by Helen Lacey
Cassie took a second and then nodded. “I think Oliver would like it.”
So would I...
“All right,” he said and watched her over the rim of his coffee mug. “I’ll return to Ruthie’s tomorrow.”
“Thank you.”
Silence stretched between them and Cassie waited for discomfiture to crawl across her skin. When it didn’t come she knew it was because she’d quickly become accustomed to Tanner’s company. Despite how attracted she was to him and despite how much she knew it could never go anywhere, he was easy to be around.
He was, she realized, nothing like the man Doug had so often described.
Instead of being a moody closed-off loner, he was friendly and generous and considerate. And he possessed a laid-back kind of charm she found increasingly difficult to overlook. In the kitchen, the garden or the nursery he did everything with such an easygoing confidence it was impossible to not be attracted to him.
Admit it...you’re also thinking he’d be good in the bedroom...
Cassie shook the thought away. It was stupid. She still loved Doug. And she was a single mother. A soon-to-be homeless single mother who didn’t have time to waste thinking about Tanner in that way. In any way, for that matter. But it had been such a long time since she’d thought about strong arms and a broad chest. And longer still since she’d thought about sex. With anyone.
“Are you sure you’re feeling okay now?” he asked softly.
“Positive,” she lied and managed a smile. “Soup and sleep therapy will work a treat tonight and I will be back to my usual self by tomorrow.”
He nodded. “It’s getting late... You shouldn’t wear yourself out.”
She was touched by his concern. But a part of her wondered if he wanted to shuffle her off to bed so they wouldn’t be alone. He had to know she was attracted to him. And she was pretty sure it was mutual. He obviously thought it a bad idea. Which of course it was.
“So, what are your plans?” she asked. “I mean, once you’ve finishing saving the day here?”
He grinned. “I didn’t realize that’s what I’d been doing.”
“Sure you did,” she said and smiled a little.
He shrugged again. “I have an appointment with Doug’s lawyer on Wednesday. After that I’m not sure. We’ll have to see what the lawyer says.”
We...
As if it was inclusive. As if it had something to do with her. As if...well, almost as if they were a couple.
Cassie silently cursed her foolishness and ignored the flush rising over her collarbones at the thought of the idea. Two days together didn’t make them anything. “I know you said there was no hurry for me to start looking for a new place to live, but I can’t see the sense in putting it off. I could never afford to take on the mortgage here, so the sooner I accept the inevitable, the better.”
*
Tanner’s insides contracted. He hated hearing the disappointment and pain in her voice. This was her home. The home she’d made for her son. The home she’d known as a young girl when she’d moved in with her grandfather after her parents had been killed. It had to hurt her. He knew only too well what it was to lose the one place that had made him feel safe when he was a child. He wanted to make it right. But nothing he said would offer her consolation or comfort.
“Like I said, we’ll wait and see what the lawyer has to say.”
She shrugged as though it didn’t matter, but Tanner knew she was resigned to losing her home. And once again he silently cursed his brother. Doug should have provided for Cassie and his son. He should have ensured they had a place to live and were financially secure.
“I think I’ll get some rest,” she murmured as she placed the mug down and stood. “Thank you again for everything you’ve done for Oliver...and for me. I know this probably isn’t what you expected to be doing when you made the decision to return to Crystal Point. I’m very grateful for your concern and kindness.”
Tanner stared at her and a heavy sensation uncurled in his chest. She had a way of doing that to him. It made him feel weak...almost vulnerable. And it gave her a power over him he was certain she didn’t know she possessed.
“Good night, Cassie,” he said and got to his feet. “Let me know if you need anything.”
What I need is a cold shower...
Even in her silly pajamas and nightgown, with her hair mussed and slippers on her feet, she was beautiful and sexy and warmed his blood. No other woman had ever had quite the same effect on his libido. Sure, he’d dated several women over the years...but Cassie Duncan stirred him like no one else ever had. He’d fought it for years, convincing himself that she loved his brother and his own feelings were of little consequence. But sometimes, like the way her blue eyes watched him when she thought he wasn’t looking, Tanner couldn’t help wondering if she regarded him as more than Doug’s brother. More than Oliver’s uncle.
Don’t be an ass.
Of course it was stupid. And wrong. She’d borne his brother’s child. She was clearly still in love with Doug. She’d made it clear that she didn’t really want him in her life.
So get moving and take that cold shower.
“Good night,” he said again, firmer this time so he could galvanize himself into action and get away from her. “I’ll lock up.”
She nodded and left the room. Once he was alone Tanner let out a long breath, flicked off the lights and waited until he heard her bedroom door close before he walked from the room and checked that all the windows and doors were locked around the house. Once he was done he moved down the hallway and headed for the bathroom. He took a shower and turned in around nine, spending the next couple of hours staring at the ceiling in between getting up to check on Oliver. By midnight he’d had enough. He pulled on jeans and a shirt and made his way to the kitchen.
A soft glow illuminated down the hall and when he rounded the doorway he noticed the light above the stovetop was on. Cassie was sitting at the kitchen table, a mug cradled between her hands. She’d changed into gray sweats and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail.
