***
By Monday, Kenneth was irritable again. Feeling confused and unsure of her place in her own home, Elizabeth stood, stretched her legs, and ran down the stairs. “Montira, can you stay with the girls for a little while?”
Montira served as cook, housecleaner, and at times, the baby sitter. “Not a problem, Mrs. Underwood. You get out of the house for a while. Go shopping or something.”
Elizabeth smiled as she picked up her keys and purse. Shopping was the last thing on her mind. Well, shopping for clothes was not on her mind anyway. She drove to Barnes & Noble, picked up a book on overcoming rejection, and drove to the address she had scribbled down, hoping she would be on time for the group study.
She rang the doorbell. “Hi, I’m Elizabeth. Is Ronda Bogen here?”
“Yes, she’s here. I’m Barbara Smith. Welcome to my home.” She opened the door and directed Elizabeth to her family room. “This is Mary, and Patricia. Ladies, this is Elizabeth,” she said as she pointed to each woman. “You already know Ronda.”
Ronda smiled. “Glad you made it.”
Elizabeth smiled at Ronda, then greeted the other women. “Nice to meet you.”
“Don’t worry about the formalities. Grab a seat and let’s get started,” Barbara said. “Whenever a new member joins our group, I go over the bylaws and read our covenant scripture. The first thing you need to know about us, is that we are people seeking deliverance. I do not accept members into this group who do not want to be delivered.” Barbara pointedly looked at Elizabeth and asked, “Do you want to be delivered from your issues?”
Elizabeth thought about her family, her new relationship with God, and how she wanted to keep that relationship growing. “Yes. Yes, I do.”
“Good. Turn in your Bibles to Jeremiah 50:6-7.” Barbara flipped a few pages and began reading:
My people have been lost sheep. Their shepherds have led them
astray; they have turned them away on the mountains. They have
gone from mountain to hill; they have forgotten their resting place.
All who found them have devoured them; and their adversaries said,
we have not offended, because they have sinned against the Lord.
Barbara lifted her gaze from the Bible and focused on Elizabeth. “You see, being delivered is all about finding your resting place. We all know that the resting place is in Jesus. But sometimes it’s hard for us to put Jesus in the proper place in our lives – and that’s why we meet here every Monday evening.”
Pastor Lewis was talking about resting in God yesterday. Elizabeth felt like she was being set-up by the Holy Ghost. Whatever you have to do, Jesus. Just help me through this.
“However,” Barbara continued, “I do not desire to become a crutch to God’s people. So, once you find that resting place, we ask that you come to one more meeting; your graduation. On that day, we sit and listen while you tell us how you found your resting place. Okay?”
“I – I don’t know what to say. This is all new to me.”
“Say that you’re willing to give it a try,” Ronda said.
Elizabeth shrugged. “What have I got to lose?”
“All right then.” Barbara clasped her hands together. “Tell us, Elizabeth, what do you need deliverance from?”
“I love the Lord,” she said quickly, trying to spill her guts before she lost her nerve. “But I have never put Him first. I guess the first step is figuring out how I became such a mess – so I can heal.”
The women in the group were silent.
“My husband’s back home now and I’m scared. Basically, I want to learn how to give Kenneth my heart without giving away my soul.” Elizabeth looked at the women imploringly.
There were no ready-made answers to heal a soul. “Let’s pray,” Ronda suggested.
When they finished praying, the group turned to chapter five in Overcoming Rejection and studied some of the reasons women tend to put men before God. Did she walk in here on the right day or what? Kenneth had been first in her life, no question about it. Now that Kenneth was back, she still loved him – even with his miserable disposition. But things would have to be different. God had to be first in her life.
Elizabeth listened as they debated the reasons some women followed man rather than God. She was enjoying the lively discussion, but didn’t feel comfortable participating.
“Women would rather be abused than loved. That’s why they choose man first,” Patricia said as she got up and filled her glass with iced tea.
