by Tara Lee
“I’ve lost the only thing that was important to me. I just got her back, and because of you, I fucking lost her again. I hope you burn in fucking Hell,” I yell back at him. I go to swing my leg over my bike when another voice stops me dead in my tracks.
“Ethan, stop.” It can’t be, no fucking way.
I take a deep breath and force myself to look over. Sure enough, Brantley stands beside my father like he belongs there. I guess he does.
My legs move on their own accord, and before I know it, I’m standing barely three feet from my father and brother.
I look between them and I don’t say a damn word.
“Ethan, this is your right to be beside us,” Brantley states.
“So you're not a cop then?” I say a matter-of-fact.
Brantley scoffs as if I offended him just by uttering that word.
“Wouldn’t be a pig if you paid me.” He says with so much hate, I wonder what the fuck has happened to him these last nine years.
I run my hand over my face and let out a breath, one I didn’t realise I was holding.
“My answer is still no.” I stare back at them both.
Lorenzo speaks up next.
“I am your father, Ethan you will stand beside me alongside your brother.”
I almost punch him in the face. I refrain. Barely but I do.
“Father? You were no father to me. The only father I had in my life was the man that raised the woman I’m in love with,” I explain, as if he doesn’t know my true feelings towards him.
“Ethan, I know I lied to you. It was the only way to gain your trust. You would never have spoken to me if you knew who I truly was,” Brantley explains to me, as if it will sway my decision. Truly was?
“You’re right.” I play with the ring on my thumb, the present Luna gave me.
“I’m nothing like either of you. I may be a junkie, and fuck, I’ve made a million mistakes, but the one thing I know I got right in life was loving Luna with every beat of my heart. I’ve already lost her because of this. I'm not about to dig myself in deeper just to please you sorry assholes.” I grind out.
Lorenzo and Brantley look at each. I decide I’m done with this talk and move back towards my bike.
My leg swings over, and just as I’m about to turn the key:
“ You think your girl ending up in the hospital was bad. Just imagine what I’ll do to her if you turn me down one more time, son.” Lorenzo practically spits venom as he tells me.
“Oh, and that father of hers, I’ll slit his throat and watch him bleed out, but not before I let my men have some fun with that pretty little daughter of his, all while I make him watch.”
I launch myself at him. I don’t know how I don’t beat him to death with my bare hands, but I get one swing in that misses before Brantley and another one of his goons yanks me back and slams me to the ground.
My face smashes into the concrete, I let out a grunt.
Lorenzo tsks above me, and Brantley swings my face around to face him.
“That was a very stupid move on your part, Ethan. If you weren’t my son, you’d already be dead.”
His eyes glare through mine, and I can tell he’s holding back the anger he wants to leash on me.
“So fucking do it.” Salvia flies out of my mouth onto the ground beneath me.
“Take him inside.” Lorenzo nods to his men.
They cart me inside, and before I know it, I’m thrown into a room with a bed and a toilet. The loud latch locks behind me as they throw me into what looks like a fucking cell.
Now I’m utterly and completely fucked.
I’m stressing the fuck out. Why because Ethan won’t pick up. He’s turned his phone off or he’s just fucking ignoring me. Either way, I’m losing my god damn mind. I know it has something to do with Lorenzo. What else could it be? Clearly, he did something to make Ethan take off like that, and since I’m a betting man, my bet’s on Luna. What he did is the question.
“Fuck this,” I say to no one in particular.
I lock my shop up and take the few blocks to Ethan’s place. Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll be home already. I push the intercom and wait for Ethan to buzz me in. Nothing, no fucking sound, not even a. “Who is it?”
Fuck! Okay. I take out my emergency key, the one I had copied in case, for times like this when Ethan was nowhere to be found or contacted and I needed to get to him fast. He’ll be pissed once he sees I cut a copy of his key because I needed to keep a close eye on him. It’s not that I don’t trust Ethan. I mean, he’s come a long way, but fuck, it just feels like something is wrong. I can feel it in my bones, and I know I need to stop whatever it is. I know it’s not good, whatever it is.
