by Hannah Gray
I grab my usual coffee at the coffee shop I like to frequent. It’s too cute not to.
Pushing the door open to the building I work in, I then take the elevator twenty-two stories up. When the elevator dings, I walk out into my office that is surrounded by windows with sights of the entire city. Talk about incredible. New York is still breathtaking to me.
I settle into my desk. I check my phone for any work calls, but all I see are a few messages from Cameran. Luckily, the past few months, she has been so busy with getting ready to start her teaching career that she hasn’t asked too much about coming out to the city. Only a few times. I always make it sound like my bosses have me working around the clock but that I’ll make it out to see her soon. I think she’s beginning to get a little suspicious, but I’m not ready to tell her yet.
I make my way to Jodi’s office, where she’s seated at her desk, I see she’s looking through a proof of her design for a local tattoo shop.
I knock lightly on the doorframe. “Jodi? Can I talk with you and Jill, if you both have a minute?”
“Jill!” she hollers out, eyes never leaving the screen. “Jill! Our girl needs to speak with us! Get your scrawny ass in here!” Then, she spins her chair around to face me.
Within a minute, Jill rushes in. Her jet-black hair is in its usual stick-straight style with bangs cut straight across. She’s a total fox. So is her sister, Jodi, with her short black pixie haircut and tattooed arms. They are badass bitches.
“What’s up? You aren’t quitting, are ya? Please say no. We’re too busy for that shit. Besides, we love you.”
Jodi cuts her off, “Jill, let the girl talk, seriously.” She turns to me. “But you’d better not be quitting.”
I take a deep breath. I practiced telling them all last night. Yet I still want to puke. Jodi has kids, so she should understand. But you just never know.
“So … well … it would, um … appear that I’m …”
“What? What’s going on, Anna?” Jill questions softly.
I take a deep breath. “So, I’m pregnant, and I love my job. I promise, you can still depend on me. I love it here at Midnight Designs. My work ethic will not change or be compromised. I promise,” I blurt out. And ramble. And my palms are disgustingly sweaty.
They look at each other for a moment and then back to me before Jodi ends the silence and yells at her sister, “Did I not tell you?! I was right. I knew it.”
“You knew?” I question her in shock. Here I thought, I’d hidden it well.
“Well, Jill wouldn’t let me ask. She said you just were getting chubby from all of New York’s delicious food. But I knew better! It’s all in your belly. Plus, I saw you running to the restroom a while back.” I go to answer, but she shouts at me, “Congratulations! How far along are you?”
“Thanks, Jodi. Almost twenty weeks.”
Jill pipes in again, “Girl! You can find out what you’re having now! Or do you already know and are holding out on us?”
I smile. “I get to find out Thursday after work.”
I’m so excited that I can hardly wait. It’s only Monday, so this week is going to go by so slow.
Before either can say anything, I look at them both. “I really like my job. I promise I won’t let this affect my work.”
Jill frowns. “We know that. What did you think, we’d fire you or something?”
I blush. “Well … sort of.”
“What type of people do you think we are? We love you. Besides, you’re one hell of a designer,” Jill huffs out. Clearly offended that I thought they’d fire a pregnant girl.
I smile at this comment because it feels like I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to do. Finally.
Jodi, being Jodi, gives me a confused look. “So, um … do you have a boyfriend or something or …”
My cheeks burn with embarrassment. I feel the sweat literally beading on my back at her question. “No, I don’t. Just me and the babe.”
I leave out the rest of the details. For some reason, shitting all over Mason’s reputation isn’t something that appeals to me. I still haven’t wrapped my brain around the fact that he could be so heartless.
She frowns. “Well, you’ve got us. Right now, you need all the friends you can get.”
And at her words, I realize something. I need my best friend right now. And I need to tell her the truth.
As I look down at my phone, my finger lingers over the Call button. I know once I tell Cam, it’ll feel as though the weight isn’t on my shoulders. I just hope she doesn’t try to take some of this burden from me. This is mine to carry and mine alone. But her support through it all will certainly lessen the amount of stress I’m feeling.
Finally putting my big-girl panties on, I hit Call, and she answers right away.
“Hey, Ann.” Her voice is as sweet as syrup. She’s always been such a ray of sunshine in my life.
“Hi, Cam.” My voice breaks, as I’m unable to keep my emotions from reaching her end of the phone.
“Spill it. You know I’m here.”
“Spill what?” I laugh sadly, wiping my eyes.
Of course she would know something was going on.
“Sweetie, you’ve ghosted me the past few months. I haven’t wanted to push too hard. But I actually requested the rest of this week off. I’m heading out first thing tomorrow morning. I know something is going on with you, and I want to be there.”
I smile. My best friend was going to come down here before I even told her what was wrong.
I take a deep breath. “Well, that works perfectly. You can go with me when I find out.”
“Find out what?” she questions. Confusion lacing her voice.
“If I’m having a boy or a girl. I find out Thursday afternoon,” I blurt out.
“Wha—okay. New plan. I am getting my stuff together right now. I’ll see you in about four hours, depending on traffic.”
I hear her rushing around. I can picture her frantically throwing stuff into a bag as fast as she can. Her blonde hair flying in every direction.
