In the years to come, Elizabeth would perfect the art of outward smiles and inward death. The masquerade she’d perform would devastate a multitude of believers.
3
Two and a half years later
On the last leg of her tour, Elizabeth sat in one of her favorite Los Angeles restaurants waiting on Tommy to arrive. He had promised to treat her to lunch. While she waited, she continued to work on a song that had been playing in her head for months.
Tommy rushed over to her table. “I’ve got good news!” he told her in his disgustingly good-natured fashion.
Elizabeth raised a hand to silence him. “Don’t tell me. I don’t want anything to take away this bad mood I’m in.”
He grabbed the paper she had been writing on. “What’s this?”
“Just a song I’m toying with.”
“May I?”
“You’ve got it in your hand. You might as well go on and read it.”
He looked down at the paper and tried to imagine Elizabeth singing as he read aloud:
You’ve been in this thing awhile; your desire has waned away.
You cover up with plastic smiles. Offering up to God a phony praise.
The masquerade is just a game we play, while our lives are wasting away.
No longer trusting in the Lord, no. Taking for granted His amazing grace.
For we don’t recognize the deceit, placed upon us by the enemy.
Get all dressed up to play charades. Welcome to the masquerade.
Sunday morning, time to let the games begin. Praise the Lord, girl, how ya doing? Well I’m just blessed girl, how’ve you been?
What an empty exchange, offered from a heart that’s grown so very cold.
I can’t tell you that I’m hurting, I’m broken, and I’m empty – cause I cannot let the truth be told.
Tommy slowly put the paper down and looked at Elizabeth.
“I’m not finished yet, but what do you think so far?”
“You make a mockery of the church with this song. That’s what I think.”
She shrugged. “It’s how I feel. Why shouldn’t I tell the truth?”
“Elizabeth, honey. You’ve got to snap out of this.” He sat across from her and lifted a hand to signal the waitress.
“Or better yet, why don’t you tell the world to take the month of September off the calendar?” It was the ninth of August. Almost three years had gone by since that terrorist group had taken Kenneth’s love from her. Since then, America had experienced Anthrax, the search for Ben Laudin, and the war with Iraq. None of it had brought her pain or peace. How could she snap out of it?
The waitress arrived with two glasses of ice water. As she set the water down, her eyes widened. “Hey, aren’t you Elizabeth Underwood?”
“Yeah, that’s me,” Elizabeth told her without an ounce of enthusiasm.
“Oh my God, oh my God!” the woman shrieked. “I have all your CDs. Wait, let me get it.” She set her pad and pen on the table. Her micro braids swung back and forth as she ran out of the restaurant.
“All?” Elizabeth raised a questioning brow as she took a sip of her water. “I only have one CD for God’s sakes.”
“Elizabeth, the girl is excited.” Tommy threw up his hands in agitation. “Will you allow her that, please?”
Elizabeth set her glass down. “The girl needs to get some more lemon for my water or do I have to get up and do it myself?”
Tommy rolled his eyes.
Elizabeth did the sistah-sistah neck move and sucked her teeth. “Like I care that you have an attitude. It’s your job to make sure that I have everything I need.”
Tommy’s hands tightened into fists as he laid them on the table. “What don’t you have, Elizabeth?”
She put her water glass in his face. “Lemon.”
The waitress rushed back in with ‘God’s Got It’ clutched in her hands. “Will you autograph it for me?” she asked, while shoving the CD in Elizabeth’s face. Elizabeth took the CD. “Autograph it to your number-one fan.”
“While she’s autographing your CD, can you please get Mrs. Underwood some more lemons?”
“Coming right up. Not a problem,” the waitress replied.
Elizabeth signed the CD as the waitress ran to the kitchen, brought back a bowl full of lemons and sat them on the table. “Thanks for all your support,” Elizabeth said.
“Are you kidding?” The waitress beamed down on Elizabeth. “Thank you, Mrs. Underwood, for all the joy you brought back into my life. I can’t begin to tell you how much your music has blessed me. I was at a really low point in my life when I heard you sing about the joy of the Lord.” Tears welled up in the woman’s brown eyes, as she touched her heart. “That song gave me hope.”
