by Criss Copp
“She’s gone.” Ben squeaks.
I nod, “I’ll make the phone call.” I say. I go to him first though. I go to him and kneel in front of him. I take his face in my hands and I place my forehead against his and say, “I love you Benjamin Reynolds.” And then I place a soft kiss on his lips and pull him into a hug. He returns the hug so fiercely I think he’ll squish us together and make us one person.
“Do I begin to pack things up?” he asks.
“No, you just do whatever else you want... you can talk to her, you can leave if you need to. You do what you need to do.” I say.
“What are you going to do?” He asks.
“I’m going to go and tell Silas... then I’ll make a phone call, and then I’m going to bring a stool in and massage her hands. She always liked that.” I say.
“I’m going to wait here for you.” He says.
“Okay. You wait here.” I say.
He releases me and I stand.
When I return later, Silas is there, holding Ben... who is now standing and sighing... Silas is so sad... I’ll have to carefully watch him and his meds for a while. I don’t need him descending at a time like this. My heart’s already decomposing in my stomach, where it has dropped.
I sit there massaging Sabrina’s hands, and to make things feel a little less painful; I ask Ben to tell me stuff about his Mum. I start by asking him how she told him about the birds and bees. Best question ever! By the time he finishes divulging that discussion he’s smiling, and he’s given me more things to ask him about that lift his spirits.
By the time we have company, taking in the scene of Sabrina and making their observations... we’re chuckling about stuff and enjoying the better aspects that were Sabrina’s life!
Chapter Nineteen: Moving on.
Ben.
“I know we haven’t really talked about it... I’ve just been leaving it unsaid. But are you planning on telling me soon if you’re coming with me to LA?” I ask nervously, walking in to our bedroom where she’s already lying under the covers.
“Yeah... I s’pose you need an answer.” She says.
“Um... yeah! I really kind of do.” I answer.
Jade’s been away from work for four weeks. She’s still got four weeks of holidays left. She doesn’t have a passport or visa and she’s been lacklustre in providing me with any idea what she intends to do. I’m not keen on a long distance relationship, and I’m thinking of selling the house; taking both my Mum’s and Dad’s ashes back to the US with me. I then plan on getting permission from the authorities over in Cardiff, California; to scatter their ashes in the surf off Cardiff Reef; the place where they first fell in love.
“When do you need to know by?” she asks.
“Two months ago Jade!” I say exasperatedly.
“It’s not that easy a question to answer.” She grumbles.
“How isn’t it easy? I love you, you love me, we already live with each other, I want you to continue living with me; and besides that, Silas is coming with me too; we’re family... we’ll all be there!” I argue.
“This isn’t a question about moving from Hamilton to Merewether Ben; this is another continent! I don’t know anyone else there!” she argues back. “It takes planning and forward thinking.”
“Who are you going to miss from here? You don’t go out and see anyone! I haven’t met any of your friends from your former life; you don’t talk to your grandparents, what is here for you?” I argue. I give her a second to respond, but all she does is give me a sarcastic look, so I continue... “I’ve been telling myself to be patient, that you’ll make the right choice, but I’ve got to tell you Jade; this indecision thing you’ve got going... it smacks of running away!” I growl.
“I am not running away Ben; I’m being realistic... I’m not breaking up with you; I’m trying to work out a compromise.” She explains.
“I don’t want a compromise; I’m not a compromise kind of guy. I want you, all of you.” I explain, beginning to anger.
“Well maybe I’m all for compromise, maybe I don’t want to throw things to chance and find myself in a situation that is less than right for me.” She suddenly shouts.
“Oh my fucking God! You’re running... you’re fucking running without running!” I gasp.
“That is the most ridiculous fucking thing you’ve ever said!” she shouts back, her voice rising to almost a squeal. “It doesn’t make sense.”
“You’re waiting for me to go away, and that way you can blame me for running out on you, when it was your design all along.” I shout, pointing at her.
“What do you fucking want from me?” she screams, “I’ve given you everything you’ve asked for... you have me living with you, you have my brother living with you; you’re taking him to the US with you, I stopped working...” she begins; but I very, very quickly stop her there; because if she’s going where I think she is, I’m going to fucking break something.
“Don’t you fucking dare say you stopped working to help me with Mum, or I’ll fucking tear this house down and burn what’s left!” I scream. “You fucking did that for Sabrina, on your own!” I seethe.
“I wasn’t going to say that!” She screams and jumps up on the bed... but what can she say when anything you could say would be a watered down version of the same thing?
I am unbelievably angry, and I don’t know how to get my message across to completely convince her that she needs to be with me.
“I want you. I fucking want every last breathe, every sigh, every fucking moment of your time!” I scream. “I’m not doing that with a motherfucking ocean and half a world between us!” I explain heatedly.
“I’m not saying I’m not going; I’m saying I don’t know when I’ll get there; and how I’ll divide the time between there and here and... fuck!” she screams, jumping down from the bed and standing toe to toe with me. “I haven’t figured out how to live in two places year round.” she screams.
“You don’t... you live in LA and visit here from time to time to sort out your visa shit.” I shout back.
“That won’t work.” She screams.
