by A. C. James
Besides, I couldn’t just drop everything and go on a vacation when my world had been turned upside down. And I promised Rue last week that I’d visit my grandmother in a month. I needed to know more about my family. Elizabeth would probably be hurt, at least at first, and I didn’t want to hurt her. It killed me that I was keeping things from two people I loved. I’d kept the mysterious ‘T’ from Arie when we were supposed to be straight with one another. I didn’t know what that would do to our relationship. Wasn’t not telling him the same thing as lying? I’m sure that’s how he’d see it. Now I was keeping everything from Elizabeth too. It twisted my stomach into knots.
“Well if you can get time off or change your mind, let us know. We’d love to have you,” Elizabeth said.
We talked for a few more minutes. She asked about my friend Trina and I told her that her daughter just went to winter formal. I told her I was thinking about looking for a new job. Better to have her get used to the idea and figure out a reasonable lie to tell her later. Elizabeth prattled on about how much warmer the weather they were having was and hinted that I should move down south. But I couldn’t imagine my pale ass in a bikini then, and I sure as hell couldn’t imagine it now that I was several shades paler. Once she seemed to have forgotten my evasiveness I hung up with her. Besides, Arie had mentioned last night that we should go over to the club and help out in any way that we could.
Frankly, regardless of whether it made us look weak or not, I didn’t see how keeping the club open was a good idea. I wasn’t an idiot, and only an idiot wouldn’t be afraid of something like this. Common sense told me I should be pretty damned scared right about now. I had this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. My gut told me that I couldn’t trust Victoria’s report that nothing was happening just because the fae didn’t seem to be gathering in numbers. I knew to fear the calm, quiet moments more than the chaos, because at any moment I could be shocked by choices entirely out of my control. Being crazy-scared made more sense, and I could live with that if it gave me the strength to be brave.
***
It had been six weeks. Waiting. People wait all the time. They wait in lines, they wait until the stars align before they let themselves fall in love, they wait for the unknown to turn their predictable worlds upside down, and some aren’t even living at all, they’re just waiting. They give up once they realize there really isn’t anything to control except for their own actions. They act from a place of fear. And all that’s left is the waiting. Tessa said it’s the most perfect form of psychological warfare. I had to agree.
Luna wanted to jump out of her skin, and I was sure she’d go stark raving mad cooped up in the apartment at HFC if the vampire guarding her door didn’t let her get some air. I’d talked Tessa into letting her work on slow nights, but she wasn’t getting a warm reception waiting on vampires who’d just been attacked by fae. So she retreated to the apartment and went back to being cooped up rather than deal with their attitude. It wasn’t her fault, but it was understandable. I’d gone over to keep her company a bunch of times, but I couldn’t stand watching her pace as she psyched herself out with all the what-ifs. She seemed anxious and bored without Victoria, who had been sent to spy in fae territory.
In fact, I hadn’t seen much of Victoria in the past six weeks except for when Arie took her place staking out Victor Monti’s restaurant, which acted as a front for the Chicago Crew. The few times she’d stopped by the club she’d looked paler than usual. Tessa had been in contact with the Slayer, but apparently Lucca Monti’s last known address had been vacated. No one knew if he’d been tipped off. With how teary-eyed and moon-faced Luna had been when she found out her uncle was involved, I didn’t put it past her to call him.
I’d said as much to Tessa almost a week ago. So she’d checked Luna’s phone records but the only calls were to Victoria and one to Arie. Tessa claimed that the landline in the apartment would show any outgoing calls, and there hadn’t been any that were suspicious. I almost felt sorry for her. She had to feel like a prisoner, but until we found her uncle and put a stop to this there was nothing to be done about it.
Tessa told me the Slayer’s investigation died when everyone who knew Lucca claimed they hadn’t seen or heard from him in weeks. Now we were waiting for the Slayer to go through public records to see if there were other properties he owned which Luna didn’t know about. I hated waiting. But at least I was getting used to my hypersensitive awareness, which seemed to be leveling out after becoming a vampire. And I didn’t find it surprising that they hadn’t been able to pinpoint his location yet. It was only a matter of time before he slipped up and did something that would lead us to him. Until then I’d been pitching in with Arie at HFC. Valentine’s Day had whizzed by in a blur, but Arie and I had managed to celebrate it in our own way in Tessa’s dungeon on the third floor.
He seemed disappointed that I would turn Luna over so easily, and it had been tense between us. Tessa wanted extra security after what had happened, so we’d both been taking shifts most nights at the club. I still hadn’t told him about ‘T,’ and I had a feeling he knew something was up, but I didn’t want to think about someone from Katarina’s past causing us trouble. I’d be the last person to bring her up. I just hated hiding anything from him, even if it was for his own good. And with working what had practically been alternating shifts, it seemed like we only saw each other in passing. It made me aware of just how fragile our relationship was. I was starting to think it wouldn’t survive an eternity, and I had serious doubts about being able to handle the all the violence and blood. Part of me missed how uncomplicated my life had been, and if not for the vampire-fae war I might have taken Luna up on her offer. When this was over…
I told Tessa that I wouldn’t be coming in tomorrow and it was typically a slow night so she didn’t care. I’d held off on paying my grandmother a visit with everything going on, but now I needed answers. I had to know why she let my father give me up for adoption and didn’t take me in herself. I didn’t want to be angry, but I couldn’t help it. It hurt.