Mmph, the only thing that song ever gave me was royalties. “I’m glad it helped you. Now, do you think we can get our menus? I’m kind of hungry.”
“Oh my God.” Her hand went to her mouth. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Underwood. Right away.” She grabbed some menus, came back to the table, and took their orders. She began to walk away, then turned back. “Mrs. Underwood, I hope you don’t mind, but I also wanted to tell you how sorry I am about what happened to your husband.”
Elizabeth bowed her head, ready for a good cry. Maybe her number-one fan could go and get her some Kleenex. The woman kept talking.
“It really blessed my soul to see you serving the Lord in spite of your pain.”
Elizabeth looked at the woman. She wanted to tell her that she was weary and just about ready to give up. Instead, she flashed her famous smile and said, “Thank you.”
When she was gone, Tommy covered Elizabeth’s hand with his own. “See. All of America knows who you are.”
God had blessed her singing career. There was no doubt about that. Elizabeth sang to thousands. Every time she opened her mouth, people gave their lives to the Lord. Some nights she just wanted to cry out to the crowd and beg them to help her. On those nights, Elizabeth would have much preferred that God mend her heart and leave the soul winning to someone more qualified. Yes, God had gifted her with a great ministry, still, she felt as if she were on a slow ride to hell.
Tommy caressed Elizabeth’s hand. “Honey, come on. It’s been long enough. Can’t you let him go? Can you find room in your heart for someone else?”
Elizabeth sneered. “Someone else?”
“For me, Elizabeth. Me.”
Whoever said ‘there’s no free lunch’ must have dined with Tommy Brooks. She looked at her manager, her friend. She had nothing to give him or anyone else. She thought he knew that. Had she somehow given him false hope? “Tommy, I-”
He raised his hand. “I know you don’t love me. But I – I’m sure I love you enough for the both of us. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. You’re what I need, Elizabeth.”
The waitress couldn’t have picked a better time to bring Elizabeth’s turkey sandwich that she’d ordered before Tommy arrived. She picked it up and stuffed her mouth.
Tommy continued, “I would be good for you, honey. I’d help you forget.”
But I don’t want to forget, she said inwardly. She put her sandwich down and wiped her mouth. “The memories I have of Kenneth keep me alive.”
He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her fingers. “Oh, baby, your life could be so much more. Let me in. Let me love you.”
Her eyes scanned the GQ physique of Tommy. Mocha man had it going on, with his smooth silky skin, thick eyebrows, goatee, and that washboard belly was something to see. Elizabeth had worked out with Tommy a few times at the gym and was rewarded for her diligence with a view of his abs. Those muscle-shirts revealed everything. The man was no blue-light special, that’s for sure. Yet, she could not give him her heart. Another already possessed it. “So, what’s this good news you have?”
“Elizabeth, don’t do this. Don’t change the subject. I need an answer from you.”
She wiped her hands and mouth before telling him, “I can’t giv
e you an answer right now, at least not one that you would be happy with.”
Tommy rubbed her arm. “Will you at least think about what I have said today?”
She gave up a weak smile. “I promise I will think about it. Now, what’s this good news?”
“The limo is waiting. Our plane leaves in thirty minutes. We’ve got to get moving.”
“I thought we were staying in Los Angeles tonight?”
“I decided that you need to rest, so I booked us on a flight home. We’re going back to Atlanta, baby.”
She looked straight through him. “The only time you want me to rest is when you’ve got something else planned for me. So spit it out. What’s really going on?”
Tommy smiled sheepishly. “I’ll tell you all about it once we’re on the plane, okay?”
Elizabeth grabbed her purse and walked out of the restaurant as Tommy paid the bill. On their way to the airport Tommy tried to make small talk, but mostly there was dead air. Once seated on the airplane, Elizabeth turned to Tommy. “Okay, what’s this big surprise?”
