Guarding Hearts (Living Again #3)

by L. L. Collins

  The camera panned in on her eyes, and he held his breath. “Ellis, if you’re watching this, I’m sorry. You saved my life, and I ruined yours. I hope someday you can forgive me. No matter if I never see you again, I want you to know that you changed my life.”

  With that, she stepped back and walked away, back into the glass doors of the building. Ellis sat, staring at the screen as it blinked back to the anchor on the news station, who started rambling about Samantha being a brave young woman who stood up to the press and gave an ultimatum, and that they and all the people at their news station supported her completely.

  Devin whistled, snapping Ellis’ attention to him. “Tell me you’re going to get her, man. She just told the entire world that she’s in love with you.”

  “She didn’t say that,” Ellis argued.

  “Dude, don’t be a dumbass. She didn’t need to say the words, and you know it. I saw the look on your face the whole time she was talking. She just did an entire press conference to defend you, and she gave an ultimatum for the entire population of vultures. Stop telling yourself that you can’t do this, and for once, follow your heart.”

  Ellis knew he was right. The urge to go to her was so strong; he was barely keeping himself in his seat. “She’s leaving tonight for Baton Rouge. Her first show is tomorrow night.”

  Devin tapped his watch. “Time’s ticking.”

  Andrew walked out of his office. “Go, Ellis,” he said, stopping in front of his desk.

  He looked at his boss, then Devin, then back. He had nothing to say. After a moment, he nodded, standing up. “Okay. I’ll be a few days.”

  “Take as long as you need!” Andrew called from behind him.

  All he knew was that getting there was only part of the battle. The rest was making it up to her for him being a giant idiot and convincing her that he really did have a heart in the cold recesses of his chest.

  By the time he got to Baton Rouge, he was too late to try to see her, as she was in rehearsals for her show. He told himself that he could wait until after her show. He had checked into a nice room at a hotel with good security, hoping that he could convince her to come back with him before they moved on to their next stop. He hoped that they had planned to stay here tonight. He could’ve called Sean and gotten the information, but he didn’t even want him to know he was here. He was convinced he was in love with her anyway, so he may not want her to see Ellis.

  His phone rang, and he saw that it was the attorney he had retained. “Hello.”

  “Ellis, Steven Moore.”

  “Steve, tell me you have some good news.”

  “Well, there is some progress. Children’s Services in New York have been out to see Mandy and Mason twice this week.”

  “If they remove him, I want to know immediately. He will not end up in foster care.”

  “I’m not sure you’ll have a choice about it, but you know that I’ll let you know. I’m working on talking to a judge in New York about your case. It’s difficult because we’re working on the laws of two different states here.

  Ellis got an idea. “Steve, what if Carl could take custody of him? What do they call that? Non-relative?”

  “Yes, he would be considered a non-relative caregiver. But the fact still remains that he’s in Florida and Mason is in New York. The paperwork nightmare that ensues when you try to move a child from one state to another that’s in the system can take months.”

  “No,” Ellis said. “That can’t happen.”

  “Well, first things first,” Steve said. “Let’s see what happens with Mandy, if they really remove Mason from her or not. From what I have found out about her, if Children’s Services does their job, he would be removed. But we all know that doesn’t always happen.”

  Ellis closed his eyes. Fuck her. She took his son away from him to ruin his life, but instead she ruined both of their lives, his and Mason’s. He might not have been the best role model for Mason, but he sure as hell would’ve been better than Mandy. He was going to make this right if it was the last thing he did. He hated that his hands were tied, so right now he had to focus on the one thing he could do, and that was to get Sam back.

  “Keep me updated,” Ellis said. “Thanks, Steve.”

  He disconnected the call and went in to shower and get ready to see Sam tonight. One thing had to go right for him.

  He pulled his rental car into Baton Rouge River Center, his stomach a ball of nerves. Her show was starting in thirty minutes, and he knew that she was in her dressing room, getting her hair and makeup finished up. He was going to be in the same building as her for the first time in weeks. Since the night he walked out of the police station and left her without so much as a word. He didn’t deserve her compassion and understanding, and he knew it. If he hadn’t been a coward and ran away, they wouldn’t have missed out on all of this time together.

  It felt strange as he had his ticket scanned and he walked through the metal detectors, just like a regular fan. Well, in a way that’s what he was now. He walked away, and because of that he didn’t have the right to be in the back with her. He found his section and went to sit, watching the crew finish up on the stage with the last minute preparations. After a few minutes, he saw Sean and the team walking around, doing their preshow security checks. He found himself scanning as well, looking for anything out of the ordinary. He knew that they had Tanner in custody and would for a long time, but you never knew whether or not someone else would get a bright idea.

  Before he knew it, the lights dimmed and the opening act came out, an all girl up and coming country band called Bright Lights. They were good, but nothing compared to the powerhouse that was Sam all by herself. As they finished up, he closed his eyes to prepare for what he was about to see. His stomach flipped as the lights went out. The crowd started cheering. He trained his eyes on the back of the stage, knowing it was mere seconds before she would take his breath away.

