by Ryan Michele
My mother was the governor’s maid by day and his whore by night. I was the bastard child he hid away in the servants’ quarters and gave hand-me-downs to from his legitimate daughter. I went to college and had to find a way to pay for it, becoming a whore of my own making to a sugar daddy. I did what my mother did best. I’m not proud of what I did, but in the end, I’m a better person for it.
It’s all in the past now, and I have a good man with a good son. I also have a family in the Hellions MC I never thought possible. Life is good, and I really couldn’t ask for more.
I start thinking just as Rex drops me off at home. I shouldn’t ask for more. Rex has given me so much already. He’s right; New York isn’t his place. He’s a southern boy.
Good-byes are never easy, so after a quick kiss, I make my way inside as he pulls away.
He always tells me, if I want something, take it. Well, I want to be Mrs. Drexel Devon Crews, and I want to do it when he comes home. Now I just need to make it happen.
Tripp and I ready the truck then hit the road, taking I-85 to I-40 east bound to the coast first. We will pick up a different trailer from Haywood’s Landing where the Hellions MC owns and operates a storage facility. Meeting up with Roundman, we will get our instructions and destination. We can’t be too careful on one of these runs, especially when phones can be tapped and monitored.
It’s a little over five hours, depending on traffic. With nothing but time, my mind goes back to our childhood. Tripp and I were raised by our grandparents since both our mothers had us young. Tripp’s mom never could handle him or her new role and split when we were toddlers. My mom, Jolene, tried. When Pops, our grandfather, died when we were teens, she took on the responsibility of both of us so we wouldn’t be separated.
Our grandmother died before him, but he kept her memory alive for us. They had that kind of love, the kind that, at the end of every day, soothes the soul. She was a healing balm to any wound he had.
“What’s got you so deep in thought, brother?” Tripp asks.
I can’t help laughing. It isn’t often I have time to slow down and think about much. In the past, I was too busy finding my next fuck to think about life, past, present, or future. I lived only in the moment.
“We ever gonna slow down?” I ask, really wondering if there will be a break in the future.
Tripp laughs. “When we’re dead.”
“You ever get tired?”
“Hell, Rex, don’t go there, man.” He looks over the cab of the big rig at me. “If you need time off, you’ve got it, but you can’t bail on me, brother. You’re my right hand. I can’t do this shit without you.”
I look over at the one person who has been by my side since birth. He’s eighteen months older than me, and we have been inseparable. He understands every aspect of my life. Sometimes, I think he knows me better than I know myself.
“I don’t mean tired like that. I’m with you, brother; ride until we die. It’s just … do you ever get tired of not having a schedule?”
He looks ahead of us at the highway and sighs. “I’ve got a son, and I’ve got a hot-ass wife, so hell yeah, I wish I had a better schedule. At the end of the day, though, I’ve gotta keep shit in perspective. No job is perfect. This job fits our lifestyle. We work for the club. Roundman gave us everything. We have women in our lives who understand. Do I get tired? Sure, but I provide, and I provide well, for my family. I have a club that, even in my absence, protects what’s mine. Really, brother, it don’t get better than this.”
“I just need time.” I blow out a breath in frustration.
“What are you wanting, Rex?”
If that isn’t the million-dollar question. I want to turn back time so I can do right by my son in the first place. That isn’t possible, so I want the chance to get to be with him. I want to make an honest woman out of my ol’ lady. I want to have babies with her so I can watch something that is a piece of her and a piece of me grow. I want to live up to the last name “Crews” and make Pops proud of the men we have become. I want to have time to take my mom on vacation with all of us—Tripp, Doll, BW, Me, Lux, and Axel—so she can see how her hard work and sacrifice has paid off with her grandchildren.
What I want is time. I want time off the road. I want time when I’m not waiting for the next call to leave. I never thought the day would come when I wanted to slow down and simply be with my family.
“I want to have time,” I answer honestly.
