Corrie wrenched her arm from his grip and ran for the door. For the second time in two days she was running down the stairs, away from the apartment, away from Daniel. This time, he didn’t follow.
19
“Hello?” Bryn’s voice was groggy.
“Bryn? It’s Corrie. Did I wake you up?”
Bryn looked at the clock. It was past midnight.
“No,” she said, sitting up in bed and switching on the lamp. “I’m here. What’s up? Are you still in L.A.?”
There was a long silence.
“Corrie? Are you okay?”
“No, I’m not okay,” Corrie whispered. “I screwed up, Bryn. I screwed up big-time.”
Shit! Bryn gripped the phone tightly. She stifled a scream.
“Tell me you didn’t sleep with him.”
“Oh, God.” Corrie’s voice shook.
“Corrie, you didn’t! Oh my God, tell me you didn’t.”
Bryn rose and began pacing the floor. “Why? Why would you sleep with Daniel? He abandoned you, for God’s sake! He just left you. I was there, Corrie. I remember how bad it was. And you finally have everything you ever wanted. Why would you risk that for the man who left you?”
“I don’t know,” Corrie sobbed. “It felt so right. It felt like before. I felt . . . whole again.”
Bryn sighed deeply, willing herself to stay calm.
“All right, so you screwed up big-time. But it’s over, right?”
“Yes!” Corrie’s voice was shrill. “God, yes, it’s over!”
“What happened?”
Corrie’s voice shook. “Apparently I’m not the only married woman he’s sleeping with.”
“Oh God, honey! Are you sure?”
“I was still in bed, just lying there, and his phone rang. And this woman is talking about their weekend together. And he said, ‘It’s no big deal. She’s married.’ Oh my God, Bryn! How could I be so stupid?”
“Okay, look.” Bryn forced her voice to stay calm. “You screwed up . . . big-time. But it’s over. It’s over and done with. And you’re going to be all right. You’re not the same little girl who fell in love with Daniel in college. You’re a grown woman now. You’re strong, you have friends, you have a life. And you will survive this.”
Bryn waited, but Corrie didn’t respond.
“Did you hear me, Corrie? You are going to be fine. It’s not like back then. You’re stronger now. He can’t hurt you again. You’ll come home and you’ll put it behind you. And you will never be stupid like that again.”
“I have to tell Mark,” Corrie whispered.
“Like hell!” Bryn barked. “The last thing, and I mean the very last thing, you will do is tell Mark!”
“I have to tell him. He’s my husband.”
“Yes, Corrie, he is your husband. And he loves you. And the only thing you will do if you tell him is hurt him.”
“But . . .”
“But nothing! It’s over, it’s done. You messed up. But you will not mess up your whole life because of one stupid mistake.”
Corrie was silent.
“Do you want to hurt Mark?”
“No! Of course not.”
“Then you keep your mouth shut!” Bryn paced furiously around the little room, her bare feet slapping the wood floor. “Maybe, maybe it would make you feel better to tell him. I doubt it, but maybe. But what will it do to Mark?”
“I can’t . . . God, Bryn, how can I not tell him?”
“Corrie, what you’re going to do is this—you’re going to come home, you’re going to be extra nice to your husband, you’re going to focus on all the good things in your life, and you’re going to forget about this whole thing. Forget about Daniel, forget about all of it. You messed up, yes. Honey, we all mess up. But you are not going to destroy your entire life because of one mistake. Telling Mark would be an even bigger mistake. It would hurt him. It would wreck your life. It would be a disaster. You know that, right?”
Corrie was silent for a long minute.
“I’ve never lied to Mark before.”
“Okay, so now you will lie to him. You’ll lie to him for his own good. Telling him would be the most selfish thing you could do, Corrie. Don’t you get that? Just come home and pretend it never happened. Okay?”
“God, Bryn! I feel so bad. I feel like such a bad person.”
