by Helen Lacey
Within minutes she was out the room, out the door and in her car.
And driving away from the boy who’d captured her heart and the one man who had the power to break it.
Chapter Eight
Late on Sunday afternoon Lauren and Mary-Jayne arrived with pizza and sweet wine for their regular monthly get-together. Since Lauren’s engagement and Oliver’s birth they didn’t catch up as often as they used to. However, they always made the most of their Sunday catch-up. It was over her first glass of wine and second slice of pizza that she told them about Tanner.
“That was him?” Lauren asked incredulously, eyes popping. “The boy on the beach?”
“Yeah...that was Tanner.”
M.J. let out a long whistle. “What a tangled web we weave. Who would have thought that your first love would end up being the jerk’s baby brother?”
“It wasn’t love,” Cassie corrected, ignoring the gibe about Doug. “We were kids and I only met him twice. And it was just a kiss.”
“A kiss you’ve never forgotten,” Lauren reminded her.
Cassie shrugged. “Every girl remembers her first kiss.”
“Yeah,” M.J. said and laughed. “But most of us would rather forget it. If I could erase the memory of Bobby Milton and his sweaty top lip I would do it gladly.”
M.J. pretended to gag and they all giggled like teenagers. It felt so good to be with her friends. They shared a bond that had lasted decades. They’d rallied around her when Doug had been killed and then when Oliver was born. And she needed their support now, more than ever.
“So, are you going to kiss him again?” M.J. asked bluntly.
Cassie almost spat out her drink. “Of course not.”
“Why not?” Lauren said. “He seems very nice and he’s clearly interested in you.”
“Because there’s no point,” she said quickly. “He’s going back to South Dakota in a few weeks and the only thing I have time for is finding a new home for me and my son.”
“A lot can happen in a few weeks,” Lauren said and smiled. “Take it from me. It only took me that long to fall in love with Gabe.”
“That was different,” she said, holding on to her impatience. “Since you were looking for a relationship and I’m not. All I want is to find a home where I can live and raise my child. Do I like Tanner? Yes. Is he gorgeous and sexy and wonderful with Oliver? Yes. Do I think there’s a future there? No. He’s Doug’s brother and that’s simply too big a complication.”
“Who are you trying to convince?” M.J. asked with a raised brow. “Us or yourself?”
Cassie ate some pizza and ignored her friend’s gibe. They’d support her regardless. That was the way of best friends. “I know what I’m doing,” she said.
But didn’t believe it for a minute.
*
On Monday morning Tanner arrived at the house at nine o’clock with a painting contractor. The two men walked around the house discussing walls and ceilings and which rooms needed doing while Cassie remained in the kitchen with Oliver and felt like a spare part.
It’s not my house... Remember that.
When the contractor left Tanner came into the kitchen and stood on the other side of the counter. “He’ll be back on Wednesday morning. I thought we’d start in the bedrooms and work from the rear of the house.”
“We?” she queried and sank her hands into the sinkful of soapy water. “There’s not a whole lot of we in this, Tanner. It’s your house, not mine. All I do is pay the rent and utilities. Which I’ll continue to do until I find somewhere else to live. Paint whatever rooms you like, it makes no difference to me. I’ll be out of here soon enough.”
“You can stay until it sells.”
“I’d prefer to leave as soon as I can.”
“You mean you’d prefer to be stubborn and provocative.”
She glared at him. “I’m not stubborn. And I’m definitely not provocative.”
“Oh, yeah,” he said and rested his hands on the counter. “You are.”
“And you have an arrogant streak a mile wide,” she yelled. “Contrary to what you might believe, you don’t know what’s best for me and Oliver. So back off.”
He laughed loudly. “Why are you so mad at me? I’m only trying to help.”
“Help someone else. I don’t need or want anything from you.”
“Where’s all this resentment coming from, Cassie?” he inquired, laughter still lingering in his eyes. “I thought we were friends.”
Cassie pulled her hands from the sink, dried them quickly, then slammed them onto her hips. “You’ve got some nerve, you know that? After what happened the other day I’d think you would be—”
“So we made out when we were kids,” he interrupted. “It’s no big deal.”
“No big deal?” she echoed. “Are you kidding? It’s a huge deal. You knew. All along you knew and you didn’t say anything.”
He shrugged. “There was no point. And it was hardly a subject to broach when Doug was alive. We shared a kiss, Cassie. A long time ago. A lifetime ago. Forget about it.”
She wished she could. “What about the other thing?”
“What other thing?”
Cassie inhaled, steadying her nerve. “You said you were attracted to me and—”
“So I’m attracted to you,” he said quietly. “Stop overthinking it.”
“I can’t.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “And I can’t believe you think it’s okay and can dismiss it so easily.”
“Did I say that?” he asked. “Did I once say it was okay? For the record—nothing is easy when it comes to you.” He took a deep breath. “Yes, I’m attracted to you. Yes, I want to take you to bed and make love to you.”
He heart stalled. “But—”
“But I know I can never do that because you love my brother.”
