“You do?” Grinning, he looked around. “All this?”
I wrinkled my nose. “Maybe not the two hundred people.” Deep breath. “But lately I’ve been really inspired by Alex and Nolan, and I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said about falling in love, and staying in it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. You were right—I didn't let myself believe in love, because I was scared to give someone else that kind of power over me, and I’ve never been very good at sharing myself with anyone. It seemed so much easier to dismiss it as fiction.”
“It is easier.”
“But I don’t want to do that anymore. I need you in my life.” I heard my name being called again. “Gah. Too much going on at once.”
“It’s OK.” He kissed my forehead. “I understand.”
“I have to go outside. Wait for me here?”
“As long as it takes.”
I smiled at him before hurrying toward the exit, my heart pounding as quickly as my heels on the wood.
Thirty
QUINN
While Jaime was gone, I had a drink and chatted with a couple high school friends, but my mind was completely focused on her. She looked and sounded so different. I mean, she looked beautiful, like she always did, but her expression when she told me she loved me was so guileless and natural. I heard nothing false in her voice, saw no lie in her eyes. Prior to tonight, the only other times I’d seen her look that open and honest was during sex.
It was such a fucking relief.
While in London, I’d second-guessed myself a thousand times for walking away from her at Alex’s party. You asshole, you love her! Why do you have to be so hard on her? I felt like I owed her an apology for that. But in the end, I always came to the same conclusion—if she was going to remain closed off to the possibility of a future, if she was truly only in this for the fun of it, if she was the kind of person who would leave whenever she felt threatened by her feelings or mine…I couldn’t be with her.
But I’d missed her. And every night, I hoped what I’d said was getting through to her, and she just needed time.
When she’d texted me that she wanted to talk, I couldn’t wait to get home and find out.
Thankfully, the photographer I was shooting with in London felt bad enough about the scheduling mix-up that she agreed to finish up on Monday instead of today, which was how I’d been able to take the quick trip. It would be terrible having to leave again tomorrow, but at least this time, I’d know I was coming home to something good.
Something beautiful, I thought as Jaime entered the room and walked toward me. Something that matters to me.
“Hey,” she said as I kissed her cheek.
“Hey. Have I told you how fucking spectacular you look in that dress?”
She laughed. “Maybe. But you can keep telling me.”
I slipped an arm around her waist and spoke in her ear. “You look fucking spectacular in that dress, but I think it will look even more spectacular on my new bedroom floor. Let’s go find out.”
“Mmm, I like the sound of that but I think my brother would kill me if I left before the big toast.”
“That’s right.” I let go of her and studied her face. “Are you nervous?”
She tilted a hand side to side, fingers stretched. “A bit. I mean, I know what I want to say. I just hope I get through it.”
“You will. I have faith.” People had begun sitting down for dinner, but there were some things I wanted to say to her before I went to my table. “Listen, I want to apologize for the way I treated you at Alex’s that night. I was hard on you.”
“You were,” she agreed. “But those were things I needed to hear, so no apology necessary. If you’d been sweet about it, I probably wouldn’t have taken them to heart. I needed the hard words.”
I gave her my best smolder. “I have lots of hard things for you. Not just words.”
“So thoughtful,” she said before slapping my arm. “Now stop trying to distract me with your dick when I’m supposed to be composing myself to speak in front of this crowd. You’re riling me up.”
“Sorry not sorry. And you were the one who brought up hard things, not me. I was just trying to apologize. But if you won’t let me do that, then let me do this.” I wrapped her up in my arms and pulled her close. “I know you don’t love hugging in public and I’ll let you go in a moment, but I need to hold you and tell you how much it means to me that you changed your mind about us.”
“Quinn, don’t.”
I froze. “Don’t?”
Her arms tightened around my waist. “Don’t let me go.”
Lucky for me, there was an empty seat at the table where Jaime was sitting with Alex and Nolan, Sean and his wife, and another couple I recognized from Alex’s birthday. The staff set a place for me, and Jaime held my hand under the table as the champagne was poured and someone handed a microphone to Nolan.
He stood, and the room hushed. “Thank you all for being here with us tonight. It means so much to Alex and me to see so many friends and family here celebrating together. One of the first things Alex told me about himself was how close he was to his sister, and I’m proud to call her my sister now, too.” He looked at Jaime, and she smiled back, touching her hand to her heart. “She’s agreed to kick off tonight’s reception by saying a few words, so I’ll turn the mic over to her for a toast.”
I squeezed Jaime’s hand before letting it go, and she stood up, smoothed her dress, and took the mic from Nolan.
“Thank you, Nolan, for the sweet introduction. Some girls might grow up wishing they had a sister, but not me. I’ve always thought another brother would be awesome, and I’m glad it’s you. I love you both.”
The crowd awwww’d collectively, and she smiled again at the grooms before turning toward the guests.
“For the last year, ever since Alex and Nolan asked me to make this toast, I’ve been panicking about it. What could I say about love and life that would mean something to them…” She glanced at the grooms. “And to you? Should I quote The Bard? The Bible? The Beatles?”
I grinned and she gave me a quick wink.
