by Wid Bastian
“Peter, I want you to know that I love you. Always have, always will. I’m so sorry everything came down like it did. I know you’re really not that kind of man. I don’t hate you, I do want you to be happy, and I also want you to have a life when you get out of here.”
The best lies are always laced with some truth. No one knew this better than Julie Morgan. She was a master at the art of manipulating men.
“I’m married to Walter now, Peter. Maybe that’s right, maybe that’s wrong, but it is reality.” She thought this little touch of humility might soften him up. “Being married to Walter means things have to change, Peter. My husband’s needs must be considered, not just mine and not just Kevin’s.”
“Jules, if you’ve got something to say, just say it. Going the long way around the barn won’t make it any easier for either of us.”
“That’s good, I can respect that. Plain and simple, Walter wants you gone from my life and from Kevin’s life. Regardless of how you and I feel about it, I can understand where he’s coming from, Peter.
“The fact that you’re a convicted swindler,” she used this term because she knew how much it hurt Peter to be called it, “is making things tough on your son. The kids at school tease him. Walter has to explain away where Kevin’s father is over and over again to his family and friends. In Walter’s circles, appearances aren’t just a big deal, they can be everything.”
“Your calls and letters and all this God talk is really putting a strain on my marriage and on Kevin. He already resents Walter enough as it is. Before, when you only called once in a while, it was fine, but now, Peter, this situation is getting seriously out of hand.”
“Jules, Kevin is my son. God put him in my care as well as yours. I will not go away simply because Walter doesn’t like either me or my past. As for your marriage, that’s your business.”
Peter’s tone was all wrong. Where was the “Geez Jules, can’t we work this out?” weak-kneed attitude she knew so well. Based on this unexpected resistance, Julie skipped ahead in her pre-programmed attack, figuring that trying to placate Peter at this point with further fluff might be counter-productive.
“Would a million dollars perhaps make you change your mind?”
The offer hit Peter like a slap on the face. His “old man” kicked up for a second, begging him to consider the offer. Temptation comes in many forms, and the devil was using two of Peter’s biggest weaknesses, Julie and money, to try and defeat him.
But the hot flash of his former self was not nearly enough to shake Peter’s faith. He decided to play the game out with Jules, to see exactly what she was up to.
“Who do I have to kill for the million?” Peter said, displaying a slightly snide attitude, hoping to disarm her a bit.
That’s my boy, Julie thought. She was happy to see some evidence of her old ex-husband re-emerging.
“No one, Peter. All you have to do is give up your parental rights and agree never to contact either me or Kevin again. It’s simple, you sign and I wire the money wherever you say. It’s legal, it’s binding, and it’s final.”
“I can never see Kevin again? That’s what you want, Jules?”
Time for the clincher.
“It’s not what I want, Peter. It’s what’s best for Kevin, for me, and for you,” Julie said, trying to sound as pained and sincere as possible.
Peter Carson closed his eyes and tried to gather his thoughts. The first thing that occurred to him was how foolish he was to ever fall in love with such a vain and shallow woman. How stupid he had been to ruin himself over her, to feel compelled to do anything to please her, to forsake his own life for her selfish desires. The true love he felt for Julie she could not return because she was still trapped in her sin.
Then the Holy Spirit took over.
“Walter doesn’t even know you’re here, does he, Jules?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. How dare you accuse me of … ”
“Oh, let me just say it. You’re a liar.”
“You, of all people, calling me a liar. Well isn’t that rich? You wouldn’t know the truth if it jumped up and bit you on the a**.”
“My, my, Jules! Getting testy, aren’t we? What did you expect, you could march right in here and buy me off? I can understand that, I truly can. The old Peter would have taken the money or probably bargained for more, but the old Peter Carson is dead, Jules. Believe it or not, accept it or not, it’s still true.”
None of this was making sense from Julie’s perspective. The former patterns of her relationship with Peter were no longer valid. Regrouping, she quickly moved on to hostile tactics.
