted to protect her. It’s just like last time. Why can’t I think before I act when it comes to this girl?
Where r u?
At work. Comes her immediate reply. I have a break in 10.
I’ll meet you there. I text before shoving my phone in my pocket, and speeding down the street.
When Ivy comes out of the restaurant she’s wearing a huge grin on her face, and my insides plummet. I don’t want to be the person to take that smile away. I want to be the person who puts that smile on her face. Walking toward her, I reach my hand up and cradle the back of her head. Without hesitation, she tilts her head toward mine and allows me to kiss her. Her hand trails up my arm, closing around my bicep.
“I missed you,” I say.
“You too.” She smiles, and I press my forehead against hers. “This is a nice surprise though. I don’t usually have visitors for my ten-minute break.”
“I hope not.”
“Don’t worry. There’s no one but you, Asher.”
My chest tightens. Things are going so well between us. She’s opening up more and more, and it’s all so natural. I don’t want to screw this up.
“Um, Ives.” I scratch the back of my neck, working up the courage to tell her what I just did.
“Oops. Hold on.” She flashes me an apologetic look, and reaches into her apron pocket. “My phone.”
“Wait.” I try to stop her, afraid of who might be calling.
When her gaze connects with the screen, her face falls. “Oh no.”
“What is it?” I ask, panic gripping me.
“My grandpa. He’s in the hospital again.”
I find it hard to draw breath.
Ivy dials a few numbers and then presses the phone to her ear. “Mom?” she speaks into the receiver, and my stomach clenches. I want to grab the phone away, but I’m frozen. What have I done? “What happened?” Her gaze locks with mine, and I swallow hard. “What? I don’t understand what you’re saying? What about Asher?” She cocks her head to the side, anger filling her eyes. “Okay. I’m on my way,” she says finally. Then she clicks off, and looks up at me with a look of disgust.
“Ives, I can explain.”
“Can you? Can you please explain to me why you told my grandpa about my mom when I specifically asked you not to?” Anger flushes her cheeks, and her shoulders tense. Her whole demeanor has shifted, and I know she’s shutting down on me again.
“Ives.” I reach for her.
“Stop calling me that,” she snaps.
“I thought you wanted me to.”
“That was before. Now I just want you to stay out of my life.”
“You don’t mean that.”
She presses her lips together into a hard line. “My grandpa had a heart attack after you told him about my mom. How could you do that? I never wanted to hurt him, Asher. I didn’t want him to know. Why couldn’t you respect that?”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen like that.”
“You never do, Asher. You never mean for things like this to happen, but they always do.” Ivy whirls away from me, and runs down the street.
25
Ivy
Tears blur my vision as I drive to the hospital. I’m so worried about what I’ll find when I get there. My grandpa is getting worse. He can’t handle anything else. Pain buds in my chest, expanding and filling it. I can’t lose my grandpa. He’s all I have left. The image of my dad’s face emerges in my mind, and a sob leaps from the back of my throat. I lose everyone I love.
A red light flashes in front of me, and I press hard on the brake. When the car stops, I press my forehead against the steering wheel and take a steadying breath. The smugness of my mom’s voice comes flooding back when she told me it was Asher’s fault that grandpa is back in the hospital. It was like she relished being able to share that information. I picture Asher’s face, and it tugs at my heart. Even though I know he didn’t mean to hurt my grandpa, I still can’t help but be angry with him. Why did he have to tell him? Why couldn’t he respe
ct my decision?
My stomach lurches when the light turns green, and I move forward. I have no idea what I’ll say to Grandpa when I see him. The last thing I ever wanted was for us to have this conversation. My mom is his daughter, and he loves her. I’m not sure how he’ll feel about knowing the truth. But the thing I’m most afraid of is that he won’t be upset with her; that he’ll be upset with me.
I’ve always secretly worried that if he knew the truth he would side with her. That if he knew the whole story he’d know the awful thing I did, and think I deserve every bit of my mother’s wrath.
