by Karen Swan
‘You don’t say,’ Cassie said with an edge.
‘I don’t mean they love her like that.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Arch told me.’
‘Suze, just look at her!’
‘Listen, what are you so worried about? Henry can see no one but you.’
‘But she looks just like me, only better!’
Suzy soothingly placed a hand on her arm. ‘Stop being so insecure. For one thing, she’s got a boyfriend. And for another, there’s no such thing as a better you.’
Cassie watched as Beau leaned in and said something in her ear, Amy throwing her head back in laughter in reply. Was he her boyfriend? Hadn’t Luke just sent Beau over to her?
‘Hey, guys!’
Both Suzy and Cassie turned in unison to find Gem bombing towards them like a pocket rocket. She was wearing a turquoise, brown and white crocheted dress with boy pants underneath and a black bra, her tanned skin winking through the vast openwork spaces. Her hair was still tightly bound in the cornrows, and attached to her hand was Laird.
Close up, he seemed less cartoonish than he had at the pub the other week. His eyes drooped slightly at the outer edges, giving him a vaguely melancholic air, and two weeks in England seemed to have taken the maroon tint off his tan. His hair was still improbably blond, but surrounded by the salty seadogs here tonight, it didn’t seem quite so striking, and he just seemed fit, rather than buff, now that he was wearing a shirt and not a muscle vest.
‘I’m dying for you both to meet Laird properly.’ She looked back at him with bright eyes. ‘These are the ones I was telling you about – Suzy, Henry’s sister, and Cassie, Henry’s fiancée.’
‘Pleased to meet you,’ Cassie smiled, holding out her hand as she caught sight of Suzy’s expression and guessed at her displeasure at both of them being introduced only in terms of their relationships to Henry. Suzy wasn’t Henry’s anything. She was older – he was her little brother; or how about she was Archie’s wife instead? Or just the elder cousin? Even just the one with the great boobs?
‘Hi.’ Laird shook her hand lightly. ‘Sorry I didn’t get a chance to meet you at the party.’
‘It was a big party,’ Cassie smiled, feeling guilty that she and Anouk and Bas had deliberately ducked into the crowd and disappeared – pretending to get separated – as Gem had led them over with Henry to make the introduction. ‘I . . . uh, love your name. It’s so unusual.’
‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘My grandparents were Scottish. It’s a Scottish name.’
‘Ah yes, of course it is,’ Cassie nodded. ‘I used to live in Scotland.’
‘Really? Whereabouts?’
‘Halfway between the border and Edinburgh. The Lammermuir Hills?’
He shook his head apologetically.
‘It’s OK. No one outside of a ten-mile radius has ever heard of them.’
‘Do you miss it?’
‘Ha! You’ve got to be joking,’ Suzy interrupted. ‘Poor Cass was trapped in a terrible marriage the whole time she was up there. Her husband worked in Edinburgh and would only come back at weekends. It was just you and the cook and the gin cupboard, wasn’t it, Cass?’
‘Suze, you’ve just totally made me sound like an alcoholic!’ Cassie protested with a laugh. She looked back at Laird. ‘For the record, I do not have a drink problem.’
‘Oh, I know,’ he replied earnestly. ‘Your skin’s too good.’
‘Oh, thanks,’ she grinned.
Gem made eye contact with Cassie, flashing her a delighted smile that said, ‘See?’ as beside them Suzy cleared her throat.
‘So, I just saw Archie,’ Gem said, speaking up to her big cousin. ‘He looks so hot.’
‘He nearly died the week before last,’ Suzy replied with an incredulous tone that suggested she was not of the same view. ‘I hardly think he’s looking his best.’
‘So?’ Gem cried. She placed a small hand on Suzy’s arm. ‘I never got what it was you saw in him till now. I always thought he looked like that Fast Show character – you know, the lord who’s in love with his estate keeper?’
Suzy’s mouth dropped open in mute horror.
‘But now! The cheekbones, his eyes are so bright, and his teeth . . . He’s got such good teeth. Who knew?’
Clearly not Suzy, who was now looking at her husband in the crowd with an expression approaching confusion. Were they talking about the same man?
‘You’re a lucky girl, cuz. We all are.’ Gem looked back at Cassie again, sipping her drink like a child at her parents’ dinner party. ‘Have you and Henry set a date?’
