Beautifully Broken (The Beautiful series Book 1)

by Tara Lee

  Luna means more to me than he realizes. I know he will use her against me, well, at least I hoped he won’t, but I am willing to die for Luna. I’ll do anything to see her happy, to keep her safe.

  I always thought we were done when she walked out two years ago. I thought that was the last time I would ever see her face. But I guess we’ve never really been over. I was such a mess and I thought that was the best of us, but now I can see this is the best of us. We may be broken but we will get there again. She drew a line, trying to keep me in the friend zone, but I can tell she wants more, she just doesn't trust me not to break her heart again. Probably a smart choice, because I know that time is coming, but it won’t be my doing, not this time.

  Can I show her I’m willing to try regardless of what pain I know I’ll put her through? I know she’ll hate me— fuck, she’ll despise me after I leave— but maybe I can enjoy her for a little while longer.

  I brush my fingers across her shoulder, and she stirs, her eyes fluttering open. She smiles up at me, and I could get used to waking up to her every morning like this.

  “You shouldn't watch people sleep, it’s creepy.” She yawns.

  I dip my head surprising her as I brush my lips against hers in a soft kiss.

  “Can’t help it, baby bird, you make it damn hard not to stare.” I run my fingers over her skin again, goosebumps break out over her skin. I still affect her.

  “So what’s on the agenda for today?” She puts some distance between us.

  I dart my tongue out, wetting my lips. I catch her eye, smirk, and wink at her, Her cheeks turn a rosy pink colour.

  “Well, I thought we could ride my bike out to Coney Island?”

  Her wide eyes tell me she is down for it.

  “Really?” the smirk that breaks out on her face is cute as hell.

  “Yeah, why, are you keen to go?” I joke.

  She softly slaps my arm. “You know I've never been. I've always meant to go but never got around to it.” She jumps up out of the bed.

  “Where are you going in such a rush?” I quirk an eyebrow at her, my smile clear as day.

  “No time to waste, let’s go.” She runs to her bathroom, and the shower turns on.

  I chuckle and shake my head. Well I guess this is points towards me then.

  * * *

  On the drive there, Luna lifts her hands above her head and yells out, not being able to hide the smile shooting across her face.

  I chuckle as a couple people walking past stare at us. Luna has never shown this part of herself to anyone but me and her parents. She was always the quiet, shy type in school. She never takes chances, never goes out of her comfort zone, but since moving here, she’s become a better version of herself. I love that she is able to scream out while we drive, smiling like a dork because she is so happy.

  Once we pull up to Coney Island, Luna jumps off my bike, yanking my hand in excitement, trying to get me to move faster. I smirk at her eagerness to walk around, taking in everything. Luna can't take the smile off her face. When she sees the Ferris Wheel, she drags me towards it.

  “Let’s go on that!”

  “You sure? It's pretty high.” My voice wavers slightly.

  “Come on, let's go.” She drags me to get tickets.

  I sigh and follow after her before she wears a hole in the ground.

  She is like a kid in a candy store, overexcited and over eager. I think she’s forgetting she is scared of heights. Not sure how this will play out, but thankfully, I will be there to help her through it.

  As we wait in line, she bounces on the balls of her feet, holds my hand, and smiles over at me. I look up at the wheel and whistle.

  “You sure about this, baby bird?” I ask again, just to be sure.

  “Yes.” Her voice is overexcited, and if I’m not mistaken, a little frightened.

  I shrug.

  “Okay, well, let’s go.” I tell her as the man holds the little gate open for us.

  Once we are seated, we start to move as a few more people get on board. When it starts to move farther up, she smiles the entire time until we get higher. Her grip on my hand makes her knuckles turn white, I see the color drains from her face, and her breathing escalates.

  Shit. Knew I should have dragged her away.

  “Breathe, Luna, I've got you.” I take my other hand and brush the hair away from her face.

  “It’s really high.” She squeaks.

  “Yeah, I told you, remember?” I sit closer and bring her to me.

  I wrap my arms around her, and she doesn't let go of my hand. She swallows hard and shuts her eyes in a panic.