Doug...
Had she spared him a thought since she’d seen Tanner on Saturday? Her feelings for Doug were so conflicted. And the more she knew Tanner the less she felt she knew Doug.
“I don’t think... I mean, we’d be crazy to start something,” she whispered. “And now that I have Oliver I can’t afford to act crazy.”
“I agree,” he said flatly. “Forget it, like I said. I’ll be gone in a few weeks and then you can get on with the rest of your life.”
Sure. No problem.
And she knew he believed that about as much as she did.
*
Midweek Tanner took a call from the foreman at his ranch and discussed the new horses that were coming in over the next two months. His leg still hurt and he intended getting back to physical therapy when he returned home, but working with Ruthie’s colt had confirmed that he was ready to get back in the saddle.
And it made him miss home. His ranch in Cedar Creek was as much a part of him as Crystal Point had been when he was young, and being in the small town had brought back a whole lot of memories. Some good. Some not. Hanging out with Ruthie was a bonus. So was spending time with his nephew. Oliver had quickly worked his way into his heart and Tanner knew he was going to miss the little guy when he returned to South Dakota.
And then there was Cassie...
She’d gotten into his heart, too, and he was trying his damnedest to get her out.
Her home was being sold and she had put on a brave face...but he wasn’t fooled. And he felt a ton of guilt because of it. While the contractor worked on the house she kept insisting she was fine. While painters and yard maintenance workers came and went she was on hand making iced tea and obligingly moving belongings from one room to the next. And he still wasn’t fooled. She could act as tough and indifferent as she wanted; Tanner knew that underneath she was barely hanging on.
“You know,” she said on Friday afternoon as they inspected the paintwork in the third bedroom. “You’re really lousy at choosing colors. What is that feature wall color...mission brown?”
“Donkey,” he replied and shrugged. “And I did ask you to come with me and
choose the palette.”
Her mouth drew together tightly and she raised one shoulder. “Not my business.”
“Well, if the house doesn’t go under the hammer because I’m a little color-blind and you weren’t charitable enough to help out, then it’s on your head.”
She sniffed. “Color-blind? You mean you have imperfections? I don’t believe it.”
“I’m as imperfect as the next guy.”
“Nice to know.” She walked around the room. “I think this needs to be done again,” she said as she inspected the longest wall. “To something lighter. It’s like a big brown tomb in here.”
Tanner grabbed a swatch palette from a bucket near the door and pulled his wallet from his back pocket. He took out a credit card and held it toward her along with the swatches. “It’s in your hands, then.”
She looked at the card and frowned. “You’re giving me your credit card?”
“Giving?” he echoed. “No. Loaning...sure.”
She took both and looked at him oddly. “Doug never...”
“Does everything have to be about Doug?” he growled irritably.
“No, of course not,” she said quickly. “It’s only that he would never have trusted me to...” She stopped and looked at him. “It’s nothing. Forget I said anything.”
“Yeah, forget I said anything, too... I didn’t mean to snap at you. Now go and spend some money.”
She smiled. “I’ll try not to do anything too irresponsible with it.”
“I’ll bet you haven’t had an irresponsible moment in your life.”
She laughed lightly. “Probably. However, I may be responsible, but according to some I am stubborn.”
“And provocative,” he reminded her.
She grinned, pushing the card into the pocket of her jeans as she clasped the swatches under one arm. “I’m sorry I haven’t been much help this week. I know I’d promised I would be. It’s just...”
“Too hard?” he prompted. “Too real? I get it, Cassie. I understand how difficult this must be for you.”
She sucked in a breath. “Would you stop that,” she snapped.
“Stop what?”
“Being so bloody understanding,” she replied hotly. “About the house, about Doug...about everything. It drives me crazy.”
“I drive you crazy?”
“It,” she corrected. “It drives me crazy. You...well, you do...other stuff.”
Tanner laughed. It was the most lighthearted conversation they’d had all week. And he’d missed it. A little harmless flirting is okay. “What kind of stuff?”
“Like I’d admit to anything.” She tapped her back pocket. “Can you watch Oliver for an hour or so? I’ve got shopping to do.”
“Absolutely.”
“I’ll grab dinner while I’m out,” she said and then stilled. “I mean, if you’d like to stay.”
“I would.”
She nodded and quickly left the room. While she was gone he fed and bathed Oliver and had him well-settled in his crib by the time her car pulled up in the driveway. She bought paint and Chinese food. He put the paint in the spare room and they ate dinner from the cartons in the living room.
“You’re something of an expert with those chopsticks,” she remarked as she dipped into a carton for a chicken dumpling with a fork.
“I spent some time traveling through Vietnam and Cambodia before I went to Europe when I was young. So I picked up a few tips.”
“I envy you,” she said and sat back on the sofa, cross-legged. “I’ve never traveled. I’ve never been anywhere, really.”
“Nothing wrong with being happy where you are.”
“Happy or complacent?” She sighed. “I’m not sure I’d know the difference.”
