“Come on, Cal,” Sarah replied with a nervous laugh. “You knew Carolynn was in love with you. You were the love of her life, but you let her walk away.”
“I didn’t want to stand in her way,” Callum insisted, but Sarah cut him off.
“That’s crap, and you know it!” Sarah exclaimed, her eyes not leaving Callum’s. “You were scared because you loved her too, but you thought you weren’t ready to settle down. Carolynn knew that, but she loved you anyway. She never met anyone else. She was waiting for you to come and tell her that you couldn’t live without her, but you never did.”
“I had no idea,” Callum replied honestly. “I mean, I thought about calling her so many times over the years, but I was always too afraid.”
“And what about now?” Sarah asked, her smile fading a little.
“Now?” Callum asked, unsure of what she was asking him.
“Callum, you’ve missed your chance with Carolynn,” Sarah replied as she too set down her coffee. “What I need to know is, are you going to miss your chance with Macy, too?”
“Macy is my daughter!” Callum replied, still not sure of where she was going with this.
“But are you ready to be her father?” Sarah asked. Giving him a questioning look. “Carolynn was clear, you are Macy’s dad, and her place is with you now. But if you aren’t willing to be her father, to be the parent that she needs right now, then just walk away.”
“You want me to walk away?” Callum asked, once more surprised by what she said.
“No,” Sarah replied. “But it’s okay if you do.”
She stared at him for a moment, before she continued.
“But if you walk away now,” Sarah said, her voice calm and even. “You go for good. That’s your choice, take it or leave it.”
“I’m scared, Sarah,” Callum admitted honestly. “What if I can’t do this?”
“You don’t have time to be scared, Callum,” Sarah said smiling at him. “You have a little girl, who is totally amazing. Right now, she needs her dad. Are you ready to be him?”
Callum stared at her for a moment, considering her question, but he realized that at that moment, he had no clue what the answer was.
Chapter 3
“Jesus,” Landen exclaimed when Callum opened the door to his hotel room the next morning. “You look like shit. Didn’t you sleep at all?”
“I got a couple of hours,” Callum yawned as he turned, walking back into his room. “I just need a shower and some coffee…”
“And something to soak up all the alcohol,” Landen said as he followed his brother into his room, and saw most of the contents of the minibar empty on the table. “What were you thinking, getting so wasted last night?”
“I was thinking that I suck as a human being. That I’m gonna suck even more as a father,” Callum replied miserably, as he slumped down onto the edge of his bed, burying his face in his hands. “I should never have come here.”
“Why??” Landen asked as he sat down next to his brother on the bed. “What’s happened?”
“I happened,” Callum replied without lifting his hands from his face. “I’m such an asshole!”
“You’re making no sense,” Landen said with a sigh and Callum knew his brother’s mind was now working overtime. “Why don’t you start from the beginning?”
“I went to Carolynn’s house last night,” he said as he pulled the photograph from under his pillow, the one he took off the fridge the night before and handed it to his brother. “I was given this.”
“Is this Macy?” Landen asked as he took the photo from his brother and looked down at it. After a moment or two, he added with a smile. “She is beautiful, even if she looks like you.”
“I talked to Sarah, Carolynn’s older sister,” Callum said as he too stared down at the photo he’d been staring at all night. “She and her family are staying there with Macy until after the funeral.”
“And?” Landen said. Callum could hear the concern in his brother’s voice. “How did that go?”
“Okay, I guess. She was nice,” Callum said as the words that came tumbling from his mouth, pierced his heart. “She told me that the reason Carolynn didn’t tell me about Macy was that she… she was waiting for me to come looking for her She said that she was still in love with me, she was waiting for me to realise that I loved her too. She wanted me to choose her because I loved her, not because I thought I should do the right thing.”
“I see,” Landen replied with a sigh. “And did you? Love her I mean.”
“I don’t know,” Callum said as he pushed up from the bed as he began pacing up and down the room. “Maybe I did, but back then I wasn’t ready to settle down, so I let her go. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe I have regretted it ever since, but I can’t take the last five years back. But now I’m wondering if maybe Macy would be better off without me too, Sarah said she would keep her if I want, and… and I can’t help but wonder if it would be better just letting her go.”
“She’s your daughter, Cal,” Landen said, sounding almost stunned that Callum would be even thinking like this. “She belongs with you. With us. She should be with her family.”
“But what if I hurt her, too?” Callum asked as he could feel sadness wrapped itself around his heart. “She lost her mom, Landen. I think she has been through enough. What if I’m not good enough to be her father?”
“You can’t blame yourself for what has happened,” Landen insisted. “Right, so you didn’t come, begging her to come back, but she didn’t tell you the truth either. How were you to even know that you had a child? I know that this is a mess, but I’m really not sure that you deserve all the blame here. I just think things happened the way they did for a reason, but now is about the future, not the past.”
“I knew how she felt,” Callum admitted to his brother. “I knew she was in love with me, but I was too selfish to change who I was for her. What if I’m too selfish to be a father? I’m scared that I’m going to get this all wrong.”
