Beautifully Broken (The Beautiful series Book 1)

by Tara Lee

  I slam through the door of Black Aces.

  Bishop’s head flies up.

  “What the fuck happened to you.”

  I brush past, ignoring the shit out of him.

  “Ethan.” He calls after me.

  I head in back and plonk down to grab the first-aid kit.

  Just as I place it in front of me, the door opens then slams shut. Bishop strolls in and crosses his arms over his chest.

  “Start talking.” He hisses.

  “Nothing to tell.” I smirk. The cut on my lip stings like a bitch, but I keep my cool.

  “For fuck’s sake, Ethan, what the fuck have you gotten yourself into now.”

  He starts for me and lifts me from the chair. I drop everything and clench my hands around his.

  “Go ahead, do it. I can’t feel my face anyway. Get your shots in now,” I say matter-of-fact.

  Bishop pushes me from his grasp, and I nearly trip on my own feet.

  “Start talking, Ethan. What the fuck happened to your face? I swear to God, if you have got into something you can’t pull yourself out—”

  “It was Jaxon, Luna’s dad, okay. We got into it.” I say as I raise my arms out wide.

  Bishop runs his hand over his face as he sighs.

  “What the fuck happened for him to do that?” He says raising his hand towards my face.

  “Luna’s in the hospital.” I swallow hard and sit, resting my head in my hands as my elbows sit on top of my legs.

  “Why?”

  It’s a simple question, but I don’t know the full reason why. Why did Lorenzo do this to her? Why not make me pay, not Luna. I sniff, and the tears fall. I can’t stop them. My shoulders shake with each sob.

  “Fuck, man.” Bishop sits in front of me, he places his hand on my shoulder.

  “Talk to me, man.” Bishop asks me.

  I lift my head and wipe the tears off my cheeks.

  “It’s because of me.” My heart clenches, and I realize this is it, Luna isn’t coming back to me now. She’s in danger around me.

  “Fuck, man, Lorenzo did that?”

  I nod.

  “Shit,” he drawls out, his New York accent coming through a little.

  “I guess my time is up and he thought that was a way to get my attention. I guess he saw Luna as a ticket to do that, and knew that if he hurt her enough, I’d come to him and beg him to leave her alone.”

  He looks me over and squeezes my shoulder.

  “Is she okay?”

  I sniff again and swallow. Not really, maybe, no. Fuck I don’t know.

  “I never got to speak to her.”

  “What! Why? Did her dad keep you out by throwing some punches?”

  I chuckle. “I got some shots in, too, you know, but thanks for the reassurance he’d kick my ass.”

  Bishop laughs, and it brings me out of the deep fog I’m in right now, even if it was just for a few seconds.

  “Why didn’t you speak to her? You guys got into it before she saw you?”

  I nod. It seems to be my go-to thing right now.

  “She saw me, but her dad and I scuffled a bit before we were kicked out. As they were pulling me out, she collapsed.”

  “Fuck, man, that’s brutal.” He winces at my expense.

  “Yeah, they came and told us she just had a panic attack and fainted, but we're both kicked out for the rest of the day.”

  He lets out a deep sigh and shakes his head.

  He grabs the bandages I had prepared before he got me to talk. He coats my hand in some cream and then covers my cuts.

  I stare straight ahead with no emotion. I avoid his eyes because I know he has so many more questions.

  Once he’s done, I stand and go to leave. On my way out, my phone rings.

  “Hello,” I answer unsure of the number.

  “Mr Knight.” The female voice asks.

  “Yes,can I help you?” My tone is a little annoyed, but I don’t give a shit.

  “Miss Hawkins has requested to see you.”

  She what?

  “O-kay.” I drag out the word, because is she forgetting I’ve been kicked out?

  “I thought I wasn’t allowed to see her?” In theory, this sounds good, but what’s the catch?

  “You have fifteen minutes once you get here. If you don’t leave the premises at that time, you will be escorted out per request. By the doctor and Mr. Hawkins,” She says, matter-of-fact.

