by Julia Derek
When I reached Wilshire Boulevard, I stopped. I’d wait for the bus that ran there, all the way to where I lived, instead of walking home like I’d originally planned when dashing out of the Whitman residence. Not only did my feet ache, but my gorgeous strappy sandals would fall apart if I continued much farther.
Drenched in sweat, I sank down on the bench at the bus station and waited for the bus to come. I’d be damned if I’d let Elisa destroy my great new shoes the way she and her band of disgusting friends had almost destroyed my life.
The fury that filled me at the thought of what they had done to me and Hannah made me feel slightly better. They may have succeeded in killing one of us, but I was still standing strong and intended to do so for the rest of my life. I’d show those bitches that I wasn’t someone you broke down easily. As Leslie kept telling me, I, too, was sure now that Hannah would have wanted me to keep living with my chin up, make something out of myself so she could be proud of me, not beating myself up for surviving. A defiant smile curled the corners of my lips. But it didn’t take long until the reality of the situation returned to me and the smile was gone:
I may keep living with my chin up, but my life could no longer contain Dylan. Not because I thought he had known about what his sister had done and chosen to turn a blind eye, but because each time I saw him now, I’d think about what had happened. And I wanted to think about it as little as possible.
Wait, could he actually have known about it…? I stiffened where I sat on the bench. He and Elisa seemed very close after all. Elle, like he liked to call her, this girl who he kept telling me was such a great person… I couldn’t stop myself from snorting loudly with revulsion, drawing attention from the other people waiting for the bus. I shook the thought out of my head. No, I didn’t think he could have known. Not the way he had been talking about how much he loathed bullies, with such passion I had felt it deep in my chest. No one was that good a liar. Still, the idea of having anything to do with someone related to a person like Elisa was too much to even consider. I could barely make myself think of the two at the same time, so how could I ever be Elisa’s brother’s girlfriend? It was impossible.
A few minutes later, the bus pulled up and I stepped inside, doing my best to keep the tears from streaming down my cheeks.
Dylan
“I’m coming in, Elisa,” I said, standing outside my sister’s childhood bedroom. I didn’t care whether she wanted me to or not or that our mother had told me it was best to talk about this another day, when I wasn’t as upset about it. I was coming in and learning the truth about this matter once and for all, the entire truth, not just bits and pieces. Maybe Elle had in fact been truthful when claiming only to be guilty of having chased Hannah and Nina. Maybe she had in fact done something to stop the other girls from beating Nina to death in the end. I really hoped this was so. It was still bad, but not as bad in that case.
I turned the door knob and walked inside the room. My sister was lying face-down on her big bed that was loaded with throw pillows and stuffed animals. I walked up to the bed and took a seat on the edge. Elisa’s body stirred, but she remained turned away from me.
“Elle, turn around.” I was a little calmer now, the fury brewing inside me still there but not nearly as intense. “I need to know what happened. What really happened at your school. Everything.”
Slowly, Elisa rolled around and faced me. Her skin was pink and mushy. Her eyes were rimmed with red, making her irises an electric blue-green. She sniffled and pulled herself up to a half sitting position.
“All you originally told me was that you stopped the girls in your basketball team from beating a girl to death,” I said. “But those girls were really your friends, weren’t they?”
“Yes,” Elisa said, her voice weak. “But I didn’t really like them. At least I didn’t like Chrissy and Tara. I was dead scared of those two.”
“You were dead scared of them?” Confusion filled me, further calming the fury in me. “Why were you scared of them?”
“They could be so mean. They could turn on you so easily if you did something they disapproved of. We’d all seen it happen many times.” She sniffled, wiping her face with the back of her hand. “Hannah was a great example. She used to be Chrissy’s friend up until junior high. But then Chrissy completely turned on her because a guy they both liked told Chrissy she’d never be as pretty as Hannah. That she was just a poser, nothing special. That’s how Hannah came to be a pariah, while Chrissy joined the basketball team and began to hang with Tara.”
