by Tara Lee
“ I have suffered the greatest loss. But I survived it.” My breath catches as I continue.
Ethan’s arms wrap around my waist even more tighter. Tell him the rest, my inner voice begs me.
“ I’m stronger because of it.” I continue to cry.
Ethan inhales sharply as he leans his head between my neck and shoulder. Being like this with Ethan was easy. This was the easy part. It was what normally came after that made it a problem for us. We couldn't go very long without getting into some sort of fight, it’s just who we are. I had depended on Ethan for so long, even though he was sick, and for all intents and purposes, broken. I had tried to get him to see the future he deserves. Why now, is he finally turning himself around? Will he ever spiral again? He’s everything I needed but everything that was wrong for me on so many levels.
Ethan pulls away just slightly, not letting me get too far away.
“How’s work?”
I smile, and he looks over me with his own smirk. I knew he’d be happy with my news. What man would really want their woman working at a place like that?
“Told you I quit my job.” I look over at him.
He can’t hide the smirk on his face.
“Told you that place wasn’t for you, baby bird , you’re better than that, always have been.”
I sigh because he’s right. I was never meant for that place, but at least I gave it a go.
“Yeah, I know, I was just desperate.”
“If you need money, you should have come to me if not, at least Jaxon.”
The mention of Daddy’s name has me wincing because he doesn’t even know that I worked at a topless bar let alone had money issues.
“I dealt with it and I didn’t need anyone’s help,” I tell him, to be determined to be strong.
Ethan lets out an assumed chuckle.
“Yeah, sure, baby bird, now you can concentrate on better things like going to school.” He says eyeing me sideways.
I roll my eyes at him. Not this again.
“I am taking a year off. I need to find myself. I need.—”
“What you need is to make a future for yourself, Luna, and getting jobs at seedy bars and back alley parlors isn’t going to give you that future you deserve.”
“So being with you should be off that list to then, huh, at least that’s what Daddy would say.” I’m only half joking, and Ethan knows that, but it holds part of the truth because Ethan has told me a million times over he’s no good for me and I can do better, but no matter what, we always find each other over and over again.
“Yeah, probably.” He sighs.
Not the comment I was expecting.
“I’m not the first choice someone would pick to date their daughter and I sure as hell have made a million mistakes and then some. I’m always on the wrong side of things, and no matter how hard I try, I feel myself slipping back in. But I’m not done fighting for you, Luna and I sure as hell am not doing that without some blood shed. You’re mine, always have been. I may have been fucked up, but I’ve got one thing right, baby bird, and that’s you.”
His sweet words make me swoon a little, and I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face.
“We should talk more about you.” I tell him I know there are things he’s hiding. What they are may not be what I like, but maybe we can overcome them. Together.
“I’m not that interesting, baby bird. Better stick with talking about you.” He says, avoiding it.
“No more lies, remember.”
He grunts. His eyes hurt so deep, even the Grand Canyon couldn’t hold it all.
“Brantley’s alive,” He says.
I pull back and nearly fall off the bed.
“What?” I almost shout. Actually, I am pretty sure I just shouted.
He swallows, pain on his face. Whatever he’s about to tell me hurts him, too, and I’m not really sure I want him to.
“He came to me after nine years. Can you believe it? Nine fucking years, and he comes back like he spoke to me yesterday, not when I was twelve. It’s so fucking messed up.” He stands and paces, waves his arms around angrily, so much pain and maybe sorrow.
I can’t believe his brother has been alive this whole time.
He sighs but continues. I don’t interrupt, I let him finish.
“He’s a cop. He wanted my help getting close to someone.”
I look at him, confused. What on earth would that have to do with Ethan?
“I don’t understand.”
He sighs again and pulls me to sit on his lap. He plays with my hair and then intertwines our fingers together. His heart is racing; it’s beating so damn fast I’m sure it's about to explode from his chest and land in my lap.
“He needs my help getting close to Lorenzo Vincent.” He lifts his eyes to mine.
I blink a few times. That name sounds familiar, but I don’t know how.
“He’s the biggest drug lord in New York Luna.”
Ethan tells me, not waiting for me to figure out where I know the name from.
“But why...?”
He hesitates for a few seconds before the next three words out of his mouth render me speechless.
“He’s my father.”
I sit and wait as she takes that info in. My heart beats against my chest wall.
She swallows and then swallows again. Her eyes are full of... fuck, I can’t even tell. She’s spaced out, her mind going over the bomb I just dropped.
“What happens now?” She finally asks.
She looks up at me and I can see everything she’s feeling, confusion, hurt, sadness and anger I can feel that tenfold.
I swallow the lump in my throat and grip her hand in mine. Please don’t leave me.
I want to yell.
“To be honest, I’m not sure. He’s been on me about working for him, and I have said no every single time. But I can’t tell how much longer he’s willing to wait, Luna. He told me I had a month, and it seems like he’s getting more impatient with me, and he’s not a man I should cross.”
Panic arises on her face, and I have to tug her to me, closer. If that’s even possible.
“I don’t know how to react to that, Ethan.” She says with a hint of sadness to her voice.
