Beautifully Broken (The Beautiful series Book 1)

by Tara Lee

  “I thought I lost you forever. I thought you’d keep me in that stupid friend zone.” He grips my hands in front of him, eager to touch me.

  I know the feeling. I’m eager for him to touch me, too.

  “I think my heart just stopped.” He chuckles.

  I frown a little before he lifts his hand and caresses my cheek.

  “You don’t get it, Luna, I will fight until the end of time for you, baby bird— always.”

  I exhale the air that I didn’t realize I held locked in.

  “I love you with all my heart, Luna.” He says running his thumb down my cheek.

  The tenderness is something Ethan never lost. He's always been that soft-hearted boy, he just had demons controlling him.

  “Kiss me.” I plead.

  Ethan doesn’t waste time. He grips my ass cheeks in his hands, lifting me closer to him. His lips crash to mine, and it sends fireworks across my eyelids. His kiss is hungry yet soft, passionate but calm. It's a kiss that sends my toes curling and my center heating like a volcano about to erupt.

  Ethan removes my clothes in record speed, only breaking our kiss when he lifts my top over my head. He pulls his shirt off with one hand over his head which is the sexiest thing I have ever seen. Why is it so damn sexy?

  His ab muscles move with every movement he makes. That sexy V stripe that leads to a promise land I can’t wait to explore, hides beneath his jeans. He leans over me, his breathing just as out of control as mine.

  “You sure about this, baby bird?” I can wait. Fuck it will kill me, but I can wait.” he practically growls.

  “Make me yours again, please, Ethan.” I beg him.

  He hisses through clenched teeth as he removes his jeans and boxers in one swift move. His lips crash to mine in a deep, heated kiss, and I quiver with need.

  He reaches down, lifting me, as he pushes inside in one quick move. I arch my back and gasp as it fills me.

  “Ethan.” I groan.

  “Fuck.” He hisses, thrusting back and forth, slipping all the way out only to push back in again.

  I nearly convulse right there. He pushes back in and goes deeper, hitting a spot that sends me over the edge.

  “Oh God, I can feel it. I can. Oh Ethan.” I cry out.

  His piercing hits a spot so deep I have no control over what my body does.

  I grip his shoulders, as he leans over me, cupping the back of my head with his free hand. Our foreheads touch, as a ripple shoots through me, my legs shaking. I moan Ethan’s name as he goes with me. Both of us breathe heavily as we get control of our breathing.

  “Holy shit,” Ethan says, laughing.

  I can’t help the laughter that fills my chest.

  “Baby bird, that was fucking amazing. How did I go so long without having you?”

  I shrug. I wasn’t sure how we both did, but now that I had him back, I didn’t want to know.

  “Come on, we need to clean up, and I want to wash you.” He winks.

  I grin like a girl with a silly school girl crush. Maybe things weren’t so broken after all.

  The high helps numb the pain. I can’t see him when I’m high. Nothing helps but this, Luna wants me to stop, but I can’t. How can I?

  Jaxon hates that I rely on drugs. He hates that Luna cares so much. She’s just a kid, she doesn’t understand. She hasn’t suffered the pain I have. She's always so positive. So fucking perfect!

  “Ethan.”

  Her voice is like music to my ears. I smile as I hear her climbing the stairs.

  She opens my door and sees me laying on my bed. She sighs and shakes her head.

  “I thought you told Daddy you’d quit? She asks, matter-of-fact.

  I shrug.

  “What do you want, baby bird?” My eyes grow heavy.

  “You promised you’d help me with my science project, remember?” She taps my foot.

  I must have been dozing off.

  “Yeah, maybe another day, kid.”

  “But you promised, Ethan.”

  “Well, I’m sorry, kid but you’ll have to do it yourself. I’m a little busy.” I’m getting annoyed with her. Geez, for a thirteen-year-old she can be bossy.

  “You're not busy, you're getting high. Why do you do it?”

  I open my eyes again and glare at her.

  “Something you won’t ever understand, so beat it.” I get up and shove her towards my open door.

  “Scram, kid.”

