When she said that Callen handled it all, she meant it. The man had become the backbone of their family while Ethan was down for the count. From the kids to the bills, Callen was taking control and finding a way to balance it all, much like Ethan had once done. The wounded soul was now her savior.
Elizabeth appreciated it so much, and knew that she would never be able to give him the words to express it.
This man was the unsung hero of the family.
He was her champion.
As if he sensed her, he suddenly glanced up and removed his glasses.
“Hey, angel. What are you doing up?” he asked, leaning back in his chair.
Elizabeth took a moment to find peace. Whenever she would find him working, while wearing his reading glasses, she was touched and enamored further. So much had happened since Timothy Blackhawk had left their world. She only hoped he was still watching them with pride.
Especially Callen.
“I couldn’t sleep. It seems half of my bed buddies abandoned ship,” she replied, crossing to him and trying to keep it light. “What are you working on?” Elizabeth inquired.
Callen dropped his pen and patted his lap.
Immediately, Elizabeth took a seat and rested her forehead against his, trying to draw some strength from him. She prayed that she didn't drain him dry, and that Callen could hang in there and stay strong. If she lost him too, there wasn’t going to be a happy outcome for their family.
It would be the end.
There was no doubt that everything hinged on the man pressed against her. If he quit, they were lost.
“I’m taking care of the monthly bills and other things that needed my attention,” he replied. “I was depositing money into CJ, Cat, and EJ’s college fund and trying to catch up with some other things.”
Elizabeth wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “I appreciate everything you do, Cal. Thank you for holding me up,” she whispered.
Callen took a moment to take in the woman in his lap. She was still sporting the pixie cut that she had gotten in support of Ethan losing his hair. It worked for her and made her appear more fairy-like and gentle.
He knew that to be the opposite.
Elizabeth was tough like forged steel. Underneath the soft, delicate exterior, there was a bad ass woman who didn't take anyone’s shit. He hoped that she would find her again and bring her back.
When he stared into her icy blue eyes, he saw the emotion and knew that she was having a tough moment. “Do you want to talk about it, Lyzee?”
“Are we ever going to be okay again?” she whispered as the emotion threatened to overtake her. “Is this the end, Cal?” she gushed, overwhelmed by the fear and the pain. “Did my mistake ruin our lives and destroy our family?”
Her hurt ate away at him.
“How long will I pay for the error that I’ve made?”
Callen cradled her against his chest and let her bury her face in the side of his throat. “We’re strong, Lyzee. We’re going to beat this and come back with a vengeance. No one saw this coming, and you aren’t to blame. We made a mistake as a team, and unfortunately, one of us got hurt. Ethan doesn’t blame you, angel. He’ll find his way back.”
God, she wished she had his optimism. In fact, she would take a drop of it at this point.
“I miss Ethan so damn much.” What she wanted to blurt out was that she was pregnant and their family was adding one more member to the tribe, but she held back.
Ethan would be the first to know.
He deserved it and secretly, she hoped that it would heal him. It was the one ace that she had left in the biggest gamble of her life. If that failed, she would fold and lose everything.
“If it matters, I miss my big brother too. I took for granted everything that he did. Half of this shit, I never realized he took care of, and I don’t know how he did it in a normal twenty four hour day.”
Elizabeth gave a watery laugh. “He’s the king. That’s how. We all have our skills, and he was meant to be the boss.”
He couldn’t agree more.
Callen ran his hand down her back reassuringly. “I promise that he’ll pull through, Lyzee. Ethan’s tougher than this. Just give him some time to think it through, and he’ll come around.”
“I hope so.”
Callen offered more words of encouragement. “I know my brother, and he won’t let this break him. We grew up in abject poverty, and he overcame it. Ethan built this life from the ground up. If anything, he’s going to fight tooth and nail to get back in control. We just need to buy him some time until he’s well again.”
She sat up and sniffled. “I know. I just miss him. I just want him to laugh again, and to look at me like he’s madly in love.”
“He still loves you, Elizabeth. Don’t doubt that.”
She nodded and said nothing.
Wiping the tears from her cheeks, he stared into her eyes. “It’ll be fixed. I promise. As for that last part, if he didn't love us, he wouldn’t have fought so hard to live and survive the torture.”
At those words, Elizabeth couldn’t keep the emotion dammed up anymore. It broke free in a sob as she found herself clinging to the last vestige of strength in her life.
“Shhhhhhh. It’s okay, angel. I have you. No matter what happens, I won’t abandon you or our family. I’m going to find a way to fix us. I promise.”
“I’ve lost hope, Callen,” she whispered, bitterly. “I’m going to lose him again. I can feel it.”
He kissed away the tears and took her face in his palms to stare into her eyes. “No, you won’t. You’re stronger than this and so is he. Have faith, angel. It’s not over yet.”
Letting go, she had no choice but to trust his words.
After all, it was all that she had left.
Ethan stepped back into the shadows and continued to watch his brother and Elizabeth, unobserved. When she had left their bed, he knew that he needed to follow.
Instinct told him that, even if his brain and heart were on disconnect.
