by S. Moose
“Yes, so close.”
Pumping my fingers faster, I feel her release as she grabs my hand and squeezes it tight.
“Ayden,” she murmurs, “Oh God, Ayden.”
“Shh.”
We sit in the parked car in front of her townhouse, and I wait for her to say something. We were quiet during dinner, and I wondered what was on her mind.
“Thank you for tonight, Ayden. I enjoyed spending time with you.”
“Likewise, Camila. Are you tired?” She shakes her head. “Why don’t you go change, and we’ll go for a walk?”
“Okay.” She leaves the car and I wait for her to come back in. I want to take her to Canandaigua and walk the pier with her. Tonight’s a perfect night and if I’m being honest I don’t want to say goodnight yet.
We make it to the pier, and I take her hand and walk along the path. It’s peaceful tonight with some people out at the Sandbar. My attention is on her and watching the moonlight glow on her face. Holding her hand tighter, I lean in and kiss the side of her head. As we walk, I tug her down to sit on the edge looking over the water. Her head rests on my shoulder, and my thumb strokes her hand.
“This is nice.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“What made you want to take me out tonight?”
Carefully thinking about my answer, I take her in. She’s beautiful with her hair wavy and past her shoulders. She’s in yoga pants and a zip up hoodie. I don’t care if she’s glammed up in a dress or in this outfit. She’s beautiful in anything she wears. “I like spending time with you, Camila.”
She sighs, “Me too, Ayden.”
We spend the rest of the night watching the water under the moon and stars.
Cam
I WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING in a daze, still in shock about the other night. I can’t believe Ayden took me out and actually was a gentleman except for the clandestine episode under the table.
He didn’t push himself into my house like I thought he would, and he kissed me on the lips. I’m so confused about what’s going on. I have no idea what to think or how to ask. I’m afraid if I ask him what’s going on he’ll realize what he’s doing and run away. I don’t know how much more running away I can take from him.
Spending time with him brings out so many emotions, and even though I try to look at him as my best friend, I can’t. My mind and heart tell me to stop being blind and accept that I can’t move on.
Ayden’s perfect for me. He’s broken and scared, yet controlled and sexy. He wears his suit perfectly and commands respect within his successful company. His drive is inspiring, and he’s an amazing man and father.
There’s no way I can move on from Ayden. Not now or ever.
Finally getting out of bed, I get ready for a run and try to not think about him. I tell myself to give Ayden space and let him take control of the situation. The more I think about it, the more it’ll drive me crazy.
My run is refreshing and it helps clear my head. When I complete almost five miles I take a breather and go back inside to shower and get ready for the day.
I finish getting ready so I can run errands. When I open the door, Eric’s standing outside. He smiles and gives me a kiss before walking in. This isn’t good. Not good at all.
“Morning beautiful. I brought you breakfast. I saw you running earlier and knew you needed something to eat. Were you going out?”
“Yeah, I was. I need to run to the bank and go to the mall. I wanted to pick up Grayson a few new outfits and toys. What are you up to today?”
“I thought I’d take my girl out to Geneva for a little wine tour. What do you think?”
“Oh, Eric,” I sigh, hating this part so much. “I wasn’t sure what we were doing.”
“I thought I made it clear when we had sushi. I want us to date. We like to spend time with each other, and we have fun together. You’re a beautiful woman with a big heart. I like you, Cam.”
Shit. This is precisely why I can’t juggle two men in my life. This is too hard. I hate being a bitch, and I hate being the one to hurt him. What else can I do? Should I go along with this? But wouldn’t that be extremely slutty? God, why is this so fucking hard?
“Eric, you’re so sweet, and I love spending time with you. I thought we were dating too, but you seemed distant and I didn’t know what to think,” I sigh. “I went out with Ayden last night, and we had a great time.”
“Did you sleep with him?” he asks, his tone laced with frustration.
“Frankly that’s none of your business, but no, we didn’t. He’s my son’s father, and we’re trying to work things out.”
“I don’t know how clear you wanted me to be. Did you want me to spell it out for you? You didn’t feel anything at all or wonder why I talked to you so much.”
“No, I didn’t feel anything.” Before I can say anything else, his hands are in my hair and his lips are on mine. Parting my lips with his tongue, his hand runs up my body and squeezes my breast.
“You don’t feel anything,” he asks, his voice husky as he looks deeply into my eyes.
“I don’t know what to do.” I feel so bad that I can’t give him a relationship. Eric’s a great guy, and he’s so hot. The compatibility is there, but I can’t make myself feel for him.
He kisses me again and picks me up, taking me to the couch. “Let me help you decide.” Setting me down, he towers over me and takes my face with his hands. His lips are firm under mine and soon his hands are on my ass.
Yet, nothing. Pulling away, I smile and move away from him. “Eric, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I led you on and didn’t see what you were trying to tell me. Can we be friends?”
He nods and silently grabs his keys from the counter. “I’ll talk to you soon, Cam.”
“Bye, Eric.”
“Bye.”
When the door closes I fall on the couch and groan. Am I a bad person? It sucks that I had to do this to him, but what else could I do?
