Guarding Hearts (Living Again #3)

by L. L. Collins

  “Sam, I’ve known Ellis for many years now. He distances himself from people for reasons he won’t get into, not even to me. All I know is that he has no family, and that the reason behind that is something none of us would like to think of. He keeps himself at arms’ length from everyone so he can protect himself. But, I see what you see.”

  Sam furrowed her brow, trying to read in between his words. “What I see?”

  “He likes you,” Devin announced, and she sucked in her breath, her hand on her chest. There was no stopping that visceral reaction to what his friend just said. “But, you’ll need to be patient. He doesn’t think he’s worth anything. In the years I’ve known him, Jessica is the closest he’s ever come to having a girlfriend.”

  Both of their eyes turned to follow Ellis and Jessica back into the party. His eyes scanned the beach, and she hoped that he was looking for her. When his eyes connected to hers, he looked quickly next to her and saw Devin, then looked back at her. Even if she wanted to form words, she wouldn’t be able to. She wished she could get him to open up a little bit, but according to Devin he wouldn’t even open up after years, much less days.

  “I only have this week,” she whispered, her eyes still trained on Ellis. He had stopped to grab a water bottle, but was still watching her talk to Devin.

  “Just use your time wisely,” he muttered, seeing that Ellis was watching both of them.

  “I’ve only known him two days,” she continued, verbalizing her concern to this half stranger. “How do you know I can get through?”

  Ellis was striding towards them now, and she knew their conversation was over. “You may not. But you need to try. See the look on his face right now? He’s coming over here fast to see what I’m telling you. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t.” With that, Devin stood up, balancing the baby carefully.

  “What’s going on over here?” Ellis asked, leaning over to peer into the little baby’s face. Her stomach clenched at the sight of him smiling at the sleeping child.

  “Just getting to know Sam a little bit,” Devin winked at her. “I think we need to call it a night, man. Time to get these babies home, and get in bed myself. These little alarm clocks get us up several times a night.”

  “I was just coming to find you,” Rachel said from behind them. She was holding their other baby, also asleep. “Sam, it was so amazing to meet you. I love your music and hope we can see you again sometime.”

  Sam smiled. “Rachel, you and all of your friends are welcome at any concert you want to come to, anytime. Just get in touch with my dad and he will get you VIP tickets. Sometime you guys will have to come up to Nashville and visit, too!”

  “Bye, Sam,” a small voice came from next to her. “I really don’t want to go home ever, I want to stay here with you, but my mommy and daddy say I have to.”

  Sam laughed at Alexis, the most adorable kid she’d ever been around. “You can come visit me anytime, okay, Alexis? I’m so glad you got to come tonight.”

  Jessica stepped up to her, hugging her quickly. “You’re so talented, Sam. Thanks for having us tonight.” She leaned over closer to her ear. “You can do it, Sam. If anyone can, you can.” With that, she walked away, leaving Sam wondering exactly what she was referring to.

  After Sam said goodbye to all of Ellis’ friends, including the adorable children who had been stuck to her like glue all night, she sat next to the fire, her mind a million miles away. They were leaving in the morning to head over to the east coast. She was exhausted after a full day of shooting the video over and over again until they got it ‘just right’, and a night full of exhausting emotions about her new bodyguard. Talking to Devin hadn’t squelched her feelings about the connection she had with Ellis at all. She felt like a fool, but she couldn’t stop her emotions from taking over whenever he was within eye shot of her.

  “Ready to go in?” She jumped when she heard Ellis’ voice next to her, just like she was imagining. She wasn’t going to get into what else she was imagining, though. She looked up at him and saw a small smile playing on his lips. He was so breathtaking. Even with only the lights coming from the back of the house and the fire in front of her, she could see the green in his eyes, so clear she could almost look through them, the dark scruff on his face, his beach tousled hair. He might’ve been on duty, but he looked like he had just come off the pages of a magazine.

  Sam looked around, noticing that Brian had gone in, her parents had turned in hours ago, and they were alone. “Not really,” she said softly, maintaining eye contact with him. She figured that if she was going to push through him at all, she had to be bold. The problem was, that wasn’t usually her, hence the reason her parents still controlled her at twenty-three years old.

  “Sam.” Her name on his lips made her quiver inside. She had loved it when he called her Sammi. While she would’ve scoffed at anyone who tried to call her that otherwise, there was something about the way that he said it that made her toes curl and her breath quicken. Shocking her, he held out his hand and pulled her up so she was standing very close to him. “I’m not who you want, Sam.”

  Sam said nothing, just tipped her head back to look into his eyes. “Ellis,” she began, resting her hand on his firm chest. “No offense, but why do you get to tell me who I want?”

  He laughed, and she felt it reverberate through her hand. It was the best sound in the world. “You’re a spitfire, aren’t you, Samantha Kerrigan.”

  She decided that him saying her name was the best kind of foreplay she could imagine. Her knees were weak. She felt like a teenager, like the first time she had gone out on a date with Gage. Actually, no. Then she had felt the infatuation of a teenager. She was a woman now, and Ellis just did something to her.

