At night the side door wasn’t open so she had to walk through the waiting room and already it was steaming, two people asking her on her way through how much longer they would have to wait. Already her temples were pounding, but she went to the staffroom, took out a little white teapot she had painted her name on in red nail varnish, made a big pot of herbal tea and told herself she could do this.
‘Evening, Ruby!’ Sheila gave a tight smile as she walked into the staffroom and Cort deliberately didn’t turn his head from the television. ‘Ready for some action?’
‘Bring it on!’ Ruby smiled.
Cort had been unable to comprehend that she, that anyone, could throw so much away for the sake of three nights, but as the weekend progressed, he started to see it.
See what he never really had before.
It was like finding out about sex when he had been younger. Suddenly it was there glaring at him at every turn—how on earth had he not noticed? Now, though, it was the dark side of A and E that was illuminated. All the stuff he usually just ignored or shrugged off or put up with was blazingly obvious, and there was this part of him that wanted to shield her from it. There were fights breaking out in the waiting room, angry relatives, abusive patients and the drama of sudden illness. He watched her face become pinched, even though she smiled; he saw her eyes shutter regularly as if another knife had been stabbed in her back; and he started to see that for some, the emergency room was damaging.
Not that he could do anything about it.
Once she tried to talk to him, but Cort was still too churned up, and he blanked her, then regretted it all through the next day when he couldn’t sleep, wondering if she’d be back.
She was.
To a place that was twice as busy and twice as angry as before, and he noticed it—all of it—even the little things he would never have seen before.
‘I’ll eat my supper here.’ Siobhan peeled off the lid of her container. Ruby had made it through Thursday and was back for round two—a busy Friday night and the patients were particularly feral.
Siobhan was in the grumpiest of moods because she’d been brought back from the staffroom as the numbers were too low for her to take a proper break. They had a young overdose in cubicle six and they couldn’t identify the tablets she’d taken, despite poring through books and the internet, and Sheila had asked Siobhan to make a phone call. Now Siobhan sat, stuck on hold to Poisons Information, as Cort tried to work out a drug dose. He watched Ruby’s shoulders tense as Siobhan’s bored eyes fell on the student nurse.
‘What are you doing, Ruby?’ she asked. Ruby was holding a newborn baby and screaming toddler, who’d cut his forehead falling against his toybox and had blood all down his pyjamas.
‘Mum’s just gone to the toilet,’ Ruby answered.
‘Well, can’t she take them with her?’ Siobhan asked. ‘We’re not a child-minding service.’
‘It’s no problem.’
‘Actually,’ Siobhan answered, ‘if another emergency comes in, or someone goes off and you’re holding a baby, it becomes one!’
‘Ooh, that smells nice!’ Sheila’s only comment was about the smell wafting over as Siobhan stirred her supper. ‘What is it?’
‘Veal and noodles,’ Siobhan said, and just for a second, so small no one, not even Ruby, noticed, there was a shadow of a smile on Cort’s mouth as Ruby rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath.
‘That’d be right.’
She hated it, Cort fully realised. Behind the smile she was in torture, and given what had gone on, he’d made it much worse for her.
‘Thanks so much.’ A tearful mum came and took her baby and tried to scoop up the toddler, who was on the floor.
‘I know I keep asking, but have you any idea how much longer?’
‘We’ll get to him as soon as we can,’ Siobhan answered before Ruby had a chance. ‘Only there are still a couple of patients before him and it will take two staff to hold him down and we just can’t spare them at the moment.’
‘But you’ve time to sit and eat,’ the mum snapped.
‘I’m eating my supper at the desk because I’m on hold to Poisons Information and I expect to be for the next half-hour,’ came Siobhan’s tart response. ‘I’m actually supposed to be on my break, but I’m here to hopefully free up a colleague.’
Yes, she was right, but it could have been handled so much better, because the mum promptly burst into tears. ‘There are drunks down in the waiting room. I can’t sit and breastfeed…’
And Ruby truly didn’t know what to do. There was literally nowhere to put them. Every cubicle was full, all the interview rooms were taken, and though, had it been up to her, she’d have popped Mum into the staffroom, the reality was it was needed for staff to get a break from the perpetual craziness.