What is she saying? I swallow again. This time, my throat feels like it closes over.
“Luna, I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.” I kiss the side of her throat.
“Can you promise me you won’t be hurt?”
I sigh, because how the fuck do I promise her something like that?
“Would you ever go back to drugs?”
Damn, she’s bringing out the big guns tonight. I lick my lips with my tongue and close my eyes for a few seconds.
“Aren’t you tired of filling that void, Ethan?” Her voice breaks slightly as she asks me.
I brush my hand over my mouth and sniff.
“A little, yeah, but it works, Luna.”
She stiffens at my words. It's like needles to my heart to know my words hurt her like that.
“You want to get high right now?” she asks.
I nod slowly, even though I should keep my mouth glued shut. But she has the right to know my feelings. The real ones I deal with daily.
“Every fucking day, baby bird.” I say honestly.
She gasps, and I hold her just that little bit tighter, fearful she’ll get up and run.
“It’s a struggle every day, Luna, I won’t lie. Like I said before, it’s something I struggle with every day, and knowing I still need it, knowing it still holds me back, fucking kills me. But I’ll always be a junkie, Luna, that won’t change. I may slip up again, I may not.”
She sighs and wraps her arms around my neck, she sinks down and holds me like that until I’m craving her again, but instead, I pull her up.
“You have a lot to think about, baby bird and I won’t sway your mind. I just want to be honest with you.” I kiss her temple and let her stand there.
She doesn’t sa
y anything, just lets me wrap her in my arms.
I have to go out, even if that means leaving her behind, I kiss her one last time and closed my door behind me. My head knocks back as I stare up to the ceiling.
“Fuck.” I curse, regretting what I just said.
The urge is back. My hand starts to shake, and I need to drown it out. I stride down the stairs and out to the street. Before I know what I’m doing, I pull up my contact. I text him what I need, and he replies in minutes.
Got you, bro.
I give Luna time to leave ,and then head home and wait.
By the time he got to my place, I no longer wanted the pills. But they mock me as they sit in the little bag I stare at them most of the night, and finally I do the one thing I know I should. I flush them down the toilet.
Callie may be Luna’s best friend, but it’s no secret we have always had a dislike for each other. To her I’m the junkie who’s broken her friends heart too many times to count, and to me she’s the bitch who can’t keep her opinion to herself. Yeah I think our dislike is more like hate. I tolerate her for Luna’s sake. I know she’s always been the voice behind Luna, the one who tells her what a fuck-up I am. I mean, I’m not going to deny it, I have been for a very long time. And there isn’t any guarantee that I won’t mess up again. Hello, addiction, it’s so fucking nice to meet you.
That’s the thing with addiction, right. It holds you hostage in your own brain, and until you either die or fuck yourself up so you can no longer take a piss yourself, you live out the fantasy that your brain has created. To me, drugs were harmless, they were a way for me to drown out all those fucked-up demons that float around in my head, but I know they are always the one thing that keeps Luna away. So it’s either get high for the rest of my life or get high on the essence of Luna. Think I know which way I’ll be heading.
My bike rubles to a stop outside Luna’s apartment. I haven’t seen her since I left the other night with my little bomb drop of who my real father is. Thankfully, she hasn’t told me to fuck off, so I take that as a win. I’m off so fast I nearly trip on the sidewalk. I chuckle at myself. So eager to taste that pussy of hers, I can’t pick my feet up.
My cock hardens at the thought of her pussy. Fuck.
I buzz three times, and before I nearly combust right here outside, Luna finally answers
“Hello.”
“Let me in so I can taste you.” I say.
She giggles before she buzzes me up.
Before I even think I breathe again, I’m at her door. I knock three times and am almost too impatient to wait when the door swings open, and there stands the most breathtaking woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.
The hunger in her eyes is just as wild as mine, and before she even says hello, I slam the door shut with my foot and lift her up by her knees and take her to the floor. I pull up her dress slightly and take a sniff.
“Fuck, you smell fucking amazing,” I croak.
I swipe her lips over her panties with my tongue, she lets out a soft groan as her back arches off the floor.
I growl and shred her panties in my fingers, pushing my tongue pasts her lips, and I go from front to back and do it all over again. I taste every inch of her sweetness and I don’t waste a drop. Before I even stick a finger inside, she grips my head so tight she pulls at my hair and comes in my mouth. I devour her as she clenches around me. I don’t stop, don’t let up. I want her on my tongue, and I want her to forever be reminded of this moment right here when she thinks we’re not a perfect fucking fit. Because we may have been broken, but fuck if we’re not perfect now.
She sighs and I can see the pinkness on her cheeks.
“Wow, hello to you, too.” She smiles down at me.
I smirk and kiss my way up her body.
I taste her lips in a wild kiss. I’m so rock hard I don’t think it’ll ever go down.
She bites down on my bottom lip, and I growl. She presses her pussy into me and my cock twitches at the feel of her.
Fuck this.
I am up on my feet in double time and hoist her up and anchor her to the table. I smirk down at her with a cheeky grin.
“Fuck, you’re sexy.”