When he saw her raw with emotion, Blackhawk knew that he needed to do something about it. Even though he was confused, lost, and broken, Ethan needed to find a way to get back what they once had.
He couldn’t give up, despite the desire to run from it all. He was weary from trying to hold on, but he would give it one more shot.
For them.
For his kids.
For love.
It was time to figure out how to heal them all.
And fix his family…
FBI West
Tuesday
As usual, the chaos was ongoing.
Down in the morgue, where the dead came for their last dose of humanity, there was a rush of life. The tech team was in from assignments and the mounting evidence from the various cases was in the process of being worked through.
Doctor Christopher Leonard was elbow deep in a vagrant who was left in a building with two other dead victims. Right now, he was trying to ascertain exactly what had done the man in.
Other than his really poor hygiene.
Beside him there was chattering, and it was all from a very excited Doctor Tony Magnus. His friend was more than enthused that there was a bachelor party on the horizon. Even more so, since Tony knew who was in charge of throwing it.
“I can’t believe that you asked her to be your best wo-man,” he said, laughing. “You have some balls, my friend.”
Chris glanced over. He and Cyra were desperately trying to plan their wedding. Unfortunately, death and work were habitually getting in the way.
It was like fate was screwing with them.
“Why? Elizabeth would love a bachelor party. That’s right up her alley. You know how she likes to shock and awe, daily.”
Tony held the man’s clipboard and was acting as assistant while his friend dug around in the smelly corpse. “I meant, regarding Callen and Ethan,” he said, lowering his voice when he spoke their names. He was convinced that the bosses had the place wi
red for sound.
This was after all, the FBI.
Chris laughed. Since returning from Circle Rock, he had the pleasure of hanging out with Ethan, Callen, and Elizabeth. Cyra had invited them over to have dinner and talk about the wedding. Since Elizabeth was acting as Chris’s best wo-man, they needed to discuss clothing and a million other little details.
Oddly, Elizabeth was subdued and didn't have the wild streak that Chris had expected that night. He had hoped that it was only because they nearly lost Ethan, and nothing more.
“The bosses and I have an agreement,” Chris stated. “We sit in my box seats at the stadium, and they don’t kill me when I ask their wife to be my back up on the big day.” He knew it was so much more than that. On that fateful night in Circle Rock, a bond was formed when they just barely saved Ethan. They were a makeshift family, and he was holding them close.
“Aren’t you nervous?” he whispered again.
Chris wasn’t sure whether he was referring to the bachelor party or Ethan and Callen watching him with wary eyes.
“Yeah, I guess I am.” He took a guess and went with the wedding jitters.
“I can’t believe that you’re going to be married soon.” Tony grabbed a specimen tray in time for the vagrant’s spleen to be placed inside. It slid sickly across the metal in a green, slime-like ooze.
“I can’t wait. I would have eloped the day I asked Cyra to marry me. Unfortunately, women like weddings, and I want my wife to look back at that day fondly.”
Tony shrugged. He couldn’t attest to that or not. He was a bachelor and was probably always going to be one. That was just his path in life. Academia was his mistress, and women didn't want to come second to anything. Not many people understood his obsession with the bones of the dead.
“A wedding is a huge thing to plan,” Tony added.
Chris snorted. “Please! Tell me about it. I made the mistake of wanting to help. I suggested we hire someone and let them have at it, but Cyra wasn’t keen on that suggestion.”
“You rode the couch on that one, didn't you?” he teased.
“Oh yeah, I did. She genuinely got upset over me not being an active participant in the planning and implementing of the event.” It took one night of Rex taking his spot in bed to get the hint. It was his wedding too, and he needed to own it. Apparently, throwing money at it was a bad choice on his behalf.
Lesson learned.
“That’s priceless,” Tony stated.
Chris wasn’t as thrilled, but he understood why Cyra had been upset. The poor woman had to go head to head against his mother in the planning department. That was enough to make anyone want to drink, take medication, or run as fast as they could and as far away as possible.
“Yeah, well I have other issues to worry about.”
The tone in his voice said it all. The discussion was about to get serious.
“What’s up?” Tony asked.
Chris looked around to ensure that they wouldn’t be overheard. The lab was full of staff, and women who had the ability to find out the smallest piece of information and use it to their advantage in gossip.
“I’m scared shitless.”
That bothered Tony. “Then, you shouldn’t get married,” he answered quickly.
“No,” he corrected, as he looked around. “I’m worried about her being in the field and getting hurt. I know if I even broach that topic, I’ll be sleeping in a separate bedroom for God only knows how long.”
“Ohhhhhhh.” Now, he got it, and Tony lowered his voice too. “Why don’t you just tell her to stay home and not work? It’s not like you don’t have enough money to buy off God himself. You can support a family on just your income, never mind that rocking trust fund you’re perched on.”
Chris was caught between laughter and amusement. “Uh, you can tell that you’re single and sleeping alone. If I even dare tell my fiancée to sit her very sexy butt at home, I’m going to be in big trouble. I won’t have to worry about it, because I won’t be getting married or laid.”
Tony was oblivious. “Maybe she wants to stay at home.”