  I chuckle.“Baby, closing your eyes isn't going to make it better.”

  “Yes, it will, I'm not here.” her voice breaks.

  I kiss her temple. We have stopped up the top, and Luna’s panic rises, more, so I use my powers to distract her. I slip my fingers towards her leggings, brushing against her soft center she jumps against my fingers, startled by my actions.

  “Ethan?” It's a question.

  “Just relax, baby, I'm going to make you feel good.”

  She nods slowly, easing her legs apart. I move my hand to shift her bottoms down, giving me easier access, and slide my finger through her wet center. She moans and grips the side of the chair. I move back and forth. Her juices coat my finger, she shakes a little as I slip two fingers inside, brushing my thumb over her clit.

  “Ethan.” She breathes.

  The wheel moves again, so I move faster. She whimpers, her head goes back, and I pump faster, bringing her right to the edge. Still using my thumb, I stroke her clit faster. She bites her bottom lip, and her body shakes uncontrollably, her orgasm tearing through her. When she comes back down from the high, I slip my fingers out and slip them into my mouth, tasting her. Her eyes are glazed over, but I can see she thoroughly enjoyed that.

  I help adjust her clothes before we get caught. Once she is straightened up, we finally make it back to the ground. I hold my hand out for her to take, and she doesn't hesitate, slipping hers in mine. I help her out, knowing her legs will be shaky. The whole heights thing isn't a good idea when you’re afraid, but I give her props for not thinking of that at the time. But I got to make her feel good so I won’t complain if she ever wants to fight her fears again.

  * * *

  We hang around eating cotton candy and walking along the beach. The sun is setting, and having Luna by my side at this moment couldn't be more perfect.

  I sigh. I just wish this friend zone thing wasn't in between us. I know she agreed to the whole being fuck buddies thing, but I want more than that. I want her.

  “You okay?” Luna asks, stopping beside me.

  I hadn’t realized I had stopped walking.

  “Yeah, baby bird, perfect.” I give her my best fake smile, but I know she can tell it’s as fake as shit, but she doesn't call me on it, she smiles at me and pulls me towards the ocean.

  She runs into the water, squealing at the coldness.

  “Ethan, come on.”

  She splashes water my way, and the smile on her face makes me get out of my own head for a second and rush in after her. We’re up to our waist in the water. Once I'm close enough, I wrap her in my arms loving how she feels there.

  “Today was perfect, Ethan, thank you.” She says, placing her arms around my waist, smiling up at me with her big eyes, and she’s joyful.

  I kiss the tip of her nose, not being able to hold back. “You don't have to thank me, any chance I get I'll put that smile on your face, baby bird.”

  She blushes, and it takes everything in me not to lift her up and attack her lips with mine.

  “Well, thank you anyway. I know you’ve been patient with me and letting me call the shots. I'll get there, Ethan, it’s just going to take some time.”

  I quirk an eyebrow at her. Did she just say what I think she means? She shakes her head more at herself. I think tears fill her eyes and I want to run my finger down her cheek, trying to reas
sure her. I do, caressing her cheek, but the tears fall anyway. I brush them away with my thumb.

  “I’ll wait for you, Luna, I'll always wait for you.”

  She takes in a deep breath and lifts up on her toes. I cup her face in my hands and my lips take hers. Our kiss is soft and slow at first, but within a few seconds, it builds. It's wild and frantic, just like our past.

  Luna moans, and my cock jumps in my jeans. We’re both wet from the waist down, the ocean splashing against us. I pull back, not wanting to give the people of Coney Island more of a show than necessary. I spin Luna in my arms making her giggle loudly. She holds my biceps tightly as we laugh together. God, she’s perfect.

  I go to lean in and kiss her again, but a huge wave crashes into us, taking us down. Luna squeals frantically as I hold on to her, bringing her up with me. We’re both coughing, trying to refill our lungs with air, not ocean water.

  I cough and start to laugh. “Are you okay?”