‘Bring him through.’ Cort stood up. He didn’t have time, but he’d just have to make it.
‘Suture room’s not cleaned from the last one.’
‘I’ll do it,’ Ruby said, and glanced at Siobhan. ‘And I can hold him by myself.’
Ruby scuttled off and did the quickest clean-up she could, then washed her hands and set up a trolley for Cort.
‘You’ll need a drawer sheet to wrap him in.’ Cort came in, but didn’t look at her. ‘Mum won’t be able to help with holding him.’
‘I know.’
He pulled up the anaesthetic so that the little boy wouldn’t see the needle, opened up the sutures then told Ruby to bring him in.
‘What’s his name?’
‘Adam,’ Ruby said, and flushed, and it was stupid and so, so irrelevant that it was the same name as her brother’s, but it just made a point, a stupid point, that they knew more about the other than they ought to officially. ‘I’ll go and get him.’
‘You don’t have to come in,’ Ruby offered, but his mum was sure that she’d rather.
‘Well, if it gets too much,’ Ruby said, just as she’d seen the others do, ‘just slip out.’
‘He’s going to struggle and scream,’ Cort explained, ‘and it will sting for a bit when I put the anaesthetic in, but after that he won’t feel a thing.’ He explained a little further as Ruby tightly wrapped the little boy. ‘It’s not fair to settle him down only to stick him with a needle, so once the anaesthetic is in, we’ll try and calm him.’
The only way one person could hold him was to practically use the weight of her body over the swaddled child and hold his face with two gloved hands as he screamed loudly in Ruby’s ear.
‘It will be finished soon, Adam,’ Ruby said, and she swore she felt the needle go in as he shrieked even louder.
‘That’s it.’ Cort’s voice was loud and deep and caught Adam by surprise. He paused his screaming for just a second. ‘All the horrible bit’s finished with,’ Cort said to the little boy, and then spoke to Ruby. ‘Loosen up on him while it takes effect.’
‘It’s okay.’ His mum tried to soothe him, but the baby was crying now too and she was about to as well—either that or pass out. ‘I think I’ll go out…’
‘We’ll take good care of him,’ Cort said, and then he looked down at the toddler. ‘I’m going to make it better in a moment and then you can go home.’ He spoke to him in a matter-of-fact voice and maybe all the fight had left him, but the little boy did stop screaming. ‘It’s not going to hurt now.’ He turned to Ruby. ‘Go round the other side.’ She did so and Cort changed his gloves and put a little green drape over his head, and they were back to where they started, away from the bedlam and shut in the suture room, but there was a whole lot more between them than a patient now. ‘You just look at Ruby,’ Cort said, which Adam did, and though he did whimper a few times, he was much calmer as Cort worked on quietly.
‘Could it have been glued?’ Ruby asked, because it would have been much easier.
‘It needs a couple of dissolvable sutures—it’s a pretty deep cut,’ Cort explained. ‘And it needed a good clean.’ He turned and smiled as a much calmer mum stepped into
the room. ‘Just wait there,’ Cort said, but very nicely. ‘He’s in the zone. If he sees you he’ll think it’s over. We shan’t be long.’ There was one more snip and then as he went to clean it, Ruby could see what he meant by in the zone, because the second Adam sensed it was over, he shot up, saw his mum and not a tightly wrapped drawer sheet or Ruby could have kept him still a second longer.
‘Mum!’ He burst into tears all over again.
‘We’re finished!’ Cort said. ‘You get to choose your plaster now.’ And he would have left it to Ruby, but he didn’t, took just that one moment to help the little boy select.
‘Thanks so much. I’m sorry about before…’ the mum said.
‘We’re sorry you’ve had to wait,’ Ruby said.
‘That nurse…’ she explained. ‘I know she should get her proper break. I had no right to say anything.’
‘It’s fine,’ Cort said.
‘I don’t know how you do it.’ She looked at Ruby, who smiled back at her. ‘I don’t know how you can work in this place.’
‘You get used to it,’ Ruby said, because it was either that or fall into the woman’s arms like Adam and beg her to take her away from here.
