by Tara Lee
I think maybe we can take this slow and work up to the good stuff, then we will know if going that far will be a mistake. I can’t lose him.
“How would you feel about us kissing?” Ethan eyes me cautiously, like it’s some sort of trap.
Even though he suggested it, I need it to be on my terms.
“Are you messing with me right now, baby bird?” His eyebrows rise
he thought I’d turn his offer down. I can see his breathing has changed. I shake my head and twist my hands in my lap.
“No, I just mean we could be friends who...”
God, I don't want to say it.
“Kiss?” Ethan asks.
“You want to be friends who kiss?”
“Maybe more like you said eventually,” I say, embarrassed.
Ethan nearly chokes on his tongue as he rights himself. “Shit are you trying to tell me you’d want to be fuck buddies, friends with benefits? I scratch your itch, you scratch mine kinda thing?”
“Um.” I look at him.
He’s moved closer to me, and my heart starts that traitorous pumping again.
“Yes.” Ethan launches himself at me.
His hands cup my face, and his lips crash to mine in a heated frenzy of kisses that takes my breath away.
“Fuck, baby bird.” Ethan groans, biting down on my bottom lip.
I gasp, unable to hide what he does to me. I arch my back towards him, feeling the effect I have on him. I groan when he pushes into me. My center heats, and I can’t help the whimper that falls from my lips as Ethan’s tongue continues to tangle with mine. His body is pressed against mine. This kiss is full of passion and desperation. No words are needed from us, just this connection. Will I ever get enough of him? I have missed his lips. I want to kiss him forever and never stop.
Ethan pulls back, and I hate the loss it creates.
“We should take this slow, Luna I know what you want trust me, I want that, too, so fucking bad, but I don't want to push you and lose you again.” The plea in his voice is desperate. It's as if he has read my mind.
“Are you trying to be a gentleman, Mr Knight?”
He smirks, dipping his head so our foreheads touch.
“I’ll be as chivalrous as you want, baby, I just need to take this slow for us, okay?”
I brush the hair that's falling down his face over to the side. “We can just kiss for now and build up to the good stuff later,” I tell him, wondering if he even wants to continue that. I feel like he’s as jumbled as I am.
“Let me know if it gets too much, okay? I don't want to force you.”
“You won't.” I tell him.
“How do you know?” He seems so unsure of himself.
“Because I know you’d never intentionally hurt me, Ethan. Like you said, you love me, and I know how deep that love runs.” He may just burn me at the stake, because if I have learnt anything since falling in love with Ethan Knight, it’s that nothing with us lasts forever.
“I do fucking love you, Luna, I always have, and I'll never fucking stop.” He growls.
His lips sink into mine again, and we both groan as he deepens the kiss, taking us to a new height together. Who knew just kissing could make a person want to do crazy things.
Ethan stays the night, and we kiss until we both fall asleep. My legs are intertwined with his, and his arm is wrapped around me, refusing to let go.
Nothing could be better than this, except maybe Ethan being inside me, but perhaps that day will come sooner than I hope, because I know Ethan, he won't be able to last too long without being inside me. We may be broken now, but I know sooner rather than later, we will be us again, a beautifully broken masterpiece.
It took me a long time to move on with my life and learn to look after myself instead of others, even if I was only existing and not living. I know in time that if things continue this way and Ethan stays clean, my heart may heal and be whole again. The smirk Ethan wears is a devilish mix of sweet and sexy— he knows he has me— and no matter what, I will say yes. God, I want that too so damn much.
Men everywhere were shaking their heads at me. I know it. I've given myself the worst case of blue balls known to man, and I'm the one who stopped it, not Luna, me the idiot with a dick so fucking hard and angry it’s painful. The decision to stop before it went too far was, now that I think about it, fucking stupid.
I hiss as my erection strains in my boxers. I try to gain control of him. I try to think of gross thoughts that will ease this almost unbearable pain.
Hairy men, my runaway mother. That should do the trick.