Although, I’d been lucky to have the Ellis family, and I wouldn’t wallow in a woe-is-me attitude. Everything I’d been through made me stronger, but I had wanted to meet my family and I’d waited for answers my whole life. So I called Rue yesterday and she told me that she would go with me. Honestly, I kind of liked that idea; at least I’d have someone there for moral support.
Now I could ask my grandmother all the questions I had when I was growing up, even when I’d already made up my own version of the truth. As a little girl I made up all these stories that somehow sounded better than reality. I had a million of them. My father had been a secret agent. My mother wasn’t dead. No, of course that wasn’t possible. She’d been taken prisoner and someday my father would rescue her. Then we’d all be together. Kids would make fun of me when I’d tell these tales, so I’d get into fights defending my lies, but I guess I did look pretty silly.
Tomorrow I’d ask questions, and I was finally old enough to appreciate the answers, even if they turned out to be nothing but excuses.
Chapter 10
My mind spun in a million directions as I drove over to Rue’s Attic – Goddess & Goth, Thrift & Gift to pick Rue up. Her store sold handmade soaps, aromatherapy oils, incense, jewelry, and a slew of books on various Goddess traditions. It also had a wide range of thrift clothes, from hippy skirts and hemp necklaces to Goth clothes. The first time I’d been there I’d thought its hodgepodge style made it the kind of place where I would shop. Anything cheap or free was definitely for me. I’d talked to Rue on the phone a few times in the past few weeks, and she stopped by the loft once but we weren’t home. It would be good to see her again.
When I first met Rue and found out that she was my godmother I’d been speechless. I was even more shocked when she told me that her mother and my grandmother were witches in a coven back in Springfield. I wasn’t angry at Rue. She’d done her best to try to find me, but my records had been s
ealed when the Ellis family adopted me. Rue wanted to take me in when my mother died at sixteen after giving birth to me, but she was only eighteen and the courts would never allow someone who wasn’t really family, single, and without any real income to adopt an infant. No one else had wanted to either. Not when I had RSV and a heart murmur.
I still hardly believed that I was descended from Celtic royalty, inheriting magic that ran deep in my blood. I had the Sight but never knew I was a witch until I met Rue. Although, I suppose I should have. I guess I’d suspected that there was something different about me, because there was a lot that I couldn’t explain. At least not with any logical explanation that would be deemed acceptable by society’s standards. I’d learned a long time ago that it was best to keep the things that sounded crazy to myself.
The light turned green and I turned onto the street where Rue’s Attic was located. I smiled. Rue was someone that I could share ‘crazy’ with because she knew there were things in this world that defied explanation. I pulled into an empty space a few doors down from the storefront. The brisk air whisked through my chestnut strands, sending goose bumps along my skin as I walked down the sidewalk and ducked under the awning to enter her shop.
A bell above the door chimed as I stepped inside and took in the pungent smell of incense and herbs. I made my way down the center aisle where there were shelves lined with statues and books, past racks lined with clothing, until I reached the glass display counter where a cashier was perched on a stool flipping through a book about Wicca.
“Is Rue he—”
But before I could finish my question the beaded curtain in the doorway that led to the back swayed and the beads jangled together as Rue stepped through them.
“Right on time.” Rue smiled.
Except I wasn’t on time. I was a little early. I hadn’t slept at all last night. Not even Arie’s clever mouth could distract me from what I was about to do. Last night was good. We didn’t argue about what to do about Luna. But how on earth did Rue do that? It always seemed like she knew when I was coming.
“Sorry, I’m a little early.”
“Nonsense.” As she looked me over from head to foot her forehead creased between her eyes. “But maybe you’d like me to make you a cup of tea before we go. I have a blend of chamomile and lavender I think you’ll really like.”
“No, but thanks anyway. We should get going since we have a long drive ahead of us. Are you ready?” I asked, trying to sound calmer than I felt. But it was no good. Rue could see right through me.
Worry reflected in her eyes. She wore a purple shirt with a silver swirling pattern, her blonde curls darting out in various directions, and again her ethereal face was unmarred despite the fact that she’d just turned forty. Her silver bracelets jingled as she grabbed her purse from under the counter.
“Of course, but are you ready?”
I gulped. “I think so.”
She nodded, but I was sure she could tell I was lying. Why were all the women in my life such good bullshit detectors? I didn’t know what to expect. I only knew that I should keep my expectations low. My grandmother might not want to get to know me, might not want anything to do with me after all this time. If she’d wanted to know me, if she’d wanted me at all, then she would have taken me in, but I figured her grief over losing a daughter made her incapable of loving the child that had stolen hers.
“Let’s go,” I said. “We can take my car.”
Rue turned to the cashier and placed a key on top of the glass case. “If I’m not back, can you close up for me?”
“Sure. No problem.”
