‘At seven-thirty in the morning?’ Sheila frowned.
‘I’m going with my parents.’ Ruby grinned. ‘They live out at Whale Beach, which is a good hour away. I said I’d meet them there.’
‘You’ve been working all night,’ Sheila pointed out. ‘Are you sure you’re okay to drive?’
‘I’m fine.’ Ruby gave a large eye roll as she took a seat on a stool. ‘I haven’t been to see them for a few weeks. I didn’t want to make excuses again.’
‘Well, enjoy your Sunday off.’
‘I doubt it.’ Ruby grimaced. ‘A lovely lamb roast…’ She put two fingers to her mouth. ‘I can’t wait!’
‘You can’t police the world.’ Sheila laughed, because she had a daughter who was almost as flaky as this student. ‘Let them enjoy their dinner without judging them.’
‘Let them?’ Ruby swung down her legs from the stool. ‘I wish they’d let me. I have to eat the thing. They don’t get that if they just let me have vegetables, I’d go and visit them more…’
‘You eat it?’ Cort frowned, because she had her own fridge, for goodness’ sake. She’d guilt-tripped him out of steak and a bacon sandwich, and yet when it suited her, away went her principles.
‘They make you eat it?’ Sheila was intrigued. ‘I’d have to tie Lila down.’ Her voice trailed off because she could see Ruby was blushing and a bit uncomfortable.
‘They don’t make me,’ Ruby said. ‘It’s just…’ she gave a tight shrug ‘…easier. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for everything, Sheila.’
‘Thank you,’ Sheila said. ‘We’ve enjoyed having you. We have!’ Sheila smiled when Ruby gave her a disbelieving look. ‘I love a challenge. We might see you back here when you’re qualified,’ Sheila teased.
‘Not a chance.’ Ruby grinned. ‘But I have learnt a lot,’ she admitted. ‘I really have.’
‘I’ll see you on…Tuesday, is it? For your final assessment. But don’t lose any sleep worrying about it.’
‘Don’t mention sleep!’ Ruby said, and waved. She wanted to say something to Cort but he didn’t look up because, as per his instruction, she was just another student.
Easier.
He sat there long after he’d finished writing, blankly staring at his notes, and that word replayed over and over in his head.
Easier to drive for an hour and do family duty after three consecutive nights working.
Easier to dress not as herself.
Easier to eat a roast when it went against every principle she had.
Easier to be happy than to create any waves.
Just stuff down your emotions so they don’t have to deal with them.
He could see her father in front of him ten years ago—forceps hurled across Theatre and the angry, bullying ways that all the staff tolerated because it was Gregory Carmichael’s way.
And he remembered, too, finding a nurse in floods of tears in the coffee room, then blowing her nose and heading back out there, because, well, that’s what they all did.
He got her then, got what it might have been like to be the one Gregory was going to sort out.
There was nothing easy about sitting there thinking of her driving that sleek sports car with no sleep and a bellyful of anger, and he wanted to speak to her, to accept her apology and to apologise himself.
‘Well, we’ll have the next lot of students on Monday,’ Sheila said. ‘That’s it, though, for that lot.’
Was that Sheila’s way of letting him know that the rules didn’t apply now?
He should go home to bed, Cort decided, not give in to feelings that could probably be put down to lack of sleep. He should wait and see how he felt in a few hours, with a much clearer head.
Yes, indecision was the enemy in this place, and Cort was filled with it now, because he should leave it there, just let things lie, because there was no casual with Ruby, no hope of one night, or two or three—he was thinking of a future and it was way too soon after Beth to be thinking like that.
Anyway, he didn’t even know her number to ring her.
He went round to the kitchen and there was her teapot with ‘Ruby’ written in red and he thought of all she’d put up with, all she’d got through, and he wished he could have had the guts to have been there for her more.
