by Kathryn Shay
She gripped the bottle tightly. “I don’t think that’s an appropriate topic for a student and a teacher to discuss.” She wouldn’t look at him. Instead, her eyes fixed on something behind him.
“Sure. Whatever.” He held out the essay. “Here. Read it and weep.” Abruptly he stood and started to walk away.
She grabbed his wrist. “Wait.”
Oh, God, her hand felt so good on him, he wanted to weep.
No, what he really wanted was to throw her down on that bench, climb on top of her and drive into her with all the passion that he felt for her. With all the passion of a man.
His back half turned away, he said under his breath, “Goddamn it.”
“Don’t swear, Luke.”
Surly and out of patience—it wasn’t an act this time—he glanced back at her. “Ms. C., why do you keep doin’ this? How’d I become your pet project?”
She dropped her hand and drew in a breath. Her eyes told him he had hit the target. There went his stomach again. It kicked like a baby elephant was dancing inside him.
“Why are you being so mean all of a sudden?” she blurted out. “It’s as if you’ve decided to hurt me intentionally.”
Bingo. “I’d never do that.” If I had a choice.
“Luke, why can’t we go back to the way it was before...”
He rounded on her. “Before the concert?”
“Is that what this is all about?”
Oh, God, he couldn’t do this. He just couldn’t. Furious with himself and the whole situation with Kelsey, he jammed his hand through his hair. “No, it’s not about the concert.” He nodded to the essay. “It’s about what I wrote in there.”
“Sit down, then, let me read it now.”
He hesitated.
“Please.”
Sighing, he sank back down on the bench, feeling like a falling man who couldn’t gain purchase.
Her forehead furrowed as she read his paper. She bit her lip. He couldn’t wrest his gaze from the sight of her teeth worrying those full, lush lips. When she looked up, there were tears in her eyes.
Aw, shit.
“Oh, Luke.”
“He’s been dead a long time. But it gets all stirred up whenever I see my mother, like last weekend.”
“He put a lot of pressure on you, as the only boy in a big Polish family.”
Well, much of what he’d written was true. “Yeah, I never lived up to his expectations.”
“How long ago did he die?”
“Te—two years ago.” Damn it, he almost said ten. He lost his mind around this woman.
She reached out and clasped his arm with strong fingers. Leaned toward him. “I’m sorry life has been difficult for you.”
He swallowed hard, not feigning the emotion. He leaned closer, too. “Did you ever wish you could just change some things? Like how stupid you were? How bad you acted?”
“Not that. But I’ve wished I could change some things about my relationship with my father. So I sort of know how you feel.”
“Yeah?” Suddenly he wanted to know. He flipped through the files of his memory. Close to father. Shares a lot of interests. “You talk like you’re close to him.”
She shook her head. “I am. But I let him walk all over me. It hasn’t been good for our relationship. I need to take a stand more often with him, be firmer in my decisions.”
“Least he’s alive. You could change that. Now.”
She peered closely at him. “You know, sometimes you have the wisdom of a man much older.”
Jesus! What was he doing? He drew back from her, to where he couldn’t smell her, couldn’t see the way her eyes darkened like they might when she made love.
“Yeah, so my uncle says. Only not so nice. It was more like me being too big for my britches.”
“Is he mad about the suspension?”
“PO-ed big time.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Ms. C., it’s my fault.” He nodded to the paper she held. “It’s like that says. I get down about my father, then about my mother not wantin’ me now, and I act dumb.” As he gazed at her, his heart skipped several beats. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
She swallowed convulsively. He could see her chest rise and fall inside the T-shirt. Her face flushed even more. He had to get out of here.
He stood. “I gotta go. I can’t promise I’ll be Josh Quinn from now on, but I’ll try to control myself around you.” Understatement of the year.
Her shoulders straightened. She drew in a breath. “It’s a deal.” She held out her hand.