Finally, he deflates, even though I know he’s cursing me right now.
Fuck, it was like I was a teenage boy and was getting sex for the first time. My dick hasn't been this hard in years, in fact, the last time it was this hard was when Luna was stripped down in front of me for the first time.
Luna is cuddled up beside me, sleeping peacefully, my arm draped over her waist, keeping her close. I woke up a little over an hour ago with her ass pressed against me. Which didn’t help with the wood I was currently trying to tame.
I groan as she shifts in her sleep, my dick to jolts upright again. Fuck, what’s the point? Her sweet little ass pressed against me is the biggest fucking turn-on a guy could wake up to.
I kiss behind her ear, and she moans. Still the spot, I see.
Who knew kissing could be such a turn-on? But we were going at it last night like horny fucking teenagers. I couldn't get enough of her taste. I wanted to taste more of her sweetness but I held back, knowing I needed to slowly get there— jumping right in with Luna wasn't the way to go this time, as much to my dicks dismay, I needed to take things slow.
When she had suggested helping each other out, I nearly jumped her right then and there. I knew she needed to do things on her terms. Me suggesting it was crazy, but I could tell she felt a little better once she was the one suggesting it. I knew I needed to stay calm, be level-headed and not jump her bones the second she insisted we be fuck buddies. Plus, I think the teasing is killing her, and I like to see her squirm.
Luna is beautiful when she sleeps. Her hair is fanned out across the pillow, and her legs are locked between mine as if she’s afraid I'll disappear. As if I could leave her a second time. I'd be a fucking moron if I did. Luna stirs, rubbing her perky ass against my now stiffening cock. Jesus, down, boy.
“Were you watching me sleep?” Luna asks, rolling towards me stretching her arms. A small smile appears on the side of her mouth.
I lean in, kissing it, because I can’t fucking help myself.
“God, you're gorgeous in the morning.” I tell her, as I bring myself over top of her, pinning her down on the mattress.
She runs her hand through my messy hair and pulls me down to taste her lips again.
“Hmm, you're pretty hot yourself.” She hums while she slips her tongue down my throat.
Fucking hell, I've died and gone to Heaven, because this is pure magic.
I groan as I push my erection into her center. I grip her hip, my fingers digging into her flesh.
“Ethan.” He voice is raspy and sexy as fucking hell.
“Not yet, baby bird,” I tease, moving my dick back and forth over her panty-covered pussy.
“Tease,” she whispers.
“Imagine how good it will feel when I finally slip inside you.” I hiss.
She rolls her head back and moans— as my cock slides through her now wet center, I can’t help but growl into her ear. She moves with me, my cock dripping. I abandon her mouth, eager to taste more of her. I trail kisses down her throat as I leave soft bites down the column of her neck. It’s hard enough not to leave evidence, but I back off before I can leave any permanent damage.
I continue to slide back and forth, teasing her, our underwear coated with her juices— as if her panties weren’t damp enough already, she was soaked through, and fuck if it wasn’t making my dick hard as fuck.
“Ethan.”
She grabs my neck and kisses me hard. Her orgasm rips through her. I bite down on her lip, making her quiver as I hold her still, my own release shattering me.
I wasn’t even inside her, and that was one fucking intense orgasm. We’re both panting, trying to contain the fire breaching inside us.
“You made a mess, baby bird,” I tease, kissing the side of her neck.
She giggles. “I think you made more mess than me.”
I catch her bottom lip with my teeth and groan around it. “Can’t help it when your tight little ass woke me up,”
She smiles against my mouth, and I smirk at her. A ringing interrupts us, and I curse, rolling towards the noise. It’s my phone, and Bishop's name appears on the screen. I check the time.
Ten fifteen a.m. Shit I was supposed to be at work half an hour ago. Luna is distracting as hell.
I answer, and before he has time to yell at me, I say, “Shit. Sorry, my alarm didn’t go off, I'm on my way.”
