“Taking over the gym has been a trip,” he answered and leaned back in his chair, scratching the back of his neck.
I nodded my head and chewed thoughtfully before answering. “But you’ve always known what to do. You helped your dad out nearly every day when we were younger.”
It was true. If we weren’t hanging out alone or in school, Knox had been at the gym with his father. By the time he was nineteen, he knew how to file the paperwork and was working full time as well as going to the local community college.
“Yeah, well, he taught me everything I know.”
I paused, not knowing what to say as an unspoken sadness filled the air. I watched as Knox opened and closed his mouth a few times, always preparing to speak and then staying quiet. He stared down at the table, a sort of detached look crossing his face.
“He had a heart attack,” Knox finally said quietly.
“Hey, you don’t have to talk about it. Really, it’s okay.”
Thanks to Simone and the fact that she wanted to keep me updated with all things Knox, I knew exactly what happened to his father. It was hard enough to hear it from her, but listening to him speak about it was almost unbearable. Someone as good as him shouldn’t have had to go through something so tragic.
He shook his head and his eyes met mine. I felt trapped there, lost somewhere between his eyes and the empty way he spoke. “It happened in the driveway when he was just getting home from work. It just, I don’t know, Abbs. It happened so fast.”
What was I supposed to say that? I’m sorry felt too empty, everyone always apologized when there was a death. They were just words, they held no real meaning. They were fake, and I didn’t want to do anything fake with Knox. He was the realest thing I’d ever had and no matter how many years went by, I’d always care about him. I’d always care enough to keep my words honest.
There was a part of me that hated myself for not coming home for the funeral. Yes, we had a nasty breakup, but the Fitzgerald’s had always treated me like a member of the family, like one of their own. But I hadn’t come home, made a phone call, or emailed. I didn’t do a damn thing to let the family know that I was thinking of them and I felt like shit for it. Especially now. It killed me.
“He died before we could get him to a hospital,” he finally said, his deep voice whisper soft.
Knox watched his father die in the driveway of their family home and I never even called.
I should have.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I’m sorry I didn’t call and-”
Knox shook his head and flashed a quick grin, but I could tell it was forced. “Don’t. You don’t have anything to apologize for. After the way things ended between us the last thing I expected was to get a phone call from you, Abbs.”
I don’t know why that hurt so much, but it it did.
“Still,” I said and stood up, walking over to the sink to wash my plate. “I should have called, emailed. Something.”
“A carrier pigeon would have been nice.”
“Knox.”
“Abbs,” he responded and stood, walking over to the sink and leaning a hip against the counter. “Look, I was bent out of shape for a while. I wouldn’t have wanted you around, okay? I wouldn’t have wanted you to see me like that.”
Something in my chest, probably my heart, ached at the thought of Knox struggling to cope with the loss of his father. He was an only child and growing up with a dad like John Fitzgerald could make or break someone. Knox adored his father, idolized him and everything he stood for. John may have had a tough exterior but he loved his son more than anything. Knox was his pride and joy.
“You shouldn’t have had to deal with it by yourself.”
“Oh, I wasn’t alone. I was with my old friends, you know, Jack and Jameson.”
I shook my head and threw a dish towel at him, laughing.
“You're funny,” I said, but I kept my eyes trained on his face. Was it just a joke?
“Good to know you still think so.”
“Seriously, though. Is that how you're handling it?”
He tilted his head back and groaned. It both looked and sounded so sexual that I had to fight the urge to suck the exposed skin of his neck.
“I had some issues for a little while. I drank too much, got in a little trouble with Alex and then got my shit together. Stop looking at me like I’m going to fall apart. I’m good now.”
Was I looking at him like that?
“I’m not. I just… worry.”
Knox arched a dark eyebrow at me and crossed his arms.
“You get attacked, come home all beat up and you’re worried about me? Jesus, nothing’s changed, has it?”
If the way my stomach was doing back flips just looking at him was any indication, then he was right that, no, nothing changed.
