Undercover Lover

by Jerry Cole

  “Clearly not,” Morgan replied.

  “I’m mad,” Jan said, cocking his head but smiling. “I resent that.”

  “I’m only saying it because you keep talking to me, and you’re avoiding seeing your brother,” he said. “I know part of you wants to talk about it, and I get that. You really do need to deal with your brother right now, though. I don’t want you to go down to Georgia without having resolved whatever issues you have with him.”

  Jan nodded, jumping off the sink. “Yeah, I get that,” he said. “I’m just worried that we’re not going to come to an agreeable solution.”

  “Yeah,” Morgan replied. “Things are always pretty complicated when it comes to family. Seriously, if you ever need anything else, let me know.”

  “I will,” Jan said, kissing him on the cheek again. “You’re right. We should definitely get to work.”

  “We should,” Morgan replied, looking him up and down and biting his lower lip. Jan was so gorgeous, sometimes that was all that Morgan could think about. “Before I fall down to my knees and start sucking you off.”

  “Stop tempting me,” Jan said. He grabbed Morgan’s hand and started pulling him out of the bathroom toward Morgan’s office. “Come on. We should start working.”

  Morgan groaned, walking after him. “Fine,” he replied. “But just so you know, you’re hurting my feelings.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  When Jan got home, Riley was on the sofa eating Vietnamese take-out, Bear purring next to him. Jan wondered why Bear seemed to like everyone but him.

  Riley looked up at him, finished the bite in his mouth and then spoke after waving. “Hey,” he said. “How was your first day at work? Did you and your boyfriend get frisky?”

  Jan laughed. “Why do you want to know that?”

  “Oh! Ew!” Riley replied, mouth agape. “I was joking. You’re so fucking gross. You can’t even keep it in your pants for eight hours a day.”

  Jan shook his head. “You know, if you didn’t want to know, you shouldn’t ask. Is there enough food for me?”

  “I didn’t get you any food,” he replied. “I thought you’d be having food with Morgan today since you said that he forgave you.”

  Jan shrugged his shoulders. “We spent a lot of time together today,” he replied. “We both thought that it was more important that I spend time with you. Clear things up, if possible.”

  “You told him about our domestic issues, huh?” Riley replied, moving a take-out container closer to where Jan was sitting. “He must have been very upset. Did he recommend counseling?”

  “Don’t be a dick, Riley,” Jan said quietly. “I’ve had a hell of a day.”

  “I’m not being a dick,” Riley replied. “Okay, maybe I’m being a little bit of a dick, but it’s only because I’m still a little bit angry about everything that has happened. I mean, I’m going to go see Mom, and it’s going to be beautiful at Broadway Oaks, and I’m going to feel like absolute shit because I know you’re avoiding being happy just to make sure she stays in New York City. For no reason.”

  Jan rubbed his temples, closing his eyes. The food smelled amazing, but suddenly he didn’t have that much of an appetite. “It’s not for no reason, Riley,” Jan said. “Look, I get it. I completely understand what you’re saying, and it’s not like I haven’t been thinking about it a lot. It’s just that I can’t really do all this and face taking Mom somewhere else.”

  “What do you mean?” Riley replied, with his mouth full.

  “I just mean, think about how much work it’s going to be to put her somewhere else,” Jan replied. “Especially considering that neither one of us knows where we’re going to be staying for the long-run.”

  Riley looked at him, the fork hovering near his face, his head cocked. “You don’t want to stay here with Morgan?”

  Jan took a deep breath. “Of course I want to stay with Morgan, Riley,” he said quietly. “But if the choice is between him and Mom, well—”

  Riley rolled his eyes. “Ugh, this is the problem. Neither one of them is asking you to choose, Jan. Mom would hate it if she knew that you’re putting your happiness after her staying in somewhere like Broadway Oaks. Because it’s not like you’re going to put her in a shed somewhere. I’m sure Morgan doesn’t want you to choose him over Mom, either, because that would be crazy. Morgan doesn’t strike me as crazy. A little strange, maybe, but definitely not crazy.”