Not wanting to dwell on the situation, I get up and head out to run the errands I had planned before that little intermission.
Pushing the cart through the aisles, I grab what I need and cash out. Just as I’m about to get in my car, Eric waves and jogs toward me. I’m not entirely sure why he’s happy to see me. I go with it and hope he still wants to be friends.
Giving me a one-armed hug, he smiles and asks me what I’m doing tonight. “Netflix and ice cream,” I answer. “Grayson’s with Ayden for a few days, and I need some me time. He’s teething and does not like it very much.” I frown thinking about how much pain he was in the other night.
“Oh, that sucks for the little man. I was hoping to take you out to dinner. I wanted to say thanks for helping me with the business and for being awesome. You’re saving it, and I’m really appreciative.”
“It’s not a big deal. I like helping.” I tap my chin and think about how I really need to catch up on The Vampire Diaries, not to mention my Talenti Sea Salt Caramel gelato sounds really good.
“Come on, it’ll make me feel better taking you out. My treat,” he winks.
“Fine,” I surrender. “How does seven sound?”
“Perfect,” he leans in and kisses my cheek. “See you tonight.”
Standing there with my mouth slightly open I rush to my car and drive to Bev’s house. Okay, so we’re friends and he’s okay with how things are now. Since the day at my house, he’s been okay and we’ve been talking about the business. It’s been casual. I miss him dropping by, but I don’t think about him the way I think about Ayden.
Pulling into Bev’s driveway, I get out of the car and head to the backyard. She’s in the pool with Gretchen, and I take a seat on the edge of the water.
“What’s shaking, mama?”
I groan and adjust my sunglasses. “So Eric is taking me out to dinner, so I think we’re okay as friends. After he mauled me at my house and I kind of broke up with him, I think it’s okay that we meet for dinner. Technically, we’re business partners.”
> “There’s nothing for you to worry about,” she says, holding Gretchen in the air. “Isn’t your Godmother silly, baby girl? Why does she have so many silly questions?” Gretchen lets out a string of giggles.
I bite down my bottom lip and let out another groan.
“Oh, and baby girl, did you know that your Godparents are still being silly and won’t commit to one another?
“I know, and I get it. Call me whatever, but I need to know and understand Ayden again. Do you know he blames me for everything’s that’s happened? He thinks that because I didn’t meet him that night I unleashed H. E, double hockey sticks on him.”
“You can swear, you know. She can’t understand you anyway. I do it all the time.”
“Mother of the year award should go to you.”
Bev rolls her eyes. “Whatever, bitch. Anyway, I get it.” The enveloping warmth of exhaustion hits me. For once I would like my life to not be a lifetime movie. “The fact that you and Ayden are able to maintain a good relationship for Grayson is a good thing. I think you need to understand where he’s coming from so that he can understand where you’re coming from. Relationships, whether sexual or not, need communication. You can always come here and vent, you know this, but you need to talk to Ayden.”
What she says hits deep. Our communication skills lack and sometimes, well most of the time, we end up in an argument. I need to remember that Ayden was alone and fending for himself for so many years; he’s not going to exactly welcome me back with open arms. It’s going to be a journey and one I don’t want to go on with anyone else.
After the night we spent together, he’s taking his space. I miss him, and I know it’s confusing for both of us. Giving him space is what I need to do, and I’m okay with it.
“You should go to dinner tonight. Two hot people can get together. Not a big deal, love.”
I nod. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“This restaurant is nice,” I look around the dimly lit area and relax. It’s been a hard few days with Grayson, and I need a night to get away from being a mom. It sounds horrible, but sometimes getting some alone time makes me feel better.
“I love coming here. Not many people know about it. Yet it’s always busy,” Eric explains. “You look nice tonight.”
“Thanks, you too.” Our server comes with our appetizers and another bottle of wine. He takes our orders and Eric and I continue our conversation.
“So, tell me more about Grayson.”
I wave my hand, dismissing his suggestion. “Honestly, you don’t want to hear about him.”
“I do, Cam. He sounds like an amazing baby, and it makes me happy when you talk about him. I heard him crying at your house while we were talking. Do you usually let him cry himself to sleep?”
“Sometimes. Ayden and I want Grayson to be independent, but if more than five minutes have passed we check on him. Sometimes Grayson likes the attention and cries for us to hold him.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. He’s a baby, Cam, and babies need love and to know they are being cared for. Maybe you’re too occupied with work and can’t spend enough time with him.”
Am I hearing this right? A man I’ve known for a very short time who doesn’t have children of his own is giving me parenting advice? I have no idea what to think. Flags are waving in the air, and I think he might be a little crazy.
“You’re crossing a line, Eric. How we raise our son is none of your business.”
“I do apologize. I didn’t mean to step overboard. I’ve seen many new parents make mistakes and suffer greatly.”
“I can assure you that we’re not making mistakes.”
“I can see that. Well, enough drama. What’s new?” Running my fingers through my hair, I tell him more about the business plans he gave me and we talk about that for a while. It bothers me that he lectured me about Grayson. Not even Bev has done that to me. I don’t think we’re making any mistakes raising Grayson. He’s a good and healthy baby who is teething right now, and it’s normal.