  “I wish I was,” she admitted, dropping her hand from his chest. “But I’m really a grown woman trapped in a little girl’s life.”

  Ellis eyed her for a moment. “Why? Because of your parents?”

  Sam indicated the house. “Yes. Don’t get me wrong, they love me, but they suffocate me. I’m so fortunate to be able to do what I love, and that my dreams have come true. But, I also feel like I never make any decisions for myself, and they don’t take me seriously. They control my career, who works for me, what we do, everything. They have controlled every aspect of my life forever, including who I…” Her voice broke, and she wanted to bury herself in the sand. Here she was, about to cry in front of him.

  She felt his warm hand on her back, yet she couldn’t look at him. What had started out as her wanting to be alone with him had turned into her unloading everything on him? Well, no, she wasn’t going there. He wouldn’t even stay for the next few days to finish his job—he’d be out of there immediately.

  “Sam.” He lifted her chin with his fingers gently, and she found herself within inches of his full mouth. God, she wanted to drown herself in him. He could help her forget. He smelled so good, and she found herself wondering if she could not shower tonight just to fall asleep smelling like him.

  “Sorry,” she whispered. His hand cupped the side of her face, and she closed her eyes briefly at his touch.

  “Don’t be sorry,” he answered, just as softly. “Do you think you can’t make it without them? You are a beautiful, talented singer. They didn’t win that contest for you; you won that all on your own. They didn’t buy you fans, right? People love you for who you are and what you do, not because of your parents. I guess I don’t understand someone controlling your life, because I’ve been on my own all of mine.”

  Sam blinked, realizing that he just told her something about himself. She knew he was right, too, but she had no idea how to break away from them. “I don’t want to hurt them,” she answered. “My sister died when we were kids, and it changed them. They only do what they do because they love me.”

  Ellis said nothing, just continued holding the side of her face. His thumb rubbed small circles on her cheek, and she wanted badly to kiss him again, but she wasn’t sure if she should.
/>   “I’m sorry to hear that,” he said finally. “Want to tell me about it?”

  Sam took a deep breath and put her hand up on his face, mirroring his. “What I really want,” she started, stepping closer so that there was no space in between them, “is for you to do what you’ve wanted to do all night.” She had no idea who this person was that was boldly calling him out on his desire, but she felt she had nothing to lose at this point.

  Ellis watched her for what seemed like an eternity, not moving. She figured she had crossed the proverbial line and he would retreat at any second. The words of his friend reverberated in her head, and she knew that even if he crushed her by going into the house without kissing her, she wouldn’t be sorry that she said it.

  Next thing she knew, Ellis had dropped his hand from her face and had hauled her body to his. “I shouldn’t,” he said huskily, his eyes on her lips. “But damn it, Sam, I can’t stand to turn you down when you see right through me.” Before she could answer, he crushed his lips to hers. It took her a moment to realize that she was moaning as his tongue met hers. She forgot that they were on a public beach, where her parents could come out and see them, or paparazzi. All she could concentrate on was the feeling that her head was floating in the clouds. Every stroke of his tongue, nip of his teeth and feel of his lips made her float further and further.

  Not able to stop herself, she lifted his shirt to touch his warm, bare skin. As she touched the firm muscles, he growled into her mouth, deepening their kiss even further, tilting his head as his tongue made love to hers. She couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like all over her body. His hands left her back and started slowly moving, as if he was trying to convince himself not to do it.

  He pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against hers. “God, Sam.” His gaze met hers. “I-we have to stop.” She didn’t answer at first, listening to both of their erratic breathing.

  “Why?”

  “Sammi,” he said, and her stomach clenched. He traced her lips with his fingers, then followed them with his lips, pressing a tender kiss on her mouth.

  “Ellis, help me understand,” she said, her voice wavering. She knew it was a chance she took to put herself out there, but she sure as hell didn’t want to be rejected.

  “Believe me, I’ve wanted you since the second I laid eyes on you,” he admitted. “And it’s more than just attraction. But I’m not a good guy, Sam. Not good for you. I would only hurt you. We need to get through this week, okay? Then you can move on, find someone that will make you happy.”

  Tears pooled in her eyes before she could stop them. “Why don’t you let me decide that?” A spark of anger ignited, and she couldn’t stop it from exploding. “No one thinks I’m capable of making my own decisions! Not my parents, and now not you! I’m not a child, Ellis! I’ve been through shit in my own life, too!” With that, she fled the beach, running up the steps and into her room before Ellis could even react.

  She flung herself on her bed, sobbing silently into her pillow. She felt like an idiot for allowing herself to be so transparent to him. She heard a small knock on her door and ignored it. There was no damn way she was talking to him, and she knew he wouldn’t be louder for fear of waking everyone else up.

  “Sam,” the whisper came through the crack. “Please, open the door. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Sam?”

  She gripped the sheets to keep herself from flinging open the door to see him. She wasn’t going to be the kind of woman that threw herself at someone that didn’t want her. She may be young, but she knew that she didn’t need to settle.