Oh God, not again. The same old question. ‘Not yet,’ Cassie said with a tight smile. ‘We’re just enjoying life as it is now.’
Gem looked baffled by the answer.
‘Cassie’s still recovering from her disastrous marriage. She got married too young, you see,’ Suzy butted in tactlessly. ‘A decade wasted, her best years behind her and all because she rushed into it,’ she tutted.
Cassie glared at her best friend – could she have been more unsubtle? – but Suzy’s eyes were resting solely on Gem. Laird shifted his weight uneasily. He, at least, appeared to have got the point.
‘Can I get anyone another drink?’ he asked.
Cassie gladly accepted – mainly to help justify his escape – and she watched him slip into the safety of the crowd, her eyes coming to rest on Henry again, as he still stood horsing around in a tight-knit core with Beau, Arch and Amy.
‘So I’m amazed Archie made it here tonight. He was saying he only got out of hospital, like, yesterday.’
‘Yes, and if he tries to get off that stool, I’ll personally drop-kick him back to the CCU myself,’ Suzy said, eyes slitted as Archie enthusiastically began another countdown.
‘When’s he back to work?’ Gem asked.
‘Not for at least another month. His ECGs weren’t great. He needs further monitoring before they’ll sign him off. The doctors said he’s got to fully relax and start gentle exercise.’
‘I’ll teach him yoga,’ Gem offered excitedly, grasping Suzy’s hand.
‘Ha! You wish!’ Suzy quipped. ‘Trust me, there are farmhouse tables with more flexibility in their legs than his.’
‘You really don’t need to be flexible to do yoga, you know,’ Gem said, laughing. ‘I know I could help him. I worked with some really knackered old blokes in Oz and it made such a difference to their well-being.’
Cassie had begun to get the giggles – for the first time ever, Suzy’s outspokenness was making no imprint on Gem’s blunt-headedness – and she couldn’t help but look over at Suzy’s outraged expression.
‘Well, you’re very sweet, Gem,’ Suzy said in her most patronizing tone, ‘but we’re not actually going to be around this summer. We’re decamping to Cornwall.’
‘To Butterbox?’ Gem gasped, her eyes wide and her hand slapped over her chest.
‘That’s right. The fresh air and big views are just what he needs.’
‘I couldn’t agree more. It’ll be so healing for him being by the sea. The soul needs that vista, you know. It’s too easy to disconnect from nature when you live in these big cities; you don’t even realize it’s happening. There’s just this silent erosion of something good and vital from our lives and then we wonder why we feel so out of balance.’
‘Yes. Right. That’s what I thought,’ Suzy said warily.
‘You know, this is how Laird and I connected in the first place. He’d be up for the surf and he’d go right past my dawn classes – just seven or eight of us on the beach. It was only a matter of time before we got talking and realized how connected we are.’ Her eyes glazed with the memories. ‘God, he’d love it down there. The surf’s so sick at Polzeath and—’ She stopped talking abruptly, her expression lighting up. ‘Oh my God,’ she breathed, her hand clamping suddenly on to Suzy’s arm. ‘We should totally come down with you.’
‘What?’ Suzy looked nauseous.
‘Thi
nk about it! You and Arch need to heal – because you’ve had a terrible shock too, Suzy. Don’t underestimate the pressure it’s put on you – and Laird’s just beginning to wilt, bless him, being so far from the sea. He loves me and he’d live with me in the Gobi Desert if I asked him to, but he needs that element in his life. And I can do my yoga anywhere. Plus, it’d be the perfect opportunity for us all to have some proper time together and really reconnect, you know? It’s been so long, years really, since we all had proper time together.’
Cassie wondered how many more times Gem could bring the word ‘connect’ into the conversation.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea—’ Suzy began, but Gem was on a roll.
‘And of course, while we’re there, all together, you can help me get my ideas for the wedding on track. Did Henry tell you?’
‘Huh?’
‘I mean, I’d pay you, obviously. I wouldn’t expect any freebies, although mates’ rates would be nice.’ She laughed, joshing Suzy in the ribs with an elbow. ‘But you’ve got to admit it makes sense: while Archie’s getting the rest he needs, you can have a little project to tide you over to stop you going stir-crazy, and I can try to get my head around this crazy wedding lark. I mean, really, can anyone explain to me the point of favours?’