“You’re not a bad person.” Bryn’s voice softened. “You are a really good person who made a really bad mistake. But that doesn’t mean Mark should suffer, right? Feel guilty for a while. Hell, you probably should feel guilty. But Mark shouldn’t have to deal with it. You know I’m right.”
“But how can I just pretend . . . ?”
“You’ll pretend because you have to. Just like you used to pretend your mom was like other moms. You’ll lie to protect Mark like you lied to protect Maya and Caerl all those years.”
“I’m so tired.” Corrie’s voice was soft. “I’m so tired of lies.”
“You’re upset and you’re confused,” Bryn said. “Just come home, honey. Come home and pretend like it never happened. And after a while, it will be just like it never did happen.”
They sat in silence for a minute. Bryn sat down on the edge of the bed, battling a wave of nausea. Geez, and I thought my life was complicated.
“Are you okay?” she asked again.
“I don’t know.”
“You will be,” Bryn said firmly. “You’re stronger than you know. Hell, Corrie, you are the strongest person I know. And at least now you know, you know for sure, that Daniel is not the saint you thought he was. And maybe you can finally just move on and put him behind you.”
“Will you pick me up at the airport tomorrow?”
“I thought you weren’t coming home till Thursday.”
“I changed my flight. I get in tomorrow night at nine. Will you please pick me up?”
“Sure,” Bryn said, digging an old receipt out of her purse and searching for a pen. “What airline?”
She wrote the information on the receipt and assured Corrie again that she would be at the airport. Finally, she hung up the phone and flopped back down onto the bed. She was exhausted and wide awake.
How could Corrie sleep with that jerk again? Why the hell did she ever care about him?
She shook her head and pulled on her robe, heading to the kitchen for a glass of water. When she turned on the light in the dining room, she found Bob sitting at the table, a glass in his hand.
“Hey,” he said, blinking in the light. “What’s up?”
“I need a glass of water,” she said. She wouldn’t tell him about Corrie.
“Did I hear your phone ring?”
“Yeah.” Bryn poured herself a glass of water and sat down at the table. “Corrie called.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah. She’s coming home tomorrow night instead of Thursday.”
He raised his eyebrows and she shrugged.
“I think she’s just missing Mark. Why are you still up?”
“Can’t sleep.”
She rose and kissed the top of his head. “Don’t stay up too late.”
Bryn walked back to her room, closing the door behind her, wondering how everyone’s life got screwed up so fast.
20
“Corrie!” Maya waved at her across the terminal, grinning broadly. “God, it’s good to see you!”
Corrie hugged her sister, amazed as she always was at how tall her little sister had gotten. Maya stood four inches above her.
“I’m glad to see you, too.” Corrie stepped back to look at Maya. “You get more beautiful every time I see you.”
Maya laughed and looped her arm through Corrie’s.
“Back atcha,” she said. “But seriously, Corrie, you look great. I think Southern California agrees with you.”
“I don’t know about that,” Corrie said. “But either way, it doesn’t matter. I’m going home today.”
“I thought you were staying till tomorrow.”
“I changed my flight. After lunch, I’m heading straight to LAX to catch a two-o’clock flight.”
Maya raised her eyebrows, but Corrie just kept walking.
“I saw a Mexican place on the way here,” she said. “How does that sound to you?”
“I’m always up for fajitas.”
They walked to the car, arm in arm, in companionable silence.
“How’s Mom?” Maya asked as Corrie pulled out of the parking lot.
Corrie sighed. “She’s okay, I guess. The same.”
“Is Caerl still living with her?”
“He moved out last month. I think he’s staying with that guy from the plant, Sam.”
Maya snorted. “Sam,” she spat. “Good lord, what a loser.”
“Well, at least it gets Caerl out of Mom’s house.”
“For now,” Maya said. “But you know he’ll be back. He always comes back.”
“How about you?” Corrie asked. “How’s school?”
“It’s good. I’m good. . . . I met someone.”
Corrie glanced sideways at her, noting Maya’s pink cheeks.
“Someone special?”
“Maybe. I don’t know yet. His name is Bryan. He’s in the same program. He’s nice.”