  Her face falls, and I see the unshed tears, but I don’t care Brantley has been on my mind a lot lately, and this is the only way to stop it.

  “You’re mean now, Ethan,” I hear through the door.

  “Don’t care,” I say back. I close my eyes, and all I see is darkness. No Brantley, thank fuck. It’s finally working. Now just to sleep it off before Jaxon gets home.

  I go to open my eyes, but they are stuck. It's like my body has frozen in time. I can feel everything around me, but my eyes won’t open. Why won’t they open?

  “Ethan.” It’s Luna screaming. She sounds upset. Why is she upset?

  I try to tell her I’m fine but I can't. Why can’t I talk?

  I feel nothing. I'm right here, baby bird, I want to scream out and tell her, but I can't. I'm standing right here. She can’t see me. She runs through me, and then I look to my bed. She's clutching a phone, talking to someone. Who is she talking to?

  “Ethan.” She screams in a panic. She’s shaking me, but I don’t respond.

  “Luna,” I scream back but then I’m forced back into the darkness. I can’t see Luna anymore, I can’t see anything.

  “Luna.” I cry out, then a bright white light almost blinds me. I shield my eyes, then I feel something on my chest. It's like a shock of electricity.

  “Ethan.” her voice screams again.

  All I see is darkness again.

  I jolt up. Sweat drips down my body, my breath is quick and strained. I can’t breath. I hold my head between my legs and breath.

  “Ethan.” Luna’s soft voice comes over my panic. I feel her arms wrap around me, and her head rests on my shoulder.

  “It was just a dream.” She shushes me while she rubs my back.

  Darkness fills the room, so I know it's still early morning.

  Fuck, I hate that dream. I hadn’t had it in a while, but every time it was different, yet it ends the same with me in darkness, Luna screaming my name, then nothing, but it’s always different.

  Luna runs her fingers through my hair. She pulls me down so my head rests in the crook of her neck. Her arms stay wrapped around me, comforting me. My breathing finally slows, and I lift my head and look into her eyes.

  “Want to tell me about it?” She asks, caressing my face.

  I close my eyes, just feeling her touch.

  “It’s when I overdosed,” I tell her.

  The pain that crosses her face tells me it’s something she will never forget either. Luna was the one who found me. I had heroin before but I had taken too much, nearly killing myself. They had to revive me twice. I woke up in the hospital with no memory of overdosing. Luna had stayed by my bedside the entire time, not leaving me once. I hated myself for doing that to her, knowing no matter what, I’d go back.

  “It’s just a horrible memory now, it’s okay.” She cuddles me closer.

  I snuggle into her, holding her as close as my body will allow. She’s right, it’s just a memory, but one I relive most nights.

  “How often do you have that dream?” She asks.

  I shrug.

  “Every couple nights or so.”

  “Ethan.” She sighs, kissing the top of my head.

  “I just want to hold you and forget it, baby bird.” I tell her knowing she wants to talk about it. She wants me to open up, but I’m afraid if I do, I’ll spiral. I can remember how it felt and how it makes me feel. The urge is still there, it always will be but knowing she’s more important is what keeps me from going back to that life. Another rough night, but after I lie in her ar
ms, it gets a lot better.

  “You look like shit,”Bishop tells me.

  I walk in with a coffee in hand for both of us. I groan out my response after my dream last night. I didn’t fall back to sleep. I just laid there watching Luna. She slept like an angel.

  “You okay, man?” Bishop asks, worry etching his face.

  “Yeah just another stupid dream.”

  He knows about them since I stayed with him when I first came to New York. The amount of times I woke up in a panic and Bishop found me.

  “Same one?”

  I nod slowly, plonking down in my chair sipping my coffee. The liquid wakes me a little. I think it's my fourth cup this morning, but who’s counting.

  “You tell Luna about it?

  I give him a ‘what do you think look’.

  “How’d she take it?”

  I shrug.

  “As good as she can I guess. I mean, she was the one who found me.”

  Bishop stands, bringing his chair across the room, coming closer to me. He sits down beside me, running his fingers through his hair.