“Hey,” he said easily, despite the inexplicable tightness that filled his chest. “Couldn’t sleep?”
She shook her head. “No. You?”
Tanner nodded and remained in the doorway. “Lingering jet lag, I guess.”
“And with looking after Oliver you haven’t exactly had a chance to sleep it off, right?”
He shrugged. “It’ll work itself out. You, on the other hand, should be resting.”
“I think I’ve slept enough for both of us,” she said through a brittle smile. “I had a shower to freshen up and didn’t feel tired, so I thought I’d have some green tea and sit for a while,” she said and sighed. “I was thinking about Doug.”
Of course she was. Tanner didn’t doubt that his brother was on her mind most days and nights. “Then I’ll leave you—”
“Do you know the details about what happened?” she asked unexpectedly, cutting him off.
Tanner stilled. “Details?”
“About the incident.”
“You mean how he was killed?” he queried.
She nodded. “You’re his official next of kin so I figured you had the details. I know he was on some covert mission and that he and two other members of his squad were killed by a sniper...but that’s all I know. Since I wasn’t listed as family it’s been almost impossible to get information. I know you got the army to forward his belongings here, but did you know this house wasn’t even listed as his place of residence? Instead it’s some post office box I didn’t know existed and don’t even have a key for. And there’s a safety deposit box, too, did you know that? I don’t have access to it, of course. But I’m guessing you will.”
Tanner didn’t respond. He didn’t want to say anything about the safety deposit box until he’d had a chance to go through the contents himself. He certainly hadn’t suspected that Cassie knew about it. Doug’s lawyer had told him about it along with the details of his w
ill.
“I’ll see what I can find out,” he said vaguely. “There’s also the matter of Doug’s military pension. I’m sure there’ll be some money available for you and—”
She waved a hand and frowned. “I don’t want any kind of handout,” she said and cut him off again. “And I intend to go back to work when my maternity leave is up.”
“And Oliver?” Tanner asked as he walked behind the kitchen counter and grabbed a mug. “What are your plans for him?”
“Day care,” she said. “Which is the option of most working single mothers. There’s a good day care center not far from the hospital where I work.”
“But if there’s money available you could—”
“No,” she said, interrupting him once again. “Doug obviously wanted his estate to go to you. I can’t and won’t challenge his wishes.”
Tanner wasn’t sure whether she was being altruistic or just foolishly naive. “It’s not that simple.”
“Yes,” she defied. “It is.”
He flicked on one of the lights and then rested his hands on the counter. “Oliver is Doug’s son. Which makes him the beneficiary of my brother’s estate. And also the recipient of any benefit that may come about from the years Doug spent defending this country. I won’t argue, Cassie. Not on this issue. You can look at me with those beautiful, big, blue eyes all you want...but I won’t change my mind on this.”
She stilled suddenly, watching him as a tiny half smile creased the corner of her mouth. “You think I have beautiful eyes?”
Damn...
Tanner ignored the way his heart thundered in his chest and shrugged as casually as he could. “Well, I’m not blind.” He stopped, thinking he shouldn’t say anything else. But good sense didn’t prevail. “And you’re very...pretty.”
She laughed softly and raised both brows. “I’ve always thought I was kind of average.”
Tanner frowned. Average? There was nothing average about Cassandra Duncan. “You’re not serious?”
“Perfectly,” she replied. “Doug said I—”
“Doug was an ass.”
She laughed again and the delicate sound echoed around the room. “Really?”
“I meant that he—”
“He did have some ass-like qualities I suppose,” she said and grinned. “But then, no one is perfect, right?”
Except for you...
Tanner pulled himself back from saying anything stupid. Or rather, something even more stupid. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Are you referring to criticizing Doug or complimenting me?”
Was she being deliberately provocative? Tanner couldn’t tell. He knew so little about her. Her moods, her thoughts...they were a mystery to him and he knew it needed to stay that way. “Both.”
She sipped the tea and then placed the mug on the table. “Well, what’s a little harmless flirting? It doesn’t—”
“Is that what we’re doing?” he asked quickly, fighting the heat climbing over his skin.
She gave a brittle laugh. “I’m not sure what we’re doing. I’m not sure what you’re doing.”
Going slowly out of my mind...that’s what.
Tanner straightened. “You know why I’m here.”
“I know what you came here to do,” she said quietly. “I’m still not sure why.”
“Does it matter?” he asked, reluctant to say too much. “For Oliver, like I said.”
“And to sort out Doug’s estate,” she added, watching him closely, as if she was looking for answers in his expression. “When we both know you could have done that through lawyers. The house needs to be sold. There’s no money left to speak of other than a possible military pension. So if this is all about Oliver, if my son is the real reason you’ve come all this way, I want to know why. I want to know why family is so important to you, when it didn’t seem to matter one way or another when Doug was alive.”
There was strength in her voice and a kind of unexpected determination to get answers. She was annoyed. And she wasn’t hiding it.
“Okay,” he said on a long breath. “The truth is, I don’t want Oliver to feel...abandoned.”
Her gaze sharpened. “Like you were, you mean?”
“Exactly.”