“Get here.” Is all he says before hanging up. He doesn't sound too pleased but he’ll be fine.
“Did I make you late for work?” Luna sits up and rests her arms on her knees, tits on display.
She knows what she’s doing. The little vixen.
“Yes, you did, you naughty girl. You and that sweet ass of yours are going to cause some trouble for me, aren't you?” I shove my shirt on and slip my feet into my shoes.
Luna tries really hard to hide the smile that is currently plastered on her face, but she sucks at it and bursts out laughing.
“Oh, you think this is funny, huh?” I go toward her, lean down and place a small kiss on her lips.
She pushes me, breaks away, and places her fingers together as she says, “Little bit.”
I growl and kiss her again. I cup her face in my hand then have to break away again when my dick jolts to life again.
“You own me, woman. My dick can’t get enough of your sweet little ass.” I kiss her again and stand, my dick saluting her. She smiles down at it, biting her bottom lip, eyes alight with mischief.
“No time, baby bird, but tonight I'm going to lick that pussy until it’s clean.” I kiss her once more and then slip out of her room. The shocked expression on her face tells me she wasn’t expecting those words to come out of my mouth.
God, was I making the biggest mistake? Why did I agree to this? I mean, the orgasm I had was intense and mind-blowing, and we hadn't actually had sex yet. Everything in me was yelling at me to go for it, have fun, but my heart was holding back. It knew all too well the damage of Ethan not being in our lives, how much that had destroyed us before. What if he leaves again? Can I survive the aftermath of Ethan leaving again? The passion between us is as deep as the ocean. There’s no denying Ethan is the only guy who sets my soul on fire. Everything inside me tells me to run, run for the hills and don’t look back, but I can’t no matter how hard I try. Ethan had a hold on me that I couldn’t fight even, if I tried a thousand times.
I decide not to dwell on things. I just need to see where things lead. Even if it means getting my heart broken yet again. Ethan is worth it, isn’t he? we’re worth it? Maybe? No, yes. God, I couldn’t even think straight.
Once I’m showered and dressed, I head out to grab a quick coffee.
Callie is sitting on the sofa, her arms crossed over her chest, staring straight at me. The frown on her face tells me she knows who was here last night.
“So you going to tell me who your bed buddy was or do I get to guess?” She says with a raise of her eyebrow.
“I’m guessing you already know, so it won’t be much of a guess.” I grab my jacket and pull it on. I’ll grab a coffee at the cafe on the corner instead. I thought she was okay with this the night we went out. What's changed all of a sudden?
“Luna, what are you thinking?” She stands, coming towards me.
I shrug.
“He’s going to hurt you again. Do you know that, right and please tell me you didn’t sleep with him?” She sighs.
“No, we didn’t sleep together,” I say, not telling her the full truth.
“Really? then what were those moans I heard when I woke up this morning?”
I blush, getting embarrassed. I should be able to talk about this with Callie. She is my best friend.
“It’s not what you think. We didn’t have sex we just—” I stop, letting her think what she wants to think.
“You what, rubbed on each other?”
“Eww, gross, Luna. I mean, not even two seconds of him coming back into your life, you give up the goods and you don’t even know who or what he’s been doing?”
“Me, Callie, that’s who. He hasn’t been with anyone since me,” I tell her, not really sure about that because he knows I haven’t been with anyone since him, but we didn’t get to the part about if he had or not.
“God, you are so stupid if you think he hasn’t fucked anyone else, Luna. He’s a guy, that’s what they do. They’re programmed to fuck anything with tits and a pussy, and you jumped straight back into his arms without proper discussion.” She sighs, shakes her head, turns and heads to her room.
She closes the door ,and it takes everything in me not to follow her, but the tears that slide down my cheeks remind me, that Callie has been there every time Ethan broke my heart, every time he swore he was clean and wasn’t, every time he promised me he would change and didn’t.
She’s right. I haven’t seen him in two years; that’s a long time to go without sex. Has he really only been with me since we split or has he had someone else?