“Because you won’t fucking give it a try, you’re still trying to put space between us.” I bellow.
“I can’t...” she begins... her face is red and livid, but I stop her by grabbing her shoulders and shaking her momentarily; I’ve heard enough.
“I am in love with you... you’re about to pull my heart out and stomp all over it if you tell me you can’t throw caution to the wind and be with me permanently.” I growl.
She’s breathing hard and I can see her eyes are close to tears. But I continue.
“I’ll live anywhere over there with you; anywhere I can hop on a plane and be at my next fight in hours without jetlag. We don’t have to stay in LA.” I reason, I’m attempting to calm down. My voice sounds strained; despite this I continue to try.
“But if I stay here, I’d be travelling all the time and spending way too much time in a plane for comfort! You can nurse anywhere; I’ll bet you can pick up and go anywhere in the world and take your job with you.” I reason.
I think she’s going to start pointing out the reasons she can’t nurse anywhere else, but all she does is burst into tears.
“What the fuck? Why... why do I have to make all the changes?” she cries.
“Because we can’t do this without each other... and there’s no better way.” I try to explain softly. She’s breaking my heart, but it’s not because she’s stomping all over it. It’s because I know she’s making her decision; right here and now; and it means she’s at the cusp of either giving me her heart... unconditionally, or telling me to fuck off and not touch her.
“I do love you... I do want to be with you, but I’m scared.” She says, placing her arms around me and kissing my neck.
I nearly fold right then and there... I’m nearly there, I nearly have her completely.
“Shhh... I know you’re scared. I’m terrified myself. I’m stealing the he
art of a woman with no experience of the world beyond Newcastle, New South Wales, the Australian East Coast... and I’m taking her and her brother all the way across the other side of the world, to live with me because I love her and can’t live without her. I’m scared that I’m making promises that my arse can’t cash and fucking up another two people’s lives in the process. But I’m telling you the truth; I want everything... I want everything you have to give and I won’t settle for less, because I’m desperately and determinedly in love with you.” I quickly breathe before continuing; my throat burns. “Also, I believe kidnapping and imprisonment are still an international offence; and I don’t think they’ll take love as a defence.” I explain, trying to make her smile.
She chuckles, I continue to tread an unsteady path.
“I can’t imagine anything more perfect than waking up next to you, every day, and being able to touch you if I need to. A phone call and a wank just aren’t going to cut it... ever.” I explain, pulling her body into mine. “Please, take a chance on me... take a chance on a new life with me. Don’t waste another day wondering what may or may not happen. Who the fuck knows that shit anyway? Let’s make the best of what we know works. We work.” I say; leaning my face down to catch her lips with my own; I need to kiss her. She thinks I ask for everything, but it’s only because she completely owns me already, and I’ve got nothing left to give her.
She responds to my lips against hers with a slow sweet kiss; and then she pauses, without moving away, her lips brushing mine, she whispers, “I’ll begin the process tomorrow. I’ll go.”
I feel my breath hitch, and I feel her heart beat thumping against her chest as she pushes her breasts into the front of me.
“I fucking thought you were going to leave me.” I find the lament fall from my wounded thoughts.
“No... I promised Sabrina that there’d be no running.” She says, placing her hands on my sides and softly smoothing down over my ribs and down my hips.
I don’t want to talk, I want to bury myself inside her, I want to feel her letting me love her, and I want to know she loves me back. I’m over drama, fighting and bullshit... I need some stability. I’m leaving this shithole in six weeks, and I want to do it with the house sold, all items of furniture sold off and my personal shit placed into storage until I decide what I’ll do about shipping it OS. In the meantime I’ve got a lot of work preparing Silas for his first real, big fight.
Jade.
I’m not good at fighting with Ben; he structures his arguments like he’s written and practiced them the night before. He was probably good at debating at school too; it’s a form of structured fighting, so I guess he was. All things fighting and Ben get on really well.
I’ve just handed him the rest of myself, the whole of me inside...
So, in handing over my heart and throwing caution to the wind; I hope to God that he knows what he’s doing.
“Ben,” I say, “you already have every part of me; you already have my heart in your hands; please be careful with it.” I explain, because it’s true. I had planned on being with him, and I was scared, and I was taking a long time, but I would’ve made it in the end. However, perhaps I would’ve taken a long time, because I’m too much like Sabrina.
He looks at my lips... I’m now chewing on my bottom lip, and I’m about to bite clear through it, because he’s not saying anything.
He looks into my eyes, and I see relief... immense relief and need. He bends his head back down and once again moves his lips across mine. He brushes them against mine in such a way that it makes my head jumble into a chaotic mess and nothingness combined, like my body has told my brain to clock off and take a break.
I move my lips... slightly, but it’s an invitation for him to begin invading my mouth, so he presses his mouth firmly on mine and begins to move more clearly and precisely, dictating his obvious need to have me... to be with me, to taste me and to feel every part of me.