I don’t want to stay at home. What Eric said is still bothering me and I need to be out of my house and at a bar or something.
I get in my car and drive to Next Door Bar and Grill. Getting a booth in the corner of the restaurant, I wait for Ayden and wonder if I’m making the right decision to have a drink or two with him.
Checking my phone to see what time it is, my skin begins to tingle and his heated gaze lands on my flesh. Without looking up, I know Ayden’s getting ready to sit down next to me. His lips graze my neck, and I tilt my head to the side so he has better access.
“You smell divine,” he whispers, taking my hand in his. “Are you okay?”
Hating to break this moment between us, I look up and ask him what’s been on my mind. “Am I a bad mother?”
He softly responds, “No, Camila. You’re an amazing mother, and Grayson’s happy and healthy.” I sigh and hate that I’ve allowed Eric to get to me. I’ve been reading parenting magazines and listening to what feels right. I know I’ll make mistakes, but I don’t want to make mistakes that’ll hurt him. “Why do you think that?”
Not feeling ready to tell him about Eric, I explain my feelings while he listens. “I don’t want Grayson to be spoiled, and he’s been perfectly fine on his own. He’s so independent at a young age. I mean, we cuddle a lot and he does let me carry him. I’m not missing out on anything, I don’t think.”
“You’re a new mother. These feelings are normal, but you need to be confident and realize you’re going to make mistakes.”
“Don’t you feel the same?”
Ayden shakes his head. “Not really,” he laughs, loosening the tension and my self-doubt. “If I make a mistake, I’ll take that as a learning tool and we’ll talk about it.”
“I don’t want him growing up hating us.”
“He won’t, sweetheart. We’re going to give him the best life possible, and he’s going to know that we love him. That’s the most important thing.”
“Yeah, I agree. Okay, enough about this. How’s work?”
Before he answers our drinks arrive, and Ayden quickly takes a big gulp. I don’t like where this is going. As he’s drinking, I study his facial expression and notice the dark stress lines. He looks like he’s lost some weight.
“It’s nothing, sweetheart. The company is fine, just a few little glitches here and there.”
The bad feeling I have is back. I know Ayden, and I know he’s shielding me from his true concerns so that I don’t worry.
“Let me help you. I’m a great listener, and I know I haven’t been in the office for a while, but you can vent to me.”
Sharp
I WATCH AS SHE DRINKS her dirty martini and waits for me to say something. I’m not used to letting her know all my issues. It’s been a while since we’ve been this way. “The company is going through some changes. I had a hard time keeping up with the meetings and focusing. Some of the clients saw that and are threatening to pull. Some of the software is failing, and I simply have no idea what I’m doing anymore. Taylor’s been working with a team of experts, and she has better control right now than I do.”
“That’s good, babe.”
I let the word sink in. She hasn’t called me that in a while, and I don’t need to make a big deal out of it. “It’ going to cost me a couple hundred thousand.”
“That happens though. Sometimes companies need a new outlook and a new plan.”
“I’m being questioned, and I don’t like to look foolish. People are wondering if they’ll still have jobs. I can’t lose this company because if I do, I lose you and Grayson.”
“That’s not going to happen. You’re not going to lose us.” Her eyes sear into mine, and I drink her in. “You’re an amazing business man. You’re smart and calculating. You will figure this out.” Hearing her words and confidence in me is all I need. I know my company will have ups and downs, and I know Camila will be there to ensure I don’t fall on my ass. She’s seeing me
at my weak point, and she’s still holding my hand.
“I believe in you, Ayden. Always have, always will.” She squeezes my hand, and we stay like this for a few hours while our food comes and our empty plates go, talking about Grayson and how he’s doing.
When we’re done, I walk Camila to her car, and we stand outside for a few minutes. I brush a strand of hair from her eyes, and the need to kiss her takes me under. My chest swells thinking about seeing her tonight. I’m glad she can turn to me when she needs someone to talk to.
I wonder, though, what she does with her nights while I have Grayson. I hope there isn’t someone else in her life. I think back to the times we’re together, but I don’t remember anyone. I wonder if going to Bev or Dylan would be wise.
“Thank you for meeting me tonight. I’m glad we can still have this sort of relationship.” She leans in and kisses my cheek. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, sweetheart.”
Since it’s an oddly warm day, Bev and Dylan have us over for a BBQ. I watch Camila in the pool with Bev, Gretchen, and Grayson. The kids seem happy, and Camila’s smiling. She looks fucking beyond sexy in her bikini, and my body responds. I want to take her home now.
Dylan grills chicken and steak, and we talk about business and sports. My eyes go to her; everything makes sense when she’s around. The times we spend together is nice and instead of arguing we’re talking a little more.
“Things are good on your end?”
“Yeah,” I nod, taking a swig of my beer. “Things are getting there. Still needs work, but you know how that is.”
“Yeah, man, I do. So listen, Jamie and Angela are stopping by.”
Cam
“HE’S LOOKING AT YOU AGAIN,” Bev tells me. “What’s going on with you two?”
“Honestly, we’re taking it day by day. It’s nice to have him around, and we’re slowly beginning to see things on the same level.”