“For what, exactly?”
I fidget in my seat. “First, to get married. Second, for us all to go on vacation with Mom.”
Tripp busts out laughing. “That damn honeymoon to Disney with Shooter and Tessie really got to you.”
“What is it they say, ‘it’s the land of magic’?”
He turns his head toward me. “You’re fucking serious.”
“Mom did a lot taking us on after Pops died. She did the best she could. Now she’s got grandkids. I want her to enjoy them. You know BW is as much her grandson as Axel. We could even bring your mom if she can stay sober.”
He smirks. “You been talking to Doll or some shit?”
“Nah, man, just want some family time.”
I laugh at myself. There was a time not too long ago when the thought of family time would have made me need to puke or have a serious drink. My how things change. Now there is nothing I want more than to have uninterrupted time with my ol’ lady, my boy, and my mom.
“Remember when Pops took us on his version of a vacation?” Tripp laughs as we think back on the memories.
Tripp and I were going on and on about signing up for boy scouts. Some kid from school brought it up or something, and we got it in our heads that we wanted to join.
I laugh and change my voice to have more Carolina twang and a boom like our grandfather had. “If you boys wanna be boy scouts, I’ll teach ya. We’ll make a genuine vacation out of it. No need to go to meetings and earn some belt loops when we can go camping and hunting all on our own. You can learn to survive off what you really have in front of you, not some pre-planned game of pretend in a backyard.”
Tripp sighs. “Oh, Pops taught us so much. I didn’t realize how much I listened to him until I got older. I thought he just talked a lot, but damn if some of it didn’t stick with us.”
I run my fingers over my chin. “We may have been wild, and we may have lost our way a time or two, but in the end, I think we’ve made Pops proud. We’ve carried the Crews name well.” Thinking of our last name, I think of Lux and making her one of us, too. My mind goes back to taking her and Axel fishing not long ago.
“I can’t believe you two are getting me to fish. Y’all could do this and leave me home to read a book or something.”
Axel beams up at her. “Lux, we want time together, and we don’t want to miss time with you, too.”
“You melt my heart, Axel.”
“Lux, you’re like deluxe and stuff. Plus, you sneak me donuts sometimes, so heck yeah, you gotta come fishing. Uncle Tripp says it’s, like, a Crews thing to do. Pops used to take Dad and him when they were my age,” my son spouts off excitedly.
We settle in at the side of the lake, and I ready Axel’s pole. He starts as I hand Lux hers and the tub of worms.
“Drexel, I know you really don’t expect me to squish a worm on that hook. They have plastic bait that works just fine.”
I smile at her. “Come on, Lux; push your boundaries a little.” I wink. “Get dirty every once in a while.”
She smirks and whispers in my ear, “You can get dirty with me later, but I’m not putting a worm on this hook.”
Laughing, I bait her hook and show her how to cast the line. Quickly, she loses balance in her heels, squealing. I wrap my arms around her to steady her.
Axel shakes his head. “Lux, you gotta stay quiet, or you’ll scare the fish.”
“Sorry, buddy, I guess I didn’t dress appropriately.”
My son looks up at her and smiles. “Well, you are the most
beautiful fisher out here, but it really doesn’t suit the job, Lux.”
We fish for a couple of hours with Lux coming up empty. Axel pats her on the back patiently. “Lux, when you marry my dad and become a Crews, you will have the luck of fishing rub off on you. We just gotta change your last name first.”
I don’t know if giving her my name will help her fishing skills at all, but it damn sure would be nice to call her mine in all ways. The sooner, the better for everyone as far as I’m concerned.
Tripp looks over at me for a second longer than usual. “Let’s get through this run, and then I’ll see what I can work out in the schedule for us.”
“There are perks to being in with the boss,” I joke, and we both laugh.
Family time is in my future. I wonder if I can convince everyone that time should be spent in New York. Then I can make Caroline a Crews officially, exactly the way she dreams.