‘She’s forgotten her teapot.’ Sheila walked in and followed where Cort’s gaze lingered. ‘She’d forget her head, that one. I’ll ring her and remind her to pick it up on Tuesday—we’ve got enough clutter in here as it is.’ She opened the off-duty book and pulled out her phone, but Siobhan came in yawning and asking for someone to check drugs, and Sheila did what she never did and left the off-duty book lying there open. It couldn’t have been deliberate but Cort, like a guilty schoolboy, wrote a student nurse’s number down and actually didn’t give too much thought to what would happen if he was caught, or what others would say or think.
All he cared about was Ruby.
He tried her mobile, but if she was driving it was sensible that she didn’t pick up, and later when he arrived home and still it went straight to voicemail, he told himself she was in church, so naturally it would be switched off, but there was this terrible dread that woke him around lunchtime—a horrible feeling that he’d left it too late.
He looked over at the picture of Beth, which had been reinstated, and told himself that God wouldn’t be that cruel, that two women he loved wouldn’t be lost in that way.
Guilt swept right through him, because he was looking at Beth and admitting he loved Ruby as well.
Then you’d better do something about it, Beth’s eyes said, because, unlike Ruby, Beth was practical.
It’s too soon, Cort implored, but Beth just stared back from a place where time had a different meaning.
He rang again and then again when it was after five, and there was still no answer. And then, even if her phone was off because she was asleep, he just had to know for sure, so he gave in and drove to Hill Street and parked a little way down from the house and waited for the car that was too big and too fast to come round the corner or down the hill, so that he could drive off reassured and could go back to bed and stop worrying. Except it didn’t appear.
He could not stand it if anything had happened to her.
Could not go through it again.
Except he was.
He was going through it this very moment, imagining all sorts of things, when she might well be in bed, sleeping, Cort thought. One of her friends might have taken the car out, but he simply had to know—so out onto the street he went, waved to the old lady in the next house when she waved at him, opened the squeaking gate, walked up the garden path and stood on the veranda where he had first kissed Ruby and then, because he had to, he knocked on the door.
‘Is Ruby here?’ He tried to sound casual.
‘No,’ Tilly said.
‘Do you know when she’ll be back?’
‘I’m not sure…’ And he realised that she was worried too. ‘I thought she’d be back a while ago, we were going to throw her a little party…for finishing.’
‘She said she was going for lunch at her parents’.’ Cort attempted rational. ‘Maybe she stayed on there, or she just fell asleep.’
‘I just rang her mum and she left ages ago. Her mum sounded upset. I think they might have had a row.’ Tilly held open the door. ‘Come in if you want.’
‘It’s okay…’ He was about to decline and what? Sit in his car or go home and pace. But he wanted to be with them because they loved her too. For a second Cort closed his eyes, because it was the second time today he’d said it to himself and he said it again for a third time. It was love, that was what it was—too soon, too fast, too much perhaps, but that it was love he was completely certain. ‘Thanks,’ he said, and stepped into the house that was becoming familiar, and there they all were at the table, the people who loved and cared for her. Feeling a little bit awkward, Cort sat down and joined them.
‘We really should know better by now than
to worry about her,’ Jess said by way of greeting. ‘She’s always wandering off.’ She pointed to a large calendar. ‘She’s the red one. We know her shifts better than Ruby does. We’re always having to dash down to the beach to remind her she’s on a late or got a lecture…’
‘I might go down to the beach,’ Cort offered. ‘Take a look.’
‘I just went,’ Ellie said.
It was a very strange three hours—lots of idle small talk, all pretending not to be sick with worry, and Cort sitting there as if he just happened to have stopped by. Eventually, Cort cracked and rang work to see if they needed him and, oh, so casually asked to go through the admission list, just to see what had come in. ‘Nope.’
‘Told you,’ Ellie said, just back from the beach for the third time.
‘There are loads of hospitals,’ Tilly snapped, which Cort guessed was unusual for her. ‘I’ll make a drink.’
‘I’ll make this one,’ Cort offered, because they must have made him twenty. He found the tea bags and mugs and sugar okay, but when he went to the fridge to get some milk, they stopped him.