  “Dude, I think it’s time you tell her the whole truth, she deserves to know?”

  I shake my head and grimace. “Fuck no, man, never. She doesn’t need to know that I planned it, that I planned to take my life, that her finding me wasn’t part of the plan. And that my father is a drug lord.”

  I sip my coffee, annoyed that Bishop even brought it up. He knows I’ll take that part with me to my grave. Luna will never know it was planned. She will always think it was an accident, just like I said when I woke up in the hospital.

  Bishop sighs heavily, patting my shoulder.

  “Okay, man, just think about it, yeah.” He nods and leaves me to my own thoughts.

  Running my fingers through my already messy hair, I exhale a loud breath. Running on very little sleep with the nightmares that are my life plaguing me never ends well. I always end up wanting to relapse to end the fucked-up nightmares that run through my end on a daily basis, but I always think of Luna and what it would do to her, to us, ifit I did slip back under that mess. Luna only knows about that one attempt. The tattoos that cover the scars on my wrist hide my other attempts. I was nearly successful the last time I tried, but my roommate at the time saved me. He called an ambulance while he applied pressure to my wrist. I was in a dark place then, nothing helped. All I wanted was for the pain to go away, to leave me the fuck alone, but no matter how high I got, the pain got worse, the memories got worse. Throw in that Luna had just ended things for good, and I was a complete fucking mess. That was two years ago. Once my scars were healed enough, I covered them, no longer seeing the results of my pain. Only I knew they were under there, and Bishop, since he did the tattoos.

  Out of sight, out of mind, right? You’d think, but since Luna has been back in my life, Brantley has come back. It’s like he’s purposely trying to send me to a nuthouse, to ruin my fucking life. Why else would he be haunting my mind, making me see shit?

  Letting out a sigh, I glance at the drawing of the tattoo I’ve been designing for Luna. Luna was a blank canvas, an open stretch of design waiting to happen. Getting her on board with the idea was where the problem lies ahead. But I knew she’d come around eventually. I am persistent, after all.

  I wonder how long Ethan has been having those nightmares. I mean, I remember that day like it was yesterday. When I found him unresponsive, it scared the hell out of me to see him lifeless like that, and his body turning a pale shade, his skin clammy. When he wouldn’t answer me, I broke down. Hearing the sirens in the background was the best sound I had ever heard because I knew then that they were going to save him.

  I remember sitting in a chair the whole time he was in the hospital. The waiting around was what killed me, the not knowing part was agony. When they had finally come out to tell us he was stable, I had let go of the breath I had been holding. But when the doctor had told us he had to be revived twice, at first I didn’t understand until Daddy had spoken up about him dying. He’d died? My only thought was getting to him. I ran into the room they’d told us he was in and held his hand so tightly. It wasn’t long after he came home. I’d told him how I really felt. I was expecting him to laugh it off and tell me it was just a school girl crush. I mean, at first he did, but I was glad he finally understood my true feelings. Being with Ethan was a world in it’s own, nothing felt more right then being with him, but I knew he still had demons hiding inside the ones he fought on a daily basis.

  I was ready for work, even though I was second-guessing this job .Do I really need money that bad? Between all the creeps that come in here day in, day out, the crappy hours, and of course, the lack of uniform, they aren’t exactly deal-breakers on keeping it.

  I sigh to myself and start getting ready. Just another day at the office, I tell myself. Eager for the night to be over with, I had get ready to plaster a fake smile, the one I had mastered by now, and let every man in here think this is the best fucking job in the world.

  Every sleazeball has come here tonight. I swear. Nothing can keep the smile on my face after the fifth attempt at groping me. The last guy slides his hand over my ass cheek, cops a feel, and then drifted his finger down more. I jumped back, but his other hand kept hold of me. His finger was so close to my center; I freeze. What gives these men the right to think they can touch me.

  I pace in the back, giving serious thought to whether I want to walk out and tell Harris to shove this job. I’m slowly calming down, but the tears have started now. I wiped across my cheek, anxious to move on.

