She wiped the tear as it dropped. “I don’t want another fan club. They just turn on you in the end. When they hear my music, let them think of Jesus – that’s more than enough for me.”
He leaned over and kissed her. “No doubt this new CD is all that. If they don’t end up on their knees with arms lifted to God, they probably don’t have a soul worth saving anyhow.”
She nudged his shoulder. “Eat your sandwich. Leave the pep talks to me, okay?”
When Kenneth finished, they went upstairs and napped.
Kenneth left the house at seven that evening to check on Tommy. When he got to the hospital, Taijah was in the room praying for him. “How’s he doing? Any change?”
“He woke once, moaned, then went back to sleep.”
Tommy’s face was still swollen, eye clamped shut. The fist that smashed into his face must have come from some big, hold-my-mule kinda farm-working dude.
He looked at his watch. “What are you still doing here?”
“Somebody’s got to pray for Tommy,” Taijah told him as a tired smile crossed her lips. “If he survives the night,” she continued, “he should be out of the woods, and on his way to recovery.”
And then what? What would Tommy do once he recovered? Go back on the streets? Continue taking drugs? Was he tired of the life he was living? Would he be willing to give God a try? No, when Tommy woke up he would curse Kenneth and God. What was he doing here?
Feed My sheep.
How, Lord? I don’t know what to tell him that will change his situation. He rubbed his head with his hand. I don’t know what to tell any of the people that come to me needing help.
Tell them about My love and mercy.
“Well goodnight. I’m going home,” Taijah said.
“What? Huh? Oh, okay. Don’t worry about our patient. I’m going to sit with him for a little while.” He patted the Bible that was in his hand. “Maybe I’ll read the Word to him.”
Kenneth sat next to the bed. “Feed Your sheep, huh?” He fumbled through the pages of the Bible. “Well, help me out a little bit here. What part of Your Word do You want me to feed to Your sheep?”
***
Kenneth didn’t tell Liz about Tommy when he went home that night. He should have, but he didn’t worry about that now. If Tommy survived through the night, then he’d have something to report. He wasn’t going to upset his wife with the news that Tommy was in the hospital, only to have her be devastated by news of his death. No, one blow was better than two.
The next day, after tying up some loose ends at Hope Center II, he went back to the hospital. Tommy was half sitting, half lying in bed. He couldn’t move much, though. His body violently conveyed that message, when he tried to adjust his position.
“So how’s our patient today?” Kenneth asked cheerfully.
“In pain.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. If it helps any, you look better today than you did yesterday.”
“You should see the other guy.” Tommy pointed at the Bible in Kenneth’s arm. “Did you read that to me yesterday?”
“Yes.” Kenneth sat and scooted his chair closer to Tommy’s bed. “Would you like me to read some more today?”
Tommy’s face contorted as he shook his head. “When I was a kid, there was this deacon who would read from the Bible before offering every Sunday.” Tommy turned toward Kenneth. “Guess what he did on Saturdays?”
Kenneth sat attentive, waiting for Tommy to elaborate.
“He was a mentor. He’d pick little boys up and take them to baseball and football games. Then he’d take them to his house and rape them.”
Kenneth grunted.
“He raped me,” Tommy continued. “Nobody cared either. Not my mother, not the preacher. They just expected me to deal with it. Let it go. ‘Quit lying on the good deacon’,” he mimicked his mother.
“I don’t know what to say, Tommy.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I’m just letting you know that all that Bible thumping don’t mean a thing to me.” Tears rolled down his face. “I know first hand what a Bible-toting pervert can do.”
Kenneth put the Bible down. He silently prayed for wisdom. “Tommy, I understand-”
“You don’t understand nothing,” Tommy spat. “You don’t know the half of what has happened in my life.”
“And please don’t tell me,” Kenneth wanted to scream. Instead he said, “You’re right. I can’t possibly understand the hurt and the humiliation of what you’ve gone through.”
“Darn right, you can’t.”
Kenneth stood. “Even though men are supposed to represent God on earth, we are not God. Some men make mistakes, others can’t be trusted. You found that out first hand. But God is different, Tommy.”
“Don’t you preach to me about God. He has never been there for me. I pray and He sits in the heavens laughing at me.”
“You’re alive, Tommy. Don’t you credit God for that?”
“Naw, that psycho stalker was too stupid to puncture any vital organs.”
Kenneth threw his hands up in frustration.
Feed My sheep.
“Whether you want to believe it or not, God loves you. He’s waiting for you to come back where you belong,” Kenneth told him.
“Yeah, God loves me so much that He sent His Son Jesus to die on a cross so that I might be saved, right?” Kenneth nodded. “Just answer this for me, why couldn’t God stop that man from raping me, huh? If He loves me soooo much, why didn’t He do that?”
Kenneth put his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, then remembered his bruises and pulled away. “Okay, so you blame God for what happened to you when you were a kid. But tell me, Tommy, who will take the blame for the way you’ve lived your life as an adult? Honestly, I don’t know why bad things happen to people.” Tears filled Kenneth’s eyes. “And I don’t know why you choose to live in torment, rather than fight your way back to God.”