I groan, as my lips connect with her neck. I suck and lick the skin, as she lets out sweet little sounds. My cock so fucking hard, it’ll be hard all week. Those fucking sounds are the sweetest sound to my ears.
“Goddamn.” I groan.
I grip her breasts through her dress; so fucking sexy. I kiss the side of her mouth and I feel her smile. She threads her fingers through my hair,
yanks it hard, and I chuckle and bite down on her nipple. It peaks with excitement. She arches her back, unable to control what I do to her body.
“Oh, you're going to get it now, baby bird.”
She bites her bottom lip, pushes me back, and jumps down. She runs off squealing.
“Oh, it’s on,” I yell out and give chase.
She giggles and screams, as I catch her, fling her over my shoulder with ease, and I smack her bottom hard when she shrieks.
“Ethan.”
“Oh, don’t act like you didn’t like it Luna.”
I laugh. She smacks me on the butt cheek as I walk her towards her room. She’s about to get a whole lot of love, and I might start with eating that pussy until she screams my name so all of New York can hear her.
The lust that coursed through my body had stars covering my eyes.
Ethan gave me a predatory smile, and I was so screwed. Even to the point if he came any closer, I might just combust right here. Please, keep your distance, my body is such a traitor.
He bends down his nose and runs along the dip in my collarbone. And again, my body is practically giving me the finger as it quivers. I feel the smile on his lips; he leaves small soft kisses on my skin. Goosebumps break out and cover every inch of me.
He bites into my flesh, and I let out a startled gasp. He doesn't stop there, he goes up again and kisses the sensitive spot behind my ear. He knows all my spots. He sucks my earlobe into his mouth, and I am pretty sure the sound I just heard came from me.
He’s working my body with delicious intent to destroy me with orgasms. I’ve lost count of how many I’ve had. He stares up at me, as he wears that cocky, boyish smile.
“You are quite pleased with yourself, aren’t you.” I tease.
He kisses my nose and smirks at me again, not being able to help himself.
“Well, if you must know, baby bird, I think I counted six orgasms, and not to brag, but I could easily draw more from you.” He goes to place a finger inside me.
I stop him with my hand.
“Wait, let me catch my breath, you caveman.”
I sigh, and Ethan lays beside me. His head rests on his hand while his other hand draws small circles on my skin.
“Have you heard from your brother?” I try to calm my damn body. Be cool, bitch you just had how many releases.
Ethan looks at me, deadpan. “That’s what you really want to talk about right now?” he asks, a little confused.
“Well, if I ask you something like that, you're less likely to try and pry another orgasm from me.”
He chuckles, and it's a throaty one. My body tingles. Seriously, what’s wrong with me?
“To answer your question, baby bird, no I haven’t. To be honest I haven’t heard from Lorenzo, which makes me nervous.”
I sit up and he follows me.
“What do you mean?”
He must sense the panic in my voice. His hand cups my cheek, and I close my eyes at his touch.
“Don’t worry that pretty little head, baby bird, I’ll sort It all out, I promise.”
He winks, and I soften a little as his finger starts to draw circles over my nipples. He drops his head and takes a nipple in his mouth.
“Not fair.” I moan.
He laughs and he does the same to the other one.
“Ethan.” I moan around my lip that is now caught between my teeth.
; “Promise me you’ll never leave me again.” His eyes have a certain angst about them, almost like he’s certain I’ll walk away.
“Before everything went wrong, there was you, Luna.” He stares down at me.
“I'm one hundred percent certain you're it for me, and no one will ever be enough, not for me.”
His fingers caress my cheek, and his touch makes me feel wanton.
He swipes his fingers through my wet slot and brings them to his lips. He slides them between his lips, licking the juices from them.
“Every day I fear you’ll walk away and I’ll never see you again.” He says as if he didn’t just have his fingers inside me.
I look at him, waiting on bated breath because I know he has more to say.
He swallows, and I can see he’s really thought about this.
“Our love story is chaotic, sappy, messy as hell, but it’s beautiful. To me, it’s beautiful. I feel like it mostly doesn’t exist because we fight each other at every turn. I’m scared it might be over before it’s even begun.”
“Ethan, we don’t need to talk about this.”
He grabs my face between his hands, and his lips crash to mine in seconds.
“I shouldn’t ask you to give up everything for me again, but what do you expect me to do, walk away? No, fuck that, and fuck everything else. I’m not going anywhere Luna, you’re mine, always have been, always will be.
“That is why we have to talk about this Luna.”
This brooding man... I can hear his pain, feel his fear, but right now I don’t want to talk about the what-ifs. This was right now, and I just wanted him.
“God, you're beautiful.”
“You’ve already said that.” My lips curve up.
His hand curved around my neck, his fingers dip into my skin, and it feels so good.
“I did.” His eyes dance with humor.
“Uh-uh.” I dig my teeth into my bottom lip.
“Maybe your beauty deserves to be repeated.”
“God, you are such a cheeseball.”
He grins, and damn it was so sexy.
“I bet I could think of a few more things to say about you.” Ethan fixes his mouth over mine, slipping his tongue between my lips.