I got the sudden urge to ask him what else Simone told him regarding my attack, but I bit my tongue. Instead, I smiled at my ex boyfriend turned stranger turned muffin delivery boy, dried my hands and asked if he wanted to go for a walk on the beach.
With it being the beginning of June it wasn’t nearly hot enough to swim yet, but the sand was warm and the sun was shining. It was a perfect day for a walk by the water.
“Feel like taking a trip up to the sand dunes?” Knox asked with a knowing smile as we stepped off the deck.
“Still a huge flirt, I see.”
“You don’t seem to mind.”
“Maybe I don’t.”
Falling back into the flirtatious banter was so easy, the back and forth sarcastic remarks and small innuendos. Truth be told, I couldn’t remember feeling this relaxed, at least not in the last few months, and it was with the one person I never expected to see again. Yet there we were walking barefoot, side by side in the sand.
It was high tide and there wasn’t a huge amount of beach to walk on, but we pretty much had the place to ourselves. It was early enough that people were in school or working and the white sand was empty except for us and a woman walking a fat chocolate lab down by the water.
“You thinking about staying here for awhile?” he asked with his hands in his pockets, his chin angled down and giving me a glorious shot of that chiseled jaw.
I watched as the wind kicked up and pushed his hair around. “For the time being, yeah. I’m kind of at a standstill until they catch this guy. I can’t go home because I don’t feel safe and I can’t afford to live in a hotel for however long it takes the police to find him. I have a little bit of a nest egg saved up and plenty of vacation time, so I guess it works out.”
“Your big city friends won’t let you stay with them?”
I shrugged. “My friends in the city are more of the 'let’s grab a drink and gossip' and less of the 'dump all your problems on me and move in', you know?”
He immediately shook his head. “It sounds like a shitty group of friends.”
I almost disagreed. I wanted to lie to him and say that I had a solid, dependable group of friends back in New York, but I just couldn’t. The women I worked with were nice enough, but it all felt superficial. There was never any depth to our conversations and they never wanted to discuss politics, family values or morals.
I shook my head as I realized how much I didn’t miss the city nor did I miss the people in it. It was also at that moment I realized dark clouds were rolling in. Quickly.
“Uh, Knox, is it supposed to rain?”
When he didn’t answer I turned and found him watching me, his eyes boring into mine with such an intensity it was almost frightening. His high cheekbones looked like they were pointing an arrow directly to his mouth and I found myself mesmerized by how handsome he’d become over the years. He was always cute, but now he looked like… a man.
Christ, was that man making me feel like a woman and not the little girl that left five years ago.
“I-”
Thunder rumbled in the distance, effectively cutting off whatever Knox was about to say.
The clouds came r
olling in fast, dark and angry. I loved it. Being on the beach during a thunderstorm was easily on my top ten list of favorite things. When I was younger my mother would send Robbie and Logan to chase me down and drag me back home whether I liked it or not, knowing I would be on the beach or in the water, staring up at the sky like it was my first time seeing it. The noise, the lightning, the fat rain drops pelting my bare skin.
She’d be waiting at the door with a glass of red wine in her hand ready to scold me for running off on my big brothers.
The memory of the way things used to be made me somewhat sad. It was a feeling of innocence lost, but over the years, my love for the sky and the rain never went away. The rain washed away everything; bad nights and arguments. Tears and stress. It was cleansing, and I always believed that rain was good for the soul.
I stared up at the sky and watched as lightning flashed across the sky in the distance.
“You still love it? After all this time?”
I nodded my head and smiled, looking out at the ocean as angry waves crashed against the shore. “You don’t get to see it like this in the city. It’s not the same. You’re surrounded by buildings and there’s so much noise. It all just feels so polluted.”
Knox nodded his head. “Let’s get back before it starts raining.”
Right on cue, the skies opened up and we were caught in a downpour. Laughing, we took off at a sprint back to the house.