Tommy smiled. “I’m glad you used the word ‘big’ – because it’s the only way to describe this.” He took a deep breath, hesitated briefly, then told her, “You’ve been asked to perform your hit single “In Your Arms” in New York during the 9-11 ceremony this year.”
Elizabeth’s mouth hung open.
Tommy mistook her expression for happiness and said, “I know, baby. Isn’t it wonderful?”
Even though Elizabeth didn’t open her Bible much these days she knew that the book of Proverbs said something about a soft answer turning away wrath; but she wasn’t hardly trying to be nice right now, and she sure didn’t want to keep the peace. “Are you drunk?”
“No, why would you ask me a thing like that?” He quickly looked around to make sure no one else heard her.
“Maybe I’m crazy, but I thought, that as my manager, you would know that New York is the last place I want to be next month. And to make matters worse, I hate that song. I don’t ever want to sing it again.”
“Why don’t you want to sing the very song that will win a Grammy for you?”
Elizabeth’s hands moved in the air in complete frustration. “I don’t want a Grammy, Tommy. I’m a gospel singer. I should never have allowed that song on my CD in the first place.”
“Come on, Liz-”
“Don’t call me that,” Elizabeth snapped. “Only my husband called me Liz.”
He held up his hand to surrender. “Look, Elizabeth. New York wants you, and “In Your Arms” is hot on the charts right now. We should be there. The world will be watching this event.”
When would he ever get it? “I do not want to go to New York, and I do not want to sing that secular song.”
Tommy smirked at her. “Don’t get spiritual on me now, sweetie. You didn’t seem all that interested in ‘coming out from among them’ when you co-wrote the song.”
She stared out the window. The clouds appeared light and fluffy, pillowy soft. She wished she could jump out the window and land on one. She’d ride it all the way back to Jesus and beg Him for a second chance. “It was not meant to be a secular song, but you let the radio stations think whatever they wanted. You let them do whatever they wanted with my song.”
Tommy rolled his eyes and let out an agitated sigh. “The bottom line is you’re under contract with New Destiny Music and with me. They like the idea of the show and so do I. So, baby, you might as well put those morals of yours in a bag and use ‘em at a later date. You’re doing this show!”
She kept looking out the window. Lord Jesus, why don’t you just take me now?
“I don’t see what the big deal is anyway. Your last single is being played in nightclubs all over the world.”
She turned to face him. “That was your idea. You told me not to use the name Jesus in that song, and look what it got me.”
He smiled like the cat that swallowed the canary. She could almost see it between his teeth, or was that a reflection of herself?
His words dripped with venom as he asked, “Did you think you could cross over without paying the price?”
Elizabeth looked right into his eyes. She had almost forgotten everything she had learned at The Rock, but now she knew. This battle was not between her and Tommy. Satan was after her. Her hands went to her face, her eyes opened in horror, and before she knew it, she was screaming. “You can’t have my soul!”
Tommy laughed, “I don’t want your soul, baby. I just want you to do this show, okay?”
The plane landed smoothly in Atlanta, but Elizabeth didn’t notice. Passengers moved off the plane. Elizabeth stayed in her seat. I have sold out, she thought. Tommy pulled at her sleeve to get her attention. She looked up at him, wanting desperately to blame him. But the truth was, her life was in her own hands, and she would pay dearly for every decision she made.
4
He walked through the foyer of the house and looked out the window. A lady and two small children stood on the front stoop. He opened his mouth and said, “You don’t live here anymore. I told you that.”
She gave him a questioning glare, then looked at the key in her hand. “You said you were moving in on Monday.”
He hunched his shoulders. “The locksmith was available today.”
He watched her ball her fist. She was fuming. And in his mind’s eye, as he watched this scene evolve in his head, he thought, This must be my house, but who is this angry woman?
“Oooh, you better open this door!” the angry woman spat.
“Leave my children here and go find yourself a place to stay.”
The woman bellowed, “You think you can just put me out of my own house, huh?” The brick sailed through the front window and landed on the foyer floor.