“I hunted around for the perfect lines, hoping to unearth something brilliant and beautiful, words that would unlock the mystery of love to a skeptic like me. Surely there was a secret to be discovered and shared.” She paused. “But I couldn’t find it. Nothing resonated. Nothing rang true. Love was just as mysterious as ever. So mysterious that I finally broke down and asked my big brother, ‘What’s the secret?’ Because when you look at these two…” She gestured toward Alex and Nolan. “You know that they know it.”
After a pause, she went on. “And my brother said to me, ‘Jaime, there is no secret. There is no magic. There is no way to know what the future holds. The point is that you’re willing to take a chance.’” She took a breath. “I thought a lot about that in the following days. And I realized he was right—love isn’t a secret to be unlocked, or a mystery to be solved. And marriage isn’t the mystical union of two souls whose fate is written in the stars.” Her voice got stronger. “It’s a feeling, followed by a choice made in the face of chaos and uncertainty: I don’t know where this road will take me, but I want you by my side on the journey.” She glanced at me briefly, and my body warmed. “It’s a leap of faith, and what a privilege it was to be here today and watch these two make it.”
Smiling, she went on. “I am going to disagree slightly, though—what kind of kid sister would I be if I didn’t?” She waited until the chuckling died down and turned to Alex and Nolan. “There is magic in a love like yours. Not the kind that can be seen or touched or explained, but the kind a person can feel when they look at you together. The kind that makes a person believe.” She paused for a moment, glanced at me, and then turned back to the crowd. “To Alex and Nolan—may the rest of their journey be as beautiful as their leap was today, and may we all be there to witness it!”
“To Alex and Nolan!” someone echoed, followed by
a chorus of well wishes throughout the room.
I picked up my champagne and drank, so proud of Jaime I was bursting with it, and so in love with her I could hardly sit still. I watched as she went around the table to the grooms, hugging and kissing each of them, lingering a long time in Alex’s arms. After giving the mic back to the band’s vocalist, she returned to her chair, which I pulled out for her. Once I sat down again, I took her face in my hands and kissed her hard on the lips.
She looked relieved. “Oh my God, I’m glad that’s over. How did I do? Too much Cheez Whiz?”
“Not nearly. You were great. It was beautiful and heartfelt.”
“Thanks.”
“So you’re really a believer now, huh?”
That earned me a coy smile and playful lift of her shoulders. “Maybe.”
“I’ll take it.” I planted a kiss on her nose. “Love bug.”
She gave me a horrified look and scooted her chair away from me, making me grin from ear to ear.
She might believe in love, but she was still my Jaime—fire and ice all at once.
I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
Later in the night, after dinner was over and the cake had been cut and Alex and Nolan had danced for the first time as a married couple, I was wondering how much longer Jaime wanted to stay when I heard the opening bars to a familiar tune.
She was sitting on my lap—her idea, not mine—and she grinned at me over one shoulder. “Is this your song?”
Chills swept down my arms as I heard the vocalist start to sing. “Who knows how long I’ve loved you? You know I love you still…”
“You remembered.”
“Of course I did. I remember everything about you.”
A rush of affection for her made my heart beat quicker. “Did you ask the band to play it?”
She nodded. “I’m not much of a singer, unfortunately, but if you’d like to dance, I’m game.”
I stood, carefully setting her on her feet and taking her hand. On the dance floor, she melted into my arms, and I held her close, breathing in the sweet scent of her perfume. I listened to the words my mother used to sing and wished she were here, hoped she would be proud of me, missed her presence in my life. “She’d have loved this, you know. You and I together.”
“Your mom?”
“Yes.”
“That makes me happy.”
“Me too.”
She laid her head on my shoulder. “This is the longest I’ve ever stayed at a wedding. I usually bail by now.”
“Does that mean you’re having fun?”
“Yes. But being this close to you makes me want to go have fun somewhere else.”
“How about my place? Would you like to see it?”
“Yes,” she said emphatically. “I’ve been dying to see it.”
The song ended and we applauded before heading over to Alex and Nolan to say goodbye. They scolded us for leaving so early but looked happy to see us leaving together.
“Thanks again for the toast, sweet pea.” Alex grabbed her in a quick hug. “It meant a lot to us.”
“You’re welcome,” she said. “I know it was a little icky sweet, but I did mean what I said.”
“Of course you did.” I put my arm around her. “I think this is the start of a whole new icky sweet you.”
I got the dagger eyes in return. “Don’t start.”
Thirty-One
JAIME
“Quinn, it’s beautiful.” I turned around inside his cavernous living room, taking in the high ceilings, shiny wood floors, brick walls, and huge windows. His furniture was modern and masculine with a touch of traditional—brown leather couches, an Eames chair, an antique bookcase. “And look at that view.” I walked over to the window and looked out.
“Incredible, right?” He switched off the lights. “It’s even better in the dark.”
I laughed. “What isn’t?”
He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his face in my neck. It was the kind of embrace I’d have squirmed out of with anyone else, or maybe even just a few months ago with him.
Now I liked the closeness I felt when he held me. I liked feeling his body against mine even with our clothes on, not even knowing whether it would lead to sex.