“Go on,” I said.
Elisa’s chest heaved as she sucked in a breath. “When Chrissy became our team’s captain, I really had no choice but to hang with them, pretend I liked them like the rest of the girls, or I’d risk the same fate as Hannah. Nina started at our school in ninth grade. She and Hannah became friends right away.” Elisa looked away for a moment, an unhappy little laugh escaping her lips. “I guess Nina is of a special ilk. The kind who has no interest in being among the popular ones just cause it’s easier. And who’s fiercely loyal to the ones she likes. She sure stuck by Hannah, no matter what.”
“How long did the bullying go on? When did it start?”
“In Hannah’s case, it began when she was twelve. For Nina, a month or so after she began at Harvard Westlake. But it took a while before it started becoming physical. Chrissy and Tara were mostly just making sure everyone shunned Hannah and Nina, spreading terrible rumors about them.” Elisa sighed, a shadow obscuring her tear-swollen face. “Okay, so I said some nasty things about Nina and Hannah. To their faces, too. But I never once did anything physical to either of them.” She grabbed my forearm. “I swear. I never touched them once. Not in that airport hangar, either. I was definitely not kicking and punching Nina. I was there, yes, helping Tara and the other girls surround Nina, but I never touched her. All I did was make sure Nina couldn’t get away by blocking her when the other girls started beating her.” Elisa shook her head and looked down. “But that was bad enough.” She looked up then, meeting my gaze head on. “Trust me, I get how bad it was I participated at all, did anything to those two girls. There isn’t a day I don’t feel terrible about being such a coward. For letting it go on for as long as it did. But I did make it stop eventually. I really do think Nina would have died otherwise, just like Hannah. So, in a way, I didn’t lie to you when I said I stopped a girl from dying when she was beat up at my school.”
Elisa’s pretty features contorted and tears meandered down her cheeks again. I took my sister in my arms and held her, feeling the shame in her as she cried. “I didn’t want you to think I was this terrible person that I was. I knew you’d think so if you found out the whole truth.” A hiccup abruptly cut her off.
I patted her head lightly, holding her tight. “Shh. It’s okay. I understand. It’s over now and I’m glad you finally told me all of it. I only wish you’d have done it sooner. Much sooner.”
Like when the bullying started and you felt pressured to participate. I could then have tried my best to make the school aware of what was going on, force them to put a stop to it.
I sighed, feeling heavy. If I had helped put a stop to it, maybe Nina would still be around, about to have dinner with me and the rest of my family tonight. No wonder she’d taken off like that earlier. Maybe she even thought I had known that my sister and her friends were bullying someone, yet done nothing to stop it.
Oh, God. I buried my face in my hands. If only Elle had told me what was going on…
I felt a hand on my arm.
“Dylan? Are you okay?”
I removed my hands and looked into my sister’s worried face. “Not really. But what’s done is done. There’s nothing else to say.”
Now all I could do was pick up the pieces and try my best to put them back together.
Nina
“Oh, my God,” Ricki said into my ear. I had called her right after sinking into a nice, hot bath, telling her the whole story. I needed to share what
had happened, talk about it, to make sense of it. No one was better than Ricki to do this with. “I almost can’t believe it. And right when things were going so well… Talk about a small world.” She sighed deeply. “This is so, so terrible, Nina… I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, me too,” I said, burning tears gathering in my eyes again. I could feel them streak my cheeks, mixing with the steam evaporating from the hot water. My stomach twisted and my chest ached like something in there had broken. Well, I guess my heart was broken, so it wasn’t so strange. I closed my eyes, thinking of how unfair it all was. Why, why, why did Dylan have to be related to one of those twelve horrible girls? It seemed my chance of winning the lottery was bigger than for that to have happened. Okay, maybe not, but still. It was definitely an unlikely coincidence in a city as big as Los Angeles. A coincidence that made all the difference.