‘Not that one,’ Ellie said. ‘That’s Ruby’s fridge.’
‘Unless you want rice milk with your tea.’ Jess rolled her eyes. ‘She has her own fridge so she doesn’t get depressed seeing our sausages and things. You do know what you’re taking on?’
‘Not really,’ Cort admitted, but he hoped he’d get to find out.
He was about to suggest that they ring the police, but what could they say? That a twenty-three-year old wasn’t home by nine? And then there was the slam of the front door and everyone looked at each other as a cheery call came from the hall.
‘I need wine!’
They all just looked at Ruby as she burst into the kitchen. ‘What?’
‘Where have you been?’ Tilly asked in a voice that was just a little bit shaky and not, Cort guess, just from relief.
‘At the beach.’
‘I looked on the beach,’ Ellie said. ‘I’ve been three times and you weren’t there.’
‘I went to one near my parents’ and fell asleep. We had a bit of an argument,’ Ruby admitted.
‘We’ve been ringing and ringing you,’ Tilly said.
‘We’ve all been worried, Ruby.’ It was the first time Cort had spoken, the first words he could manage because the relief that had flooded him was so physical, it had taken a while to find a shade of a normal voice.
‘Why are you here?’ Ruby blinked in surprise.
‘Because I was worried about you.’
Ruby looked at the table, saw the cards and the congratulations cake and the sparkling wine surrounded by mug after mug of tea, and realised she’d missed her own little party. ‘I’m sorry, guys. I never even thought.’ She went into her bag for her phone. ‘It’s dead… I just…I didn’t want to come home in the mood I was in. I was…’ Still she didn’t say it and he truly saw then just how guarded she was with her emotions. Happy Ruby was the one she chose to show to the world. ‘I just wanted some space. I’m fine now.’
‘Fair enough,’ Tilly said.
‘What was the row about?’ Jess asked, but Ruby just shrugged.
‘Nothing.’
‘Nothing?’ Jess frowned.
‘It was about something so unbelievably tiny…’ Ruby shook her head. ‘I haven’t got the energy to go into it.’
‘Well, we’re going down to the Stat Bar—we’re the ones who need wine. Are you two coming?’
Ruby glanced at Cort. ‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘Maybe later…’ As her housemates walked out, she apologised again. ‘I really am sorry. I had no idea you’d all be so worried.’
‘It’s us overeating.’ Tilly hugged her. ‘But ring next time you go walkabout.’
She guessed she hadn’t got away with it that easily because once alone she looked at Cort and his face was white. She knew that she’d scared him and people didn’t get scared if they didn’t care.
‘I was about to go and get the worry dolls!’ He was trying to make a joke, but he didn’t have to try with Ruby. ‘Don’t ever do that again.’
‘Why are you here?’
‘You left your teapot at work.’
‘Cort?’
‘Because I was worried about you, because you were upset and angry when you left.’
‘I wasn’t.’
‘Yes, Ruby, you were. And you shouldn’t have been driving.’
She opened her mouth to argue then closed it because, yes, he was right, she really shouldn’t have been driving. Halfway there the tears had started again and halfway home she’d nearly rear-ended someone, which was why she’d pulled over.
‘I had no choice but to go. You don’t know what they’re like.’
‘You could have come back here—got one of your friends to drive and come with you.’
‘I didn’t want to rot up their day.’
‘Well, you did,’ Cort said. ‘You worried them sick. What was the row about? And don’t say nothing.’
Ruby shrugged. ‘It was stupid.’
‘Tell me.’
‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘Why?’
‘Because it just winds me up.’
‘So,’ Cort said, and opened the bubbles that her friends had had waiting. ‘Get wound up.’ He poured himself a glass and took a seat and Ruby took a mouthful of wine and felt her face burn, not from the wine or lack of sleep but from the stupid row that had hurt so much, from the wave her tiny ripple had made.