“Yeah, but there’s a reason why a woman would accept abuse from a man, rather than run to God and be healed. That’s what we need to figure out,” Mary said.
Ronda put her elbows on her legs and leaned in. “A lot of women don’t have fathers in the home, so they want someone they can feel and touch. In fact, they make that man daddy.”
Elizabeth listened earnestly. They brought up some very valid points, but no one had touched on her issue yet. She desperately wanted to know why she had gotten lost in her love for Kenneth. “I hear what all of you are saying, but I don’t fall in any of those categories. I had a father at home, and he was a good man. My husband didn’t abuse me – if anything, he loved me too well.”
Mary laughed, and nudged Elizabeth’s shoulder. “Girl, now that’s a problem I’d love to have.”
Yeah, I wish I still had that problem, Elizabeth thought but said nothing.
“That’s a tough one, Elizabeth. But if you keep seeking God, I believe you’ll find your answer,” Barbara said.
The women talked for a little while longer, then Barbara closed out the meeting. “See all of you back next week,” she told them as they headed for the door.
Elizabeth hadn’t received her answer during prayer, nor during the discussion, but just putting her fears out there made her feel better. Now she had four other women committed to praying with her. She was going to call Nina and ask her to pray too. She was sure Nina had already figured out that she had a dependency problem. As she pulled her car in the garage and got out, she hoped God would deliver her soon.
“Where have you been?”
Elizabeth jolted. She looked up to see steam blowing out of Kenneth’s nostrils. “Why, what’s wrong? Did something happen to one of the girls?” She tried to run pass him. She needed to get in the house to see about her girls.
Kenneth grabbed her arm. “The girls are okay. I just want to know where you’ve been.” He got close up on her, sniffed like he had a cold or something, and gave her the evil eye.
She backed away from him. “What are you doing? You think you’re going to smell somebody on me or what?”
“Did I say I was trying to do something like that?”
“Then why are you all up on me? This is the closest you’ve been to me since you came home.” She pried his hands from her arm. “Honestly, Kenneth, I didn’t know you cared so much.”
“Don’t flatter yourself. I just think that a mother of two small children should be at home with her kids.”
“Well, I guess the amnesia didn’t take that conviction from you.” She walked away from him. Let him worry all night about where she had been. She didn’t care. She was thirty-five years old and not about to report to him like a little schoolgirl asking her daddy if she could go out and play.
17
The phone was ringing.
Elizabeth opened one eye and glared at the clock on her nightstand. Three o’clock in the morning and some lunatic was ringing her phone. She thought about answering, then reminded herself that all of her people were present and accounted for. She would rather sleep.
The ringing stopped. She silently thanked God as she rolled over in bed. Kenneth opened the door and walked into her bedroom. “Tommy’s on the phone.”
Elizabeth sat up. “Why did you answer the phone, Kenneth? It’s three in the morning.”
“I wanted to know who would ring my house at this time of morning. And guess what? Not only did he have the audacity to cal
l here, he called collect.”
“What are you talking about, Kenneth? Why would Tommy call here collect?”
He rolled his eyes. “Three guesses.”
She picked up the phone. “Tommy, Tommy? What’s going on?”
“Who was that? Over there answering your phone like he’s paying rent or something,” Tommy said through the phone receiver.
Elizabeth rubbed her eyes. “He lives here, Tommy. That was Kenneth.”
“What? Stop lying, girl. Wait a minute. Are you okay, Elizabeth? Should you be out of the hospital so soon?”
She yawned. “I’m not crazy, Tommy. Kenneth showed up at the hospital. He’s had amnesia all this time.”
“Yeah, right. And I’m chillin’ with Tupac.”
“Whatever. Why are you calling here this late, and calling collect at that?”
“Didn’t your boy-toy tell you?” His speech was slurring more with every word. “I’m locked up. I need you to bail me out.”
“Locked up? What did you do? Did they get you on a DWI?”
“More like a DWB,” Tommy told her.