We were both completely soaked by the time we made it up the steps to the back deck, shirts plastered to our skin. My hair was in a tangled bun on the top of my head and I could feel strands sticking to my cheeks and neck. Thunder roared overhead.
“Hurry up,” Knox laughed from behind me as I struggled to get the key in the lock.
I swung the door open and we tumbled inside, slamming the door just as lightning began to light up the sky. We were both soaked, freezing and laughing all at once. My ribs ached but I didn’t even care.
Catching my breath, I leaned back against the door and stared at Knox. He was smiling that perfect smile, the one that used to make me weak. The one that still did. Laugh lines at the corners of his mouth, straight white teeth, hazel eyes bright. He ran his hand through his dark hair and slicked it back before puffing out his cheeks and blowing out a breath.
He stared back at me, his smile fading. As his eyes scanned my face I took a deep breath, willing myself not to react to him. Since the attack, I hadn't been able to bear the thought of anyone touching me, but right at that moment I wanted his hands all over me. Gripping my hips. Threading his fingers through my hair. Pulling on my bottom lip with his teeth while his fingers dug into my thighs. My brain was scattered, everywhere all at once.
“I should get towels,” I said quietly.
Other than the brief flash of lightning, we were shrouded in darkness. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked past him, keeping a safe distance before heading up the stairs to the linen closet. My heart was pounding and I was shivering. Maybe from being soaked head to toe or maybe from something else, something I hadn’t felt in a long, long time. I shook my head and opened the door, grabbing towels and willing myself to calm down.
It’s Knox, I told myself as I patted the soft cotton against my face. You do not want to go down this road again; look how well it ended before. You don’t want to get sucked into Hurricane Knox again, do you? Don’t be so stupid. Get your head on straight, girl.
Hurricane Fitzgerald was a term I came up with in my high school days when my afternoons were filled with scribbling Knox’s name across my notebook. He wasn’t a painting, nor was he a piece of art. He was a goddamn storm and I loved every second of his chaos. I loved the way he swept me up and turned my teenage years upside down. Young love is all consuming, and our was not an exception.
A creak on the stairs made me straighten my spine, my brain automatically going into overdrive. It was a reflex, assuming the worst. But after a deep breath, I looked up as Knox entered my line of vision. His eyes met mine as I closed the closet door, my hand gripping the knob tightly.
“I missed you,” he said quietly, his eyebrows furrowed as if he was confused by his own admission.
My breath caught in my throat. “I missed you.”
Knox moved forward, his black t-shirt plastered to his chest. Ever since he'd shown up on Robbie’s doorstep, I had been fighting the urge to tell him how good he looked. I wanted to run my hands over his chest just to feel how hard it was. I wanted to slide my thumb against his mouth just to see if his lips were as soft as they used to be. An obvious strength radiated off of him and it was alluring. Intoxicating.
My back hit the wall, and I realized I was backing up as he was moving forward. He placed a wide palm against the wall next to my head and I could feel the heat of his gaze on me as I looked everywhere but his face. His other hand reached up and his fingers traced the fading bruise around my eye, the tips of his fingers touching my temple.
He leaned down and pressed his lips against my tender skin. It was so gentle that I barely felt it, but it wasn’t about whether or not I felt it. It was the sentiment, the action.
“Knox…”
“I hate that I wasn’t there,” he said and cupped my cheek, tilting my head up so that I was looking at him. The expression on his face was pained. “If I’d been there... “
I tried to lighten the mood and gave a nervous laugh. “I think after five years I stopped being your responsibility.”
Knox slid his hand back until his fingers gripped the back of my neck, pressing lightly. “That’s not funny.”
What was I supposed to say, that I wished he was there? That I wanted him there? That I thought about him all the time and sometimes the thoughts were all consuming and I couldn’t focus on anything else?
“I wanted you there,” was all I could manage.
“How bad?”
I reached up and grabbed his wrist, squeezing lightly. His skin was soft and he smelled good, so clean. My senses were overwhelmed.