‘Take him home to bed and let him sleep, but you need to check him regularly.’
‘I’ll have him in with me.’
‘Good. Stitches out in five days at your GP.’ He went through all the head-injury instructions as Ruby found a leaflet then started to clean up.
‘Cort,’ Ruby said, because it was the only chance she had to do so, ‘about—’
‘Leave it, Ruby.’ Because he just couldn’t do this.
‘I am sorry.’
So that made it fine, then. Mature he may be, but still it hurt and he just didn’t have it in him to accept her apology as easily as that.
‘You just concentrate on getting through your work.’
‘And that’s it?’
‘What do you want, Ruby?’ He glanced to the door to check no one could hear. ‘You’ve made your feelings perfectly clear.’ When she opened her mouth to dispute, Cort overrode her. ‘You’re right, things would never have worked out between us. I was looking for a diversion, missing Beth. We should have left it at one night.’
And he might just as well have taken a fist and pushed it into her stomach, but somehow she stayed standing.
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘Yeah, well, given the stuff you believe in you might need to take a reality check.’
Yes he was harsh, and perhaps a bit mean, but he couldn’t just stand there and accept her apology. It was far easier to push her away.
He didn’t want to forgive her, because then he might have to love her, and Cort just wasn’t ready for that.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
‘HERE’S to Ruby’s last night!’ They were all made up, sipping wine, doing each other’s hair and getting ready to head down to the Stat Bar. Ruby would have given anything to be joining them and told her friends so.
‘We’ll take you out tomorrow,’ Jess said. ‘We’ll have a little celebration. Just think—you’ll be done!’
She would, Ruby realised.
Somehow she’d got through, not just the work but being alongside Cort. She didn’t blame him for not accepting her apology, but she was beginning to realise that it had probably been her only chance to offer one. She was back at uni in a couple of weeks, then exams. There was little chance of seeing him and realisation was dawning that it wasn’t just her time in Emergency that would be finally over with by morning.
‘Good luck.’ Tilly gave her a hug at the door.
‘What about…?’ Ruby’s voice trailed off. She’d been over and over it with Tilly, had been over and over it with herself, and no matter what positive spin she tried to put on it, she and Cort had only known one another for two weeks, which meant not a lot of history to fight for—an elongated one-night stand that didn’t stand up to the scrutiny of day.
The full moon was rising as she drove the short distance to Eastern Beaches—the same moon she’d wished on to get her through her time in Emergency, and somehow she knew that it would do its job. Come what may, she’d make it through tonight and then never have to set foot in the place again.
Strange that it made her feel like crying.
God, she hated Adam’s car—no matter how she judged it, the seats were so low and she was so short that as she pulled up at boom gates, she couldn’t reach to swipe her ID and had to put it in neutral, pull on the handbrake, take off her seat belt and hang out of the open car door to get it to beep. As she turned and gave the queue of cars behind her an apologetic wave, it had to be Cort’s car behind hers. Cheeks burning, she promptly stalled and then jerked her way through the gates, but thankfully she found a space easily, cursing quietly to herself as she delved into the tiny boot for her massive bag that contained clothes, shoes and toiletry bag, so she could speedily change for church in the morning. Cort pulled up in the space beside her and she would have dashed off but it was Adam’s car, which meant even as she turned to walk, Ruby had to turn back and check again that it was locked and that the handbrake was on.
For Cort, it was impossible to ignore her—aside from all that had happened, she intrigued him. What was it with the bag on her shoulder and why had she parked here?
‘This is the doctors’ area.’ Cort saw her tense as his words reached her. ‘Senior doctors.’
Ruby spun round, unsure if she was being told off. ‘There’s hierarchy even in the car park?’
‘Especially in the car park,’ Cort replied, and Ruby glanced over to see a line of cars all battling for a few spots. ‘I think night staff are Area D.’
She drove so rarely it had never entered her head but, come to think of it, she vaguely remembered being given a map when she’d had her security photo taken for Emergency.
‘Are you going to move it?’ Cort couldn’t care less whether she did or not, it was just conversation as he fell into step beside her.