He opened the front door and menacingly moved toward the woman.
The little girls screamed, “Daddy! Daddy!”
He ran pass them as the mad lady picked up her second brick.
“You lunatic! Only a fool destroys her own property.”
She shook the brick in her hand. “I don’t live here anymore, remember?” She reared back, ready to send another brick flying through the window.
He grabbed her arm and snatched the brick out of her hand. “You are the most selfish woman I have ever met. God, I can’t stand the sight of you!” He moved back, trying to put some distance between them.
Only weak men beat their women. Yeah, maybe so, but he still wanted to smack the taste out of her mouth.
The fury in his eyes blinded his vision. He couldn’t see his wife’s face. If he could get a glimpse of her face, maybe he could grab her throat. Then he remembered a vow he made as a kid. He was never going to cheat or beat on his wife. He had already broken one of his vows by cheating on her, and now he was about to break the second vow. Instead, he turned and walked away.
“Don’t you walk away from me.” She strutted up to him and put her finger in his face. “I bet you feel like a big man today, don’t you? Put your wife and defenseless kids on the street with no place to go.”
“Get out of my face.”
She grabbed his arm as he tried to move away from her. She balled her fist and busted him in the mouth. His daughters were crying as he stepped back and raised his fist to retaliate.
“Nooo!” he screamed as he jolted from his sleep. Sweat drizzled down his face as his heartbeat quickened. He lay in bed, reeling in the shock from the subconscious ordeal. Once he calmed down, he put his hands under his head. “Mmh, I have a wife,” he mused. “A very unhappy wife.”
5
By the time Tommy dropped Elizabeth at home, she had calmed her wrath. He was, after all, a good man. He had been there for her and helped her through some really painful times. He was a good friend.
“You know,” Tommy began as he opened Elizabeth’s door and handed her back her keys. “I could stay here tonight.”
She softly touched his cheek. “Tommy, you know that is out of the questi
on.”
He leaned into her and placed a simple kiss on her lips. “Baby, I’m what you need. Let me into your heart.”
She really wished she could. But she had been carrying Kenneth around in her heart for so long, she didn’t know how to make room for anyone else. She opened her mouth to speak, but a lump caught in her throat.
Tommy held up his hand. “You don’t have to answer me now.” He dug in his pocket and pulled out a small box. “If you ever decide that you want a real man in your bed, rather than a ghost, let me know.”
He turned and walked out. Elizabeth opened the box, stunned to find a three-carat, princess-cut diamond ring. “He would have bought a platinum band. Dag, he thought of everything,” she said as she covered her mouth. She put the ring on the glass-top coffee table, sunk into the soft cushions of her love seat, and gazed up at the life-size picture of Kenneth that hung over the fireplace. Tears flowed down her face as she turned from Kenneth’s picture to Tommy’s ring. Her hands trembled as she looked at the ring that still held a place of honor on her left hand.
“I can’t deal with this,” she said as memories of Kenneth swelled in her mind.
The children were in Ohio with her mother so she wouldn’t have them to distract her. Sometimes, she longed to have her children with her, but her schedule was grueling. Three cities every week was really beginning to wear on her. Pursuing her dreams wasn’t all caviar parties and limo rides. It was work.
She kicked off her shoes, undressed and headed toward the master bath. As her bare feet touched the cold ceramic floor, she shivered. She adjusted the thermostat to heat the floor tile. Hot, steamy water in her Jacuzzi would soothe her. As the water ran, she leaned against one of the Grecian columns that stood bold and tall on either side of the Jacuzzi. The sandy brown walls complimented the taupe columns and tile surrounding the tub. She thought the combination would give this room a feeling of warmth. But it was cold in here, cold everywhere she went. She lit a few candles around the tub, inhaled the vanilla scent that fragranced her bathroom, turned the lights down, and unintentionally created a sexy and alluring atmosphere. She sighed as she got into her Jacuzzi alone.
Abundant Rain Page 3