  I sigh and roll my eyes. I know what’s coming, I’m not fucking stupid, but like a dog to a bone, or in this case, a big juicy fucking steak, I say I’ll be there and head to the hospital, well aware of the argument Luna and I about to have. It’s over, I can feel it, and I’m not sure if it’s her doing or she’s been forced by Jaxon, but nonetheless, here we fucking go.

  By the time I make it to her room, I’m a bloody mess, my hands won’t stop shaking, and I nearly vomit on the way in. My heart beats at a rapid pace, and I can feel my world shattering.

  Here we go. Show time baby.

  I plaster a smile on and open the door. Luna is sitting up in bed, staring out the window. She glances my way, and the tears that run down her cheeks tell me it’s definitely over. She’s here to say her piece and be done with me. Can’t say I blame her. I did put her life in danger, after all.

  I swallow and I am pretty sure my Adam’s apple just fell out and slid down my throat, because the roughness feels pretty damn raw.

  “We need to talk,” We both say in unison.

  I chuckle, but Luna doesn’t even blink.

  Her tears fall down her cheeks in a slow, torturous motion.

  “Baby bird.” I speak up after my mouth catches up with my head.

  “I hate you.” Her voice trembles as she speaks those three words.

  “Luna.” my own voice trembles. I bite my bottom lip, and my entire body shakes.

  What if all the things I’ve done to win her back have all ended right now? With that one lie, the truth I held from her... My heart rate picks up, and I swallow deep and inhale. Fuck, her smell is so potent my body sways but I hold myself up.

  She jumps from the bed, either to run away from me or to kick me in the balls. Either one would still have me chase her.

  I rush to her, caging her to a wall with both my arms above her head. Her anger radiates from her body.

  “Baby bird.” My voice is soft.

  “Don’t.” She warns.

  I punch the wall behind her, and she jumps.

  “Do what, Luna?” I ask.

  “Lie to me more, Ethan.” Her eyes well up, and the tears start to fall.

  Fuck. I’ve lost her. Again.

  “Let me explain.” I cup her cheek while my forehead touches hers.

  My throat feels tight. Fuck, even my chest does.

  She pushes me off her, and I go, even though that’s the last thing I want.

  She slams her fists into my chest over and over, harder and harder. Tears fall down her cheeks, as I let her push, shove and slap me. She just needs to let it out, I keep telling myself.

  “I c-can’t.” She sobs as she falls into my chest. Her breaths are heavy.

  I caged her with my arms, holding her in place. “Can’t what?”

  I kiss the top of her head, as she rests her head on my chest.

  “Can’t trust you anymore.”

  I frown at her words. She pulls back, and the pain on her face kills me. She’s hurt that I lied, but what choice did I have?

  Telling her was not an option. I thought she’d be safer not knowing. I kept this from her for her, not for me. I don’t want her to think less of me because of who my father is. I’m already a fucking screwup why not add mob boss’s son to the ever-growing list that is my shitstorm of a life.

  “You're my anchor, baby bird.” I cup her cheek again and I pull her into me.

  She fists my shirt. Her eyes are drawn as I hold her. This can’t be the last time. Fuck, it can’t be!

  “It’s over, Ethan. I can’t keep d
oing this. It’s not healthy.” Her bottom lip trembles.

  Pain shoots through my chest at her words.

  I step back and collect myself. Fuck that. It’s not fucking over.

  “It’s not over, baby bird, not then and certainly not fucking now.” I’m on her too quick for her to react. My lips crash to hers in a heated kiss that has my pulse quicken and my dick throbbing.

  My lips mold to hers as my tongue enters her mouth taking what’s mine. Her. She’s mine.

  I deepen the kiss and lift her in the air. I grab hold of her hair and push her to the wall again. We kiss until we’re both breathless and she agrees to never speak these words again.

  I’ll be damned if I’m losing her again, and not because of him. No way in hell.

  She pulls back, gasps for air. Her finger nails claw into my shoulder, but I welcome the pain. Can’t be any worse than my heart right now.