“I get it, Callum, I really do,” Landen said as he watched his brother closely. “I look at Henry, and sometimes I’m terrified that I’m responsible for this tiny little life. I don’t know if I would even cope for a day without Amelia; and I had nine months to prepare myself for being a dad. You got what; a day? So I can’t pretend I understand how you’re feeling right now. What I do know is, if something were to happen to Amelia, as terrified as I feel sometimes, I could never walk away from Henry. I’m his dad, for better or worse, just like you’re Macy’s. Okay, you think you let Carolynn down. But for what it’s worth, I don’t agree that you did, but even if that were true, maybe it’s not too late to be there for her now, by being there for Macy. This is what she wanted, so maybe this is your chance to make amends.”
“I want to do the right thing, Landen,” Callum said, and to his horror hot tears pooled in his eyes. “I really do.”
“Then go have a shower,” Landen said, smiling at his brother. “Then take me to meet my niece.”
Callum stared at Landen for a moment, then finally gave him a nod and a smile, before he turned, walking into the bathroom.
“You’re doing the right thing,” Landen assured Callum once again as the taxi they were traveling in, pulled up outside Carolynn’s townhouse.
“I know,” Callum said, still feeling less than convinced, but he was here now, so like it or not, he was about to meet his daughter for the very first time.
She had been asleep the night before, and even though Sarah asked if he’d like to look in on her, he declined saying that he didn’t want to wake her. But the truth was, he knew if he saw her, he would fall in love with her, but he needed to be sure that he was making the right choice for the right reason.
Callum paid the driver before they both climbed out of the car, then slowly made their way up the steps to the front door.
“Let’s do this,” Callum sighed, giving Landen a half-hearted smile before he reached up, pressing down on the doorbell.
A couple of moments later, the door opened, and a tired looking Sarah appeared before them. She smiled when she saw Callum standing there, then smiled at Landen too.
“You remember my brother, Landen?” Callum asked, as Sarah stepped back, letting the two brothers into the house.
“I do,” Sarah confirmed with a nod. “It’s lovely to see you again.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Landen said as he offered her his hand. She took it, shaking it firmly before she led them into the house.
“Todd has taken the boys out to give you some space,” Sarah said, as she walked across the hallway, on into the living room. “Macy is playing with her dolls in here.”
Callum didn’t respond. He barely heard what she had said, all he could think about was he was about to meet his little girl for the first time, he just wished that his heart wasn’t pounding so quickly.
“Does she know who Callum is?” Landen asked from behind his brother, as Callum realised he had no idea what he was going to say to this little girl.
“She does,” Sarah said as her answer stopped Callum in his tracks.
Sarah stopped, turning around to face Callum, sensing he was no longer following her.
“Carolynn never kept you a secret, Callum,” Sarah explained, giving him a reassuring smile. “Macy has known who her father was since she was old enough to understand.”
“I see,” Callum said, but he had no idea what he was meant to do now.
“Callum, Macy is a sweet, loving little girl,” Sarah said, smiling at him as if she was sensing his uncertainty. “She just needs to be loved. That’s all any kid really needs.”
“Okay,” Callum replied, giving her a smile, before she turned and continued through the living room, out to the sunroom that was at the back of the house.
“Hey, Sweetie,” Sarah said to the little girl that was sitting in the middle of the floor, playing with her dolls. “There is someone very special here that would love to meet you.”
Macy looked up from her dolls, smiling at Sarah. It was probably the sweetest smile Callum had ever seen.
It was at that exact moment that Callum realised his life had changed forever. He hadn’t even spoken one word to this little person sitting on the floor in front of him, feeding her doll with a toy baby’s bottle, but he knew that he already loved her more than he had ever loved another living person in this world.
“Do you remember when Mommy told you about Callum?” Sarah said as she crouched down in front of the little girl. “Do you remember what she said about him?”
“He’s my Daddy,” Macy whispered quietly, from behind her fingers that she was now holding against her mouth, suddenly acting shy.
“That’s right,” Sarah continued with a smile. “And you remember how Mommy told you that your daddy was going to love you very much?”
“Yeah,” Macy whispered once more, this time she stole a glimpse at Callum before she looked back down at her dolls. She looked scared and uncertain. It almost broke Callum’s heart.
“Well,” Sarah said as she stood back up, looking over at Callum and smiled. “This is Callum, he would love to meet all your friends.”
“Her friends?” Callum asked under his breath, giving Sarah a questioning look.
“Her dolls,” Sarah explained with a nod towards the collection of dolls that were on the floor. Callum quickly nodded to confirm that he understood. Sarah stepped back, allowing Callum to move closer to the little girl.
“Hey, Macy,” Callum said as he took a couple of nervous steps closer to the little girl, crouching down next to her. “May I sit down?”
Macy nodded her response, but she didn’t look up at Callum as he sat down on the floor next to her.
“She is a very pretty doll,” Callum said, having no idea what to say to this little girl. “Does she have a name?”
“Daisy,” Macy replied, still focusing on the doll in her arms.
“She is very pretty,” Callum repeated, inwardly groaning. As part of his job as CEO of the Kennedy Group, he often had to stand up in front of some of the most powerful men in the business world and talk. He had also talked in front of thousands of people at conferences many times, but none of his experiences seemed to prepare him for this moment.