‘Mum always does a massive lunch. I had cauliflower cheese, pumpkin, roast potatoes and peas, and I thought about what Sheila said about her daughter, and I guess I’d just had a busy night and dealt with all those things, and…’ It was beyond pathetic, embarrassing really to repeat it, but he just sat there patiently as she squirmed in her seat and then she came out and said it. ‘I didn’t have any meat or gravy…’ She closed her eyes. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘It does.’
It did.
‘I just got sick of pretending! It doesn’t make him happy anyway. Even if I’d eaten the whole thing, he’d still have something to complain about. I was just trying to be myself…’ She shook her head in frustration. ‘Now poor Mum’s in tears, he’s in a filthy mood…. I should have just eaten it…’
‘And smiled?’ Cort asked, and after a moment Ruby nodded.
‘I just want to be myself,’ Ruby said, ‘except they don’t seem to like her very much.’
‘Then they don’t know what they’re missing,’ Cort said. And he meant it, because even if he didn’t agree with everything, there was nothing about her he would change.
‘I try so hard to just blend in, to just…’
‘Maybe stop trying.’
‘I can’t,’ Ruby said.
‘Okay,’ Cort said, and wondered how he’d go, sitting beside her, watching her gag at dinner, and not be able to step in, but he would, if it made things easier, if she ever let him be there for him, if she could ever get past what he’d done.
‘I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about Beth,’ Cort said. ‘You had every right to be angry—to be furious, in fact.’
‘No I didn’t—I had no right to judge, about how soon… I shouldn’t have rushed in. I know everyone is different.’
‘Ruby, you had every right,’ Cort said, ‘because I should have told you that night when I brought you back to my home. I just didn’t want to burden you with it all, not till you were through with Emergency. Beth was sick for years and in all that time I couldn’t look at anyone else. Every day off was spent at the nursing home. I was married,’ Cort said. ‘Even if Beth didn’t recognise me, I still wanted to do the right thing by her.’
Ruby nodded.
‘And I wasn’t embarrassed by her. I didn’t want visitors or people to see her because I was embarrassed for her,’ Cort said. ‘I didn’t want anyone to remember her like that and I still try not to. She was the cleverest, smartest person I’ve ever m
et, and there was hardly any of that left. She would have loathed to be seen like that.
‘A month after she died, I end up in a bar, and, yep, you were supposed to be a one-night stand. It just never felt like that at the time, or after…’
It hadn’t.
Not once had she felt like a temporary solution.
‘You’re stuck with me, Ruby,’ Cort said, and she smiled. ‘Even if I am too old and staid…’
She winced at her own words. ‘I didn’t mean those things.’
‘They’re all true. I just don’t want it to rub off on you.’
‘It won’t,’ Ruby promised.
‘I want you to be you.’
‘I will be,’ Ruby said. ‘And you’re not boring. You could never be boring.’
‘Oh I am—and happily so,’ Cort said, thinking about his wardrobe of dark suits and shoes and lack of tattoos or body piercings and smudge sticks and a complete absence of alternative thinking.
‘I think we should keep things quiet, though.’ She felt him tense. ‘We know how serious we are, I just don’t think it would be fair to Beth. Let’s just lie low together for a year or so…’
He was more grateful than she could ever know.
Part of him wanted to shout it from the rooftops and to hell with everyone, to tell the world about them, and yet there was loyalty there to Beth that she recognised, promoted, and it only confirmed that loving her was right.
‘Someone might come in,’ Cort said. As always with Ruby, their kiss was growing out of hand.
‘They’ll be gone for ages,’ Ruby breathed. ‘Hang your tie on the door.’
And, boring or not, he was not going to risk an impromptu party descending on Hill Street.
‘Get dressed,’ Cort said, because he wanted to be completely alone with her.
‘I am dressed,’ Ruby grumbled, but he took her to her bedroom and she put on her jewels and the clothes that were her, put back all the things that were Ruby, just so he could have the pleasure of taking them off later.
Cort Mason - Dr. Delectable Page 13