“Are you okay?” Ricki said. “Do you want me to come over?”
“No, just talking to you about it like this is enough. I’ll be fine. Eventually.”
“Of course you will. The good news is that at least you know why you were acting so weird around him now. You know, why he was freaking you out like that. We should be grateful that mystery’s solved. Which means you don’t have to keep seeing that therapist either, right?”
Leslie. I had forgotten about her. Well, I supposed I would have to stop seeing her now. I would definitely miss Leslie. She was a nice, nice lady. Even though we hadn’t gotten any closer to solving exactly why I had reacted so strongly to Dylan, she and I had accomplished lots of other things. Thinking about Hannah was no longer as painful. Sad yes, but not as grating on my nerves, hardly making me depressed at all. Leslie had assured me the pain would keep dissipating to the point that I would be able to merely cherish Hannah’s memory, think about all the good times we used to have and not feel bad.
“I’ll call her later to cancel our session for Tuesday,” I said, putting my feet up on the far corners of the bathtub. The bath water was getting uncomfortably hot. “She’ll understand for sure.”
“I wonder what she’ll say,” Ricki said. “She’ll probably be glad the mystery’s solved, too.”
“Probably.”
“What are you gonna say to Dylan when he contacts you? Or has he called you already?”
I sighed, my chest tightening. “Yeah, a few times, but I didn’t pick up and I deleted the voicemail he left. I really don’t feel like talking to him. It’s just too much. As soon as I see him now, all I’ll be able to think about is his sister and what she did to me and Hannah. It’s over between us.”
Ricki gasped. “Over? Really? I mean, I get that you’re upset right now, which is totally understandable, but you should at least hear him out. He’s not his sister after all.”
“It’s true that he isn’t his sister, but they’re so close there’s no way I’ll be able to avoid her in the future. Just the idea of having any kind of interaction with her again makes my skin crawl. No, this is it between us. I’m glad I know where he lives though, so I can send him the money I owe for the therapy.”
“Maybe he doesn’t have to talk to his sister from now on? You know, unless absolutely necessary?”
I laughed without joy. “Ricki, not even you actually believe that would ever work… I can’t ask him to choose between us. No, as sad as it is—because I have to admit I really did like him a lot”—loved a little voice at the back of my head whispered—”he and I can never be a couple. Not after this.”
“At least talk to him when he calls again. I’m sure he’ll keep trying. You might feel differently in a few days.”
“I doubt it. Look, Ricki, I know you mean well, but this time it just won’t work out the way it does in the movies. There won’t be a happy ending to this little romance. I don’t want to ever have to be reminded of how Elisa and her friends are all still living good lives despite what they did to me and Hannah. The girl’s fucking dead… Yet, not a single one of those girls got any time behind bars, only six months of community service and mandatory counseling. It was laughable.” I scoffed. “I’m sure their rich parents got them out of even the community service… No, if this guy has any decency, he’ll stop trying to reach me. I really don’t want to have anything to do with him or his family. He might not have known what Elisa was up to, but surely their mom knew.”
“I forgot how they barely got punished for what they did. It does make it even worse. I guess I can’t blame you for not wanting to have anything to do with him after all.”
Dylan
It was almost midnight, but Victor was still sitting with me on the flagstone patio outside Mom’s house. We had turned on the heaters to keep the surprisingly cool night air at bay. Mom had gone to bed a short while earlier, after having spent some time with Elisa before joining me and Victor for a few minutes.
“What a mess,” Victor said, stretching out in the garden chair.
“To say the least,” I said, resting my forehead in my hands, elbows on my knees. I pulled my hair. “I should’ve figured there was a connection between what was going on at Elisa’s school and what had happened to Nina. I should have figured they went to the same school. It’s not like what happened is something that happens at schools every other day.” I shook my head in frustration. “Why didn’t I ask her? Why didn’t I pay more attention to Elle when she told me about it? She did seem all weird at the time. Like she was lying. Or at least like she was hiding something. I knew it all along.” I sighed. “Why didn’t I want to deal with it?”