“I have lost my mind,” I say to Doll as I sit across from her at her desk.
She laughs, her blue eyes sparkling in happiness. “You signed on for life with him, and with Rex comes Axel, so this is a natural progression.”
“There is nothing natural to being a stepparent,” I declare, and she laughs.
“Have some faith in yourself. Tessie believes he’s safe with you. She rarely lets anyone have Axel, so if she’s good, then you’re good, babe.”
I pout, wishing I could believe in myself. “What if I mess up?”
She leans over her desk to get closer to me and whispers, “Wanna know a parenting secret?”
I nod my head eagerly. “Duh! Of course. I need all the help I can get.”
“Are you sure?” she teases me.
“Doll, now is not the time for games. My man is off to God knows where, and his baby’s momma, whom I adore, is actually leaving their son, their one and only child together, with me!” I freak out a little.
She only sits back and laughs “Okay, here it is.” She leans forward again, like she’s sharing the secret location to the fountain of youth or the code to break into Fort Knox. “Everyone fucks up. Biological parents, stepparents, foster parents”—she gasps playfully—“even grandparents.”
I shake my head at her. “This is not a joke.”
“Who’s joking?” She leans back in her chair. “It’s the truth. Don’t sweat it. Axel is old enough to tell you what he needs and wants. You can do this. He loves spending time with you, and I know you love that boy. If you didn’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“What does that mean?”
“People who don’t care wouldn’t worry about messing up. Have fun with your weekend and don’t sweat the small stuff.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
She huffs at me. “Remember when I first came home from the hospital with BW? All the crazy freak-outs over doing everything right? Where did that land me?” She throws her hands wildly in the air. “Postpartum depression, they called it. Well, whatever it was, that shit wasn’t like on television and in books. I didn’t want to hurt myself or my son. I went overboard trying to do it right. Well, guess what, sister. The right way is the way that works for your family and your child.”
I sigh. “He’s not my child.”
She laughs. “Honey, that kid is in your heart. He’s part of Rex who is part of you. He’s yours, just in a different way. Tessie trusts you; Rex trusts you; and more than anything, Axel wants this time with you. Breathe through it and remember there is no right or wrong, just your way of doing things.”
I smile at my long-time friend. “You’re a doll!”
“That’s what they tell me.” She laughs. “And, hey, if all else fails, we can get the boy the best therapists in the city to fix whatever you fuck up.”
I point my finger at her in mock anger. “Not funny, Delilah. Not funny at all.”
My phone pings with a text. Grabbing my purse, I slide the screen and can’t stop the smile that creeps across my face. This is my life now. From the structure of the day in and out office life to living with a dirty talking, badass biker, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
The words sit on the screen in front of me, but in my mind, I can hear him saying it.
Fingers, face, or dick. Take your pick.
“By the blush on your face, that is from one Drexel ‘Rex’ Crews,” Doll says from across the desk just as her phone pings with a text from Tripp.
Quickly, I type back, Depends on how long you’re gone. I may need them all.
His reply comes quick. Made it to the coast. Don’t know how long I’ll be gone. Just wanted to remind you, if you’re coming, it’s by me.
Doll laughs at whatever her man sent to her at the same time my chest aches to have mine back home with me.
Love you, Rex, I send, needing him to know, as much as I love every orgasm he gives me, I also love the man behind the cut. He had my back when my past came knocking at my door. Hell, he had my front because he’s the reason I stayed safe.
Love you, Lux. Make sure to miss me.
I laugh at his last line. If only he knew just how much...
We cross the state line, and I see the sign: ‘We’re glad you’ve got Georgia on your mind.’ I quickly send a text to my ol’ lady.
I’ve got your pussy on my mind. It makes for a long ride in tight pants. Gonna give it to you good when I get home.
“Damn, Rex, I thought I had it bad. You’ve got me beat, brother.” Tripp cocks his head at me from the driver seat.