He knew he shouldn’t, but he did anyway. He reached out and meant to give her a quick shake. But the electricity that arced between them turned the clasp into a tight, compulsive grip. Both stared down at their linked hands. His was big, male, adult; her slender, feminine one nestled inside it. Just the way God meant things to be.
He couldn’t move, and felt his breath come in heavy pants. When he looked over at her, she was trying to take in more air, too.
And then the distinctive sound of the gym door rattled through the weight room. Keys jangled. Luke turned in time to see Mr. Wolfe-in-Polo-clothing plop his hands on his hips and say, “Hi, guys. Is this a private party, or can I join in?”
Chapter Eleven
“Sex is important to everybody, whether they admit it or not.” Joe sat in one of the lounge chairs in the meeting room of the counseling suite, and opened up the second Boys’ Concerns group with what he knew was an attention getter.
Under-the-breath adolescent remarks rumbled out of the guys who occupied several overstuffed couches, slouched on some of the padded straight chairs, and sprawled in beanbag sacks on the floor. Sitting on a table in the corner, Josh quietly surveyed the scene.
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Joe added. “It’s uncomfortable to talk about this, but you guys were the ones who put it on the list Monday and chose it for your first topic.”
Which, Joe thought, would have been the last topic he’d have picked right about now. He was already thinking about sex too much.
I’d be careful with you, Suzanna.
I imagine you would.
“We wanna talk about it,” a football player with Schwarzenegger muscles put in. “This is all private, right?”
“Of course. I’m expecting nothing to leave this room.”
“Even if we tell you” —the kid’s face turned bright red, yet he finished— “we’re doin’ stuff, you won’t narc on us to our parents?”
“You have my word.” He directed a glance at Josh.
I’ll talk to him, Suzanna, but I won’t tell you anything unless he’s in danger of hurting himself.
I wouldn’t expect you to.
Of course she wouldn’t; openness and honesty were too important to her, which was why his being at Fairholm was so hard for her to handle. He wanted more than anything to do some good while he was ferreting out the danger. For her peace of mind. And he wanted to help her son.
“I already explained my position on that, men. But, if you’re still concerned, let’s go about it like this.” He picked up a pad of paper. “Everybody rip off a sheet. Josh, pass around those pens in the cup on the table. All of you, write out one thing you want addressed today, one thing you need to talk about. That way we won’t know who the concern came from.”
The boys looked relieved—from the football player, to Josh, to Smurf, who sat alone in a corner and seemed to be trying to stay unnoticed. They represented many of the cliques in school, which was exactly what Joe had wanted.
As materials were passed out, they joked around, but finally settled down to write. As the boys wrote, Suzanna’s image stuck in Joe’s mind. All that glorious hair...how she looked in form-fitting jeans...how her hand flew to her slender throat, indicating she was skittish around him.
Yep, sex was a concern to everybody, even if you didn’t admit it.
After five minutes, Joe collected the boys’ writings. “I’ll start with the top one.” He donned his
glasses. Knowing his attitude would set the tone, he sat back in his chair and crossed a leg to settle his ankle on his knee. Ruthlessly, he suppressed the knowledge that, given his upbringing, he wasn’t quite as comfortable with the issue of sex as he seemed. But damn it, if he could help young boys, he would. “If I have sex with my girlfriend, I’m afraid she’ll expect me to marry her.” He looked up. “What you’re getting at here is sometimes women connect sex with commitment, and guys don’t see it that way.” He waited. “Should guys have sex without commitment? That’s the issue.”
“We’re only seventeen, or eighteen.” This from the football player again. “We’re not ready for the ball and chain.”
“Then are you ready for sex?”
“We’re always ready for sex,” said the athlete’s buddy.
Joe smiled. “Now, that’s a problem, isn’t it? Guys have a natural inclination for sex. I know how it is. It can drive you crazy and can be all you think about. Fantasize about.”