I allow the tears to fall freely. How lucky am I to have a best friend like her? “Love you.”
“Love you too. See you soon.” And then she hangs up.
I should have told her months ago. But I just needed to do it on my own time. Luckily, she’s the world’s most understanding person.
Placing my hand on my belly, I look down. “Auntie’s coming, little bean. You don’t know how lucky you are to have her yet, but you will.”
When Jill calls to check on me later that evening, I tell her Cameran is coming out for the week.
“That’s great. Take the week off, hon. You need it.”
Her kind response reminds me that there are still some good people left in this fucked up world.
“Are you sure? I know we have a few big projects going out this week.”
“I’m sure. We’ve got it. Just enjoy time with your friend. But you’d better call us when you find out what that little bundle is on Thursday.”
I grin into the phone. “You know I will.”
After hanging up with Jill, I tidy up my apartment a bit and run down to the grocery store to stock the house with things Cam loves. Walking around the city at eight at night might freak some people out but not me. The air has a crisp feeling to it. Fall is closing in, and I love it.
Walking back, I see a few couples holding hands, some teasing each other and laughing. It’s not that I envy them; really, it’s not. It’s just the feeling that I am that unimportant in Mason’s life. Oh well, that’s all right. I wasn’t the one for him, and that’s totally fine. But the fact that he won’t even acknowledge that he’s technically going to be someone’s father, it fucks with me. Scratch that. It infuriates and saddens me.
My parents cut me off like I was nothing, as did my sister. She’s like their puppet; they control her every move. For some reason, people have no problem with leaving me, and I guess, sometimes, it eats away at my soul. Making me feel thi
s darkness creep over me. This darkness, it’s … like a thick haze that sucks the life out of me
Stepping up to my apartment building, I push the door open and climb the stairs. Huffing and puffing every step of the way. Ahh … the joys of being a human incubator.
It’ll be worth it though. I just know it.
thirty-one
Mason
Sneaking around with Blaze’s sister didn’t last long. Dude’s got a weird sixth sense, and he figured it out pretty quick. He wasn’t impressed, to say the least. But she told him he couldn’t run her life anymore. I’m just praying the dude doesn’t kill me.
I told him the truth, just as I’d told her. I’m not looking for anything serious. Someone to pass the time with while we enjoy each other’s company is the extent of my feelings. I do enjoy Stassi’s company. And she certainly knows how to please a man in the bedroom. But it isn’t the feeling that I already experienced with Red. Fuck, I feel guilty, even thinking about her as Stassi sleeps next to me after we had sex. She fell asleep hours ago, and I just can’t quiet my brain. Sometimes, this happens. I just think about her.
We just clicked. I knew that I could have spent a long, long time with that girl and not gotten sick of her. The thought of her being with anyone else still guts me. Stassi could be with someone else, and I just don’t think I would care that much. Which isn’t right because she’s an awesome fucking girl.
What can I do though? I’ve told her how I feel, and she says she feels the same. One thing about her that’s attractive is, she isn’t clingy. She doesn’t send me twenty messages when I go out with the boys. I find that nice. I can’t imagine having the headache of a chick who wants to put my balls in a jar and then keep them in her purse. No, thanks.
I’ve thought about reaching out to Cameran sometimes. Just to check on Red. But in my mind, I imagine her back with her family and doing fine. She probably hasn’t thought about me in a long time. I just hope she isn’t back with Maverick. Now, that would piss me off.
I hear Stassi stir, and she rolls over and props her head up on her hand.
“Can’t sleep?” she asks in that sexy, sleepy voice.
“Nah. Just thinking about the upcoming games,” I lie.
“Well, let me take your mind off of it.” She grins and climbs on top of me. Her bare chest is illuminated in the moonlight.
Rolling my tongue over my lips, I smile. At least this will take my mind off of a certain red-haired beauty. If only for a while.
thirty-two
Anna
“Are you nervous? I’m sort of nervous. I mean, not that you should be. I just—never mind. Ignore me. Ignore the blabbering.”
I chuckle at Cameran’s nervous chatter. I swear she’s more nervous than I am about this ultrasound. I know she had a miscarriage back when she escaped her ex, so I’m sure she is worried about my baby because of her own experiences.
I shake my head. “Not really. It’ll all be fine. I just can’t wait to know if it’s a girl or a boy.” I don’t care either way. I’d love the baby the same regardless. Though a boy who looks like Mason might be hard to deal with.
A nurse pokes her head out, spotting us, and smiles. “Anna?”
I nod as we both stand. “That’s me. Is it okay if she comes in?” I ask, nodding to Cameran.
“Totally fine. It’s always good to have moral support.”
“That’s for sure,” I whisper under my breath.
The good news is, this ultrasound doesn’t need to be inserted into my lady bits this time. Which makes it much more enjoyable.
We watch in awe as she shows us the baby’s legs, heart, arms, fingers, brain, skull, and every other organ as she takes measurements.
After forty-five minutes of looking at the baby, she stops over a spot, and I can’t make out what it is. She smiles and points to the screen. “Right there is your baby’s sex organs. Do you want to know the gender?”