  “Ethan, I mean it.” She says as she slides down my body and steps away from me.

  She sits on the bed, and I follow her like the good little puppy I am and sit beside her. I grab her hand, thankful she doesn’t rip it from my grasp. I thread our fingers together and draw small circles on the top of her hand with my thumb. I glance at how perfect our hands fit together; this really can’t be it? Can it? Fuck. My breath catches, and I can’t help the tear that breaks free. I wipe angrily at it as I curse under my breath.

  Luna is quite next to me for what feels like hours, but it’s barely two minutes when she starts to speak again.

  “Anytime we try, things go from good to bad then to worse. We’re not meant to be, Ethan, why delay the inevitable?”

  Her words cut me so deep I’m certain being cut open in one of the rooms right now to bleed to death would be less painful.

  “Luna.” My voice breaks, and my throat closes up. It causes a ripple effect I have no control over. Tears flood my cheeks so fast I don’t have time to wipe them away.

  “I’m so sorry.” I breathe out.

  “I never meant for you to get hurt, Luna.”

  I choke on my words but keep myself together long enough to take in her face and all the beauty that surrounds her. I cup her face in my hand and stare into her eyes. Her own tears fall, and I know she hates doing this, but breaking free from me is what she thinks is right.

  “I know.” She sighs. She places her head on my shoulder.

  I kiss the top of her head and place mine next to hers. We sit for a few minutes, and I’m waiting to be dragged out of here.

  “The universe is trying to tell us something, Ethan.”

  “Fuck the universe, baby bird.” I say.

  “It’s us, Luna, twisted, destructive and broken. Fate or the universe have nothing to do with it.”

  She was the calm to my storm in every way possible. Now I’m completely fucked.

  “What happened scared the ever-loving fuck out of me, Ethan.” She says as my thumb keeps doing those circles.

  I swallow and close my eyes. I picture her scared out of her mind, not knowing what would happen.

  She deserves every happiness she’s ever wished for. Luna already thinks the worst of me, that I'm no good for her. She's an angel while I’m the Devil reborn. Just look at my life. Every mistake, every wrong move, every bad turn has led me back to where I started without Luna, without her love and without her to hold.

  No one seems to bother us for the next half an hour. At least they have the decency to let a man be broken one last time. This is her goodbye.

  I close my eyes and take in her smell one last time.

  Every step we took has created a distance between us. Can we ever close the gap?

  Now that all hell has broken loose, I’ll never win her back. There is no forgiving what I’ve done.

  Solitude is what I need right now. Maybe it’s not a good thing, but without her, I just don’t give a fuck.

  “I will fight until the end of time for you baby bird.”

  I kiss her one last time, my lips rest on the top of her head. I hear the sharp intake of her breath, and know the tears have started again. I back away, and as I go to walk out the door, I turn and take one last look at the woman that captured my heart at the age of twelve and will always hold every piece of it.

  “You're going to see him, aren’t you?” Bishop crosses his arms over his chest as he asks.

  I simply nod.

  “I can’t talk you out of it?”

  I shake my head, because no fucking way is anyone talking me out of going to see that sorry piece of shit.

  “You're going to get yourself killed, Ethan.” Bishop sighs as he runs his hand over his face.

  “I’ve lost her forever, what’s the point of living?” I say blankly.

  “Ethan, come on, you haven’t lost her, you don’t know that.”

  I let out a soft, sad chuckle. If only he knew half of it.

  “She ended things. Just like that.” I say as I click my fingers together to make my point.

  He sits up and pulls a chair out to sit next to me. He leans back, and I see his mind ticking over.

  “Let’s face it ,Bishop, I’m a junkie, always will be, and no matter how many times I try, I’ll never be good enough for Luna.” I stand.

  Bishop grabs my hand to stop me from walking away.

  “Come on, man, you’re more than a junkie, Ethan, don’t give up.”

  I look down at him and glance over at the blank wall for a few seconds before my gaze falls back to him.

  “It’s not giving up when it’s just a fact.” I tug my arm from his and walk out.