“What are you crying for?”
“For you, man, I’m crying for you. I’m tired of seeing brothers broken down by situations and issues they had no control over in the first place. Don’t you understand? The things that have happened to you, those are not your issues – they belong with Jesus. Give them up and let Him heal you.”
“I’ve tried. Don’t you think I’ve tried?”
“No, you didn’t. All you did was go to church. But you hid your true self – your problems, from the Lord. Don’t you know that you can trust God?”
“I stopped trusting God a long time ago, man.”
Kenneth wiped at a tear as it rolled down his cheek. “Do yourself a favor. Give God a second chance.” He offered his Bible to Tommy. Tommy hesitated, then took the Bible and laid it on the nightstand next to his bed.
30
“Kenneth C. Underwood, you must have a death wish.”
Kenneth put his arms up. “Now, now. No sense getting all upset. Sit down and let me talk to you.”
“Sit down!” she screamed as she scanned the room. “I ought to find something and bust you upside your head!”
“Now, baby, you’re going to regret this kind of talk later.”
“Maybe later, but right now I can’t see regretting telling you about yourself. You are just wrong, Kenneth.” She strutted up and down their bedroom trying to make sense of her husband’s deception. If anger was fire, whew wee, call the fire department quick. Kenneth opened his mouth and she put the five-finger disconnect in his face. “You are wrong and you know it. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.” She walked over to the closet and rummaged around.
“Look, there’s nothing we can do about it tonight-”
“You made sure of that.” The sistah-sistah neck was going as she interrupted him. “Yeah, tell your wife at ten o’clock at night that one of her friends has been in the hospital for three days from six stab wounds.” Her voice caught on the last three words.
“Baby, what do you want me to say?”
“Do what you’ve been
doing for the last three days, don’t say nothing.” She walked out of the closet with pillow and blanket in hand. “Just take your behind downstairs and sleep on the couch.”
Kenneth stood back and folded his arms. “I know you’re not putting me out of my own bed.”
Elizabeth put the bed linen atop his folded arms. “Guess you don’t know everything. Do you?”
“So what are you saying? Some friend of yours means more to you than I do?”
“You’re not going to make me feel bad.” She pointed a loaded finger at him. “You’re the one that’s wrong. And you’re the one I don’t want to see for the rest of the night.”
He threw the pillow and blanket on the floor and poked at his chest. “I’m also the one who paid Tommy’s hospital bill. Liz, I told them that we would do that because he is a friend of yours. I also talked with his nurse. She’s Spirit filled and told me she would take good care of Tommy.”
She twisted her lip. “Well, at least that’s something,” she finally said.
He held out his arms. “Ah, come here, baby. I hate it when we fight.”
The five-finger disconnect went up again. Her other hand pointed at the door. “The couch.”
Kenneth ignored the bedding on the floor and pulled the blanket and pillow off his bed, all the while mumbling about the unfairness of the situation. He was just trying to protect her from hearing bad news twice. He walked out of their bedroom and turned to face-off one last time. “I thought you’d be happy with my news. My God, Liz, the man is alive. You don’t have to be so evil. You act like I stabbed him myself.”
She very calmly walked over to the door and slammed it in his face. She went to bed mad, woke up mad, fixed breakfast mad.
“Good morning,” Kenneth tried as she brought the plates to the table.
“Can you watch the girls this morning so I can go to the hospital?” she asked without wishing him a good morning. No sense being a hypocrite. She wanted him to have a bad morning, and a horrible day.
Before Kenneth could answer, she turned to walk out of the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
She tried to smile at him, but just couldn’t. “I need to go pray. I just had a vision of me smashing the breakfast plates over your head.”
***
“Hey you,” Elizabeth said from the door.
Tommy’s nurse was giving him some medication. Tommy was cheesin’ and trying to get his mac on. Ain’t that some stuff? No job, no car, no place to lay his baldhead, but he was trying to come up.
He turned from his nurse to Elizabeth and smiled. “I was wondering when your husband would turn you loose.”
Elizabeth was not going to discuss that sore subject with Tommy. She walked into his room. The nurse was on the right side of his bed, so she took the left. “Hi, I’m Elizabeth Underwood,” she told the nurse. “Me and this nut,” she pointed at Tommy, “go way back.”
“I know who you are Mrs. Underwood. I have your CD.” She extended her hand, Elizabeth took it. “I’m Taijah Hughes.”
Elizabeth held Taijah’s hand a little tighter before releasing it. “My husband told me about you.” She almost called him a ratfink husband, but controlled herself.
“I can’t wait for your next CD to release.”
“Thank you. I appreciate your support.”
“So, your man just now letting you out of the house?” Tommy jested.
She would not debate Kenneth’s actions with friend or foe. “It’s nothing like that. Kenneth just wanted to make sure you were up to a visit from me because I came here to knock your head off.” She muffed him on the side of his baldhead.
“Well, I’ve got to make my rounds,” Taijah said.
