by Lola Gabriel
“It’s not a disease. There’s nothing you can do to stop it.”
“I didn’t ask for this.” Her voice was hoarse with sorrow, and the rawness of her emotions was starting to get to him.
“None of us did.”
Ferren glanced at him, her eyes flashing, and she lowered her gaze again. “I want to go home. Please.”
“I can’t let you do that, Ferren,” he stated. “You have no control over your transformation, your emotions, or your grasp on what’s real and what’s not. It’s not safe for you to go home, nor is it for any of us.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” she promised.
“It’s not about you keeping our… your secret. If someone happened to see you transform, it would expose us and we’d get hunted like the animals the humans think we are. You can’t go home, or at least not until you complete your lunar cycle,” Kodiak explained, feeling her hope fall onto a deep, dark pit.
“I will, however, let you go outside for a while,” he uttered and she looked at him with wide, hopeful eyes. “On one condition, though.”
“Okay. Anything,” she stuttered.
Kodiak stepped closer to the cell door and looked at her intently. “I want to recall your memories from the night you were bitten up to when Jett and Moss brought you here.”
“You can do that?” she gasped, and Kodiak nodded. She frowned slowly, seeming reluctant, but willing. “Then you promise to let me out?”
“I promise.”
7
Kodiak reached out his hand to her and willed her closer. Ferren’s heart pounded in her chest, but she placed her shaky hand on his, setting her blood on fire as it pumped through her veins. His touch was magnetic, pulling her in, and although she didn't understand why, it felt comforting and safe. His fingers curled around her hand, holding it gently. She wanted to tell him to hold it tighter, allowing her to feel the pressure of his skin against hers, but she kept her mouth shut. There was already a deep desire for him building up inside her and if he continued to look at her the way he was right at that moment, she was going to explode.
“This might feel a bit strange, but don’t worry. Nothing can happen to you, okay? I’m just going to be looking around in your head,” he stated calmly. “If at any time you want me to stop, just squeeze my fingers and I’ll stop right away.”
“Okay,” she answered hesitantly, her heart still pounding wildly in her chest. She didn't understand how he could be so calm and collected while she was ready to burst.
His gorgeous eyes, which had her entranced from the moment she first saw him, glowed in the dimly lit dungeon, and even though some might have found it unsettling and eerie, it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.
He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.
Suddenly she was ripped out of her euphoric state and she found herself climbing out of her car after she had hit the animal on her way home from the hospital. Her hand tensed up, but she heard Kodiak’s voice in her mind.
“It’s okay; you’re just having a flashback. It’s not real this time.”
“It was real to me then,” she whispered.
“I understand. I just want to see what attacked you.”
Ferren felt herself step onto the snow, feeling the cold in her veins, silently urging herself not to follow the trail of blood in the snow, knowing that no matter how hard she willed herself to get back in her car, it would not change a thing. A memory could not be changed.
The snow was cold under her feet, and she slowly walked further away from her car. The following few seconds went by so fast that she now knew why everything was just a big blur. Somehow, though, she recalled every single moment of the attack. The yellow eyes of a large black wolf with a white patch on the tip of its ear. It was ferocious, and it pounced on her, sinking its teeth into her shoulder before throwing her around like a plaything. As she recalled lying on the ground, watching as her blood stained the white snow, her memory went hazy, and she was back in the dungeon with Kodiak.
“That was incredible,” she gasped. “How did you even do that?”
“It’s just something I was born with,” he answered as nonchalantly as possible, as if Ferren had commented on his eyes or his hair.
“Wow, you’re so modest,” she murmured.
He shrugged again and smiled at her.
“What else can you do?”
“Well, apart from retrieving memories, I can feel emotions, manipulate emotions, or take away emotions,” Kodiak answered. “Anything to do with emotion and memories, really.”
“That’s amazing,” she beamed with a small smile.
She was in complete awe of him. Not only was he incredibly hot with his intense green eyes, his perfect jawline and lips, and his brown hair that seemed to look its best when it was disheveled, he had an amazing ability to control emotions and memories. Even though she wasn't sure whether it was his ability that made him so attractive to her, or if it was simply the wolf blood that now coursed through her veins at a rapid speed, she wanted him. Not only physically, but in every aspect imaginable.
She wanted him.
All of him.
All the time.
“You can’t read minds, can you?” she inquired, as she slid her hand away from his, sincerely hoping he couldn't.
“No, I can’t, but I can sense feelings and desires, and it’s pretty strong in here,” he pointed out.
“It’s because of my new wolf blood, isn't it?”
“Partly, but it has more to do with the imprinting,” Kodiak answered.
“Imprinting? What’s that?”
Kodiak bit his bottom lip, sending pulses of desire through Ferren that were so strong she felt like she was going to pass out. He unlocked the cell door with a special key he pulled out from the pocket of his jeans and opened the door. “Come on. I’ll show you.”