Suzy stared at Cassie – she did, in fact, usually hold very strong views on favours – just as Laird reappeared with the drinks.
‘Babe, you’ll never guess!’ Gem gushed. ‘We’re going to spend the summer in Cornwall.’
‘Cornwall?’ If he’d drawn a blank with Lammermuir, Cornwall fared no better.
‘It’s the UK’s surf central. Polzeath is totally, like, one of the top-ten surf beaches.’
‘Oh yeah, yeah, I know Polzeath.’
‘Well, we’ve got a family place down there. Aunt Hat’s got one half, and I’ve got the other . . .’
Suzy’s eyes slid over to Cassie’s, Gem’s point quite clear: Suzy had no jurisdiction over whether or not Gem chose to go. She co-owned the house.
‘Suzy and Arch are going down there so he can recuperate. We can all bond, plan the wedding and’ – she took a deep breath – ‘you can surf every day again.’
Laird looked down at his diminutive fiancée, his expression as soft as warmed butter as he snaked his hand round her neck. ‘Seriously?’
Suzy furiously mouthed, ‘WTF?’ as the happy couple kissed.
‘Are you coming too?’ Laird asked her, forcing Cassie to break Suzy’s eye-lock.
‘Sorry?’
‘To Cornwall.’
‘Yes! That would be so perfect! And there’s loads of room,’ Gem added.
Cassie shook her head ‘Sadly not. I’ve got to work.’
‘Ah, that’s a shame,’ Laird smiled with what seemed to be genuine regret, and she wondered whether he wanted her to act as some sort of buffer between him and Gem, and Suzy. She couldn’t blame him. Suzy had been nothing short of terrifying so far tonight.
‘It really is. Especially with Henry being gone so long.’ Gem pulled an exaggerated sad face.
‘I’m used to it,’ she shrugged, trying to mask the white lie. She would never get used to being without him.
‘Yes, are you sure you couldn’t come down?’ Suzy asked, rejoining the conversation. ‘Now that you’ve got Ascot and the polo out of the way, aren’t things calming down? I thought they were your big events.’
Cassie looked at her in surprise. ‘Well, yes, but we’ve still got the smaller private events – birthdays, anniversaries, intimate weddings.’
‘But I bet Zara could cover those. I mean, Jude’s school is off for the summer holidays now, right? And she’s always saying how bored she gets at home with Zara being at work the whole time.’
Cassie laughed. ‘I’m not sure she’d thank you for signing her up to a summer of work, though.’
Suzy shrugged. ‘It’s worth an ask, though, surely? Let’s face it, you’re going to be thoroughly miz without Henry and me.’
‘You’re nothing if not modest,’ Cassie chuckled, knowing full well that the only reason Suzy was now so desperate to get her down there was for the same reasons as Laird had asked – to act as a buffer between her and Gem. There was no doubt Suzy would be at risk of a heart attack herself if she had to spend the entire summer with her little cousin.
All eyes fell on Cassie – each with different agendas and needs. ‘Look, it’s not that I don’t think it’s a lovely idea, but—’
‘Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it,’ Suzy said with a deep sigh, before holding up her drink and staring at it grimly. ‘Cheers, then. Here’s to the joys of an endless summer.’
Cassie felt instantly guilty, but what could she do? She couldn’t take off for a month just because Suzy needed some backup with her family.
‘Do either of you know where I could go to have a sneaky ciggie?’ Gem asked, before quickly putting her hand on Laird’s arm. ‘I know, and I promise this is the last one. I’ll start tomorrow, but my favourite cousin in the— I mean, my favourite male cousin in the world is disappearing round the world just as I’ve got back, which is such sucky luck. I need something to take the edge off.’
Laird rolled his eyes in disapproval and Cassie thought that was at least something he and Suzy had in common.
‘Here, Laird, let me introduce you to Arch,’ Suzy said with a burst of sudden friendliness that made Cassie’s eyes narrow. ‘He’s a demon boogie-boarder. He can tell you all about the surf down there.’
Gem smiled as Suzy towed Laird away like a tug boat and Cassie realized as Suzy began making frantic hand gestures behind her cousin’s back exactly what she was up to: this was supposedly Cassie’s cue to halt the wedding in its tracks.