  Luna laughs, too and we’re both cracking ourselves up at the predicament we’re in, saturated clothes soaked from the ocean, and we were supposed to be driving back.

  We exit the ocean, not wanting another wave to take us down. Luna tries to ring out her top, her hair is stuck to her face in a wet mess, and she can't look more beautiful.

  “Well,that’s one way to ease the sexual tension, thanks to the ocean.” Luna says, giggling.

  “Yeah, I guess we might have gotten carried away if it didn’t try to drown us.” I chuckle.

  “We should head back, maybe get some dry clothes from somewhere. Luna starts shaking.

  “Yeah that’s a good idea.”

  Her teeth chatter. I wrap my arm around her, and we walk towards a store to find something dry to wear. Today was perfect, and being with Luna like this again but completely sober is the icing on the cake. I could never go back to who I was, not when I'm so close to winning her back for good. Nothing will stand in my way, this girl is mine, always has been, always will be.

  I hold onto the Ethans waist tightly as we took the drive back home, and today was perfect. Things got a little heated, and I’m kind of glad the ocean helped out. I wasn’t sure I could’ve stopped once we had gotten started. Ethan had felt so good, and his kisses were mouth-watering.

  The rumble of the bike between my legs wasn’t helping how I feel, but I try to push it aside. Now was not the time to soak Ethan’s back with my juices. He pulls over when we were nearly home. I frown at his back, wondering why he stopped. He lifts his leg over his bike after he puts the bike stand down he holds his hand out to me.

  I tilt my head in confusion. “Why did you stop? We’re nearly home.”

  “Do you trust me?”

  My mouth goes so dry I can’t speak. With all my heart, I want to scream out, but it gets lodged in my throat. Ethan keeps his hand in the air, waiting for me to accept it. Slowly, I gather myself and place my hand in his .He tugs me off his bike, straight into his hard chest, he wraps his free hand around my neck, holding me in place. He stares down at me for what seems like hours until the corner of his mouth lifts in a small smirk.

  “Come with me.” He says, dragging me with him.

  “Ethan, we should get back.”

  “I just want us to do one quick thing.”

  I quirk my eyebrow at him.

  “One quick thing, huh? and what would that be?”

  We stop in front of a tattoo shop. I frown and stare over at Ethan.

  “Wait, you want us to get a tattoo?”

  “I want us to get matching tattoos?”

  “What! No way, Ethan, I have never gotten one and I don’t have the money to waste on a tattoo. Why would you think I’d want one?”

  He shrugs, seeing my frustration.

  “I don’t know, I thought maybe it’d be a way to show you you’ll always be mine and I’m always yours.”

  “Ethan, I’m not yours.” Not yet anyway.

  His face falls, and hurt fills his face. I know I told him I’d get there but I’m still not there. Ethan has barely been back in my life for a week and he wants us to get matching tattoos? Has he lost his damn mind?

  “Oh.” He heads back for his bike.

  I follow behind him, angry at myself for upsetting him, but I don’t want him to jump the gun just yet. I may have agreed for us to help each other out but I’m not ready for him to be back in my life permanently. Not yet.

  Ethan straddles his bike and waits for me.

  “I’ll take you home.” His voice is void of emotion.

  I sigh and get on behind him, placing my arms around his waist, but not too tightly, because now I feel like he wants to get rid of me as quickly as he can. I know Ethan he’s hurt, and before he would have gotten high to drain out our fight . Would he do that once he drops me off.

  Once we’re at my apartment, I get off Ethan’s bike and look back at him. He isn't getting off, so I know he wants to be left alone right now.

  “You're not coming in?” I ask him.

  “Got things to do, I’ll see you around,” he says without even looking at me.

  “Ethan, wait.”

  His eyes finally stare into mine. I need to ask him something. It’s been bugging me.

  “Is there something you’re hiding from me, Ethan?”

  He straightens up on his bike and bites his bottom lip. He avoids my eyes; he chooses to stare at the ground in front of him.

  “Like what, Luna?” He says after a few beats.

  “Are you using again?” I regret it as soon as it leaves my mouth.