‘God, no,’ Ruby replied. ‘I’d rather face wheel clamps than Sheila’s wrath if I’m late. And,’ she added, ‘it’s not for emergencies, just to save your poor legs.’
Cort almost smiled, but falling into step with her, with anyone, came not too readily to him, but he was determined to try, to not just nod and walk on as he so often did. Cort almost admitted to himself that he missed her and if it had to end, he didn’t want it to end on the sour note that had played out last night. ‘How have you found the nights?’
‘Awful,’ Ruby admitted. ‘But this is the last.’
‘Oy! Wait!’ Connor half ran to catch up with them and Cort deliberately chose not to make excuses as to why he was walking with Ruby, but to his surprise it was Ruby who offered a reason.
‘Mr Mason was telling me I’d parked in the doctors’ area.’
‘You’ll be shot at dawn,’ Connor warned. ‘Or wheel clamped.’
‘Fantastic,’ Ruby breathed. ‘Then I’ll miss out on church and Sunday dinner with my family—it’s a win-win.’
‘How was the traffic?’ Cort asked Connor, when really he wanted to ask Ruby much more.
‘Hell,’ Connor said. ‘All the traffic’s diverted for the festival, we’re going to have a shocking night—brace yourself, young Ruby,’ he warned as they reached the emergency entrance.
‘Already braced.’ Ruby smiled, but Cort could hear the high note to her voice, could feel, even though he didn’t turn his head to look, her back straighten as they walked through the waiting room. As they entered they saw two sets of police officers alongside two soon-to-be patients, and a pumping waiting room. For her last night, Emergency had turned it on and there was a temptation, a strange urge, a protectiveness almost to take her by the hand and walk her out, tell her she didn’t actually need to be there.
It was the busiest she’d ever seen it. Inebriated patients lay on mattresses on the floor, every trolley was full and for once Sheila didn’t seem to mind Ruby’s willingness to trud
ge up and down to the wards to hand over patients if it freed up a cubicle. Still, when a stabbing came in, Sheila hauled her into Resus to watch as Jamelia inserted a chest drain.
‘Excellent.’ Cort was encouraging. Ruby could see Jamelia’s confidence growing and wished hers would too.
‘Can I grab Ruby to do some obs?’ For once, Ruby was glad to hear Siobhan’s voice, especially when Sheila agreed to release her student. ‘He’s bipolar, hypermanic, we’re just waiting for Psych to come and admit him. Jamelia, can you come and take another look when you’ve got a moment?’
‘Go.’ Cort nodded. ‘I’ll stitch this.’
‘Bill!’ Ruby recognised the patient as soon as she opened the curtain.
‘You know him?’ Jamelia asked.
‘I do some bank work on the psychiatric ward,’ Ruby explained. ‘He was in a few weeks ago.’
‘How are you, Bill?’ Ruby asked. ‘How have you been?’
‘Not good, not good, not good.’ He gripped Ruby’s hand as she went to wrap the blood-pressure cuff. ‘This isn’t, isn’t, isn’t…’ he said. ‘I’m not…’ Ruby frowned as Bill struggled to explain himself. ‘I’m not manic.’
‘It’s okay, Bill,’ Ruby said, carefully checking his obs. She spoke to him some more. ‘We’ll take good care of you.’ She turned to Jamelia. ‘His blood pressure’s high.’
‘I know,’ Jamelia said, ‘but he’s extremely agitated. I’ve just given him some diazepam. Psych shouldn’t be too long.’
‘Doctor, doctor, doctor,’ Bill begged, but Jamelia didn’t understand what he was saying.
‘I’m a doctor, Bill,’ Jamelia said. ‘And you’re going to be fine. You just need to calm down.’
‘Bill’s a doctor,’ Ruby explained. ‘That’s what he’s trying to tell you—and he’s not normally like this.’ She’d been with him just a few weeks ago during a manic episode, and again during her psych rotation, and he’d been nothing like this. She tried to speak with Jamelia, but Jamelia didn’t want a student nurse’s opinion and headed off to Resus, where Cort was finishing up suturing in her chest drain.
‘Have you done those obs?’ Sheila called out to her slippery student. ‘You should be back in here.’
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