Fear grips me as I race inside the hospital. After asking the front desk for his room number, I duck into an elevator and head to his floor. I’m not only fearful of what I will find when I see my grandpa, but also my mom. I know she’s mad, and I’m so not in the mood to get an earful from her. The elevator dings, and the doors slowly open. I shove my way out and hurry down the hallway, my shoes slipping on the slick linoleum. I spot Mom sitting in a chair, picking at her fingernail. At first she doesn’t see me, and I freeze, wondering if I can make it past her without her noticing me at all. I’m about to take another step forward when a hand lights on my shoulder, causing me to flinch.
I whirl around to find Billie standing behind me. “What are you doing here?” I ask.
“Asher called me. He didn’t want you to be alone.”
My stomach tightens at his sweet gesture. Warm fuzzy feelings fill my insides, confusing me further. I should be angry with him, not feeling all giddy.
“Took you long enough,” Mom’s voice is harsh and unforgiving as she stalks toward us.
Billie glares at her. My shoulders tense. I don’t want a scene, so I shake my head as a warning toward Billie. “Can I see him?”
“They’re stabilizing him. We can see him shortly.” Mom narrows her eyes.
“Fine. Billie and I will be in the cafeteria. Text me when he can have visitors.” I grab Billie by the arm and yank her down the hall.
“You should’ve let me at her,” Billie hisses. “I would have given her a bruise to match yours.”
I hit the button on the elevator. “As tempting as that sounds, I don’t need any more drama right now.” When the elevator opens an elderly couple steps out, and then Billie and I file in. I hit floor one and then turn to Billie. “Did Asher tell you what happened?”
Billie leans against the wall as the elevator makes its descent. “He was only trying to help, Ivy.”
“By telling my grandpa what I specifically asked him not to?”
“It’s not like he went to your grandpa’s house to tell on you.” The elevator stops, and Billie pushes herself off the wall.
“Then how did it happen?” The doors open and I step out into the hallway. A man pushes a woman in a wheelchair past me. A nurse flies by and the sterile scent fills my nostrils, making me sick.
“You mean you didn’t let him explain?” Billie gives me a knowing look. “I’m so surprised.”
I whack her in the arm while walking toward the cafeteria. “Just tell me.”
“He didn’t go to your grandpa’s. He went to your mom’s. He had no idea anyone else was there.”
“He went to Mom’s house. Why?” I stop in my tracks.
Billie slows down and faces to me. “Because he cares about you, Ivy. He doesn’t want her to hurt you anymore. He went there to warn her not to lay a hand on you again.”
I feel like someone is sitting on my chest, and I fight to catch my breath. So Asher had been telling the truth. He really didn’t mean for Grandpa to find out. Why had Mom said he went to Grandpa’s and spilled everything?
“He feels terrible that your grandpa found out. He’s just so worried about you, Ivy.”
I bite my lip and nod. “I guess I screwed up again, huh?”
Billie smiles. A few nurses run past in a hurry. A young woman carrying a coffee walks by slowly, glancing over momentarily. “He understands. He knows how much your grandpa means to you.”
“I was just so scared.”
“I know. It’s been a tough time for you.” Billie grabs my hand. “Let’s go get a cup of coffee and then maybe you can call Asher.”
“Okay.” I smile up at my friend, grateful for her support. After getting a hot cup of coffee, Billie fills hers to the brim with creamer, and then we head to an empty table. I sit on the bench and set my coffee on the slick table that reminds me of being back in high school. “I spend way too much time in the hospital.”
“Yeah.” Billie covers my hand with hers. “I’m sorry.”
I enjoy her affection, especially since Billie isn’t really the affectionate type. However, I wish it were Asher here with me. Why had I been so quick to push him away again? How many more times will he keep coming back to me if I keep shutting him out? What am I so scared of? Reaching into my pocket, I pull out my phone with the intention of texting Asher. Instead, I have a text from Mom that Grandpa can have visitors now.
“That was fast,” I say to Billie. “I can go up and see Grandpa now.”
“Okay.” She grabs her coffee off the table.
I take one last swig and then get up too. “You don’t have to come with me.”
“It’s fine. I don’t mind.”
When we exit the cafeteria, I toss my coffee cup inside a trash can by the door. “I’m okay, Billie. If there’s something you need to do, you can go do it.”