  “I can’t think about it, okay?” Jan screamed back at Riley, his voice wavering. The loudness and sharpness of his own voice took him by surprise and he was as startled as Riley looked.

  Riley didn’t say anything. He seemed completely taken aback. He said nothing, setting his gaze on Jan, his lips a thin line. Jan sighed, shook his head, and looked down at his lap. He didn’t think he had ever shouted at Riley before, and his heart started to race. His head was swimming and his mouth was dry. “I’m sorry,” he said. “God, Riley, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

  “It’s okay,” Riley replied, putting his hand on Jan’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, too. I’ll leave it alone. I just worry about you.”

  Jan looked up, his eyes brimming with tears. “I just don’t know. I know you’re right, I know we should move her. I’m sorry, Riley, I just can’t face taking her away from home. I don’t know. It makes no sense, but I guess I just want her to be home. At least close to home. It already felt so shitty to take her away from home. Broadway Oaks was perfect because they treat her incredibly well and because it’s so close to where we grew up that I thought maybe it would soften the blow. I don’t know how aware she is, but I still call her every week and I still feel terrible about the fact that I moved.”

  Riley sighed. “So, am I supposed to feel bad about the fact that I moved, too?”

  “No,” Jan replied. “No, of course not. If anything, I’m still mad that you went off to West Point instead of pursuing your art degree.”

  “I can be an artist when I’m old,” Riley said, wiping his face with a napkin. “But you obviously need help now.”

  “I hate this,” Jan replied, shaking his head. “Trevor would hate it, and so would Mom.”

  “I don’t know,” Riley said, shrugging his shoulders. “I like to think that Mom is proud of me. Even if you disagree.”

  Jan’s eyes widened as his gaze shot toward Riley’s face. Riley’s eyes were closed and he was swallowing. “I didn’t mean anything bad by it, Riley.”

  “It’s okay,” Riley replied then chewed his bottom lip. “I get it.”

  “I—”

  “It’s okay,” Riley said. “Really.”

  Jan was about to say something else when Riley interrupted him. “Anyway, where’s your roommate? You say you live with someone, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him.”

  “Drake?” Jan replied. “No idea. I don’t think I’ve seen him for weeks.”

  “Weird,” Riley said. “I’m going to clear this up, and then I want to go to sleep. I hope he doesn’t mind that I crash on the sofa here.”

  Jan shrugged. “I don’t know, if he does he hasn’t said,” Jan said. “I texted him to tell him that you were staying over. All that he said was okay. He hasn’t said anything else so far, so I assume that it’s totally fine. I’m sure he would tell me otherwise.”

  “I hope so,” Riley said. Then he looked away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to intrude or make things harder for you, I swear. I really did want us to bond, and I honestly was worried about you.”

  “You were?”

  “Of course I was,” Riley said. “You were already feeling so guilty about moving here. How could I not be worried about you? You’re my brother. I, I want you to be okay, Jan. You’ve always been there for me, and I want to be there for you, too. I just need you to let me, all right?”

  Jan smiled at him. He felt like crying again, but he wasn’t sure why.

  ***

  Morgan wasn’t the only one who looked terrible because of lack of sleep, Jan thoug
ht as he looked at himself in the mirror. There were dark bags under his eyes, his skin was blotchy, and his face looked puffy. Having a new relationship was always exhausting enough, but having a new relationship with a side of corporate espionage, all while he had to host and talk to his brother, and having two jobs that he was moonlighting at plus another one, well, it left him little time to do anything else at all. Every time he tried to do something else, anything else, all that he managed to do was fall asleep or start overthinking everything. He barely had enough time to call his mother, something he usually did religiously.