“Well, he’d better be nice.” Corrie grinned. “Or he’ll have to deal with your big sister.”
At the restaurant they ordered fajitas and beers and relaxed into a booth.
“So,” Maya said, watching Corrie’s face. “How were things with Daniel?”
Corrie didn’t answer for a minute, then she tried for a smile.
“Daniel’s fine,” she said. “Still busy trying to save the world.”
“Was it weird seeing him after all these years?”
“Yeah,” Corrie said. “It was weird.”
“Mark sounded pretty unhappy about your trip.”
“He was. He is.” Corrie picked up a napkin and began shredding it. “I should have told him right away that I had seen Daniel. But I didn’t, not until I told him about the trip.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not sure. I wasn’t going to come and then I decided I was going to come, and then I had to tell Mark. And he thought I was hiding things from him.”
“Which you totally were.”
Corrie raised her eyes to Maya’s. Her little sister was as blunt and direct as she’d always been.
“I guess so.”
“And?” Maya waited, never taking her eyes from Corrie’s.
“And . . . I slept with Daniel.”
Maya’s eyes widened, but she said nothing.
“Go ahead,” Corrie said, dropping her gaze. “Tell me how badly I’ve messed up. Tell me what a bad person I am. I already know.”
Maya took her hand across the table.
“Yes, you messed up,” she said. “But no, you’re not a bad person. You loved Daniel. You’ve always loved Daniel.”
Corrie shook her head, staring at the table.
“So what are you going to do now?” Maya asked.
“I’m going home! I’m going home and I’ll write the damned story and then I’ll never think about Los Angeles or Daniel again.”
“Hmmm.” Maya sounded unconvinced.
“Seriously,” Corrie insisted. “It was a mistake and it’s over and I just want to forget about it.”
The waiter brought their beers, and Corrie took a long drink.
“I always liked Daniel,” Maya said, smiling. “I liked the way you were when you were with him. You were braver with him. You were happier.”
Corrie raised her eyebrows.
“Seriously, remember the time he took us to King’s Island and talked you into riding the roller coaster? You never would have done that without Daniel, and you loved it!”
Corrie closed her eyes, remembering the rush of adrenaline as the car topped the first hill, how she’d screamed and clutched at Daniel’s arm and how, at the end of the ride, she’d felt so proud of herself.
“Or the time we went camping in Brown County, remember that? God, neither of us had ever even been in a tent before. And Daniel taught Caerl to swim. He was really good to Caerl, even when Caerl was being a jerk.”
Corrie smiled at the memory.
“When’s the last time you went on a roller coaster, Corrie? Or went camping? Or did anything just for fun?”
Maya leaned across the table, holding Corrie’s eyes.
“Mark is a good guy; I know that.” Maya’s voice was gentle. “He’s nice and he’s safe and he’s predictable.”
“And he loves me.”
“Yes, he loves you. But do you love him, Corrie? I mean really love him right down to your toes? Do you love him the way you loved Daniel?”
“Daniel left.” Corrie’s voice was flat.
“But you could have gone with him.”
Corrie glanced up at her sister, then took another long drink.
“I remember, Corrie, even if you don’t. Everyone else may buy into the whole ‘poor Corrie’ routine, but he asked you to go with him, he begged you to go. You had a choice. And you chose to stay in Middlebrook.”
Corrie shook her head again. “You don’t understand it all,” she began.
“No,” Maya agreed. “I don’t understand, and I’m sure I don’t know all of it. And I’m not judging you, Corrie. I promise I’m not. But I hate it when you get into that victim mode. You do it with Mom and you do it with Bryn and you do it with Mark. The only person who wouldn’t let you be that way was Daniel.”
Corrie felt her cheeks burning. Damn it, why did Maya always have to be right?
“Are you going to tell Mark?” Maya’s voice was soft.
“I don’t know,” Corrie said. “I think I should. Bryn says I shouldn’t. What do you think?”
