“She has your hair,” Zeke remarks, still staring at Rose.
All I can think to say is, “Yeah, she does.”
Seb clears his throat, obviously feeling more uncomfortable than Zeke and I combined.
“Here.” I look up at him as he passes Rose over to me. I feel terrible, but I guess this will go nowhere fast if he doesn’t.
“I’m gonna go grab a drink. Want something?” I notice he doesn’t ask Zeke—fair enough. I shake my head and watch his back as he exits the room, knowing he probably needs a minute to himself more than he needs a drink.
“May I?” Zeke nods toward Rose. Hope lights up his handsome features in a way that I’ve never seen before. I stare dumbly for a minute then nod. “Ah, sure.” I stand and move over to the armchair where he’s sitting, feeling my heart pounding in my ears as I hand my baby over to him. She starts to cry as soon he takes her, so I bend down, leaning over him slightly to help settle her in the crook of his arm.
“Shhh, baby girl. You’re okay.” I tickle her tummy as she looks from me to Zeke with a trembling lower lip. Realizing how close I am to him, I step back and watch as he smiles down at her. When she settles, I notice that his shoulders start shaking. I hold my breath and bite my lips to keep my own tears from falling. One escapes before I can block it, and I quickly swipe it from my face as Zeke looks up at me. Heartbreak and raw emotion have his big body shuddering. Rose starts playing with his hand that’s on her belly as he rasps, “I’m so sorry, Liv.” His gaze returns to Rose. “So fucking sorry.”
I nod and sit back down, needing the distance since I’m unable to leave the room and let the rivers of tears I’m keeping at bay break free. As soon as I sit, I see Seb standing at the entrance to the living room; his jaw clenched as his gaze moves from Zeke and Rose to land on me. I try to force a reassuring smile, but give up when I see his gaze narrow, and his dark brows pull into a severe frown.
He retreats from the room again, and I continue to watch Zeke and Rose. My feet shuffling nervously on the ground have me crossing my ankles and fidgeting with my bracelet, wishing Seb was sitting beside me right now, but also grateful that he’s not. This moment … there are no words to really describe it. When a father meets his baby for the first time … well, that’s naturally going to bring any man to their knees. But meeting your baby for the first time after you’ve fucked up and abandoned her? Missed out on every moment in the first four months of her life? That’s something that could ruin even the strongest of men. The fact that Seb recognizes the gravity of this moment, of what Zeke and I must be feeling, and therefore seems to be putting his own feelings aside, only makes me fall deeper in love with the kind of person he is. If that’s even possible when I’ve fallen so far that I have no hope of seeing a way out, even if I tried.
It’s then I fully realize that not even the man sitting in front of me, who once had me believing I was ruined for all other men, could shake this soul deep attachment.
Zeke sniffs and shifts Rose in his arms a little, gently running a large hand over every part of her he can touch. Her arms, chunky little legs, and soft brown hair. She smiles up at him, which has him choking on his own as he beams over at me. “She’s the most perfect thing that I’ve ever seen.”
I couldn’t agree more. “I know, but you should see her when she’s in a mood.” I laugh and shake my head. He has no idea what he’s in for if what he says is true, and he is in this for the long haul.
“Is your mommy lying?” He tickles her tummy with a finger. “Is she?” I can’t help but smile as I watch her let out a giggle and kick her legs in response.
“Oh, you’ll see, don’t worry.” I sink back into the couch, starting to feel some of this bone-deep tension leave my limbs as I do.
His lips tip up softly. “I hope so.” He meets my eyes. “Because no matter how bad it gets, Liv. I couldn’t …” He looks down, and I watch his chest heave as he lets out a few heavy breaths before his eyes lift to meet mine again. “I know it might take time, but please Liv, you have to believe me. I’m here—for the good, the bad, and the in between. I don’t want to miss another day, another hour that I could’ve spent with her.” The sincerity in his voice is hard to ignore, and despite all that’s happened, I find myself believing him.
I nod, not exactly equipped with a response for that right now.
We sit quietly for a little while, and I start to wonder where Seb is and what he’s doing.