Suzanna’s unbuttoned pink blouse and lacy bra had played a starring role in his fantasies this week.
“So, if you aren’t ready for commitment, what do you do?” Joe asked pointedly.
“It’s a hard question.” This from the jock. Joe laughed along with the guys at the pun. The boys would relax with the teasing and by seeing that Joe didn’t shy away from anything.
They talked about responsibility and selfishness, and when there seemed no concrete answers, Joe said, “You know, there aren’t going to be a lot of answers here. It’s important to explore the issues, though.”
He went on to the next paper. “We have sex. She doesn’t like it much.” Well, this was bound to come up. “Women are different from men. You’ve all heard about foreplay.” He grinned at the athletes. “And it has nothing to do with football, guys. Women like to be touched and caressed in different ways from men.”
Where would Suzanna like to be touched?
“Um, how do you know? What to do, I mean?” The young man in the corner hadn’t spoken before.
“Each woman’s different.” Again Joe smiled.
“Then how do you know?” asked a pink-cheeked, blond soccer player.
“You could ask her.” But Joe wouldn’t ask Suzanna...he’d explore every single inch...Damn, what was he doing?
Joe managed to keep focused for another half-hour, without letting his own fantasies intrude. Though the discussion became more open, he noticed Josh said almost nothing.
“Well, here’s a common comment. ‘I’m embarrassed to buy condoms.’”
Joe wondered briefly if he had any on hand.
“This is a crucial point, guys. We aren’t just talking pregnancy here, like we were when I was young. We’re talking life and death. Nobody can afford to ignore safe sex.”
Josh sank lower into the seat. This was a small town. His mother was principal. Could the boy just walk into a drugstore for protection?
“There are ways to get condoms if you’re embarrassed or afraid somebody might see you. Let’s talk about that now.”
That discussion took the rest of the time. Joe had gotten through only a few sheets, but he was pleased with the outcome. “Before you go, I’d like to reiterate our agreement here. None of what was said should leave the room. Not even who was here. It’s private, and this group will work only if we trust each other.” He zeroed in on each of the young male faces, some still embarrassed, some a little fearful. No boredom, though. “Agreed?”
There was a chorus of yeses.
“And I hope you’ll all come back next week.”
As everybody filed out, Josh stayed behind. Joe pretended to be packing up. Casually, he leafed through the rest of the questions. Sure enough, the boy came over to him when everyone was gone.
“You mean it?” Josh asked without preamble.
“Do I mean what?”
“This is private.”
“Yes.”
Brown eyes assessed him. He’d seen that look from Suzanna.
“I give you my word I won’t say anything about this to your mother, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“She’s the principal. She’ll wanna have a handle on what goes on in this group.”
“I’ll talk in vague terms, then. She already knows you’re attending. She wants you to come here. But I’ll keep what we say private, like I promised.”
Josh sighed.
“You can trust me, Josh.” Joe winced inwardly, thinking about the undercover work. “I mean it.”
“I guess.”
“And if you want to talk specifically about you and that girl I always see you with, I’m here.”
He thought he saw relief on Josh’s face. “Maybe.” He turned to go. “Thanks.” Then he smiled Suzanna’s smile. “It’s good to have you in this school, Dr. Stonehouse.”
For a moment, Joe felt a fleeting sense of connection, a bond that he hadn’t experienced with a teenager since Josie died. It was quickly followed by guilt—prickly and uncomfortable. When Josh left, Joe sank into the chair, drew off his glasses, and rubbed his eyes. It wasn’t good to get attached on an assignment. He wasn’t going to be at Fairholm long. He had a job to do for the government, and though it was satisfying that he could help out the kids, he shouldn’t get fooled into thinking any of them could mean something to him.
It’s good to have you in this school, Dr. Stonehouse.
It’s nice to know I’m not in this alone.
Damn it, things were getting complicated.
o0o
Joe opened the door to Suzanna at seven o’clock that night. She smiled at the picture he made. “Wow, this is a switch.”