“Peter, I came here in goodwill to try and make your life better, and to help Kevin. You’re still a damn fool, you know that? Why I ever married you, well, it’s just beyond me.”
Ouch. Rejection from Julie had always cut Peter to the quick. When he felt small, and Lord knows no one could do that to him like Julie could, he was pliable and vulnerable. She waited to see what reaction this emotion bomb would bring.
“Funny, I was just thinking the same thing. I’ll pray for you, Jules, I want you to know that. My plea to God for you is that He not hold this sin against you. How I wish you could see what I see, feel what I feel! Jules, God is very real. We were so vain, shallow, and full of greed. You still are. Turn away from all this sin, Jules. Turn away before it’s too late.”
Right about then Julie Morgan’s game plan got tossed out the window.
“Amazing. Very good. What’s next, Peter? A TV show? Live from federal prison it’s Reverend Carson? You’re so full of crap. I know you better than anyone else. Don’t you ever forget that!”
Peter pressed on. “Why do you want me to go away? It’s not Walter, it’s you, isn’t it? That man could care less about me, and I’m sure he doesn’t think much of Kevin. It’s you he wants. You’ve used all your tools and skills and now he’s fully under your control, just like I was. So come on, tell me. Even for a rich person, a million is big money. Why?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Alright, I’ll tell you. There is a part of you, deep in your soul, that nags at you. Wakes you up at night, brings you down out of the blue, reminds you of what you did. My coming back into Kevin’s life is like pouring salt into that wound. You don’t want me around because you don’t want to deal with your own sin. You are a manipulative, greedy, liar, Jules. What’s the matter honey, looking in the mirror getting tougher these days?”
While she wasn’t expecting to be hit so squarely on the head, Julie Morgan prided herself on always being ready for anything. Even a rebuke so on point it was tearing her guts out did not alter her settled and indignant façade. It would take more than a few choice words to break her concentration.
“Who is the criminal here, Peter? I could swear you’re the one with “Property of the U.S.A.” stamped on your back, not me.”
“Julie. Please honey, listen to me. That voice that haunts you, tells you something’s desperately wrong, that’s God trying to get your attention. Listen to Him! He will forgive you, I have forgiven you, and eventually you’ll be able to forgive yourself. But you must submit, Julie. You must come to Him and repent.”
“For hell’s sake, Peter! I’ll bite if it will make you happy. Repent for what? I never stole a dime. You did, remember? All I did was to be a loving and supportive wife and where did it get me? Broke, alone, and disgraced, that’s where.”
“You know better, Jules. I know better. One of the reasons you married me, perhaps the main reason, was you knew I’d do anything for you. I didn’t have much, but I did have drive and ambition. I lived to make myself worthy of you. Now, no doubt once I got rolling my own greed and vanity kicked in right behind yours. My sin is my own, but it’s on you too.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, Peter.”
“Come again?”
“I don’t want your sin, your face, your voice, or anything about you on
me anymore. The Feds took out my trash and for that I’m grateful. You are a pathetic loser and a con man, Peter Carson. I don’t care what you do as long as you stay away from me and my son.”
“I thought this was about Walter’s needs.”
“F*** you.”
“No, I won’t do that, but I will pray for you.”
Part of Julie Morgan was actually very impressed. Never before had Peter stood up to her. They had fought during their marriage, particularly toward the end, and occasionally she’d given in a bit, but eventually Peter had always acquiesced to her plans and did what she wanted him to do. The one thing Julie didn’t have the patience for was a man she couldn’t control. It was time to play her trump card and move on.
“Peter, this is a copy of a restraining order,” Julie said, handing him the document. “It says you cannot call Kevin or me pending the outcome of a hearing in Georgia Superior Court to determine if your parental rights should be terminated.”
“Judge Grove is an old family friend of the Morgans, Peter. He owes us a favor, lots of favors. You are a sleazebag federal inmate. You do the math, Einstein.”