I feel his tongue trace my lips and part them, in consultation with his hand that has moved up my throat and begun to hold me close and demand my subservience. His thumb is under my chin, levering it to tilt my face at precisely the right angle for him to devour me; his remaining palm and fingers cup the side of my neck and up to my ear, preventing me from escaping his mouth... but I have no intention of doing so. His kiss becomes more insistent, and I feel his tongue begin its sweep of my mouth, demanding my tongue join him in a tango of lust and need. I find the invitation completely irresistible.
His left hand has not been idle... he’s cupped my arse on the outside of my pyjama bottoms and pulled me into his erection. Now he slides his hand north before delving into the elastic of my waistband and plunging in to hold my bare arse, skin to skin.
I feel my moan escape me after rising up through my chest to release into his mouth, it explains my need and desire in crystal clear tones of desperation.
He groans and begins to move his right hand south to smooth over the top of my chest, and undo my top button; and then continue to undo every button in his path till my pyjama top is completely open and revealing my torso. He slides his hand back up my stomach and up to cup my breast. He teases it, palming and pinching it till my pussy is screaming out for some attention. My whimpers are the last straw. He can’t continue to be gentle when we’ve just argued... when we’ve been hurting and attempting to hurt each other. The fire we create during those times is formidable... and we’ve merely delayed the inevitable combustion. The fire doesn’t play meek for long... the fuel is there to be consumed, so we need to consume each other or feel unsated.
Ben completely loses his shit. He reefs his hands up to my shoulders and grabs them... and then he throws me to the bed... where he leans over and pulls my undies and pyjama bottoms down in one full tug. He looks at me sitting there and begins pulling off his top.
“Get that fucking shirt off now, or I’ll fucking tear it off in pieces.” He growls, referring to the open pyjama top I have left on me. He’s pushing his pants and boxers down. I conform to his request and the next moment I’m sitting there in front of him... naked, just as he is; standing before me.
He leans over the bed and grabs an ankle, pulling it aggressively towards him. He drags me to the edge of the bed, so I am sitting at the end of it, and then he’s in front of me, feeding his cock to me, demanding I take him in my mouth. My gag reflex isn’t given permission to respond... and although he can’t quite get his entire cock down my throat, it’s not from my lack of trying to get him in. He’s just not going to get there from this angle. I grab his balls and begin to rub and massage them as I begin to move up and down his shaft with my mouth and other hand.
“Fuck... Oh my fucking God...” He laments, and I look up through the top of my eyes to watch him staring at me sucking his cock. It turns him on.
“Holy shit... fuck!” he moans. I move my hand from his balls, pop my mouth off his cock and bring my fingers to my mouth to generously apply saliva to the middle three fingers of my hand; before replacing my fingers between his legs, and beginning to trace the taint between his balls and anus; while I go back to sucking his cock. I know he’s feeling good, because he’s moaning from deep down... and he’s gently rocking his hips, so I suck harder; creating a complete vacuum on his cock, and moving up and down the shaft accompanied by my firm hand. I push my middle finger back along his taint, along with the remaining lubrication I have placed there till I reach his anus; I begin to massage the puckered edge of his hole; playfully brushing over the top till his moans have him groaning in ecstasy; and he’s thrusting his hips to meet my mouth, his eyes no longer staring at me because his head has lolled back on his shoulders.
I take my cue, and I slowly enter my middle finger into his arse... this is the first time I’ve done this to him, and I’m not about to stop and ask him if he has had it done before; so I slowly but steadily enter, till I’m up to my middle knuckle. He has stopped thrusting and he’s now looking at me again... but he’s not displaying si
gns of being uncomfortable, so I proceed, sucking his cock more vigorously, which puts him back on track; but he doesn’t remove his eyes from mine. Perhaps he wants to know when he feels this orgasm and that it’s me who gives it to him. Perhaps this intrusion is new. I gently begin to massage him inside his anus, up against the nub I feel inside, and his face falls into absolute pleasure.
I told him I could give cataclysmic head... well here it is; taught to me by a bisexual male who enjoyed an extensive amount of anal play.
I’m watching his face as it struggles to contain the weight of his pleasure. So, I drop my hand from his cock so my mouth and the sucking vacuum pressure it provides is the only contact on it. I then provide a massaging pressure to his balls, pushing and gently tugging them with the hand I removed from his cock.
He’s getting stimulated from all three places... I’m fucking his cock with my mouth, fucking his arse with my finger and I’m massaging his balls into submission. There’s a reason I waited till he was at the point of tipping over the edge. It’s a juggling act, and it’s hard to maintain.
Ben is still looking at me, and I am looking back up to him, my eyes boring into him... demanding him to come in a spectacular fashion.
Ben.
MO.THER.FUCK.ER!
My insides are screaming... my entire pelvis area is in flames. When she said cataclysmic, I thought she’d already shown me. But no, although each time she’s brought me to an orgasm with her mouth I was completely seduced in an extreme way... at no time had I reached the level that is this moment. My pelvis feels flooded with heat, my cock doesn’t just want to come, it wants to ejaculate the entire content that is in my balls, because she’s massaged them to oblivion; every little guy in there has his hands up in surrender. I’ll be sterile after this, because there won’t be anything left. And what she’s doing with her finger... fucking hell... I’m weeping, my body is weeping in burning pleasure.