Driving While Black. She and Tommy had heard some comedian say those exact words not two months ago. It was funny then, but Elizabeth wasn’t laughing now.
“The police are always trying to mess with a brother,” Tommy continued. “Always trying to keep somebody down.”
“You’re drunk, Tommy!” she screamed into the phone. “They should have arrested you.” She combed her hands through her hair. “Look, I don’t feel like arguing with you. Go to sleep, I’ll be there in the morning.” She hung up.
Kenneth clenched his fist. “You’re not going anywhere.”
His eyes were cold and withdrawn as they bore into her. She massaged her forehead. His eyes still held no love for her. Contempt maybe, but no love.
“You ain’t getting this one off on me.” He crossed his arm and gave her an I’m the wrong nigga to mess with stare down. “I guess you’re not tired of being front-page news.”
Elizabeth swallowed hard. “So you read that tabloid, huh?”
“It’s the reason I’m home.”
She got out of bed and faced him. “I’m sorry about that, Kenneth.”
The right side of his lip curved upward. “Whatever.” He turned and started back to his room.
“Wait Kenneth, we need to talk about this.”
He held up his hand. “This discussion is over.”
He left her room, but not her heart. She lay awake long into the morning trying to figure out how she could make Kenneth sing the When a Man Loves a Woman song again.
Getting out of bed that morning, Elizabeth prayed that a change would come. She went downstairs and fixed some pancakes and bacon. The aroma must have snaked its way to the bedrooms, because one by one, they each arrived at the breakfast table. “Eat up,” she told her family as she put the plates on the table.
“Do you normally fix breakfast?” Kenneth asked.
“When we lived in Dayton, I cooked every morning. I didn’t have a job then.” She put a piece of bacon in her mouth. “No sooner than we moved to Atlanta, we started touring the CD. I hired Montira.”
“Where’s the cook this morning?”
“I gave her some time off. I’m not touring now, and since you’re back home, I thought it would be nice if I cooked again. Might bring back some memories.”
He took a bite of his food and cut up Danae’s pancakes while licking the syrup from his lips. “Sorry I missed three years of these pancakes. They’re pretty good.”
“What happened, Kenneth? Why couldn’t you come home?”
He started to respond to his wife, but Danae pulled at his shirt.
“Daddy, look.” Danae put her face in her plate and began gobbling up her food. Syrup dripped from her face.
He turned toward his children.
“Disgusting,” Erin said while pulling a comb and mirror out of her purse. “Look at her, Mom. She’s a fat mess.”
“Erin, that’s enough,” Elizabeth scolded, then turned to Danae. “Baby, you’ve had enough to eat. Go clean your face.” Elizabeth then turned back to her husband to finish their conversation. She again asked, “What happened? I need to know, Kenneth.”
He picked up his napkin and wiped his mouth. “Don’t act like you don’t know.”
Elizabeth was confused. “Know what?”
He put the napkin down and pushed his plate away. “Okay, you want to play this game? Do you really want to know what happened in New York?”
Elizabeth nodded.
“There was this nurse named Debra at the hospital. She and her husband couldn’t have children, so I prayed for them. Then one day she comes into the hospital and announces that she’s pregnant and that I was the reason. I told her that it was God who helped her conceive. She must not have been listening.
“When the hospital put me out because I didn’t have insurance or money to pay the bill, Debra and her husband took me in. I knew they thought of me as some sort of lucky charm, but they continued my physical therapy. So I thought, no harm, no foul. I couldn’t have been more wrong.”
Elizabeth put her index finger in her mouth and chewed on her fingernail. “Why, what happened?”
“Do you remember the flyers that you hung up at the family visiting area?”
Erin put her comb down. “I hung some flyers too, Daddy.”
“Thank you, baby,” Kenneth said as he smiled at his daughter.
“What about them?” Elizabeth asked.
Still smiling at Erin, Kenneth said, “Hon, can you go check on your sister so I can talk you’re your mother?”