“You’d know,” he assured her. “And as much as I enjoyed traveling, I was keen to put down roots when I reached South Dakota.”
“Tell me about your ranch?”
“It’s small by local standards,” he said and drank some soda. “But the grazing is good for horses. The homestead is way too big for one, though.”
“But one day you’ll get married and have a family...so big will come in handy.”
“I guess. One day.”
“Have you ever been close?” she asked.
“To getting married? No.”
She smiled a little. “Why not? You’d be something of a catch, I would think.”
Tanner laughed. “I think... I think it’s because I don’t want to settle...if that makes sense. I remember my parents had a very strong relationship, grounded in friendship but also passionate. So I guess that’s what I’m hoping for, too.”
She sighed heavily. “Soul mates, you mean. Yeah, it’s a nice dream.”
“You don’t believe in soul mates?”
“I do... I just don’t know how many actually end up together. Although my friends Lauren and Gabe managed to find one another. So perhaps there’s hope for us all.”
“And you and Doug?”
She met his gaze. “I think you know the answer to that.”
“He did love you,” Tanner said quietly, absorbing her features in the lamplight. “In his own way. As much as he could love anyone.”
She shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter much anymore. I have Oliver and I will always be thankful to Doug for that.”
Tanner heard the rawness in her voice and winced. “He was never the settle-down type, that’s all. After our parents died all he wanted to do was leave Crystal Point for good.”
“And that’s when he sold your family farm, dumped you in boarding school and then a few years later squandered your inheritance?” Her brows came up. “What did he actually do with the money?”
“Some poor stock market decisions saw off most of it. A bit of gambling. I believe he bought a Porsche and crashed it.” Tanner grinned and raised the chopsticks. “You know, the usual stuff. I was surprised when he bought this house...seemed way too sensible.”
“And me?” she asked softly. “Were you surprised about me?”
Tanner dropped the chopsticks into the carton and placed it on the coffee table. Then he sat back, linked his fingers together and rested his hands on his stomach. “That he would want you? Not at all. As far as I know you’re the first woman he actually attempted to settle down with. But he was a strange contradiction. In the military he was one kind of man, and out of it he was kind of lost.”
“You’re very forgiving.”
Tanner shook his head. “I’m not forgiving at all. But if I hang on to my resentment, then he wins. Bitterness is a wasted emotion. I’d rather look for—”
“Love?” she asked, quietly cutting off his words.
Tanner stilled. The way she said it. The way the word hung in the air between them made his gut churn. He didn’t want to talk to her about love. Not when his heart was in the firing line. “Aren’t we all?” he queried vaguely.
“I guess. Some more than others.”
He got to his feet. “I should go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
And he left before he said or did something stupid.
*
The following week blurred into one day after another. There were more contractors. More painting. More trucks coming and going as the backyard got a serious overhaul with some new garden beds and paving. Cassie put on her brave face and helped out where she could. But inside she was churning. Tanner was mostly on hand to give orders to the contractors and she gave him the spare key so he could come and go as needed. But he never stayed longer than necessary. He spent time with Oliver. He was polite and obliging to her and that was all. They didn’t talk about Doug or anything other than the house. She noticed he was unusually quiet and seemed to have a lot on his mind. She didn’t ask. Didn’t want to know. He was leaving in two weeks and she’d become so accustomed to having him around she knew she’d feel his departure when he went home.
Home...
Something she didn’t have anymore. She’d put in a couple of rental applicatio
ns during that week. Since there was nothing she could reasonably afford in Crystal Point she looked at renting in Bellandale. It wasn’t optimal. In fact, it wasn’t what she wanted at all. But it would be closer to the hospital when she returned to work and there were a couple of reputable day care centers close by.
It’s not worth crying over...
On Saturday afternoon the last of the contractors left for the day and once Oliver was down for his nap she fed Mouse and then drew herself a long bath. By four she was in the kitchen, lazing around in her bathrobe and snacking on cheese and crackers. She was in the middle of filling the kettle when the doorbell rang. Thinking it might be Mary-Jayne stopping in for an impromptu visit, she steadied the towel she’d wrapped around her hair to keep her tresses dry, padded down the hallway on bare feet and opened the door.
And then rocked back on her heels.
It was Tanner. And he looked so gorgeous it stole her breath.
Usually he dressed in faded jeans and T-shirts. But the man who stood at her door looked as if he’d stepped out of the pages of a cowboy magazine. His jeans were dark and tailored and the white twill shirt fit across his shoulders, tapering down over his chest and washboard belly. He wore a thin leather bolo tie and a thick leather belt with a shimmering silver buckle and cowboy boots. He held a felt hat in one hand and car keys in the other.
Cassie swallowed hard. “Oh...hi.”
He looked her over in a kind of slow, leisurely way that made her toes curl. The bathrobe was thin, and knowing there was only a light layer of fabric covering her nakedness quickly increased her awareness of him.
“Hello. Can I come in?”
She pulled the front of her robe secure and opened the screen. “Of course.” Once he was in the hall she asked the obvious question. “What are you doing here?”