  He could see Jason and Luke walking to their places, and right after that, the lights came on and Sam came bounding onto the stage, the mic in her hand. “Heyyyyyy, Baton Rouge!” The crowd went wild, but he couldn’t hear them. It felt like Sam was standing right in front of him. She had her hair loose around her face and she was wearing a pair of tight jeans, a see through top with a sequined bra underneath, and black cowboy boots. She was the epitome of every man’s dream.

  She started off by singing My Girls, and the crowd sang along with her. He loved watching her dance across the stage, leaning in to Jason and Luke, who rolled their eyes playfully at her. The music changed, and she made her way to the front of the stage and sat on the stool. She was about to sing Wasted Tears. He closed his eyes, wondering how many tears she had wasted on him. The camera panned in on her, and the screens around the arena showed her face, her eyes closed and her mouth pursed as she belted out the lyrics about not wasting any more time or tears. He knew that she had written this song before she had ever met him, but damn did it feel like she was singing directly to him.

  She sang a few more songs after that, but he couldn’t concentrate. The desperation he felt to get to her was overwhelming him. At intermission, he had to force himself to go and get a beer and a hot dog instead of calling Sean and demanding he let him back there to see her. The only reason he didn’t was because he didn’t want to upset her before she had to come back on stage. He hadn’t done things right the first time and he was determined to do it this time.

  He sat impatiently the rest of the show, his eyes never leaving hers as she sang song after song. Damn, she was so talented. As she approached the mic, he knew that this was going to be her last song. He was only a little while away from seeing her. He wasn’t leaving here without telling her what he should’ve said all along.

  “Baton Rouge, it’s been so amazing to be here tonight in this beautiful city to start off the next part of my tour. Thanks to all of you for coming out to see me. It means so much to me. I’m introducing a new song tonight, for the first time. I wrote thi
s one recently, and I’m finally ready to share it. This is for all of you that have loved and lost, and wish for another chance. Don’t ever be afraid to tell those that you love how you feel, because if you don’t, sometimes it’s too late. Without further ado, here’s ‘Through It All’”.

  He watched as she situated herself on the stool with her guitar, strumming the opening chords. He realized she was the only one playing. Jason and Luke were sitting behind her, but she was doing this alone.

  ‘Where do I start, what do I say?

  How do you ask someone to come back when they’ve gone away?

  I’ve been a coward,

  And I’ve been a fool.

  But I’d do anything for you.

  And I know you don’t think you deserve it,

  But I’m here to tell you that you’re worth it.

  Through it all, I’ll be right here,

  Through all your pain, and all your fears,

  Through it all, no matter what you’ve done,

  No matter what you do, what you’ve been through,

  Darling, I love you.

  She strummed the guitar as one tear escaped down her cheek, and it took everything he had in him to sit there and let her finish.

  I should’ve told you, oh

  I should’ve said.

  When I look into those eyes,

  You steal my breath.

  Your touch still lingers,

  Though you’ve gone away,

  But I’ve should’ve asked you to stay.

  And I know you don’t think you deserve it,

  But I’m here to tell you that you’re worth it.

  Through it all, I’ll be right here,

  Through all your pain,

  And all your fears,

  Through it all,

  No matter what you’ve done,

  No matter what you do, what you’ve been through,

  Darling, I love you.

  And I know it won’t be perfect,

  But I’m here to tell you that you’re worth it,

  And through it all,

  I’ll be right here,

  Through all your pain and all your fears,

  Through it all, no matter what you’ve done,

  No matter what you do, what you’ve been through,

  Darling, I love you.

  No matter what you do, what you’ve been through,

  I love you.

  As she finished, the applause, catcalls, and screaming were deafening. Ellis sat, still as a stone, tears dripping out of his eyes and down his face. He couldn’t even imagine what the people around him thought, but it didn’t matter. He needed her. And now. He jumped out of his seat and bounded down the steps. He had to find Sean. He was letting him in her dressing room. Searching furiously through his contacts, he found Sean and hit call. Holding the phone to his ear, he dodged people as he hurried to make it near the entrance to backstage. When Sean didn’t answer, he swore and hit call again. His was the only number that he had other than Samuel. Samuel. Would he help him? He scrolled and hit call when he saw his number, praying he would listen to him.

  The plan is all set, my sweet, sweet, Sam. There’s no more waiting. No one will ever find us, and no one will ever hurt you again. I’m your soul mate, and you are mine. Tonight is the beginning of forever for us.

  Stepping off the stage, Sean offered his arm as always. “You okay?”

  She nodded, unable to talk past the lump in her throat. That had killed her, singing that song live. She wished Ellis could hear it, but this wasn’t televised. Maybe he would hear it when it came out on the radio and know that she wrote that for him. If only he would call her. She just wanted to hear his voice again.

  Sean opened the door to her dressing room, scanning the room carefully. They never took anything for granted anymore. “I’ll let you relax for a few minutes, then I’ll be back so we can head back to the hotel.”

  “Sean!” she called. He turned. “Where’s Lacey and Gage? They were both in the VIP seats but I don’t see them back here.”