“I’m going to go make her a bottle. Back in a sec.” I know Zeke. He’s not a horrible person; he’s human, and he’s made some huge mistakes, but I trust him enough to leave him alone with Rose for a bit. Besides, he might want the time alone with her, too.
I find Seb in the kitchen, leaning against the sink. He’s staring down into a mug of coffee, which I notice is pretty much empty as I take it from his hands and place it on the counter. He looks at me then, and the anxiety swimming in those brown depths has me feeling like the worst person in the world even if we can’t really avoid any of this. I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest, listening to his racing heart. I hear him swallow and the speed of his heart does slow some as his chin rests on top of my head. His arms wrap around my shoulders, so tight I feel like he’s trying to meld us into one person.
“I love you, Sebastian,” I whisper into his bicep.
“Love you, too Liv,” he breathes, and I feel him place a kiss on top of my head as he says, “So damn much.”
I close my eyes and just enjoy being wrapped up in everything that’s him. His warmth, the feel of his strong body around mine, and that clean linen and minty scent that always accompanies him. And I start to truly relax for the first time in days. I needed this. To feel close to him like this, to feel reassured from him like this. I’ll always need him. He’s become as essential to me as breathing, which might not be healthy, but I can’t bring myself to deny or worry about it.
It’s too late for that now.
I hear Rose start to fuss and pull away, remembering it’s time for her bottle. “I’d better make a bottle.”
He releases me, and I prep it before walking back into the living room, finding Zeke at the window with Rose gazing out of it as he bounces her gently in his arm. I stop for a moment, feeling torn by the image of them together. It’s something I barely allowed myself to hope for, and now, it’s happening. Right in front of me. The sight both soothes and unsettles something inside me. I don’t know what I expected really, that he’d be your normal bumbling first-time parent, not knowing how to hold or settle her. But within half an hour, he’s proven that might not be the case at all.
His eagerness is written all over his face as he turns and finds me standing there, a soft smile curling his lips as he comes forward to take the bottle. “Do you mind if I feed her?”
I shake my head dumbly, letting him take it from my hand and then move back to the armchair. I snap out of my daze and move over to help him situate her, which requires minimal guidance. I suppose Rose helps with that as she all but yanks the bottle to her mouth with her closed fists and usual desperation. He laughs as he sits back and watches her suckle like a baby possessed.
“She loves her food?” He arches a thick brow at me.
“Oh, yeah.” I smirk down at her and place the burp cloth next to him. “She’ll need a good burp afterward. Just sit her up or hold her up to your shoulder and rub and pat her back.” I show him where best to position her for maximum burpage and then sit back down.
Her eyes fight to stay open as she lies back in his arms afterward. I guess that’s when Seb reaches his limit; he enters the room and heads straight for them. “I’ll put her down for her nap.” His tone leaves no room for argument even though I can tell by the way Zeke looks up at him for a second that he wants to argue it very much. He settles on giving a sharp nod then kisses her little head before passing her over. Seb instantly has her wrapped in his arms against his chest and leaves the room without a backward glance at a now fr
owning Zeke.
Once he’s gone, he turns that frown to me. “Is that something you put up with regularly? The whole controlling thing?”
Oh, my freaking God.
I try to stop it, but the irony of his stupid question has me hunched over laughing and wiping tears from my eyes. I sit up after a minute and try to catch my breath just as Zeke says, “What? What’s so funny?”
I wave a hand about. “Just you …” I wheeze out and take a deep breath. “Saying that Seb is controlling. You’ve gotta realize how dumb that sounded, coming from you, right?” I arch a brow at him.
He rubs his jaw and gets up from his seat. “All right, you have a point.” He smirks down at me. “But either way, it’s good to hear that laugh again. I can’t tell you how much I missed it.”
The smile falls from my face.
I clear my throat. “Zeke …”
He raises his hands. “Right, got it. Just sayin’.”
I get up to walk him out. He stops outside on the porch and turns around as I remain in the doorway, unsure what to say or do from here. He thankfully fixes that dilemma when he starts talking.