“Okay, Daddy,” Erin said as she threw her comb and mirror in her purse then left the table.
Kenneth turned back to Elizabeth and said, “Debra saw the flyers, but instead of telling me that I had a family that was searching for me, she stole the flyers. It wasn’t until after you tried to commit suicide that she admitted what she did.” He looked into his wife’s eyes and continued, “She brought the tabloid to my little cottage and told me that my wife tried to kill herself because she couldn’t take knowing that her fiancé’ preferred boys.”
“No, Kenneth that’s not what happened.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
She put her hand over his and gave him a tolerant smile. “Kenneth, I really want to help you remember the way things used to be between us.”
“Things couldn’t have been all that great, not if you could run off with another man without even knowing for sure that I was dead.” He gnawed on some bacon and watched his wife skeptically. “Besides, I’m surprised you fixed breakfast this morning. I would have thought you’d have snuck out of the house this morning to go rescue your boyfriend.”
Elizabeth put down her fork. “Why do you have to be like this?”
“Is that who you were with last night? Is that why you refused to tell me where you’d been?”
She closed her eyes and cursed her stupidity. If she had known that Tommy would call her house at three in the morning, she wouldn’t have been so flippant with Kenneth the night before. “I was at Bible study. Ronda invited me.”
“It took you all night to come up with a story like that?”
“I’m not lying, Kenneth. Why can’t you stop thinking the worst of me and give us a chance?”
He turned from her, grabbed his plate and stacked on a couple more pancakes. He put on a plastic smile, and swirled the syrup on as if concentration was the key to the sugary sweet taste. She wanted to grab the syrup out of his hands, squirt him in the eye, and scratch the other side of his face. Something, anything, as long as it would get his attention. She clenched her hands around her plate, stood, and emptied its contents in the trash. She then stood, gripping the kitchen sink.
Lord, I love this man. Help me to not lose sight of that. Help me to think of his needs rather than the fact that I just want to slap him upside his nappy head right now. Silent prayers were just as e
ffective as prayers stated out loud and bold.
“Kenneth, we need to talk,” she told him as she reclaimed her seat at the table. “I love you, but I think your decision last night was wrong.”
“What decision?” he asked, waving his fork in the air.
“I need to get Tommy out of jail. He needs to know that I care.”
Silence filled the room as Elizabeth and Kenneth stared through each other. Kenneth ended the silence. “You’re going to disrespect me like that?” He covered the scars on the left side of his face with his hand. “Go ahead, Liz, you deserve each other.”
She might actually knock some sense back into his head if she cold cocked him one good time. “It’s not like that, Kenneth. Tommy is a friend. I’m not in love with him, and I never was. He helped me through some tough times and-”
“Oh yeah, I know how he helped you.”
“What’s that suppose to mean?”
Kenneth wanted to tell her about Tommy giving twenty thou to Debra so that she would never contact Elizabeth again, but he didn’t know how he would feel if his suspicion that his wife gave him that money to give to Debra was confirmed, so he said, “Forget it, just forget it. Go rescue the man.”
To give her hand something to do, she put it on his arm and squeezed. “Come with me, please.”
***
It cost a thousand dollars to bail Tommy’s sorry behind out of jail. Elizabeth intended to take that thousand dollars out of his hide. He strutted out front to greet her, as if he’d just come from a Bahamas vacation. Tommy needed a dose of tough love. “All is right with your world I see,” she told him, as he kissed her cheek.
“Why wouldn’t it be? Am I supposed to be crying? Did you think that I would be shaken by that guy answering your phone last night?”
“Tommy, I told you that Kenneth is back.”
He raised his hand. “Save it.” He walked out of the police department with Elizabeth hot on his trail. “Thanks for bailing me out. I can make it from here.”
“Oh, no. You are not getting off that easy.” She grabbed his arm. They stood on the jailhouse steps and faced off. “I want to know what’s up with this destructive behavior of yours?”
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