She turned and followed me toward the front of the shop. The bell chimed again as we exited and made our way over to my BMW. Rue slid into the passenger seat while I rounded the front of the car and took the wheel. We drove a few blocks and I tapped the side of the steering wheel at a stop light. I sighed. It would be a long three-hour drive. Rue had told me that my grandmother lived out by Lake Springfield. The light turned green and I accidentally burned rubber when I hit the gas and pulled onto the highway heading out of the city toward Springfield. Rue looked over, her concern for me clear.
“Whatever happens is meant to be,” Rue said.
I glanced at her. The concern was quickly replaced by a serene look, which almost seemed too calm considering the occasion. But then again, that was Rue. She returned her attention to the highway.
“Try to relax. Watch the road. There’s no sense in worrying about what might happen,” she said, trying to reassure me.
“I know. It’s just…”
“You’re nervous.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s to be expected.”
“I know that, but what if she slams the door in my face?”
My voice almost broke.
“She won’t.”
“How do you know? What did she say when you called her?”
Rue paused and looked out the window again before turning back to me.
“Nothing.”
“What do you mean nothing? You told her that her granddaughter who she’s never met wants to meet her and she said nothing?”
I could hear my voice rising as panic surged, and I considered pulling the car over.
“I couldn’t reach her.”
“So she’s not expecting us. Wouldn’t it be better to wait until she calls you back, rather than us just showing up on her doorstep? You left a message, didn’t you? I don’t want to do this. This is a bad idea. Not if she doesn’t know we’re coming.”
I was shaking my head with my hands clenching the steering wheel.
“It doesn’t matter when we go. She won’t know we’re coming. Her number was disconnected, and she’s not listed in the phone book,” Rue said.
What?
“This is a waste of time.”
I didn’t mean to sound bitter. I needed answers and her number being disconnected deflated me. Numbers don’t get disconnected without a reason. What if she’d moved? But really, I was afraid that it was too late. What if she’s dead? I’d never get the chance to meet her, and I wouldn’t know why she never tried to be a part of my life.
“Then how do we even know that she’s still alive?”
“She’s alive.”
Rue said it with such certainty that my throat tightened but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I couldn’t get my hopes up.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Your grandmother gave me a book a long time ago. It used to be hers. I used it to do a locator spell and the pendulum circled around the location of her house on a map. The same house your mother and I played in as children. She’s still there.”
It’s not that I didn’t believe in magic, but you could never count on it to be entirely accurate. No, I’d found that magic could be just as unpredictable as everything else. After all, I’d ended up a vampire by mistake. I wouldn’t let her conviction give me false hope and be crushed when it turned out it wasn’t true. But I didn’t want to sound like a cynical, bitter unbeliever.
I loosened my grip on the steering wheel. “Well, I guess there’s only one way to find out.”
Rue put her hand on my shoulder. “You’ve come this far. I’ll be here every step of the way. It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
She released my shoulder and we drove in relative silence until we reached Lake Springfield. Occasionally Rue would break the silence to take my mind off it, but it didn’t really work. As we circled around the lake, my jaw clenched and my teeth ground together. I had no idea how much the houses cost, but I could tell from the looks of them that it was a lot. The further we drove and the closer we got, the angrier I became.
If she lived in a community like this, it meant she had to have money. She definitely had the financial means to take care of me. I hadn’t even met her yet but the big houses with their swimming pools and manicured lawns pissed me off. We turned onto North Cotton Hill Road and passed a long driveway that led to a house on the edge of
the lake. The area was wooded and we passed the back of a cookie-cutter development.
“Slow down and turn,” Rue said, as she pointed.
I almost drove past a dirt road that seemed incongruent with everything else. I slammed on the brakes, and almost had to back up, but I cut the wheel to the left and headed down the unpaved trail. The space went from being wide open to being edged by trees, which became thicker the further we went, until we passed under some power lines and reached an old two-story house.
“We’re here,” Rue said.
Chapter 11
There didn’t seem to be a backyard from this vantage point. The forest wrapped around the back of the house in a semi-circle. Its wood siding might have been white at one point but the house needed to be repainted and its shingles were faded green. Icicles dangled from the gutters. I parked next to an old station wagon, and I wondered about its owner.
We made our way to the front porch, where an old swing creaked in the wind. As we approached, a bird let out a screech from its perch on a limb overhanging the roof next to the chimney. Plumes of smoke rose from it. Someone has to be home. Surely they wouldn’t leave a fire unattended. Not when it could burn the house down.
I looked toward Rue and took a deep breath before knocking on the door. Rue rubbed her hands together as we stood waiting in the cold, but there was still no answer. I gave it a minute before I knocked again. Footsteps emerged from the other side of the door, and my heart hammered against my chest. A woman with chestnut hair like mine but darker opened the door and looked from me to Rue and then back again.
“Hello,” she said.
“Hi.”
“We’re looking for Charlotte Kerry,” Rue said.
“Can I ask what this is about?” she asked.
“I’m Holly… She’s my grandmother,” I said.
The woman’s eyes widened and she paused before the door swung wider. “Why don’t you come inside? It’s too cold to talk out here. I’m Grace—Charlotte’s sister.”