“Shut the fuck up and drive.”
He laughs. “She’s got you by the balls.”
“Suckin’ or fuckin’, my balls happen to love all that is deluxe about my Lux,” I give back to him as my phone pings with her reply.
My pussy is all that’s on your mind?
Without hesitation, I type my reply: Your tits, your ass, your voice screaming my name when you’re coming, riding me.
Tripp smirks at me and looks back at the road. “When you gonna make her a Crews?”
If that isn’t million-dollar question number two.
“As soon as I can get some time off to take her to New York.”
Putting on the turn signal to change lanes, he doesn’t answer right away.
“New York, huh?”
“Her family dynamic isn’t one filled with a long connection, leaving us to send invitations for days. Her mom isn’t going to come, so outside of the girls, it’s her and me.”
“You don’t think Jolene would want to see her son get married? You don’t think Doll wouldn’t want to stand up beside her girl? Fuck, brother, you don’t think Axel would want to see this?”
I blow out a frustrated breath. “I get you. Tessie would let me take Axel to New York to marry Lux. She has respect for Caroline, and they have their own friendship. As for Mom … Well, I’m sure she would come up. With Doll, you, and BW, we can work something out.”
“If you’re gone and I’m gone, who runs Crews Transports, brother?”
I lay my head against the backrest. “She wants New York, Tripp. Would you deny Doll Central Park at sunset if that’s what she wanted?”
“I wouldn’t deny her a damn thing.”
I turn my head to him. “So you get where I’m coming from?”
Changing gears as he pulls into the outskirts of Custer, Georgia, he doesn’t miss a beat. “I’ll work it out for you to get the time off to make Lux a Crews.”
The red and black, international big rig rides smoothly as Tripp and I scope out the space from our position in the cab. The warehouse is a green building located out on its own. We are in the middle of nowhere, just as we like it for these kind of transports. Business is not always easy, and it’s not always safe, but it’s what we do. The risk is worth the reward. Our club is known for our professionalism, meaning our silence and ability to get the job done. It doesn’t come without risks, but we know what we face going in.
Roundman made the contact with Ravage MC, and he wouldn’t send us into a tr
ap, but in our world, you can never be too careful. We met the boys ourselves at a rally once, but people change, and their loyalty is to their men first.
The empty box truck sits out front as we climb down from the rig. Four men meet us as we make our way toward the building. With sunglasses in place, I eye the men in front of me. The patches on their cuts read: Cruz, Rhys, GT, and Tug. All four men look as big and as tough as we are. Any one of them would fit in with the Hellions without hesitation.
The one named Cruz extends his hand to Tripp. “Thanks for coming.”
Tripp shakes his hand, and I let him do what he does as the Catawba club president.
“It’s what we do,” he clips back.
It is. This is our life: one run to the next—some legit, some not. We transport goods; it doesn’t matter what our job is. We take the shit from one location to the next safely.
Cruz moves to me as Tripp says hello to the rest of the crew.
Without looking at his boy, he speaks, “You wanna pull the truck up?”
The guy patched Rhys grunts, and I take this as my cue to move our rig in closer.
Tripp goes inside the warehouse with Cruz while I get set up to load. When I’m making my way back over to them, Rhys stops us.
“You’re not gonna ask what it is?” He quirks his brow. He’s testing us—smart man.
“That’s not how we roll,” Tripp answers as Rhys lifts a chin to us.
I don’t give two shits what’s in their crates. Cash, that’s what matters. They pay us; we carry the load and take the risk. What they are transporting isn’t our business.
The crates are loaded into the trailer, and then I climb in to make sure they are secure. The last thing we need is for anything to shake apart when we make our way down the interstate and back roads.
Once everything is hooked in place and sure not to move, I climb out the back just in time to see a manila envelope handed to Tripp.
“We’ll be in touch when it’s complete,” I hear him say before he makes his way to me.