The truth was he was completely intimidated by this little person. He knew that whatever he said now was what would make her first impression of him, so he wanted so desperately to get it right.
“My mommy bought her for me,” Macy said, finally looking up at Callum, her big blue eyes looking directly into his. “My mommy is gone to heaven.”
“I know she is, Macy,” Callum said, as suddenly his heart aches for her. All he wanted to do was hold her tight, making everything okay for her. “And I know that makes you sad. It makes me sad too.”
“Is she going to come back?” She asked, her little voice barely more than a whisper.
“No, Sweetheart,” Callum replied, knowing if nothing else, he needed to be honest with her. “Your mommy won’t be coming back.”
“Okay,” she replied as her eyes dropped down to her doll once more.
“Macy,” Callum said cautiously. “I know all this is very scary for you. I know you miss your, mommy, very much.”
The little girl looked up at him once more, tears dancing in her eyes.
“But, you know, I was thinking,” he said giving her a broad smile as he tried to choose his words carefully. “I know I’m not your mommy, and I know I can never replace her. But I was hoping that maybe you would like to come and stay with me? If you do, I promise that I will do whatever it takes to make you happy again.”
“Can I bring my friends?” Macy asked as her bottom lips quivered slightly. Callum knew that she was trying her best not to cry.
“You can bring them all, Sweetheart,” Callum assured her, giving her a warm smile.
She looked down at her dolls once more, and Callum knew she was considering what he had asked her.
“Okay,” she finally whispered without looking up once more, as Callum instantly felt a sense of relief.
He knew regardless of her answer, he would not leave New York without her, but he wanted her to want to come with him. At least then they would be starting off on the right foot.
“How about we leave you to get to know each other better,” Sarah asked with a croaky voice, quickly coughing to clear her throat. She turned and headed towards the kitchen followed closely by Landen, leaving Callum alone with Macy.
Callum smiled as he watched her for a moment. Maybe things were going to be okay after all.
A couple of hours later, a reluctant Callum kissed Macy goodbye, promising her that he would be back to see her, very soon.
He hated leaving her, but everyone thought it would be less traumatic for her to spend her last night in New York in her own little bed. Carolynn’s funeral was the following morning. It had been agreed that Callum would take Macy home with him once the funeral was over.
Also, he had to head to Carolynn’s lawyer’s office to fill in some paperwork, to officially become Macy’s legal guardian. Plus, there was Carolynn’s estate to take care of. She had left everything to Macy, so Callum needed to be sure that everything was in order for his daughter’s future, so she was best remaining with Sarah for now.
Still, he had an overwhelming desire to protect her, so leaving her behind, even just for one night, was harder than he had ever imagined it would be.
“You have a very sweet, little girl there, Cal,” Landen said as the taxi made its way through the late afternoon traffic. “You’re a lucky man.”
“She is pretty amazing, isn’t she,” Callum replied with a smile, as he looked over at his brother. “I almost can’t believe she’s mine.”
“Well you could still get a DNA test to be sure,” Landen suggested, but then added with a smile. “Though I really don’t think you need one. It’s like looking at you when you were her age, except her hair is longer. And when she asked for pea
nut butter and banana sandwiches for lunch, I knew she was definitely your child.”
Callum laughed at Landen’s comment, knowing that he was well known for his love of peanut butter and banana anything.
“You know you’re going to have to call Mom and tell her,” Landen said, and Callum’s smile instantly faded. “I’ve had Amelia on the phone a couple of times. She said that Mom has been asking questions. She knows that there were no meetings scheduled in New York this week, and the fact that I’m with you, she thinks you’re in some kind of trouble.”
“I will call her when we get back to the hotel,” Callum promised his brother.
“Why are you so worried about telling her?” Landen asked, giving Callum a questioning look. “I mean, it’s Mom, you know that she would do whatever it takes to help you. And when she meets Macy, well, she is going to fall in love with that little girl so fast.”
“I’m not afraid to tell Mom,” Callum sighed, knowing that wasn’t strictly true. “I just needed some time to get my head around this myself, without Mom telling me what was best for Macy and me. I needed to be sure I could do this myself. Mom would have never let me walk away, even if I thought it was the right thing for Macy.”
“But you’re going to tell her now?” Landen asked, giving him another questioning look.
“I will, I promise,” Callum assured his brother, watching him closely. There was something else that Landen wasn’t saying. Then it hit him just what it was. “You told Amelia, didn’t you?”
“Amelia and I have no secrets, Callum,” Landen said, giving him an apologetic look. “I only told her this morning though. She knew something was wrong too, and I couldn’t lie to her anymore, but she won’t tell Mom, or anyone else until you talk to them first.”
“What did she say?” Callum asked, knowing that his sister-in-law would be completely buzzing with excitement at his news.
“What do you think she said,” Landen replied with a chuckle. “She has been shopping up a storm all morning, and is on her way to your apartment as we speak, to get Macy’s room ready for her.”
Callum (The Murphy Boys Book 3) Page 3