But it had damn well better.
It had been too long, and we’d been looking at each other too hungrily all night, and a separation—however brief—loomed ahead.
Quinn kissed my throat, swept his tongue over my skin. “I love you so much. I’m so glad you’re here.”
I never thought those words would make me happy, but now I wanted to wrap myself up in them, roll around in them, drown in them.
“Me too.” I tilted my head to the side, feeling the tingle begin between my legs. When I felt the nudge of his swelling cock against my ass, I reached behind me and rubbed my hand over it. “I missed you so much.”
Worried he’d get the wrong idea, I twisted to face him, looped my arms around his lower back. “I mean, I missed everything, Quinn. Not just the sex—I missed everything about you. I missed laughing with you, talking with you. I missed falling asleep next to you at night and waking up with you in the morning.”
“You did?” He sounded surprised. “You won’t even let me touch you when you’re falling asleep.”
“I know, but it’s more…” I thought for a second. “It’s just knowing you’re there. That you’ll be there the next day. I like that feeling, and I never thought I would.”
“Good. Because I plan on sticking around.” He went back to kissing my neck. “I might never get enough of you, but I’m sure as hell going to try. Does that scare you?”
“Nope.” I slid my hands down over his ass, pulling him into me. “Believe it or not, deep down I’ve always wanted you to try. I just wouldn’t admit it. It was always you, Quinn.”
He picked his head up and looked me in the eye. “It always will be.”
We kissed, kicking off shoes, unzipping, unbuttoning, unhooking. We let our beautiful clothes fall to the floor where we stood, anxious to feel one another skin to skin. He pulled out my hairpins and slid his fingers into my hair. When we were naked and frantic and unsatisfied with lips and hands and tongues, craving a deeper connection, Quinn took my hand. “I want you in my bed.”
He led me up the stairs and into his bedroom, a large, airy space with floor to ceiling windows and a king-sized platform bed. There was probably more furniture in the room, but I didn’t notice it.
We fell onto the bed and into each other. We kissed as if it had been years, our limbs twined like ivy. I could hardly breathe, but it didn’t scare me. I wanted him to smother me, wanted to suffocate on his love. “I need you,” I whispered over and over again.
It was an unfamiliar kind of need, physical and emotional—my body demanded he fill the aching hollow inside it and my heart begged to escape my chest and be cradled by his. I looked up at him as he slid inside me, his face lit solely by the nighttime lights of the city below. “Quinn.” My voice shook with the panic I felt at finally letting the feeling overtake me, at not being able to describe it.
“I know,” he said, rolling over me, rocking into me as my eyes closed in ecstasy. “I feel it.”
Thank God, I thought as he filled me. Thank God I don’t have to find words. All I had were gasps and sighs, inarticulate cries of pleasure and pain, and breathless moments of agony at the peak, my hands clutching and pulling him closer, closer, closer…would it ever be enough?
And then I had tears, welling up and spilling over as our eyes locked and breath mingled and bodies contracted around one another’s in a long, suspended moment of euphoric release. My fear was gone.
“I’m sorry,” I wept once I could talk. “I don’t know why I’m crying. I swear I’m happy.”
“I know why.” He kissed my forehead. “And it’s OK.”
“Are you going to tease me about this tomorrow?”
“No, sweet pea. I’m not.”
“I’m going to tease you about it for the rest of our lives.”
I laughed, swatting him on the butt. “Figures.”
“You OK with that?” He brushed my hair off my face.
“With what?”
“The fact that I want this for the rest of my life.”
My stomach swooshed, but it was a good kind of swoosh. The kind of swoosh you feel on a rollercoaster—equal parts trepidation and excitement. “Honestly? Yes. I’m OK with that. Tonight when I made the toast, I said it was Alex and Nolan who made me believe in love, but you know it wasn’t just them.”
He smiled. “I know.”
“I don’t know how you did it.”
“I didn’t, Jaime—you did. I fell in love with you, but you had to open yourself up to it. And you did.”
“Eventually.”
“Eventually. And I think once you felt it, you saw it in others. Not just as something beautiful but fleeting and superficial, but as something deeper.”
“I did.” I thought for a moment. “It’s like the difference between a wedding and a marriage. A wedding is all about the show, but a marriage is about commitment you can’t see. All those things you said to me at Alex’s birthday finally made sense.”
“Good. Does this mean you want to get married?”
My heart stopped. “You’re killing me. One thing at a time, please.”
“That wasn’t a no. I’ll take it.” He kissed my lips, his tongue teasing inside them.
“I do love you, Quinn. And it is real, even though I’ve always thought you were too good to be true.”
“I hope you always think that,” he said, “even when I’m old and bald and fat and can’t get it up anymore.” He picked up his head. “Forget I said that. I’ll always get it up for you.”
I laughed, locking my legs around him. “I’ll hold you to it, love bug.”
The next morning, Quinn ran out for coffee and bagels while I lounged around his condo in one of his T-shirts. When he got back, we were going to compare calendars and check out some resorts in the Caribbean—Quinn wanted to take me on vacation, and I’d gleefully said yes.
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