“I thought about you all the time. I wanted you at the hospital with me and I wanted you to hold my hand and tell me that we would deal with it together. Knox, I wanted-”
All at once, his mouth was on mine and I gasped, feeling his tongue eagerly slip into my mouth. I was pinned between him and the wall and there was absolutely nowhere else I’d rather be. He cupped my face with both hands and completely dominated the kiss, tilting my head to the right and sliding his tongue deeper, tasting me and swallowing my small moan.
The kiss was rough. Passionate. Completely wrong and inappropriate, though I was too lost to care. His teeth pulled at my bottom lip and I whimpered as I pressed myself against his long, lean body. Knox released my lip and I nearly growled at the sudden loss only to feel his hands slide down and cup my ass, squeezing the flesh so hard it hurt.
There was a desperation to his movements and I couldn’t say I blamed him. It had been so long since we kissed, so long since we touched that I felt lost in the sensation. It was as though I was floating and sinking all at once, and maybe I was. Maybe I was sinking back into my old life at home, my old life with Knox. Maybe there wasn’t a goddamn thing I could do to stop it.
Maybe it was fate.
“Knox,” I barely managed before his mouth was on mine again, the force of the kiss pushing my head back. He completely took over and I was so ready and so willing. He could have fucked me right there against the wall of my brother’s house and I would have let him without a second thought. Our teeth clashed and our tongues twisted. I tangled my fingers in his thick hair and tugged hard, earning a groan.
“Jump,” Knox ordered roughly and pulled me up, my legs wrapping around his waist. He settled me down against him, his cock pressed against the seam of my jeans. The friction only offered a short relief before I was craving more, pressing down a little harder and grinding against him. His lips and tongue swept up the curve of my neck, caressing the skin that covered my pulse. I moaned and my legs squeezed him tighter.
“I want you. Right here,” he said. His eyes were heavy lidded and his pupils were dilated. He looked dangerous and sexy, and his hair was a mess. There was absolutely no way I was going to be able to say no to him.
“Fuck me,” I whispered.
“Dirty fucking mouth.”
“You love my dirty mouth,” I shot back.
His teeth nipped at my neck and I hissed. “Do you have any idea what I’m going to do to you?” he asked, the low timbre of his voice going right through me. “It’s been five years, Abbs. Five years of thinking about you, thinking about your hands on me. Five years of thinking about you in my bed again, thinking about that pretty little mouth wrapped around my co-”
“Anyone home?” Robbie’s voice echoed up the stairs.
We both froze and I pressed a finger against his lips. My eyes never left his as I said, “Up here! Uh, Knox stopped by and we got caught out in the rain. I was just grabbing some towels.”
“That’s quite a throwback,” he responded, his voice sounding a bit guarded at the mention of my ex.
You have no idea, I thought wryly and slid down Knox’s body, my hands sliding down his chest as he lowered my feet to the ground. His chest was heaving and there was color in his pale cheeks as he stared down at me.
“There’s food if he feels like staying,” Robbie called up, his tone unchanging.
“Be right down, man,” Knox responded, sliding his thumb over my mouth. I puckered my lips and kissed the pad of his thumb, earning a small smile.
It was official. I had been sucked back into Hurricane Fitzgerald.
Chapter 7
“Well, you’re all smiles today.” Dr. Van Sant grinned at me from his place on the couch.
I gave a small smile and nodded. The windows were open and I could hear the waves and seagulls. “I took your advice.”
“Oh?”
“I’ve reconnected with some old friends.”
Truth be told, my week had been so busy. I spent a night watching movies with my brothers and spent all of Wednesday afternoon at a local seafood restaurant with Simone where we drank too much wine and caught each other up on the little things that had happened in our lives. I hadn’t spent any time with Knox since the day we got caught in the storm. At one point I saw him when I was walking to Simone’s. He was too focused on sparring with another man in the gym to notice me, which was fine because I was nearly drooling at the sight of him sweating and shirtless.
Keep Me Safe: A Small Town Suspenseful Love Story (Port James Book 1) Page 5