Standing before her in gray fleece shorts, sneakers, and a navy T-shirt that hugged all his muscles, his eyes twinkled. “Did you expect me to work out in a suit?”
“Frankly, I never know what to expect of you.”
“Come on in.”
She stepped into the foyer of the house. To the left sprawled a big family room and a dining room off that, a study to the right, and stairs to the second floor. Everything was in earth tones, clean and homey. “This is nice.”
“You sound surprised.”
“I guess I’ve seen too many movies.”
At his questioning look, she smiled. “You know, safe houses with no windows, bars on the doors.”
His innocent look was almost comical. “We’re just an average uncle and nephew trying to finish out the school year.”
“Still, this is comfortable. The government has invested a lot of money in STAT, haven’t they?”
He leaned back against the foyer wall and crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s the price of a kid’s life, Suzanna?”
She smiled her approval. “Yes, I agree. The money’s well spent. But you know that the public would probably protest. Like they do about most school expenditures.”
“The public will never know about this.” He stepped forward. “Let me take your coat.”
Underneath the heavy quilted jacket she wore a sweat suit. “You’ll be warm,” he said scanning the gray and red fleece outfit Josh had bought her for her birthday.
“I’ve got shorts and a T-shirt underneath.”
“We should get started, then.” He didn’t move. “You look tired.”
“Not sleeping well,” she said dismissively. “Where to?”
Without further comment, he led her to the kitchen, an L-shaped space that seemed well used. She caught the hint of spaghetti sauce and wondered if he cooked. More likely Luke did. Joe opened the basement door and trundled down the steps.
Following him, Suzanna didn’t know what she expected, but it wasn’t the state-of-the-art workout room he led her into. “This is great.” The floor was carpeted, with a twelve-by-twelve mat at one end, and knotty pine covered the walls. An expensive-looking entertainment system with a TV and stereo took up the space across from a sleek treadmill. Adjacent to it were a punching bag and a futuristic-looking weight machine.
&n
bsp; “The room was here. I insisted on top-of-the-line equipment.” He grinned, and her stomach contracted. “We old guys gotta stay in shape.”
“You look better than half the PE teachers at school.”
His mouth curved up. “Think so?”
She frowned, picturing Mike Wolfe.
“What is it?”
“Nothing. Let’s start.”
He watched her, deciding, she knew, whether to pursue the cause of her reaction. God, he was alert. And astute.
You like smart men, Suzanna. Good thing I have a Ph.D. She’d chuckled at Lawrence’s comment. But it was true.
“All right. Stretch first, over there on the mat. Use some of your yoga poses.”
Suzanna dropped to the floor while Joe crossed to the empty wall, braced his arms on it, and extended one leg to stretch his calf the way Josh often did. His leg muscles were corded and dusted with hair darker than that on his head. She wondered what his chest looked like. Kelsey said he had a nice butt...
“Suzanna?”
She looked up to his face. He was staring at her. “You frowned again.”
Bending at the waist, she touched her toes. “I was thinking about something.”
He came to stand before her, then squatted down. “Keep stretching, but tell me why you’re so preoccupied.”
She shook her head.
“Did something happen you’re not telling me about?”
Close up, he smelled so male, her heart pushed against her rib cage. “Not the way you mean.”
“What, then?”
How not to answer him?
He sat down on the floor and waited till she looked at him. “I thought we were becoming friends.”
She smiled, sadly. “I’m worried about Kelsey.”
“Why?” His eyes narrowed. “Did Ludzecky do something else?”
“In a way.”
“If you tell me, I’ll give you a report on my Boys’ Concerns group. The one with your son in it.”
“Bribery is against the law.”
“Bring in the Feds.”
She laughed aloud.
Spontaneously, he grazed her cheek with his knuckles. “It’s good to hear you laugh.” After a moment, he dropped his hand.