  Sam avoided Ellis the whole time they loaded up the cars to go back to the arena to get the tour buses and head out. She knew he was watching her; she could feel him. But she kept her head down and her sunglasses on, talking only to her parents. She needed to talk to Lacey, but that would have to wait until she could have some privacy.

  Ellis walked to the car and she followed. Her parents were already seated inside, which made her feel safer knowing he wouldn’t try to talk to her about anything with them there.

  The ride to the arena was quiet. Ellis kept watching her in the rearview mirror. She didn’t even have to look to know. She felt him. When she allowed herself one look at him, he lifted his aviator glasses and met her gaze. No words were spoken, but everything was said. He was sorry. The connection was still there, and it was undeniable, but he didn’t think he should do anything about it. None of it made her feel any better.

  “You okay, Samantha?”

  Sam turned to her mother, the act of looking away from him almost physically painful. “Just tired, Mom. I’m okay. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

  “When we get on the bus, you need to go nap while we drive. It’s about a four hour drive from here, and we will go straight to rehearsal for the show tonight.”

  “Sounds good, Dad,” Sam agreed, yawning. She knew that Ellis was going to be on the bus with her and wasn’t sure she would be doing any sleeping knowing he was with them. She had to stay focused on what she was doing. After all, Ellis would only be with them a few more days and then he would go back to his life, and she, hers. Thinking that anything could happen between them for the long term was ridiculous, anyway.

  “Sam, wake up,” the voice broke into her dream, and she turned her head towards the voice. She knew that voice, because it was in her dreams. “Sam,” it said again.

  She blinked her eyes open and saw that Ellis was sitting on her bed. Ellis was sitting on her bed? She looked around, realizing she was in the bedroom of her tour bus. What was he doing in here? She sat up, eyeing him warily.

  “What are you doing in here?”

  Ellis sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I deserve that. I wanted to apologize.”

  “Where are my parents?”

  “They went in to the arena to get things squared away. It’s just us.” Sam looked back at the door to the room, which Ellis had left open. Her heart started racing, despite the fact that she was upset with him.

  Sam got up, needing more space than he was giving her. She stood next to the bed, watching him. He stood and walked towards her until she had no space to go anywhere.

  “Sammi,” he said in a low voice.

  “Don’t do that,” she bit back.

  “What?”

  “Call me that.”

  “You liked it yesterday.”

  “I don’t like it today.”

  “Sam,” he corrected. “Please. I’m sorry. I hurt your feelings and I didn’t mean to. You just—you barely know me. You’re in the public eye, and I will just bring you down. I didn’t mean to treat you like you were a child that couldn’t make decisions.”

  “But you’re doing it right now,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her. “You’re making the decision that we shouldn’t even try to get to know each other. You aren’t letting me have a say in this at all. I’m not asking you to run away and marry me, Ellis. All I’m asking for is a chance. Let’s talk, get to know each other, and see if this connection that we have turns into more.”

  “What about your parents? They won’t be happy about this. And you are leaving the state in a few days. What then?”

  Sam looked up at him. If he was determined to find all the reasons why they wouldn’t work, she wasn’t going to beg. “You’re right, Ellis. Let’s go into the arena now so I can get ready for rehearsal.” She went to step around him and he grabbed her around the waist, pulling her into him.

  “Sammi,” he breathed into her hair. She closed her eyes, intoxicated by the nearness of him. “Don’t hate me.”

  “I can’t hate you,” she whispered, tears threatening behind her eyes.

  “Maybe someday I can tell you all the reasons why I push people away,” he said, his voice tight. “But please, don’t think it’s because I don’t like you or want you.”

  “But what if I don’t care about any of that stuff?”

  Ellis sighed, running his hand through her
long hair. “But you would. And so would everyone else.”

  The week flew by, traveling from place to place, watching Sam do what she did best. Today was the last day that he would be with her, as tomorrow she would make her way out of the state to continue her tour.

  There had been no more sent packages or weird notes since the first one when Ellis started with her, so they were stumped. They didn’t know if whoever this person was stayed away because they knew Ellis was there or what, but it made Sam be much more at peace about things, which made him nervous for when he left. He hoped that whoever this freak was had moved on.

  Ever since the night that Ellis had pushed her away, they had been nothing more than friends. He was with her all day and he loved the time they were spending together and was sad that he would say goodbye to her today. He had no idea when the next time was that he would see her, as she would be traveling and then go back home to Nashville. He still wanted nothing more than to kiss her senseless and the urge to make love to her was the strongest feeling he had ever had in his life. As predicted, he knew every single song she sang now, and looked forward to certain ones during her show where he could watch her unabashedly.

  He knew he was being a chicken, because he spent all day and night thinking of her. Devin had been calling and texting, asking him what was going on with her. He knew once he found out that he had indeed pushed her away too, he would shake his head. For the first time in his life, he felt a true connection to someone, and it scared him shitless. It was way beyond what he had felt for Jessica, and definitely beyond what he thought he had had with Mandy. But there was no way in hell he could do that to her. While they had spent a lot of time together in the last several days, he was always careful to not let too much information slip about his past. She’d never want to be part of his life if she knew the whole thing, and he didn’t think that he could bear to live without her friendship.