‘Um, follow me, Gem,’ Cassie said, leading her back to the spot by the windows where she’d been standing earlier with Luke. Was he still here? Her eyes scanned the crowd as they passed, but she could see no sign of him. Thank God.
They leaned on the balcony together, Gem lighting a roll-up she’d stashed in her bra, and both of them staring into the brightly lit madding street, their backs to the party.
‘So I get the impression Suzy isn’t very pleased about the wedding,’ Gem said after a moment, watching as her own smoke ring wobbled into the big, wide world.
‘What? Suzy?’ Cassie asked in a new falsetto. ‘No! She’s delighted for you. Really, really happy. And of course, weddings are her business. She’s actually got a not-so-vested interest in seeing you guys get hitched.’
Gem stared at her for a minute, clearly deliberating whether or not to believe her. ‘Well, Aunt Hats is distraught. She thinks I’m rushing into it.’
Cassie swallowed. ‘That’s only natural. From what I understand, you and Laird haven’t known each other for very long.’
‘But you like him.’
‘Me? I think he’s lovely. Really charming and sweet. And he’s obviously mad about you.’
Gem smiled, her eyes on a shaven-headed security guard standing outside a nightclub across the road. ‘Exactly.’
Cassie dithered, wondering how to strike the balance between supportive and annihilative. ‘I do see why Hats is concerned, though. I don’t see what the rush is for getting married so soon. What’s so wrong with waiting a bit?’
‘What’s so right with waiting?’ Gem countered.
‘Well, it gives you time to be sure that you’re doing the right thing. What Suzy said earlier was true: I got married at exactly your age and spent a decade of my life being miserable. If I could go back and advise my twenty-one-year-old self now, it would be to just let things hang for a bit. Marriage is supposed to be forever. Don’t do what I did and rush in. Feelings change; passions cool. I don’t doubt you and Laird are nuts about each other now, but are you sure he’s still going to be what you want ten, twenty, forty years from now?’
‘But who can ever be sure of that? You could put off your entire life according to that philosophy. We’re all works in progress. If you’d t
old me three years ago, when I got expelled for having sex with one of the boys in sixth form, that I’d find peace in a sun salutation, I’d have laughed my head off. I was the angriest little bitch you ever saw, and yet now look at me: I’m Zen with a capital Z. Personal growth isn’t linear, Cassie. None of us knows who we’re going to become. I mean, did you ever think you’d be engaged again, so soon after your marriage broke up?’
The question momentarily floored Cassie and she watched as a fat pigeon ruffled its feathers on a telephone wire. ‘Uh, well, honestly? No. In fact, to be perfectly honest, I never thought I’d get married again full stop.’
‘Really?’
Cassie closed her eyes briefly as she remembered the last day of her marriage. ‘Everything that happened with my ex and me, it made such a travesty of our vows. I’m not sure I could ever believe in them again.’
‘But you obviously could, though, with Henry,’ Gem said, looking up at her questioningly. ‘Seeing as you’re engaged to him.’
Cassie didn’t reply. She was back in the library, overhearing Gil’s voice as he let spill the awful secret that she’d never even suspected. She’d been that naive, that gullible. That trusting . . .
‘Cassie?’
‘What? Oh. Yes, I . . .’ She hesitated. ‘Of course.’
Gem laughed. ‘Well, that didn’t sound very convincing!’
‘What? No, no, it is. I just . . .’ She forced her mind to get back on message. ‘I was just thinking about the vows, actually. You have to really think about them before you commit to them. They’re not just hollow words; you’re going to live your life according to them. I mean, “forsaking all others” . . . Is that really a decision you, as a twenty-yearold, can stand by for all of your life?’ Luke’s face swam into her mind, his words still a warm echo: ‘Who says you would have come back? . . . When did that start? ... It wasn’t long, I know that much ... You were never coming back to me . . .’
She banished him from her mind. Gil. Luke. All the ghosts from her past were revisiting her tonight, eddying round her and setting her off-balance, off-kilter. ‘I guess what I’m trying to say is, just don’t make the mistake I made. Life is long. What makes you happy today may not be what makes you happy a year from now. Keep your options open.’