She nodded a little. “But Oliver has me. He’s not alone. And I’m not about to shuffle him off to boarding school when he’s of age. And although I do appreciate that you want to have a relationship with your nephew, Tanner, I can’t see how it will be sustainable once you’re back in South Dakota. A part of me is reluctant to let him get attached to you when I know you’ll be leaving soon. I know he’s only a baby, but he’s already bonded with you and I—”
“I intend to come back and see him when I can,” Tanner explained, hating all her relentless logic.
Her brows came up. “Like you saw Doug? Once every couple of years? Tell me, how often did Doug visit you when you were at boarding school?”
“Not often.”
She shrugged. “I can’t see this being any different.”
“I’m not Doug,” Tanner said. “And if his son—my nephew—ever needs me, then I’ll be there.”
She looked into her mug for a moment and then lifted her gaze. “It’s a nice idea and I guess only time will tell. But have you considered what will happen when you get married and have a family of your own?” Her eyes were questioning. “You do plan to do that, don’t you?”
His insides burned. “At some point.”
“Do you really think you’ll have the time or inclination to nurture a relationship with Oliver when that happens?”
“I won’t abandon him.”
“You can’t take Doug’s place in his life.”
Tanner gripped the counter. “It hadn’t occurred to me to try.”
Her brows came up again. “Are you sure? You seem to have ridden in on your proverbial white horse. I’m not saying that I’m not...grateful. I am. Especially with being sick these past couple of days. But it’s not your job to look after us. And frankly, I don’t want to take advantage of your...generosity.”
“You’re not,” he assured her. “I’m here because I want to be here. I mean, with Oliver. I made a promise and I intend to stick to it. Doug would want me to make sure his son was provided for.”
It wasn’t exactly the truth. Since Doug hadn’t any plans to claim the child he’d fathered or the woman who’d loved him.
She inhaled heavily. “I hardly saw him, you know... I mean, in the last twelve months before he was killed. He returned for about a week, but he was restless...like he didn’t want to be here. Like he was waiting to get back to his other life.” She shrugged. “That was the week Oliver was conceived. And it was the last time I saw Doug.”
Tanner remembered that visit. Doug had called him, complaining about how Cassie was pushing for commitment and how he wanted out of the relationship. He’d talked his brother out of doing something rash, but three months later Doug called again...and this time he wasn’t going to be swayed. Cassie was pregnant. He didn’t want commitment. He didn’t want fatherhood. He didn’t want to be tied down to a life he wasn’t suited for. Tragically, by paying the ultimate sacrifice for his country, his brother had gotten the freedom he’d craved.
Tanner wanted to tell her that Doug would have come home to claim his family. He wanted to tell her that she would have had the happy-ever-after she deserved. But he couldn’t. Because it wasn’t anywhere near the truth. Doug had been a fine soldier, but in his personal life he’d repeatedly left wreckage in his wake.
“I’m sorry it didn’t turn out the way you were hoping it would.”
She gave a derisive laugh. “He told you, I suppose, that I had brought up the subject of marriage.”
Tanner nodded. “Yes.”
“He said we’d talk about it when he got back. Only, he never did get back. And we never talked.”
“Some people just aren’t the marrying kind, I guess.”
Her eyes widened. “So you d
on’t think he would have married me and settled down?”
Realizing he might have said too much, Tanner backpedaled. “It doesn’t really matter what I think.”
“But Doug talked to you,” she persisted. “And he obviously told you how he felt about the baby coming.”
“He was surprised,” Tanner said too casually. “And in a war zone. I don’t imagine he had the chance to absorb much of anything at the time.”
“I suppose. I only wish... I wish that he’d met Oliver...that he’d had a chance to know this perfectly beautiful baby and hold him just once. I’m sure if he had he would have...he would have felt like I do.”
Tanner wasn’t so sure. But he didn’t say anything. Because her blue eyes were now glistening brightly and her tremulous voice echoed around the room. She dropped her face into her hands for a moment and sighed heavily. Seeing her sudden anguish, he walked around the counter and moved closer. She looked up to meet his gaze and within seconds there were tears on her cheeks.
Without a word he sat down and reached for her hands, taking them gently within his own. She didn’t protest. She didn’t move. The only sound in the room was the faint tick from the clock on the wall and the gentle hum of the refrigerator. And she wept. Not racking, uncontrolled sobs, but quietly, with restraint and a calm kind of dignity.
As he held her hands and felt the connection of her skin against his own, a tide of long-buried feelings rose up and hit him squarely in the solar plexus. He pushed them back, willing them away with all his strength because he knew they were futile.
“I’m sorry... I don’t know what’s come over me,” she said, still crying.
Tanner squeezed her fingers gently. “You’re tired, you’ve been ill and you’re grieving, Cassie. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Tears trailed down her cheeks and he fought the impulse to wipe them away. He wanted to take her in his arms and console her. But he wouldn’t.
“The more time that goes by, the less I feel I knew him,” she said shakily. “It’s like there’s this wall of disconnect that keeps getter wider with each day that passes. Sometimes I’m afraid that I’ll forget what he was like and I won’t be able to tell Oliver about his father.”