Peter said nothing. He took the one page order, slipped it in his shirt, stood, and started to walk away. Julie watched, and when she saw Peter wasn’t turning around, she got up to follow him.
They walked back to the camp offices in the most awkward of silences. Two people who once swore a lifetime of unconditional allegiance to one another, now shared only the pain of their mistakes.
As they approached the main lobby, Peter stopped and gently grabbed his ex-wife by the arm. He leaned over and whispered in her ear.
“Jules, God will not allow this to happen. Kevin is not a toy, and your demons aren’t going away even if I do. Please, Jules, for the last time I’m begging you not to do this. I don’t know what God might have to do to stop you. Don’t play with Christ. The wrath of the Living God can be a terrible thing.”
By this point Julie Morgan had heard more than enough. She took the gloves completely off.
“Tell your phony God to kiss my a**, and if you ever touch me or come near me again I won’t stop at a court order, I’ll see you get hurt. Now get your filthy hands off of me.”
Having gotten in the last word, with a confident flair and her head held high, Mrs. Julie Morgan turned and walked away. Every man in the place was watching her, trying to visualize just how perfect that body really was under that tight dress. Every man but one, that is.
Peter had already started back to the south lawn to be alone and to pray for his ex-wife and his son.
Christmas in prison can be the most depressing day of the year. More so than at perhaps any other time an incarcerated man’s thoughts focus on the family and friends he may no longer have and on the good times past. Joy is often in short supply.
Peter was by no means immune to this problem. His heart and mind were not on the miracle of Christ’s birth, but rather on his son, and the fact that he could neither talk to him nor see him. He wondered what Kevin had been told, but he really had no doubt; right now his mother was probably consoling him by saying, “I know your father was supposed to call. I’m so sorry, Kevin, but Walter and I love you.”
The men were expecting a rousing Christmas service, one full of hope and the promise of “life more abundantly” in Christ. Miss Mac set up a hundred chairs around the porch (brought them in special, raising more than a few eyebrows) in anticipation of a large crowd.
“Pastor Pete,” as most of the men now called him, wasn’t polishing his sermon or making the rounds with Malik and Saul this Christmas morning. Despite his best intentions, he still hadn’t gotten out of bed.
All night long he was haunted by his visit from Julie. It wasn’t self-pity or rejection or anything to do with him that was troubling his soul. It was Kevin. Why must he suffer for my sins? He’d asked God this a thousand times since midnight. Despite knowing how crazy it was, Peter found himself seriously fantasizing about walking into town, stealing a car, driving to Atlanta and taking Kevin away forever.
Peter did believe, despite his fleshly urge to run out and save his son, in St. Paul’s admonition that, as Christians, we must, “walk by faith and not by sight.” What appears to be an insurmountable problem, everything from an illness to a divorce to a prison term, is often simply a vehicle for God to use to implement His perfect plan for our lives.
While Peter was nowhere near one hundred percent, a few hours of silent prayer sufficiently recharged him to be able to get on with the day. “Whether in season or out of season” (regardless of one’s emotional state) it was his duty to care for his flock. Peter reminded himself that many of the men would also not get to see their children today.
Dressing quickly and gulping down a cup of coffee, Peter made his way out of the dorm and toward the compound. An inmate intercepted him and asked for a brief prayer for his mother, who was gravely ill.
Just as he was about to say “amen” and open his eyes, he heard a child’s voice calling to him.
“Hi, Mr. Peter.”
Although he had never seen her, he knew who it was. Peter turned and standing behind him was little Carrie Johnson, all four and a half beautiful feet of her.
“Mr. Peter, auntie Gail brought me to your Christmas church. I wanted to come and give you a kiss.”
With a sudden surge of joy, Peter reached down and lifted the little girl into his arms. Seeing and feeling the flesh and blood of a miracle made his spirit soar and his own problems seem less daunting.