“Thank you, seriously. I know this can’t be easy for you. I …” He shoves a hand through his hair. “Shit, I can’t explain it, Liv. But I’ve already fallen in love with her, and I promise you that I’ll do whatever I can to make this up to you and to her.”
I stare at him for a minute, probably a minute too long as everything about this past week crashes down on top of me like a tidal wave. He’s back, and he really plans to stay.
Feeling at a loss for words, I swallow thickly and mumble some kind of goodbye then lean back against the now closed door. I scrub my shaky palms over my cheeks. This is it; nothing will be the same. We now have to create a new normal. If such a word can even exist for us.
The drive home from work is less than ideal; the silence has my head swarming with unwanted thoughts. The reason for that is, of course, Olive and Zeke. Seeing Zeke with Rose made my blood boil beyond belief. I tightly grip the steering wheel in an effort to unleash some of the building tension. This internal war that’s raging within is becoming too much. All because of the possibility of losing my girls to a guy who was supposed to be their world but chose to disappear before he realized what an honor that would be.
He’s a fuck-up. But what he’s described as a huge mistake allowed me to edge my way into Liv’s life, piece by beautiful piece. I just know he’s hoping to shove me back out of it.
My phone ringing through the speakers of my truck drags me from my brooding thoughts. I let out an exasperated sigh and hit answer on the steering wheel.
“Hey, Mom,” I say with slight apprehension.
“Hello, darling, how’s everything going?” she asks with the usual chirp in her tone.
I pull my truck up outside the bakery and grab my phone to remove it from the Bluetooth. Placing it between my head and shoulder, I turn the ignition off and get out, slamming the door behind me.
“Yeah, all good.”
She laughs. “By the sound of your voice and that door slamming, it doesn’t seem all good.” She mocks my last words. “What are you doing anyway?”
“Mom, cut me some slack. I’ve just pulled up at home after a damn long shift, and I want to take a nap before I go see Liv and Rose.” My voice hitches slightly on their names.
“Don’t think I didn’t hear that little croak in your voice, my boy. How is Olive and our adorable little Rose?” Damn it; she knows me all too well. Trying to get anything past her usually fails. I fight the urge to hang up and save this shit for another day as I open the door to go up to my apartment. Walking up the stairs two at a time, I reach the top and my shoulders slump as I shove my key into the door. I lean forward and rest my forehead against the wood.
“Mom, they’re good, but—”
She cuts me off. “But what, darling?” she whispers urgently.
“He’s back.” I let the words hang on the line as she draws in a sharp breath. I finally open the door and move to dump myself on the couch, hearing the door close behind me.
“Oh, Sebastian, you knew this could happen one day. I told you to prepare yourself for it. How’s Olive taking it?” She asks a question she probably already knows the answer to, but I give in and humor her.
“She’s taking it pretty hard, Mom. She’s so damn conflicted because she doesn’t want to deny Rose the right to know her father, but I know she’s walking a razor-thin line, worrying about my feelings, too.” I sigh. “I can’t help but be selfish in thinking that the idiot doesn’t deserve that privilege.” I spew out the words as though they were choking me.
She hums into my ear. “That’s completely understandable. Just try to stay strong, dear. She loves you, and so does Rose. Believe it or not, they’re going to need you during this time.” She’s quiet for a moment. “Don’t make any rash decisions just yet, and just be there for your girls. And who knows, maybe Zeke will move along when the novelty wears off?”
A novelty? I wished the same thing at first. But after seeing him with her, I know there’s no way he’ll give up Rose, and I could bet a pretty penny that he’s not going to give up on Liv that easy either. A humorless laugh escapes my throat. I throw my hand into my hair and tug it hard out of frustration.
“You have no idea. The way he looks at her is the exact way I imagine I look at her. I’m scared shitless that I’m going to lose her. Lose them both to the dickhead who betrayed them.” I pause. “I can’t let that happen.”