  “I told them to go ahead and head to the hotel and you would meet up with them there.”

  She wondered why in the world he would think she wouldn’t want her friends in here with her, but she nodded her head, too emotionally spent to argue. She would see them at the hotel. It had been very nice to have Lacey with her, and to see Gage after so many years. He had been just as handsome as she remembered, with his sandy blonde hair, blue eyes, and athletic build.

  After Sean shut the door behind her, she allowed the tears that had been building to fall. She picked up her phone and pressed Ellis’ name on her contact list. Hitting call before she could stop herself, a sob escaped her throat as it went directly to voicemail. As his voice came on telling people to leave a message, she felt like a hole was torn into her heart. It seemed like so long since she had heard his voice.

  “Ellis, it’s me,” her voice broke, and she struggled to continue. “I miss you. Please, if you ever cared about me at all, call me back. Please.” She put the phone down and cradled her head in her hands. She needed to get a grip. It was the damn song. She never should’ve sang it tonight. Being back on tour just made her think of all of the days Ellis was with her, the stolen kisses, the night he made love to her, and everything in between.

  “Sam?” Sean was back. She lifted her head to look at him. A sympathetic look crossed his face as he came to sit next to her. He handed her a cold bottle of water, and she drank it quickly, thirsty from her performance.

  “That song was for him, wasn’t it?”

  She nodded. “I know it’s ridiculous, Sean. I only knew him a few weeks. Do you believe in soul mates?”

  He smiled. “Yes, I do, Sam. I think when you know, you know.”

  “Do you think there’s only one soul mate out there for you?”

  “That’s hard to say,” he mused. “I would like to, but there are so many people in this world. I do think that some things are meant to be, and you’re put in certain situations at certain times for a reason.”

  They sat in silence for a few moments, and Sean reached over and rubbed her back.

  She smiled at him. “I’m so thankful for your friendship. I’m also glad you’re staying on after your dad comes back. He’s meeting us in Oklahoma, right?”

  “Yes.” Sean stood up, offering his hand for her to take. He helped her stand up. “Let’s get out of here. I’m sure you’d much rather like to rest at the hotel. Do you have all of your stuff?” He radioed into his mouthpiece that they were headed out, and he led her out of the room.

  Sam allowed her mind to go back to Ellis leading her out of another backstage into the waiting paparazzi group, the night that he disappeared from her life. Sean opened the door to a group of fans and press. She kept her head down and jumped into the waiting car. Sean closed the door behind her, then got in the driver seat, after the man who had pulled the car up got out.

  “Why are you driving?” Sam asked as Sean peeled out of the parking lot.

  “He had to go in and take care of something,” he explained. She turned and noticed that no other cars were following them, as was normal protocol so they couldn’t be followed.

  “Why are we alone?”

  “You’re full of questions tonight,” Sean joked. “Everything’s okay, Sam. Just relax. I thought you’d like to spend time with your friends sooner rather than later.”

  She lay her head back against the headrest. She was so tired. Closing her eyes and allowing sleep to claim her, she hoped that if she couldn’t see Ellis in real life, at least she could visit him in her dreams.

  Samuel met him at the door to backstage and let him in, a small smile on his lips.

  “Ellis, it’s good to see you,” he said, shaking his hand. “I owe you an apology.”

  He shook his head. “No you don’t. She’s your little girl. I hope I’m the same way someday with my own kids.”

  Samuel nodded. “It definitely can make you crazy. She’
s in her dressing room relaxing.”

  “Did Sean check the room first?” He couldn’t help it, he was back on guard duty.

  “As far as I know, the whole security team has been extra vigilant. Go on in and see her. And Ellis?”

  He stopped, turning back to her father. “Yes?”

  “Don’t hurt her again. When you left, I didn’t think she’d ever recover from that. Everything she has done since then has been to try to get you to come back, you know that, right? The press release, the song, all of it.”

  “I know, sir. If I have anything to say about it, today was the last day she will ever spend without me.”

  The two men smiled at each other, then Ellis turned and hurried to the room with Sam’s signature logo on it. He didn’t see Sean, which was unusual. He had always stood outside her dressing room while she was in it. He knocked on the door. Nothing. He knocked again.

  “Sam? It’s me. Ellis. Please let me in.” He heard nothing inside.

  He looked around, dread settling in his stomach like a lead. Where was Sean? He tried the doorknob, but it was locked. He pounded on the door, calling her name. What if she was passed out in there? Or worse? And where the hell was everyone?

  Without even thinking, he slammed his body into the door, causing the casing to splint as it swung open. He looked around wildly, but she wasn’t there. The room was empty. She had been here, because her things were gone. But she wasn’t there now.

  Hitting Samuel’s number on his phone, he paced outside the room. When he finally answered, Ellis was strung tight. “Samuel! Where the hell is she? She’s not in her room! I don’t see Sean or any of the security team! Luke and Jason aren’t even around.”

  “Maybe they already left to go to the hotel,” Samuel explained. “Hold on, let me radio Sean.”