Tommy lifted his bandaged arms and hunched his shoulders. “So you just gon’ leave a brother? Ain’t you supposed to report violent acts when you see them?”
Taijah turned to Elizabeth and winked. “I didn’t see anything, Tommy.”
“Oh, it’s like that, huh?” Tommy said.
“Let’s just put it this way, Elizabeth isn’t the only one that thinks you need your head knocked off.” She turned to Elizabeth. “Now, when you knock his head off, just make sure you shake out all the junk that’s in it before reattaching it to his neck.” They laughed and Taijah left.
Elizabeth turned back to Tommy. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you always doing something stupid?”
He nestled in the cushion of his pillow and stretched out his legs. “Oh, so I guess I kicked my own behind? It’s all my fault that I’m in the hospital, right?”
“Yeah, it’s your fault,” she told him as she slapped him upside his head again.
“Ouch.” He rubbed his head. “I’m trying to recuperate, you know.”
“You wouldn’t need to recuperate if you had just contacted me when you lost your condo.”
“I didn’t want to be a burden.”
“Do you want me to hit you again?” He shook his head. “Then stop talking stupid. Friends are never a burden.”
He looked away. “What’s this I hear about a program you and Kenneth are throwing for the homeless?”
“Are you planning to come if you’re out of the hospital by then?”
“Can’t make any promises about that, but tell me about this new CD.”
She smiled. “Tommy, I’m so excited. This CD is anointed. I know that God is truly pleased with the songs I have written.”
Tommy’s eyes shifted downward. “I’m sorry you didn’t feel the same about the CD we did together.”
Open mouth. Insert foot. “It wasn’t your fault, Tommy. I was in a different place with God when we did the first CD.”
“Taijah liked the first CD.”
“I’m glad, but I didn’t come here to discuss what I’m doing or my music or-”
“No, of course not. You wouldn’t want to gloat to a bum like me.”
Tommy was taking her words the wrong way, and she didn’t know what to say to help him understand. Maybe Kenneth was right. Maybe she and Tommy weren’t ready to see each other. What could she do for him? She’d been praying for him a long time. He only seemed to be getting worse.
She tightened her hold on her purse. “Look, Tommy maybe I should go.” She smiled to ease the tension. “I usually don’t like to talk to anyone with a worse disposition than my own, so I’ll see you tomorrow. Okay?”
“Go ahead and run out on me. That’s all you’re good for anyway.”
She stood. “You know what? You need to stop blaming other people for the choices you’ve made. Yeah, some bad things have happened to you, but you need to stop letting life whup on you.”
“Whatever,” he said as he rolled his eyes and turned away from her.
She slung her purse over her shoulder. Tommy turned back to face her. “Your husband’s not so bad. I can see why you love him so much.”
She just stood there clutching her purse. Not trusting herself to speak. Her words kept coming out wrong.
“He cried for me. Nobody’s ever cried for me,” he told her, while shaking his head.
She would go home now and eat crow. Crow isn’t so bad, she told herself, as she walked out of the hospital. Not if you use the right spices.
31
Kenneth had asked him to give God a second chance. Tommy wasn’t sure if he wanted to do that. But reading the Bible he’d left couldn’t hurt anything. His body was on the mend, but he was still in a hospital bed with little else to do. He read through Genesis and Exodus. He skipped over a couple of books he considered insignificant, and then started back up in Joshua. He had a puzzled looked on his face when Taijah came in to check on him.
“What’s wrong?” she asked him.
“I don’t understand this.” He pointed at the Bible, then looked up at her and explained. “There’s this harlot named Rahab in the book of Joshua.” His hands danced in the air as he told the story. “God tells Joshua that they are going to destroy Jericho and everything in it. Someho
w Rahab finds out about it. She asks the servants of God to spare her life. And they did. Well, not only did they spare her life, but one of the Jewish men married her.”
“What part didn’t you understand?” Taijah asked, changing his bandages.
“The whole thing!” he shouted. “I would have thought for sure that ol’ Fire and Brimstone would have murdered her right along with the rest of the people in that city. But He spared her. A prostitute.”
“That’s what this Christian walk is all about. God gifting us with His grace and mercy, even though we don’t deserve it.”
Tommy was silent. He let Taijah finish fiddling with his bandages and doctoring him up. When she was gone, he put the Bible back on the nightstand and laid down. Before he drifted off to sleep, he mumbled, “I’ve never received any grace or mercy.”
The next day, he took on I Kings and I Chronicles. It was in I Chronicles, chapter four that he found hope:
Now Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, “Because I bore him in pain.”
And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested.
Tommy closed the Bible and held it close to his chest. As he pondered this indeed blessing that Jabez asked God for, Kenneth walked in.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Kenneth asked.
Tommy sat up. “Ain’t nothing changed but the date. What’s up with you?”
“Nothing much. Just thought I’d check on you, see how you’re doing.” Kenneth pointed at the Bible. “So, what were you reading today?”
Tommy shrugged. “I was just reading in First Chronicles. Sounds like Jabez had a triflin’ mama too.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Come on, man. What good mother would name her child something that means pain?”
Abundant Rain Page 18