I knock on his door. My knuckles tap across the timber, when there is no answer, I knock again, just to be sure, before I barged in. If he is fucking Luna in there, the bastard would soon kill me if I saw any part of her body. Possessive he is, for damn sure. That man’s dick is brainwashed to Luna.
When I’ve knocked for the fourth time with still no answer, I decide I’m done waiting for him. I’ll deal with him being pissed at me about the key later.
I open the door and am greeted with darkness. I flip the switch on the wall and what I see in front of me let me know my instincts were right. Bottles litter the floor, and needles are thrown in a heap on the table.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Ethan,” I called out.
No answer.
I rush through the place. I check every room until I get to the last door in the apartment. His room.
“Ethan, answer me,” I yell out.
Nothing.
I open the door slowly and almost step back once I see Ethan is slumped on the bed. His eyes are closed, but I know he's not sleeping. When I run to him, my knees slide to the floor. I shake him vigorously. His body is like fire, and he’s burning up. Sweat drips down his face, covering the sheets under him.
“Fuck, Ethan,” I growl as I shake him again. I pull my phone out and dial 911.
“Come on, come on,” I say when they don’t answer right away.
“911, what’s your emergency?” The lady on the other end says.
“My friend has overdosed. I need an ambulance right away.”
“What is your location?”
Fuck, lady, just get them here.
I rattle off Ethan’s address, and she ends the call after telling me an ambulance is on their way. I lift Ethan off the bed and drag him to the bathroom. Fuck, he’s heavy as fuck when he’s knocked the fuck out. Once I have him in there, I turn the cold water on in the shower and pull him in with me as I drench him in cold water. Nothing I haven’t done before.
“Come on, buddy, just hold on, okay, the ambulance is on the way,” I tell him.
Ethan groans, and I take a sigh of relief. At least he’s breathing. Not that it lasts long. Soon enough his head falls forward and he’s out again.
“What the fuck did you do, Ethan?” I growl at him, as I hold him under the water.
We’re both getting saturated, from the water but I keep his head up so it gets his face. I shake him again, but nothing, not even a fucking groan this time.
“Fuck, Ethan, you can’t do this, you can’t go out this way. Come on, buddy, wake the fuck up,” I almost shout.
I hear voices, and then two guys are in front of me. They help me get Ethan up and out of the shower, wet clothes and all, they take him out on a stretcher. A bunch of neighbors come out to see the show. I keep my eyes focused on Ethan, because if I snap, they won’t like what I have to say. As they hurl him into the truck, one guy is checking his eyes and pulse. The bright light does nothing, he doesn't move. I gulp and run my hands through my hair in a panic. This is it, I think to myself.
“Do you know what he took?” They ask.
I sigh as I run my hand through my unruly hair again.
“Fuck, I don’t know. All I saw were empty beer bottles and needles on the table. He could have taken any fucking th
ing, man.” I growl.
They let me ride with them. The man continues to work on Ethan. He checks him over, and I think he’s okay until I hear that telltale beeping sound that lets you know someone's heart has stopped.
Fuck, this can’t be how it ends.
I continue to pack my bag, on Daddy’s request, of course. My phone beeps, and I assume Ethan is calling again. I’m surprised I didn’t have my phone removed from my grasp.
Once I was released today, Daddy put two suitcases in front of me and told me to pack. No arguing, no debates, and no more Ethan.
Since I wasn’t in the mood to argue and I was still broken from what I had been through because of Ethan and his lies, I decided to heal to his wishes— I’ll go home for a little while, but I’ll be back, and he won’t be stopping me. I’m an adult now, and even though Ethan tore my heart open again. I still love him, I’ll always love him.
I shudder when I remember as I step out of my building, someone grabbing me from behind, and all of a sudden it had gone dark. I thought I was dead. I remember crying, and then a man’s voice told me to, “shut it.” Someone hit me on the head, and it went black.