  “Kid, you okay?” Harris’ asks from behind me.

  I turn and face him, tears and all.

  He frowns when he sees my tear-stricken face.

  “Kid, I kicked that guy out but I can’t keep guys like that away, they're always going to be here. I told you this job wasn’t for you.” He leans against the door, arms crossed over his chest.

  He’s right. I’m not cut out for this. How I thought I could do this job and keep smiling made no damn sense.

  “You’re right.” I wipe my tears away, take a deep breath, and smile at him. I gather my jacket and purse. “I quit, Harris. This isn’t me. I’m not cut out for this, and you were right, I can’t keep this up. Being whistled at and touched by strange men isn’t something I’m accustomed to, and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.” I tell him truthfully. It feels good to finally get it out. How pathetic. I can’t even keep a simple serving job.

  Harris smiles at me. “You did good, kid, you lasted longer than I thought you would, but you’re right ,this job isn’t for everyone. Not everyone can stomach this shit, but you have guts, kid, and I’m sorry to see you go.”

  I smile back at him and thank him for everything. He moves aside to let me walk out.

  “Good luck out there, kid, New York can be a bitch. Just don’t let the Big Apple eat you, yeah? You give that apple a big juicy bite and hold the fuck on.” He chuckles at himself.

  I giggle a little. Harris doesn’t hold back. He's been straight with me from the start, but he’s right, I need to take New York and run with it. This city can eat up the best of people, not everyone is cut out to make it here. But going home and claiming defeat is not me. New York isn’t winning here, I am. Now to find myself a new job, one that I will actually enjoy, and maybe one with better hours.

  “Thanks again, Harris, really, for giving me a shot. I won’t miss this place but I’ll miss the people I worked with.”

  He nods and lets me walk out of these doors one final time. I won’t be coming back. I may have given up but I’m not done just yet.

  “Why are you home so early?” Callie asks me as I come through the door.

  She’s spread out on the sofa watching The Lucky One with Zac Efron.

  “I quit,” I simply say, sitting down next to her.

  “Oh, babe, are you okay?”

  I shrug. “I will be, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had five guys touch me tonight b
ecause they thought they could, and I broke. I guess I’m not as strong as I thought.” I sigh.

  Callie puts her arm around me. “You Luna Hawkins, are one of the strongest women I know. I’m just honored I get to call you my best friend.”

  I smile at her, and we sit there for a while, staring at how gorgeous Zac Efron is.

  Callie sighs. “I mean, the man is a god, he’s so freaking gorgeous.” She says stuffing popcorn in her mouth.

  I giggle to myself. She is right, though he is pretty damn handsome, but even he doesn’t hold a flame to Ethan.

  “I might turn in,” I say after the movie finishes.

  I know Callie is off today, hence the movie binge. She’ll more than likely sleep the day away. “You sure?” She gives me a look.

  “Yeah, it’s after two, and I’m exhausted. I just want to shower this night off me and lay down and close my eyes, ready for a new day when I wake up.”

  She hugs me, and I hug her back just as hard. Callie had been there for me through it all. She is more like my sister than friend, my sister from another mister. We’ve always been close, even with all the Ethan drama in the past.

  I smile once I get my shower going, thinking of Ethan, because I know he will be ecstatic to hear about me quitting. He hated me working there, and I think he secretly knew I’d give it up. He kept his mouth shut for me.

  The sun bursting through the window has me groaning and covering my eyes.

  “Go away,” I say to the sun.

  “Really?”

  A voice startles me, and I scream as I jolt upright to a sitting position.

  “Whoa, baby bird, it’s just me.” Ethan holds his hands up, keeping me from jumping from the bed.

  I clutch my chest, trying to calm my racing heart

  “You gave me a heart attack, damn it, Ethan.” I say throwing my pillow at his head.

  He chuckles, catching it and placing down in front of him. “I didn’t mean to scare you, but Callie let me in, and you were still sound asleep, so I watched you for awhile.

  I scrunch my face up at him.

  “You watched me sleep again? That's creepy Ethan.”