“I think you have to do what is going to make you happy.” Maya took a bite of her fajita and chewed. “God, this is good!”
“What will make me happy is going home and being with my husband.” Even to Corrie’s ears, her voice sounded shrill.
“Okay,” Maya agreed, smiling. “Then that’s what you should do.”
They ate in silence for a moment. Finally, Corrie touched her sister’s hand.
“Isn’t that what I should do?” she asked, her voice trembling.
“Corrie, you’re a grown woman, and the only person whose happiness you’re responsible for is your own. If you want to be with Mark, then go back to Middlebrook and be with Mark. But don’t go back there just because you think that’s what you should do. That’s not fair to anyone, not to Mark and not to you, either.”
“I do want to be with Mark,” Corrie said. “He’s my husband, and I love him.”
“Okay,” Maya agreed again. “Then go home and be with him.”
“Okay.” Corrie took another drink of her beer.
“Just don’t kid yourself into believing you’re going to just forget about sleeping with Daniel.”
“I know,” Corrie said softly.
And she did.
21
Corrie pulled her bag from the overhead rack and waited for the crowd in the plane to clear out. Rubbing her bloodshot eyes, she stumbled into the terminal, caught sight of Bryn, and burst into tears.
“Okay, okay, shhh,” Bryn whispered, wrapping her arms around Corrie’s shaking frame. “It’s going to be all right. Everything is going to be fine now that you’re home.”
Corrie sobbed on Bryn’s shoulder for several minutes, then sniffled and straightened up.
“I messed up so bad,” she said, digging in her purse for a tissue.
“Yep,” Bryn agreed. “You did. But it’s over now. You’re home, you’re safe, and you’ll just pick up and go on. You’ll go on like it never happened.”
Corrie stared at her, eyes brimmed with tears.
“How?” she moaned. “How can I act like it didn’t happen? It did happen. I slept with Daniel. I cheated on my husband. I broke my wedding vows! Even if Mark never kn
ows, I’ll know. I’ll always know.”
“You need a drink,” Bryn said, taking Corrie by the hand and pulling her toward the airport bar.
Corrie allowed herself to be pulled along, blowing her nose again.
“Cabernet,” Bryn said to the bartender. “And a seltzer water.”
She glanced at Corrie, expecting a comment on her drink choice. But Corrie simply blew her nose again.
“Tell me you’re finally over him,” she said, putting her hand over Corrie’s. “Tell me, please, that you finally see him for what he is.”
“He’s just Daniel,” Corrie said softly. “He wants to save the world, just like always. But . . . but he doesn’t seem to care very much about anyone, really. I mean, he cares in theory, just not in real life. Does that make sense?”
“No,” Bryn said, putting a twenty-dollar bill on the bar and reaching for her seltzer. “I mean, yes, in a way.” She took a sip, wrinkling her nose at the acidic taste. “He talks a good talk about helping people, but really, he just wants to feel like he’s a savior.
“Okay, so now you know. I mean, I wish you’d figured it out ten years ago. But at least now you know. He’s not a selfless saint. He’s just a jerk with a God complex. And you are finally, finally over him. Thank God!”
Corrie sipped her wine again.
“I mean, you are over him, right?”
“Yes,” she said softly. “I think I finally am really over him.”
“Good!” Bryn’s voice rose. “That’s something to drink to.”
“What are you drinking?” Corrie asked.
“Seltzer water.” Bryn took another sip.
“Seriously? Why?”
“I’m driving,” Bryn said.
Corrie stared at her for a long minute.
“Are you okay?” she finally asked.
“I’m fine,” Bryn said. “Just . . .”
“Just what?”
“Just . . . well, I’m a little bit pregnant.”
Corrie sat a minute, waiting for the punch line. Finally, she slapped at Bryn’s shoulder. “Yeah, right,” she said.
Bryn said nothing.
“Bryn?” Corrie’s eyes widened. “Seriously? You’re pregnant?”
Bryn nodded, watching Corrie’s face carefully.
The Weight of Small Things Page 13