I nod eagerly. “Yes, please.”
“Well then, congratulations. It’s a girl.”
Tears form in my eyes. I smile as they roll down my cheeks. “A girl? Oh my gosh, Cam. A girl.”
She takes a tissue out of her purse and wipes her eyes. “Oh my gosh, Mama. I’m so, so happy for you.”
A baby girl. I think of all the fun things I can do with her that I never got to experience with my own mom. I will make sure this baby knows how loved she is. That will be my life’s mission.
As we walk out of the building and onto the sidewalk of the city, Cameran gazes around. “You love it here, don’t you?”
Tucking my hands into the pockets of my buffalo-plaid vest, I smile. “I do. I really do. I feel … at home here. You know?”
“I’m so happy to hear that. I never doubted that you would thrive in this crazy city. I knew you would make this city your oyster.” She sounds genuinely happy.
Cameran is a teacher at a school just outside of Boston. She enjoys going into the city occasionally but loves living in the quiet neighborhood that she does. The chaos of this place all the time certainly wouldn’t be for her. We are different in many ways and alike in so many as well. She’s the yin to my yang. The jelly to my peanut butter. The cheese to my pickles. Okay, that last one is weird, but I’m pregnant, so weird cravings are acceptable.
She kicks her ankle booties at the pavement and then holds her hand out to stop me. Her face looks like she’s having some sort of internal battle with herself. “Are you going to be okay, Ann? I can move out here. Or you could move in with me. It’s going to be …” She motions to my belly.
“A lot,” I deadpan, finishing her sentence.
She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Well, yeah. It is. I know your parents suck. Your sister sucks. You will need a support system in place. A baby is a big deal.” She watches as my face falls and then continues, “I’m not trying to make you feel bad. It’s just … I feel awful, leaving my pregnant best friend in the city. It isn’t that I doubt you can do it. I know you’ll be a kick-ass mom.”
“What day do you need to head back to your little shits? Sorry, I meant, your adorable students.”
She rolls her eyes but laughs. She’s only three weeks into the school year, but I don’t know how she does it. Some of the stories she tells me about her crazy kindergarteners? I’d have quit the first day. No, thank you. I’ll like my own child, and that’s about it.
“I am staying until Sunday morning. Then, I need to head back, so I can prep the class lessons and get everything ready for the week.”
I nod and grab her arm. “Well, Cam, let’s go get some paint and a crib and whatever else this baby needs. Sound good?”
She nods, her eyes crinkling at the sides from her smile. It’s a real, genuine Cam smile. “That sounds perfect.”
Mason
I knew it was bound to happen before long. You know, that look that someone you’re dating gives you. The one when you know they have officially crossed that invisible line and suddenly want more than what you offered.
I can tell Stassi cares more than I do. But fuck, I want to care. I keep thinking, If I will myself to care more, then maybe I will. I need to give up the pipe dream that, one day, the universe will put Red back in my life and that her parents will be okay with it.
Stassi is good. She’s too good in fact. She’s sweet and patient and kind. She’s a great cook and baker, always whipping me up treats. And she’s sexy as hell. She’s got curves in all the right places, and her face is like an angel with the sexiness of a playmate. And she’s frisky as fuck in the bedroom. Always down to try whatever I want and suggesting new things.
But that look she’s been giving me, it’s almost as if she’s picking out her wedding dress in her brain and naming future babies she thinks we’ll have. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Maybe she’s still on the same page I am. Who the fuck knows when it comes to the female mind? But I do know one thing: her brother isn’t going to be happy with me if I don’t do right by her. So, now, I’m stuck
in a shit situation. Because whatever we’re doing now seems to be okay with Blaze. He thinks we are in a good spot. And maybe we are. Maybe it’s just me being my mind-fucked self.
“You ready for your game this weekend?” she asks me over dinner. Pulling me from my thoughts.
“I’m always ready, babe.” I toss her a wink.
She rolls her eyes. Shaking her head. “Always so cocky.”
I shrug. “Maybe I’m hanging with your brother too much.”
“I mean, that could be it. Orrr, you could have already been cocky and then you hung out with my brother and got even cockier. If that’s even possible.”
I always enjoy the banter between us. It reminds me of something I had with Anna. I like a girl who will bust my balls.
Taking a huge bite of her pasta, she wipes her mouth with a napkin. One adorable thing about this girl? She can eat more than any dude I’ve ever met. For some reason, I find it endearing.
The Giants have had a great season so far. I hope we can keep the momentum going. This weekend, we play the New England Patriots.
“You nervous to play the Pats since the quarterback and you are best friends? Could get ugly,” she jokes.
“Nah, not really. It’ll be weird to play against him instead of alongside him for sure. But I’ll be happy to get together with him for drinks tomorrow night. Win or lose.”
“I won’t tell Blaze you have another best friend; he might get jealous.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, we don’t want him getting his panties in a bunch, now do we?”
Blaze is definitely a close friend. I love him like family. But Trent and Lane? They will always be more like brothers.
thirty-three
Anna
Carrying groceries up my steep flight of stairs is easily becoming one of my least favorite things. I am all belly, so it gets in the way of basically everything.