Chris shook his head, discrediting that statement. “Picture Ethan or Callen saying that to Elizabeth, and then visualize the carnage. It’s a new century, my friend. We can think it, but we don’t dare utter it.”
He gave the man a few minutes to imagine that in his head. When he saw the light bulb go on, he finally continued, “Cyra would react the same way. She was a detective and cop for years. If I suggest that, she’s going to go crazy and think that I don’t trust her.”
“I don’t know, Chris. You may be wrong on this one. I think you’re assuming that all women are like Elizabeth. Cyra may genuinely like being a wife and mother. Every time I come to your house, Cyra is cooking dinner or baking you cookies. The place doesn’t look like it did before either. You have plants, colorful dishes, and throw rugs. Maybe she would like staying home to make the place her own personal nest.”
Chris pondered it.
The man may have a point.
Then, he thought back to the one little issue that his mother had drawn attention to on their last assignment.
The prenup.
Chris would never make her sign one, but his mother had pointed out the big elephant in the room, and that was likely to make Cyra jittery. He hoped that she wouldn’t think that her being a mother was anything less than the hardest job in the world. He couldn’t put a price tag on that. If his children had a good mom, who baked cookies and loved them, he would hand over his trust fund in a heartbeat.
Money didn't buy happiness. The love of a really good woman certainly did.
But Cyra was likely to not agree to it. Belladonna planted that seed of doubt that she was only after him for his portfolio. Her giving up her career might make some people uncomfortable.
Mainly her.
It was absolutely ridiculous for her to even feel that way, but he understood why she would. Damn his mother for wreaking havoc once more in his life.
“Really, you should sit her down and talk to her about it. Cyra seems like a really levelheaded person. I’m pretty good at gauging the living. I think that you’re underestimating the kind of woman she is, beneath it all.”
Chris contemplated it and it gave him a little bit of hope that he might have a fighting chance on this one.
“Don’t worry, my friend. It will all work out,” Tony reassured as he handed the man the tool to cut into the victim’s skull. “Focus on work and that’ll distract you.”
Chris turned on the saw and stared at the man’s lice infested scalp.
Strangely enough, yeah, it would.
* * *
FBI West
Tuesday Mid-Morning
Doctor Callista Gaines’s Office
If there was one thing that Ethan Blackhawk despised more than anything, it was sharing his life, feelings, or relationship with outsiders.
And he didn't mean non-Natives.
Once back from being abducted, as soon as he stepped foot in his office, he was met with a surprise. Gabe had stayed and laid down the law. Apparently, he needed to get a psych evaluation in order to return to work. Yeah, then and there, Ethan knew that his boss meant business.
In the back of his mind, he somehow knew that he wasn’t going to pass it. Come on! He had just been abducted and tortured for hours. His body still carried the scars and marks of a serial madman.
How the hell was he supposed to pass a mental evaluation? The only chance he had was if it was on paper. That way, he could bluff his way through it.
Unfortunately, Gabe saw that one coming a mile away. He was forced to do a face to face sit down with a shrink.
Well shit.
As expected, he failed with flying colors.
He tanked it.
Screwed it up royally.
Call it what you wanted, but it all meant one thing in the long run. Ethan earned a one way trip to weekly therapy sessions with a woman who barely looked twenty five. S
omehow, she was supposed to hear his deepest, darkest fears and fix the mess that was growing in his life.
Yeah, fat chance on that one.
Could his life get any worse?
This particular doctor liked putting him on the spot and asking questions that he wouldn’t even answer if his wife asked. Now, he was forced to play the game by Gabe’s rules, or he was released from his duty.
Awesome.
If that happened, his biggest fears would come true. Elizabeth would be on her own, get another partner, and figure out that she was better off without him. After hearing her confession of not having any more hope, it was a matter of time before he was obsolete.
His back was to the wall, and he needed to endure more humiliating torture.
For almost four months, he spent his Wednesday mornings sitting with a stranger and telling her all about his life. There were no holds barred, and it appalled him. The woman asked about his kids, their relationship, and even if his sex life was okay. No one ever dared to even tread there, but Doctor Gaines had no issue with asking him if he could still ‘perform’.
When she first asked that, he actually thought she was kidding and trying to break the ice. Then, she followed it up with the word ‘erection’, and Ethan swore that he was locked in some nightmare.
Yeah, he wasn’t.
God, someone put him out of his damn misery. There was nothing more horrifying than some young girl asking you if you could get it up.
Had his wife been here, and in this case he wished she was, the woman would have had an earful. Over time, as Ethan spent every weekly session justifying his mood, anger, and feelings, he realized something.
Fighting it wasn’t getting him anywhere.
In fact, it was holding him back.
After watching his wife crumble in his brother’s arms earlier, he realized that he needed to stop the hard ass behavior and take control of something in his life.
He couldn’t fight the nightmares or the fear that shook him, but he could give a little in their sessions and hope for the best. If he wanted to find his way home, he needed to let someone lead him. For the first time in four months, he was willing to be honest with the head shrinker and do what she asked.
Consumed by Wrath: An FBI/Romance Thriller (An FBI/Romance Thriller ~ Book 8) Page 3