“Where are we going?” she asked, almost too afraid to know, but she also knew that Kodiak had promised to take her outside for a while if he could get the needed information. She was a little puzzled that he didn't want to find out what happened the night before she woke up covered in blood.
“Come on,” he said again and walked toward the large iron doors.
Ferren stepped out of the cell, feeling strangely liberated as she followed him down the hallway.
“I never got around to thanking you for the clothes you put in my cell. I was a bit temperamental, and shouldn't have barked at you,” she apologized.
“That’s okay. I’m just glad they fit.”
“Perfectly, I’d say,” she answered.
“That’s exactly the word I’d use too,” he said with a smile.
Was that a suggestive retort? she wondered as she watched him lower his gaze.
He pushed the iron doors open and Ferren followed him into the lounge area, noticing the window that looked down on all the cells.
“One-way glass,” she pointed out. “That’s clever.”
Kodiak smiled and continued to another set of doors, opening them. These doors led to a stone tunnel which was locked up by a wrought iron gate that had a gothic design on the bannisters.
“How old is this place?” she whispered, almost afraid of speaking too loudly.
“A few centuries, but we’ve been coming here for about sixty years,” he answered as he opened the gates and stepped out into the sunlight.
Ferren paused for a second, not sure whether she was too afraid to finally step out into the light after what felt like a lifetime in the dark, or whether she might just run as fast as she could.
She wouldn't be able to leave Kodiak behind, for some reason. She wanted to be near him. She needed to be near him. The pull that drew her to him was undeniable and she wondered, and hoped, he felt it as well.
She glanced down at the white snow on the ground, at Kodiak’s boot prints in the snow, and hesitated again.
“Come on. I know it’s a little bright, but your eyes will adjust to everything in a few secon
ds. Though let me just warn you, it will be pretty intense.”
“The light?”
“Everything. Your senses are going to pick up everything. Just be prepared for that,” he answered.
Ferren nodded before stepping through the gates and onto the snow.
The brightness momentarily blinded her, as he had told her it would, but after a few seconds her eyes adjusted and she gasped.
Never in her life had she seen snow as white, the sky as blue, or the trees as green before. She saw the rays of sunlight dancing through the leaves of the trees, cascading down onto the ground. The smell of pine and snow filled her nostrils and she took a deep breath as the cold February air filled up her lungs, leaving her feeling refreshed and new. She heard the birds chirping from somewhere, she wasn't sure from where, and she heard the soft steps of small forest animals inside the woods. Kodiak was right when he said her senses would be heightened and she took it all in. It was the most amazing feeling in the world, much to her relief, and there was no possible way that she would ever be able to describe this to anyone. Kodiak stood silently a few feet from her, and she knew by the expression on his face that he knew exactly what she saw, and how she felt. It was rather concerning that someone could know exactly what she felt, and she hoped that the grin that had just appeared on his face was not because of her urges which bubbled up inside her as he looked at her.
“This is so intense,” she breathed as she turned away, hoping that he knew she meant her senses, and not her need for him, although he probably already knew that.
Way to play it cool, Ferren, she scolded herself. He probably thinks that you’re five minutes away from tattooing his name on your butt cheek.
Kodiak chuckled and she glared at him.
“I thought you couldn't read minds,” she muttered.
“I can’t, but you envisioned it, so I saw it,” he smirked and turned away slightly.
She closed her eyes as embarrassment swept over her and he laughed again as she covered her face with her hands.
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, you know,” he said with amusement in his tone.
Ferren crossed her arms, glowering like a child. “You’re being patronizing.”
“No, I am serious,” Kodiak stated with a smile that practically melted her underwear off her body. “Take a walk with me.”
“Sure,” she responded almost instantly, and they soon made their way through the forest, along a wildly overgrown path that seemed to have no end.
Everything around her was magnificent, and it called out to her on a primeval level, as if she was connected to nature somehow.
Ferren had never truly appreciated the outdoors. She spent most of her days indoors, either reading or taking things apart to see how they worked. She knew that nature was beautiful, she just much rather preferred to admire it from inside the house. She had never considered nature to be as beautiful as it was right at that moment. Then again, if she were not in the process of becoming a wolf—as crazy and insane as that sounded—she would never have known how truly magnificent nature was. It was now a part of her, whether she wanted it to be or not.
She and Kodiak walked in silence for a while until they reached a river bed, and Kodiak turned to her.
“You’re overwhelmed,” he pointed out gently.
“I think it’s safe to say that it’s way beyond that point right now.”
He nodded pensively and sat down on a large boulder on the bank of the river and motioned for her to join him. Terrified of the feelings that might intensify from being so close to him, she reluctantly sat down beside him.
They sat in silence for a while, and Ferren breathed in the smell of the forest, while listening to the steady pace of Kodiak’s heart beating beside her.
As a doctor, it was still strange for her to comprehend the things she was able to smell, see, and hear. She wondered whether she’d still be able to practice medicine or work at the hospital. She wondered whether people had noticed she was missing, and whether Mike was worried about her. She also wondered what was going to happen to her now that she was a part of Kodiak’s pack.