She bumps me with her hip. “I said I don’t mind. I’ll stay with you. I’ll keep an eye on your mom while you’re in with your gramps.”
“Don’t start anything with my mom,” I warn.
“I’ll be on my best behavior.” Billie puts up her hand in a salute. “Scouts honor.”
“You were a scout?”
“No.” She smiles sheepishly. “I just thought it sounded more legitimate.”
“It sounded more legit to lie?” I joke.
“Whatever.” Billie chuckles as we get back on the elevator.
The minute I enter his hospital room I rush toward the bed. “Grandpa,” I breathe, so grateful that he’s still alive. I scoop up his trembling hand and cradle it in mine. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“This isn’t your fault,” Grandpa says in a ragged voice.
“But Mom said you had a heart attack because of what Asher said.” I grip his hand tighter.
“No, I didn’t have a heart attack. I was just having some chest pains and your mom was worried.”
Irritation with Mom mingles with relief that Grandpa’s okay, causing me to feel dizzy. “Well, then that’s great. You can go home.”
“Not quite yet.”
I notice how weak Grandpa sounds, and it worries me. “Why not?”
“I have a heart condition, Ivy. They need to keep me here a little longer. I’m not out of the woods yet.”
I nod, swallowing hard.
“Pull up a chair. We need to talk.”
Shaking my head, I say, “Maybe you should just get some rest.”
“I’m always resting, Ivy. I don’t know how much time I have left, and I want to say everything I need to say.”
“No.” Tears threaten, and I blink them back. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“Please, Ivy.”
Obeying him, I drop his hand gently on the bed and walk to the corner of the room to retrieve a chair. I pull it over to him and scoot into it before picking his hand back up.
“I need to apologize to you, Ivy.”
This catches me off guard. “For what?”
“I always knew you and your mother didn’t get along well. I had no idea it had escalated to the point that it had, but I had my suspicions. I’m so sorry, Ivy. I should’ve stepped in to help you.”
My chest tightens, and my body goes hot. I had no idea that he knew anything. I’m not sure what I feel at this moment. A part of me feels angry that he never tried to help me, but another part of me feels sad that he’s burdened with this at all.
“There are things
you don’t know about your mom,” Grandpa continues.
My head jerks up at this, and I’m eager to hear what he has to say.
“You know, you look exactly like your aunt.”
I freeze, worried about my grandpa’s sanity. Is he going senile? “I don’t have an aunt.”
“You did. Your mom had a twin. She favored your grandma with her light hair and eyes, while your mom favored me with her dark hair and eyes. Your aunt's name was Selena, but she didn’t live long. She died of SIDS when she was only six months old.”
“I’m so sorry.” I squeeze Grandpa’s hand in empathy. “How come no one ever told me?”
“It’s not something anyone ever wanted to talk about. It was so awful.” Grandpa takes a breath, and I want to tell him to stop talking and get some rest. Only now I’m so curious to hear what else he knows. “Your grandma never got over it. I think in some ways she blamed your mom for being the one to live. Your mom was a difficult baby, but Selena was the easy one. Your grandma wasn’t always very nice to your mom. I tried to make things better for her, but she really wanted the love from her mom. When your mom met your dad she fell in love with him hard, and I thought maybe she would finally find the love she wanted. But then when you were born your dad thought the sun rose and set with you.”
My stomach tightens. I have such fond memories of Dad, and I miss him so much.
“And you looked a lot like your grandma and aunt. I could tell your mom was jealous of you, and it worried me.”
I clear my throat. “But it wasn’t just that, Grandpa. Things were okay until Dad’s death. Mom just couldn’t forgive me for what happened that day.”
“Forgive you?” Grandpa cocks an eyebrow.
Pressing my lips together, I wish I had never opened my mouth. If Grandpa doesn’t know what I did, I certainly don’t want to tell him. What if it changes his view about me?
“Ivy, you know you had nothing to do with your dad’s death, right?”
I sigh. “That’s just it, Grandpa. I had everything to do with it. I killed him.”
His grip on my hand tightens. “Oh, Ivy. That’s not true.”