When my phone beeps again, I take mercy on Ethan and go to answer. One last time hearing his voice will be okay, right? Daddy doesn’t have to know.
“Ethan,” my voice practically chimes.
“It’s Bishop.”
His gravelly voice cuts the smile from my face. Tears fall, and I know something bad has happened, because why else would he be calling me? My gut twists as Bishop breathes on the other end.
“Is…?” I can’t say it out loud. I look away and almost cradle my phone to my ear, hanging with bated breath for Bishop to me my Ethan is gone.
“He’s in a coma. He overdosed, Luna.”
I let out the sob I tried to hold in, my legs give out from under me, and I land on my floor. I sob, as I drop the phone to the floor.
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no” I chant as my tears fall. I sob, unable to control my breathing.
“Luna?” Bishop’s panicked voice sounds through the phone.
I wipe my face and pick my phone back up.
“Is he going?” I stop, and more tears slide down my cheeks.
“I don’t know yet.” He sighs.
What has he done?
“Fuck, Luna, what the hell happened?” He demands.
I need to see Ethan and I need to go to him now.
“Where is here?” I ask Bishop.
Once he’s told me which hospital Ethan is in, I run downstairs as fast as my legs will carry me. The trip to the hospital seems to take forever, and I nearly contemplate getting out and running there, but I pull up at the entrance. I throw money at the taxi driver and haul so fast through the doors I nearly trample some poor old couple.
“I’m so sorry.” I rush out as I run backwards towards the elevators.
They shake their heads at the crazed lady with tears streaking down her face.
Bishop told me what floor he was on, and said he was in the room with Ethan. He told the doctors he was his brother since he didn’t want Ethan to be alone.
I stop at the door. I go to lift my hand to knock but then I just place my hand around the door knob and twist. As soon as I enter, I can hear beeping, and the smell, God, that hospital smell. It was only days ago I was in this position.
Nothing prepares you for this. I want to throw up. My body gives away when I see the amount of cords coming from him. Tears run down my cheeks. Bishop helps me stand up. He holds my arm and he takes me to sit near Ethan.
“You came,” He says, bringing me in for a hug.
I take a chance and glance over his shoulder at Ethan.
“Oh, Ethan, what were you thinking? I stand near him, I grab his hand. It's cold, so I wrap both mine around his. I bring it up to place a soft kiss on his palm. I hold my breath as I glance around, and take in everything that’s around him. My heart echoes through my ears, as my chest fills with heartache.
More tears fall as I take him in. This sight, God, it’s devastating. I can never unsee this. This is what I was trying to avoid. I can’t see him like this again. I wipe my nose on the sleeve of my jacket while Bishop led me to the chair he just vacated. He grabs my hand in his, and I take in how he holds my hand. Bishop and I may have never spoken much, but I know he cares about Ethan.
“Will he ever wake up?” I grab for Ethan’s hand again and wrap mine around his and hold on tight. I take in the fact that he may never come back at all.
“They are still running tests, Luna. I can’t be sure of what he took.” He says as he slides another chair over and sits down beside me.
I guess he isn’t leaving anytime soon.
“Did you find him?” I brush away the hair that's fallen down over Ethan’s forehead.
“Yeah, he was out cold when I got there. Care to explain why the fuck he would use again after being sober for months? What the hell happened? He took off from the shop, and then I don’t hear from him for nearly two days, and then I find him drugged out his god damn mind and near fucking death.”
His chest heaves; he’s pissed. He cares for Ethan, and I know he told them at the hospital he was Ethan’s brother, but he kinda is. He’s a better brother than Ethan’s actual brother. I mean I hadn’t even begun to digest that bomb Ethan dropped on me before I was taken.
I begin to explain everything from the start to Bishop. Turns out he knew about Lorenzo. Guess they were close.
“Ethan’s lucky he has you in his life.” I tell Bishop after we sit in silence for a bit.