Tonight was packed men in suits everywhere, and I just wanted the night to be over.
“Hey there, beautiful.” Ethan’s voice came over the music.
I can't help but smile.
“Hey.” I run my fingers through my hair, trying to look confident.
“You okay?” He looks worried.
“Yeah, just been busy. I'm looking forward to going to bed.” I don’t let on the thoughts that have been running through my mind all day.
He nods slowly and smiles. Katy Perry’s Unconditionally starts to play, and Ethan doesn't take his eyes off me.
My breathing alters slowly, and I can’t help but feel the tingles that climb my body. His hand brushes against my arm, sending goosebumps over my skin.
“Song seems fitting.” Ethan’s voice is a soft whisper.
It’s like the air has been sucked from my lungs. My gaze stays on his eyes, not once moving. Once the song ends, it’s like time starts again because I snap out of it and slowly walk away, shaking my head at myself. I need to get it together. I just froze while he watched me.
Maybe I am just tired and a little overwhelmed about Ethan being back in my life. I just need to get a hold of myself. I can’t freak out and show him how much he really affects me; us together again isn't a good idea. I mean, how much has he really changed?
Once I'm wiping down the last table, Ethan comes towards me in slow motion, and my breath catches again. Jesus, get a grip Luna. I roll my eyes at myself.
Are you ready to go?” He holds his hand out.
I slowly nod, not thinking twice about placing my hand in his. Ethan tugs me close to him, and we head to the back to get my bag. He waits for me while I grab my things.
“That boy of yours is one hottie. Be sure to lock him down.” One of the girls, I think her name is Heather, says to me.
I give her a small smile, not really understanding where that came from.
I head out to see Ethan leaning against the wall waiting for me. He holds his arm out, and I place my hand in, and we start to walk. Ethan has been waiting for me to finish work every night since our night together.
“You’re off tomorrow, right?” He looks over at me.
I nod. I must have told him; I can’t remember, though.
“I want us to take a drive?”
“Okay.”
We exit the building and walk the two blocks to my apartment, much to Ethan’s dismay about not going
in the direction of his apartment.
He’s tried to get me back there, even offered for me to move in to save money. But we’re not there yet. I am not sure if living together will be a wise decision, my body overreacts to him now, and he only spends the night. We see each other during the day briefly, but being together even more often that we are already will make leaving for work so much harder. I think with the way he looks at me, I’m lucky he hasn’t tied me to the bed.
* * *
Ethan and I are curled up on my couch binge-watching some show about bikers. Ethans arms are wrapped around me, and for some reason it gives me the wrong idea. Ideas on how this could become normal; we could become a couple again and spend every moment together. I shake my head, ridding myself of these thoughts.
“You okay?” Ethan’s deep voice vibrates through my skin.
I nod and smile up at him. He leans down, kissing the tip of my nose.
Ethan has treated me like I'm his, but I can’t bring myself to give myself that way, not yet. He says he’s clean, but I remember him being so broken I thought he was unfixable. Has it all really changed in four short months?
I fall asleep then wake with Ethan carrying me to my room.
“Ethan.” I murmur.
“Sleep, baby bird,” He whispers, placing me gently on my bed and kisses the top of my head.
I smile and roll to my side, my eyes heavy. I dream of better times between me and Ethan, how things never used to be so messed up. I want that again but I can’t trust my heart not to get broken again.
Luna is still sleeping, but I can’t bring myself to wake her, not yet. I will wake her soon. I want to take her for a drive to Coney island. She’s never been, and I want us to make some good memories together. The last few memories Luna has of me weren't how I want her to remember me.
Lorenzo has been blowing up my phone the last couple of days; time is ticking. I need to spend as much time with her as humanly possible before Lorenzo collects my soul, but he has gone quiet after his last call. Too quiet, but I know he is coming to collect soon. I haven’t given him an answer and I assume he is watching me or getting his goons to do it.