  He didn’t like calling her when Riley was around. It was strange, because he was certain that Riley called their mother a lot, too, that he would speak to her about his personal life more than he spoke to Jan about it. They easily could have called her from the same phone, talked to the nurse who was assigned to look after her, and then spent a few minutes talking to her around each other. Ever since she had gotten sick and he had put her in a home, their relationship started to become more private than before. When his mother had been well, they had played cards together and talked about their days, their mother peppering the night with anecdotes about the people she worked with. Jan loved her voice, especially when she laughed, and her laughter was always filling the room when they were spending time together. After the stroke, though, when they were all together and the silence was deafening, Jan couldn’t help but start associating the time they all spent together with the fact that his mother was sick. He knew that it wasn’t fair, but he couldn’t help himself, and he didn’t want to start blaming Riley for it. That was probably one of the reasons that Jan had decided to put their mother in a care home. He just didn’t want to think about how much of a factor it was, because just the idea of it made him feel sick.

  So, he preferred to speak to his mother when he was alone. She couldn’t speak back, but whichever nurse was on shift would recognize when she was getting tired and would gently take the phone off her hands and put it back on the cradle. Jan had toyed with idea of buying her a cellphone, but ultimately the idea had seemed useless.

  He closed the door softly behind him and took his phone out of his pocket. The nurse on shift answered the phone after about two rings. “Hello?”

  “Hey, Michael,” Jan said.

  “Hey!” Michael replied. “It’s been far too long. How’s your new job going?”

  “It’s, ugh, tricky. How are you? How was your honeymoon?”

  “Excellent, thank you,” Michael replied, the smile obvious in his voice. Back when they first had moved their mother to Broadway Oaks, Michael, a tall white guy in his forties, had asked him out. Jan had been tempted, but he had been too depressed to take him up on that and Michael had seemed relieved after all, since he had been worried it would have been inappropriate. In that time, Michael had found a very nice man called Simon and he even had invited Jan over to his house for a dinner party once or twice. Over the years, Jan had learned to love him. Michael was an incredible nurse and a good friend to Jan. “Do you want to talk about your job?”

  “It’s just so far away,” Jan finally replied. “I’m really worried about Mom.”

  “She loves getting your calls,” Michael said. “I’m sure she misses seeing you, but she wants you to be happy. I know that for a fact.”

  “Thanks, Michael,” he replied, smiling thinly. “You always know how to make me feel better. Riley is here, did you know that?”

  “Oh no,” Michael said, laughing. “He’s going to upstage you. I bet he’s cuter than you now.”

  “Hey!” Jan said, laughing with him. “There’s no need to get mean. But yes, he does have the better genes.”

  “I wouldn’t say that,” Michael replied. “He did always work out more.”

  “Oh my God, Michael, stop perving on my little brother,” Jan said, putting his hand over his mouth so he could stop himself from laughing more. “You’re too much.”

  “Do you want me to tell Simo—”

  “Shut up,” Jan said. “Can you put my mom on the phone?”

  “Sure,” Michael replied. “Hold on. Give me a second.”

  Jan waited. He knew it was difficult for any of the nurses to make it so that his mother would be able to hold the receiver and that Michael would be propping her up then. These two minutes, when his mother was getting prepared to talk to him on the phone, were the worst. Those two minutes were the main reason that he put off calling his mother. Then Michael got back on the phone. “Okay,” he said. “You can start talking to her in a minute, alright?”

  He meant that literally. Jan was expected to count down from sixty seconds until he was sure the receiver was pressed against his mother’s face. He hated it because it made him feel like he was a huge inconvenience to his mother, but he liked to think she was happy to hear from him all the same. He counted down until he started counting under his breath, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two…

  “Hi, Mama,” he said. “How have you been doing? Riley is here. We both miss you so much.”