  “Goodbye, man thanks for everything.” I turn and say and give him a nod.

  Bishop stands and before I know it, he pulls me in for a hug, and it’s not one of those man ones with one arm and a slap on the back, it’s a full bear hug. His arms rest around me, and he doesn’t hold back.

  “I’m always here, Ethan. Anything you need, just don’t forget that.” Tears brim his eyes.

  I know he’s upset, I’m doing this because he knows as much as I do how this ends.

  “Thanks,” I say through thin lips.

  I walk out of the shop that’s been my job for the last four months, the start of my new life, the one I thought was on the right track. But without Luna, this life is just a bad dream. I can’t breathe without her, and since Lorenzo doesn’t seem to be letting up on his offer, there are only so many options I have left.

  1. Work for him and get so deep I can’t get out.

  2. Walk away from New York and Luna and find a new home.

  3. Take a permanent nap.

  4. Somehow kill Lorenzo.

  There is only one option that stops it all, and it might be my best shot of getting out of this deal. Lorenzo seems to think he has the upper hand, and as for Brantley, well I’ve come to realize the shit he’s been spewing is just that, a bunch of shit, and if I don’t see him anytime soon, it won’t be soon enough.

  I drive towards the sunset and head home this might not be my best decision, but what other choice do I have? After what happened, there is no chance in hell Luna will take me back, let alone Jax even letting me get close to her again.

  Everything is falling apart. Bit by bit, I’m losing control, losing hope, and losing Luna. Getting as high as I fucking can seems about the only feasible option right now. To drown myself in my weakened bliss, that will surely make all the pain end. The darkness can take me for all I care, fuck what’s on the other side!

  “I can beat this, I can beat this.” I chant to myself. Who the fuck am I kidding? I’m determined to fight this addiction, but how the fuck can I win?

  My heart is a soft bastard, because where Luna was concerned, it always had a weak spot for her.

  I pull her name up on my phone. I hit SEND, and when she doesn’t answer and I get her voicemail, I close my eyes, as I listen to her voice one final time.

  “I’ll always remember the good times, baby bird. I love you always,” I say as the beep signals the
call has ended.

  I turn left to head towards Lorenzo’s front. Some front, it's a warehouse that screams drugs.

  When I pull my bike up, his men are out front like the good little dogs they are.

  “I need to speak with him,” I tell one of his goons.

  “You need an appointment to speak to the boss.”

  I get up in his face, not ready to leave empty-handed.

  “Don’t test me, motherfucker. Go get that sorry piece of shit and tell him I want to talk to him.”

  “No, can do, kid.” He spits.

  I hiss through my nose.

  “I am not taking no for a fucking answer. Either go get him or fucking put a bullet in my head,” I roar at the stupid prick.

  He finally gives in to my demands and goes inside to get Lorenzo. I pace back and forth while I wait for the bastard to come out. He’s taking his time on purpose. I run my fingers through my hair, and my hand starts to shake.

  “Nope. Not happening.” I grit out.

  By the time I look up again, Lorenzo stands in front of me he just smirks, the fucking bastard.

  “I’m done,” I tell him.

  “Done,” He simply says.

  “Yeah fu-ck-ing done.” I announce slowly.

  “You see, Ethan I don’t think you are, because you have nothing left, no place to go.”

  Asshole.

  I swallow; my throat clogs up with a bitter taste.

  “If you think I’m going to lose my son to love, then think again, Ethan. Women make you weak, they make you make mistakes.” He spits as if he’s speaking from experience.

  “Luna made me better,” I say.

  “She made you weak,” He yells.

  I step back, hurt by his words. Was I weak?

  “I’m done. Find another puppet.” I go to walk off.

  “You will not walk away from me, Ethan. Stop right now,” He screams at the top of his lungs.

  I stop, but not because he told me to. I turn slowly and stare him down. His men stand beside him as they stare at me with a look of disdain. I feel the anger they throw at me, all because they are not in line to be beside Lorenzo. Those jobs are apparently all mine.