Victor put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Dylan. You couldn’t have known. I think you’re giving yourself a little too much credit in this instance. Why would you jump to the conclusion Elisa had actually been involved in the bullying just because she was a little jittery? You were in college, studying like crazy, for God’s sake! Your head was somewhere else entirely, even when you came to visit. You barely read one article about the whole thing. Trust me, I remember.”
“Yeah, and if I hadn’t seen that one article, I doubt I’d have known about the bullying at all. No wonder Mom or Elle didn’t make a big deal about her so-called heroic act.”
“You shouldn’t be annoyed with Catherine for keeping quiet about Elisa’s involvement,” Victor said. “What your sister did isn’t something to be proud of. But she was young. Scared. Lonely. And she did do the right thing in the end. If she hadn’t pretended like someone was coming, Nina would be dead like Hannah. You shouldn’t be so hard on her. It was just a bad situation that got worse, and Elle did what she could to survive herself. Did you already forget how brutal high school can be?”
I ran my hands over my face and exhaled. “I guess you have a point.” I looked at my uncle, a wave of helplessness surging through me. “I just wish she wasn’t such a fucking wimp. That she’d done the right thing a hell of a lot sooner. Told someone. Like you or me or Mom. I would have helped her put an end to what was going on somehow. She knows how much I hate bullies. I’m sure you and Mom would have done the same.”
“Well, she didn’t. No point in stressing about what’s done. I don’t think it was as easy for your sister to do the right thing as you’re trying to make it sound. Think about it. We’ve always treated her like she could do no wrong, like she was this perfect creature.” Victor pursed his lips, as if considering something. “Now that I think about it, the way we treated her must’ve been quite stressful. Imagine what she had to live up to… You need to give her a break. We all make mistakes in life.” Victor narrowed his eyes and peered at me. “You, too. Or did you already forget about all those girls whose hearts you must have broken when you and your buddies were living it up? You’re not perfect either, my friend.”
I thought about what Victor had said. It was true I’d not been a saint back in the day. The memory of a particular girl I’d been dating right after college returned to me. I’d been stringing her along, even though I knew she would never be more than a fling for me. Eve
n though I’d known she’d been in love with me and had wanted something more serious. Sharp guilt ran through me as I thought about the devastation on her face when I admitted the truth. I lowered my gaze. Yes, I definitely wasn’t a perfect person myself. Far from it.
I raised my gaze to meet my uncle’s.
“You’re right. We all do things we wish we could have undone. I do need to give her a break. She was after all only a kid at the time.” I sighed heavily. “But what should I do about Nina? I don’t want things to be over between us, yet I can’t see how they can continue after something like this. The way she ran out of here, I doubt she’ll ever want to talk to me again. I’ve tried calling her, but she doesn’t pick up or return my texts.” Now that I had a good idea what had triggered Nina’s fear of me, I definitely didn’t want things to be over. It obviously had to with the bullying and my sister. I was well aware how alike Elle and I were. Something with my facial expressions must have made Nina feel the same terror she felt during the beating, making her panic. The realization made me squeeze my fists in frustration. If only I’d known what had been going on…
“Yeah, I guess it looks like she doesn’t want to talk to you again,” Victor said. “But if you think Nina’s the one for you, you need to find a way to reach her. Maybe if you explain that Elle actually saved her in the end, she’ll see things in a different light. The way she bolted, I doubt she’s aware of that. Or that you had no idea what was going on. Maybe she thinks you thought Elisa’s behavior was okay, even if you didn’t know all the details. She can’t know how Elle and your mother didn’t tell you the whole truth. How very ashamed your sister is, how scared she was, too. I think there’s a chance for the two of you if you can get that through to Nina.” Victor nodded to himself. “Yes, if you can get that through to her, maybe she’ll give you another chance. I think the challenge will be to get her to listen to you.”