  Ethan closes his eyes and lets out a breath.

  “What do you think?” His growling voice has a bluntness to it.

  I shiver and shrug.

  “I feel like you're hiding something from me. I've had the feeling for a few days now, but I didn’t want to say anything.”

  He lets out a huff and shakes his head.

  “Un- fucking-believable,” He bites out, lifts his leg and he reavs the engine, then drives off.

  Leaving me standing in front of my building, no walking me inside like he has been, no calling me baby bird and no kiss goodbye.

  Great, I’ve made things worse between us. Why did I have to open my big mouth? I huff and walk inside. Once I am in the safety of my apartment, I sit on my sofa, cuddling that damn pillow, and let the tears fall. I cry so hard my cries turn into sobs, and I don’t know why I’m crying so hard, but I think with everything that's happened with Ethan lately, it's just more to our very fucked-up story. When will anything ever go right? I feel like it’s one thing after another and I’m not sure I can take Ethan rejecting me. Even though I know I’ve been keeping him at a distance, I just need to know if he’s being serious. He says he is, and that he’s changed but can an addict ever really change?

  I want to trust him with my heart again. Today had been such a beautiful day, and I thought we were getting somewhere, but once he mentioned me being his when he knows we’re not a couple, I somehow become annoyed. He can’t just assume things from me. I'm not ready to jump into that again. Our past is messy and broken. We need time to fix it, to fix us. I chew my bottom lip. Can we ever really fix us? My head hurts, and my eyes are sore from all the crying. I curl up with a pillow and close my eyes.

  Knocking brings me from my slumber. I groan my neck hurts, and it’s then I realize I fell asleep on the sofa, I bring myself up, and my feet pad on the floor as I make my way to the door. The knocking continues, and then...

  “Luna, please open the door.”

  My heart beats at a normal pace again once I realize it’s Ethan.

  I open the door. As soon as it’s wide, enough Ethan pushes through and wraps me in his arms. He holds me so tight my lungs feel like they are crashing.

  “Ethan.” My voice comes at hoarse.

  “I’m so sorry Luna, I’m so fucking sorry.” He says, not budging even the slightest.

  His warm breath against my ear has me melting into his arms. He closes the door with
his foot and walks us to the sofa, lifts me so I end up in his lap, and kisses the top of my head, as he repeats how sorry he is.

  “I shouldn’t have tried to push you and I’m sorry I referred to you as mine. I won’t again, not until you say okay. I’m just so desperate to have you again, I don’t know how to handle you pulling away.”

  I break from his grip, placing my hands on his cheeks. I hold him so we’re nose to nose. I stare into his eyes. I can see the fear in them, the panic of him losing me. That’s his worst fear— he’s worried he’s pushing me away, but it’s the opposite. I just don’t know how to deal with it, it’s happening so much faster than I thought it would. I thought once he was back in my life it would take me months to trust him, to believe he says who he is, is actually who he is, not mere weeks. Ethan has always had an addiction, so I knew nothing else; it’s who he is, and I thought he would never change, never be able to break that hold it had over him, but maybe all my speculation was just that. Since he’s been back in my life, I haven’t seen him high, not once. At first I thought he was doing it when I wasn’t around him, but now I believe maybe he really has changed. He's not that lost, troubled boy anymore. Maybe he’s serious about being with me, fully being with me.

  “Promise me you will never go back to that life and I’m yours, Ethan.” I tell him, desperate for his lips to be on mine. I’m hungry for him, and it’s a craving only he can subdue.

  “I promise with every beat of my heart, baby bird, that life for me is over. The only life that matters is what I get to spend with you.” He places his forehead against mine and sighs.

  “I love you.” The words are out before I can stop them.

  Ethan grins like the happiest man in the world, and I can’t help but smile with him.

  “You love me?” He asks.

  “I never stopped.” tears fill my eyes.

  “You were the boy that stole my heart, and I never got it back, Ethan, you’ve had it all along.”

  Ethan sniffs, wiping his eyes. Tears fall across his cheeks, and I can’t help but let mine fall.