“Isn’t she the most adorable child God ever made?” Gail McCorkle said, as Peter put Carrie down. “There are no words that could possibly express the incredible happiness and peace my family feels this Christmas, Peter. All of us thank God for you everyday.”
At times the Lord reminds us of what He will do by showing us what He’s already done. Peter knew that his anxiety over Kevin was unwarranted. If God healed this precious child, surely He would take care of his son too.
Peter picked up Carrie and carried her to the cafeteria where inmates and family members were gathering for Christmas dinner. They talked along the way.
“You look better in person than you did in my dreams, Mr. Peter.”
“Yes? You knew what I looked like before you got here?”
“Of course, Mr. Peter. You came to me and told me to wake up, don’t you remember? You and Gabriel.”
Amazing. Peter hadn’t realized that Carrie had actually seen him in her mind. Gabriel’s involvement was no surprise.
“Oh, I almost forgot. Gabriel was in my dream last night too. He told me to tell you God will always protect Kevin. Who is Kevin?”
Peter didn’t answer the question. He just smiled, kissed Carrie on the cheek and told her to thank Gabriel for him the next time she saw him.
After an excellent meal, not just by prison, but by any standards, Peter delivered a passionate Christmas message. Working primarily from the Gospel of Luke, he did his best to bring his audience to the events, to imagine with them what it must have been like to see God enfleshed, born of a virgin in a manger, to witness angels proclaiming the coming of the King, to see a new star rising in the east and shining down upon the Holy One. It was a vivid, personal sermon from a man who knew that what he was proclaiming was pure truth, that the events described in the Gospels surrounding the birth of Christ literally took place.
God sent Gabriel to give the Virgin Mary a vision, a divine purpose she freely chose to fulfill; because of her love and obedience, the world received its Savior.
Only a few in attendance at Parkersboro on that mild, almost balmy, Christmas day in South Carolina knew that in order to fulfill His purpose in modern times, God was intervening once more, sending forth His messenger angel to call the faithful to His service.
But it wouldn’t be long before the whole world would be asked again to believe, to turn away from the darkness, and toward the Light. Would the answer be any different this time? Was the twenty-firs
t century ready to embrace its anointed prophets, or would it reject them as the Jews of old had always done?
The answers to these questions, like so many others, were not given to Peter Carson. Like Mary, John, Samuel, Elijah, Moses, and all of the messengers of God who had come before him, he was called to proclaim the Kingdom and to leave the rest to Him.
Eight
“That still kinda freaks me out just a little,” Saul said, eyeing the two men casually strolling into Parkersboro to be processed and imprisoned by the BOP.
“What’s that, brother?” Malik asked.
“How a man can just come right up to the front gates of a prison, even one as laid back as our dear old camp cupcake here, and say, ‘Honey, I’m home!’ and waltz right in. Tell you what, the Feds never got me so easy.”
“How would you handle it today, Saul, if you were free and told to surrender yourself to the government?” Peter asked, as he walked up from behind his two friends who were sitting outside the camp barber shop taking in the morning view.
Saul knew it was a loaded question. Pausing to think for a moment, he then confidently offered his response.
“I’d pray about it and then do what God told me to do.”
“That’s exactly right. Guess you have been paying attention after all. And to think Malik and I were considering trading you in for another felon. Trouble is you’ve got skills. Hard to find another Saul Cohen.”
“You are both so lucky I’m still here. Especially you, big fella. Who would protect Malik if someone jumped him and I wasn’t around?”
The absurdity of Saul’s joke made them all laugh and carry on even more. Barbs were traded back and forth until eventually both Saul and Peter ended up in a Malik Graham headlock and were forced to “apologize” before he would release them.
On a level impossible to achieve even in the closest of worldly relationships, Peter, Malik, and Saul were now bound together as if they were one. They knew that their lives were no longer their own, that they belonged completely to Christ.