And I won’t. Someone like Liv and the way she makes me feel only comes along once in a lifetime. You don’t give that up without a fight, no matter who stands in the way. Just thinking about the way that fucker looks at her, as if she’s some kind of prize he’s gonna win back, has my gut roiling violently. Lying back on the couch, we both remain silent for a few moments. Mom’s gotta understand how hard this would be for me; she knows I’ve never felt this way about a woman—hell, anything—before. I’ve given my heart and soul to those two girls, and I won’t have someone rip that away from me. I’m all in; I just hope that Liv hasn’t got one foot out the door.
“Darling,” Mom interrupts my thoughts. “Don’t jump the gun yet, okay? It will honestly do you no good. Just take each day as it comes and love on those girls like there’s no tomorrow. You won’t lose in the end; I know you won’t.” She pauses. “Oh, speaking of tomorrow, Sienna has an appointment to get some fancy ultrasound photos done of the baby. I’ll send you some pictures when she gets them back.” She changes the subject. I’d say it was to get my mind off things, but that’s just her. I’m kinda surprised it took her this long into our call to mention it. But it works for about a second anyway.
“That’s great, Mom. I can’t wait to see them.” I feign excitement.
“You will be coming home when Sienna has the baby.” She doesn’t ask; she merely tells me what I’ll be doing.
“You know I will.”
“Well, I’ll let you sleep; say hi to Olive and Rose for me. And Seb, please stay out of trouble. I love you.” She sighs into the phone again; this woman definitely knows me too fucking well.
“I’ll try, Love you too, Mom.” I pull the phone away from my ear and hit the end call button before she has the chance to say anything else.
I hadn’t really thought much about having to go see my brother and Sienna when the baby is born; I guess my head has been too preoccupied with everything going on here. Thank God Liv has agreed to come with me even though bringing Rose with us is going to be tough on them both. The trip there is a pain in the ass even just for me. It’s long and so fucking boring. I usually do the drive with just one or two stops along the way, though I know I won’t be able to do that with the girls with me. But just thinking about having to leave Liv when my brother’s baby is born has me questioning my ability to be away from her, let alone leaving her now that Zeke’s back in town. It’s just not going to happen. As much as I trust Liv, I don’t trust tha
t douchebag, especially when he’s hanging around my girl.
Rose’s father or not, he doesn’t deserve to have any kind of respect handed to him from me. He isn’t the champion he’s trying to make people believe he is, coming back for his daughter.
Fuck, he gave that title up nearly a year ago.
Rising from the couch, I head for the bathroom. I need a hot shower to wash away the sterile smell still embedded in my skin.
Pulling my clothes from my body, I dump them onto the floor of the bathroom and turn the faucet on, heating it to the perfect temperature. I step in and immediately reach for the body wash. Squirting some into my palm, I rub it into my hair. They say this shit is like a two-in-one—shampoo and body wash—so who the fuck am I to argue?
Tilting my head back to rinse the foam from my hair, I close my eyes, and as usual, all I can see is Liv. Those green eyes stare into mine with her legs wrapped around my waist, begging for me to take her harder. Without breaking the fantasy behind my closed lids, I place a hand on the glass shower door as I wrap the other firmly around my cock. Slowly moving it in a repetitive motion, I continue to slip further into the fatasy that Liv is really here. She’s now on her knees, gazing up at me with those perfect eyes, lips, and tits that fit in my hands like they were fucking made for me. Picking up my speed, I pump vigorously with little to no inhibition of what I am picturing in my head. It doesn’t take long for me to feel my balls begin to tighten. Grunting through clenched teeth, I lightly squeeze my cock, knowing I can’t hold out much more and that I need the release. I rapidly move my hand along it, now bracing myself firmly against the tiled wall with my other hand. Groaning with the intensity of it, I come, coating the shower tiles in front of me.
Coming down from my high, I stand under the steady stream and watch lazily as the evidence washes away.
I finish in the shower and dry off in record time. I’m so ready for some fucking sleep that I don’t even bother to find clothes. I simply exit the bathroom and walk straight into my bedroom, flopping down backward in the middle of the bed, wishing it was hers instead of mine.
Erase (The Expiration Duet Book 2) Page 5