  Then he closed his eyes and fell back on the bed. “I’ve been seeing someone. He’s really nice. I’m going to go meet his parents this weekend. His name is Morgan, and he’s a little bit older than me. I’ll introduce him to you once we’re back in the city…”

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Morgan watched Jan walk back and forth from the supply closet. He hadn’t even realized they had a supply closet, but now he really, really wanted to fuck Jan in it. The words supply closet never had felt like a turn-on until after they had talked about it. Now that was all that Morgan could think about. It was Friday morning, and Jan was supposed to drop his brother off at the airport in the evening. Riley was flying to New York City to see his mother for a few days, and then he would be going back to school. Morgan and Jan were leaving early Saturday morning. They both had taken Monday off, Jan at both of his jobs, so they could come back on Monday night. Their flight was very early, but it was not very long, and Morgan was excited to see his family. He also was incredibly excited for Jan to meet his family. He was nervous, too, but the excitement was winning out.

  Jan had off-handedly mentioned that after they went down to Georgia and met Morgan’s parents, the next logical step was that they would go visit his mother. It made sense to Morgan, even though Jan had seemed a little bit embarrassed about the suggestion in the first place. Morgan had nodded and told him that, of course it made sense, and that next time they had a day off, they should do it. Jan had seemed incredibly relieved, and Morgan had to resist the urge to kiss him and console him right there, in his office.

  Their relationship had become obvious to everyone in their department, but everyone seemed to like Jan. He was competent. After Morgan had provided Jan what he needed, he had managed to throw himself back into work, and he was making good progress on the new software. He wondered if the version he was working on was going to be sold only to financial institutions that paid a premium for it, but that wasn’t any of his business. Like Jan had said, it was important that he keep his head down and do his work as much as possible until State Fidelity started the process against FinaSoft. He had no problem with that if it meant that he would get to stay with Jan for as long as possible.

  “Hey,” Kimber said. She was standing at the door. Her gaze darted toward Jan and she smiled. “Are you happy he’s here?”

  Morgan swallowed before he replied, his throat suddenly dry. “Yes,” he replied. “He’s great.”

  “He’s very competent,” she said. “And it’s nice having some eye candy in the office. You have good taste.”

  Morgan smiled at her, feeling the heat in his cheeks.

  “Anyway, I’m not here to talk about how hot your boyfriend is,” she said. “I already called in my favor with Zachary.”

  “You can. I won’t snitch on you,” Morgan said. “And I also happen to think he’s incredibly hot.”

  “Sorry,” she replied, walking in and sitting in front o
f him. “I get distracted when I’m out there. I blame you for that.”

  He winked at her. “Well, if it makes you feel better,” he replied. “I completely understand. I get distracted when I’m out there, too.”

  She smiled back at him, her eyes lighting up. “So listen,” he said. “Back to business. I spoke to the higher-ups about the updates.”

  Morgan raised his eyebrows. “Good news?”

  “No, I’m afraid not,” Kimber replied. “Strict company policy. Like I told you, we don’t provide free updates. I even used the line that you gave me, about how it isn’t really an update, and they told me if I wanted to change the process I would have to speak to our legal department.”

  Morgan exhaled sharply. “This feels wrong.”

  She shrugged. “This is big business,” she replied. “Look, I don’t understand it either, but things move slowly in places like this, and you already brought the issue to their attention. So, I’m sure, eventually, they’ll get around to it. They were impressed at your attention to detail, which I’m sure is going to be reflected in your performance review.”

  Morgan’s mouth had gone dry. He didn’t want to think about his performance review, he didn’t want to think about the future. Everything seemed to be up in the air. All that he wanted to do was stay with Jan, but he couldn’t exactly say that to Kimber, especially not when she had done him such a big favor with hiring Jan and then going to their bosses. Now he wasn’t sure if it had been such a good idea to point it out to her, since it could affect his future and maybe even the litigation process.

  “Thank you very much,” Morgan said, peeling his tongue off the roof of his mouth. “I really appreciate you going that far for me.”

  “Of course,” Kimber replied, standing up. “We’re lucky to have you.”

  Morgan bit his lip. He wasn’t sure what to say, so he just nodded and watched her walk out of his office. Once he lost sight of her, he started to search for Jan with his gaze. Just seeing him would center Morgan again and that was exactly what he needed.