“He’ll always have me. He can’t get rid of me that easily.” He casually sits back in his chair.
“I’m not sure this is enough anymore.”
Bishop glances at me and sighs.
“Luna, he may have me, but trust me, my ugly mug isn’t the one he cares deeply for.” He says.
“He needs you.” I turn and look away. I blink; as tears form, I try to shake them off.
He doesn’t need me too much or he would be sober, right? How much more pain can I take? How many more times will I see him like this? I hold back a sob as I cover my mouth with my hand.
Those damn tears fall anyway.
I wake up with a start. My neck aches. I must have fallen asleep in the chair. I groan and rub the back of my neck.
“Here.” Bishop is in front of me and he hands me a cup of coffee.
I smile and say softly, “Thanks.”
He sits down next to me, his legs wide. He sits his cup on his thigh,taps his chin, and he strokes his thumb back and forth as if he’s thinking deep thoughts. He catches me looking and gives me a soft smile.
“I can see why he loves you.” He says.
I frown at him, slightly confused as to where this is going.”
He lifts his hand in apology.
“Not what I meant, Luna. I’m not hitting on you. For one, your Ethan’s girl, and two, he’d kick my ass if I even looked at you like that.” He chuckles,more to himself than me.
I take a sip of the very disgusting coffee and wince. The vile stuff goes down my throat. Good grief, what do they make this out of? Tar?
“Anyway, like I was saying, I can see why he loves you. Even after everything you guys have been through, you're here, and I know that would mean a lot to him.” Bishop gives me a small smile.
I can’t give him one back. I try, I really do, but instead, my lips turn the other way and sink down before I sob escapes my throat.
“Hey, you okay?” Bishop rests his hand on my shoulder.
I nod but then shake my head so fast it may swivel off my shoulders.
What Bishop doesn’t know is I’m here to say goodbye. I can’t be what Ethan needs, clearly. The end result is always the same. My mind was made up as soon as I saw him like this again.
I wipe the lone tear that slides down my cheek and clear my throat, ready to tell Bishop the truth.
“Nothing will ever change, and no matter how hard
I believe Ethan is the man I’m supposed to love for the rest of my life, our ending isn’t supposed to be beautiful, it’s meant to be tragic and full of heartache. Each step I’ve taken, he takes three steps back. I thought he had changed, he promised me he had, but after this...” I wave my hand at his form laying in the bed. More tears form, and I can’t shake them no matter how hard I try. My voice catches as I continue, but I need to say this even if it is to Bishop and not Ethan.
“I know he never will. I know he feels guilty for endangering my life and for every ounce of pain he’s ever put me through, but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be his crutch, I can’t be who he needs. Clearly. we‘re a disaster, a tragic fairytale come to life.”
I hide my face in my hands. Tears cascade down my face, my sobs break my heart with every breath I take.
“Fuck, Luna.” Bishop says I feel him lean forward.
“I don’t think he’ll survive.” He sighs.
“I won’t if I keep giving in to him. I’ve given him all of me, Bishop and in return, he keeps going back to his demons. I tried for years to make him stop, to see the bigger picture, but even this proves my worst fears.”
I wipe my face and make a move to stand. Bishop grabs my hand in his. I look down at his hand over mine. His veins strain against his skin, and I almost feel like he’s using as much strength he can muster without hurting me to keep me in place.
“Luna, please, don’t do this, don’t give up on him,” He pleads with me, his eyes full of tears, ones I know he won’t shed until I’m gone.
“I’m sorry, but if I hold on anymore, I don’t think I’ll survive.” My hand slips from his, and I place my cup down on the chair. I take Ethan’s hand in mine and squeeze.
I lean down and place a soft kiss on his lips. I whisper so only he can hear.
“I’ll always love you, Ethan, but right now you need to fix you, if you happen to find me again, I know it’s our fate to be together. I just can’t watch you self-destruct anymore.”