Was she even a part of his pack now?
“Do you believe in love at first sight, Ferren?” Kodiak inquired suddenly, and his question surprised her. She had been asking herself that very question, along with plenty others, for the last few days, but still didn't have an answer.
“The concept didn't seem realistic to me, because people’s personalities and their physical appearances don’t always match up. Someone can be the hottest person in the world, but be a horrible person,” she answered.
“That makes sense. Do you believe that there is a person for everyone in the world?”
“Like a soulmate?”
“Call it what you want, I guess,” he answered with a shrug.
“No, I don’t think so. It’s a romantic thought to know that your soulmate is out there, but unrealistic because what if that person is halfway around the world and neither of you has the resources to get to one another? Does that mean you end up alone? And what if you met someone else who isn't your soulmate? Essentially, you’re depriving someone else of their true soulmate,” she answered. “I think there are people in this world who make your life better and have a great impact on your life.”
Kodiak smiled slightly and lowered his gaze. “Is Mike one of them?”
Mike, right. “I lied to you. He’s not my boyfriend.”
“I know.”
“So you can read minds then,” she stated.
“No, I just figured it out because if he was your boyfriend, you wouldn’t be having these thoughts and reactions to me, would you? You’d think about him and the memories you had together.”
Ferren lowered her gaze and bit her bottom lip. “I’m sorry. I was just scared, and I thought you were going to kill me.”
“I understand that. Fear does strange things to a person.”
“You have no idea.”
“Actually, I do. I’ve experienced fear you cannot even imagine,” he stated quietly, gazing out in front of him, his jaw clenched.
“I’m sorry you had to go through all that,” she said, her heart breaking at the pain that was clearly present on his handsome face. “Why did you ask about love at first sight and soulmates?”
“When normal wolves take a mate, they mate for life, even through death. We’re the same, although there have been cases where after the death of a mate, the other finds a new one. I have only heard of a handful. We call it imprinting. It’s like love at first sight but with way more emotions and attraction. We’re instantly bound by each other, with each other and to each other. There’s a whole rush of emotions going through us that we can’t explain and have absolutely no control over.”
“Wow, that sounds...” her voice trailed off and her eyes widened, “...kind of like what I felt when...”
She gazed at him briefly and asked, “Did we imprint on each other?”
“We did.”
“Wow, that explains a lot of these feelings I’ve been having. I thought they were just because I was turning into one of you,” she answered, her shoulders drooping slightly. “Am I a part of your pack now?”
“Absolutely. You’re the Alpha’s mate. You’re probably more important than the Alpha.”
“Really? Why?” she frowned and crinkled her nose.
“Well, all the decisions regarding our family, and I don’t mean the pack, I mean our actual family, and their safety rests on you.”
“Our family, like our kids?” she inquired hesitantly.
“Yes, and you and me.”
“That sounds like a big responsibility.”
“I think you’re going to be great.”
“You are the king of nonchalance. Has anyone ever told you that?”
“No, never,” he smirked, before laughing heartily.
Ferren looked at him, unable to take her eyes off him for even a second. He was gorgeous, and she would even
think so even if she hadn't imprinted on him. He had a two-day stubble on his face and it made him appear even more attractive.
“As time passes, Ferren, we become used to things and they just seem normal to us, even though it doesn't seem normal to anyone else. You’ll get the hang of it.” He smiled at her, flashing a perfectly straight set of white teeth at her.
“What about my old life?”
“What about it?” he asked, turning to her.
“Do I get to go back to that? Do I get to work at the hospital again, or live in my house in Seattle again? Am I even allowed to?”
“Yes, you are, but the Alpha’s mate normally stays with the Alpha.”
“I understand that I have this new life ahead of me that is exciting and overwhelming and all that, but I can’t just forget about my life before all this.”
“No one is telling you to, Ferren. All I am saying is that you are going to have to make a few adjustments to your life. You’re a wolf now, and every decision that you make from now on has to be considered carefully. If it’s going to put your life, or mine, or any other pack member’s lives in danger, or expose us to the humans, then it can’t happen.”
“That makes sense. It’s not just about me anymore. What about my friends and my family?”
“They think you’re missing, presumably dead.”
“And if I decide to go back home, what do I tell them?”
“Whatever you want, just not the truth.”
“And I’ll have to introduce you to everyone, as my boyfriend,” she enunciated.
Kodiak flashed her another smile, this one even sexier than the previous one.
“You shouldn't be smiling at me like that,” Ferren warned him and he raised an intrigued eyebrow.
“And why not? Last time I checked, you were mine and I can look at you however I want,” he pointed out.
“I think you’re allowed to do more than look, right?” she retorted and stood up from the boulder.
Kodiak turned himself around on the boulder and watched her as she took a few steps away from him, their gazes still locked, and his eyes narrowed.
