“I really don’t know, Mom.” There were so many factors. The father being the top issue.
“What about adoption?” Her mother asked. She knew how her mother felt about abortion. But would she be able to give her baby away?
“I don’t think so.” She admitted. Jon had offered to take the baby, but she was not going to do that either.
“Do you still have feelings for him?” Her father asked and she looked to where he stood. The truth was the only option so she nodded her head.
That was as close as she was going to get to saying it. After her nod he sat back down.
“London, please don’t ever go to that clinic again. If you truly want to do that, then let me get you the best in the world. I don’t want to risk anything happening to you.” Her mother’s words were chosen carefully. She did not want to worry her parents. Still she was not sure what to say at the moment.
“I don’t think I want to do that anyway. I just had to get away from all of those people. Mom, they were awful.” Her mother hugged her then and she was glad. This was what she needed.
“I know, Honey.” It wasn’t that she needed her parents permission for anything, but having their support was priceless. She was glad that she had decided to tell them the truth.
On her way home it started to rain. She tried to focus on the road ahead. It made her very sad that she had him arrested, but he knew the consequences. Still it bothered her. She wondered if he was still in jail. Would he think she had done it? Would he think she had gone through with the abortion? Why should she care what he thought? The man was determined to make her life miserable. Still the look in his eyes when she turned from him was heartbreaking.
Parking in her garage she was glad that she had made it home. The rain poured down and she ran inside to let Elsa in. The dog was glad to be inside. The back porch roof kept her dry and London was glad. Her cell phone rang and she did not recognize the number.
“Will you accept a collect call from.” The automated voice asked and then she heard him say. “Jon Tango.” Ending the call she put her phone on the counter. That answered her question he was still in jail. There was so much going on and at that moment she did not want to deal with anybody.
Laying alone in her bed she looked at the ceiling. If she was being honest with herself she wanted this baby. Not because it was Jon’s, no she wanted the baby because it was hers. The bigger picture was what she wanted to think of at that moment. So what if it was his DNA that helped to create this little one? The baby would be growing in her body, under her heart. The tears came up and spilled over.
How had she thought that she could simply get rid of the baby? His face came up to her then and she remembered the tears that escaped his eyes. It had bothered him greatly that she was going to have an abortion. The thought of hurting him made her cry even more. Why did she have to care how he felt? The man had tried everything in his power to destroy her. It did not change the fact that she still loved him. It had to get easier, it had to fade. Maybe she should start thinking about dating other people. That thought died pretty quickly.
‘Do you think your boyfriend is going to want my baby?’ Those words rose up to her and she rolled over to her side. The tears fell and she wondered if she could dehydrate from crying. She had to admit something else to herself, she did not like the idea that he was in jail and it was because of her.
London rolled onto her other side. Elsa looked up at her but did not move. She did not want to think anymore, she did not want to feel anymore. She just wanted to sleep and wake up in the morning with all the answers. She was pretty sure that was not going to happen.
TEN
When the sun came up she was no closer to the answers she wanted. She decided to give it time. The decision was made to keep the baby no matter what and she felt good about it.
London went to work. She knew that her father wanted to say something to her but he didn’t. Once before lunch he came into her office, smiled a tight smile and walked back out. She was not sure what to make of it, but decided to just go with it. If he wanted to say something to her he would.
Her mind continued to see Jon’s tear streaked face. It was not something that she liked. It popped up at the most awkward of times. She thought it was probably guilt that made that happen. She had no reason to feel guilty about having him arrested, but she did.
The guilt clawed at her for two days and she knew she was going to have to do something about it. So she went to the police station and found out about resending the restraining order. She wanted to know if his record would be wiped clean if she had it removed. That was not something that she wanted on her conscious. The police station advised her to hire an attorney. She thought about Mr. Matthews, but he would just tell her father. So she hired a private attorney and he said he would handle it.
Paul came to check on Elsa daily but she did not have much to say to him. The days seemed to pass without her noticing. It was strange she thought, but that was what happened when you simply existed. Going through the motions day after day.
She was sitting on her back porch watching Elsa in the yard when her cell phone rang. It was Jon.
“Hello.” London tried her best to keep her tone neutral.
“Why?”
“Why what?” There was no way she could know what he was asking.
“Why did you have the restraining order lifted?” She had no idea that he would have been told about that.
“You might be able to ruin my life, but I can’t live with ruining yours.” The truth was easier to say than she thought it would be. There was silence but it was only for a moment.
“Did you do it?” The words came out controlled. She was sure she knew what he was asking, but she did not want to tell him the truth.
“I have a right to know.” She was not sure if that was true or not so she was not going to argue with him. Instead she would find out what if anything she was required to tell him.
“Goodbye, Jon.” London ended the call and counted she made it to five before the phone rang again. Again it was Jon. She was not going to answer him, so she hit the power button and dropped the phone to the chair beside of her. She sat there quietly just watching the dog for a while. Then Paul came into the backyard and sat in the chair next to hers.
“I am pretty sure you have yourself a dog.” He said as Elsa nosed around along the fence. “Shayla doesn’t mind and she isn’t leaving.” London smiled at him.
“I am keeping the baby.” She admitted meeting his eyes.
“Why did you lift the restraining order?” Paul asked, she should have known he would know about that.
“It didn’t work anyway.” That was not the truth, but she was not sure how to voice the real reason. He shrugged.
“My wife loves your designs.” London realized that he always referred to her as his wife, not his ex. There was something this man was keeping from her and she wanted to find out what.
“Why are you separated?” They had been friends long enough she thought she could ask him that question.
“I am married to my job.” The way he said those words made her sad.
She could only imagine how important his job was to him. Not only to him but to everyone else as well.
“You have a very important job.”
“It should not be more important than my family.” She wondered if those were his words or his wife’s. A comfortable silence fell over them. They both watched Elsa in the yard.
“Thanks for the dog.” She said to him as he left her back yard. Well she had thought about getting a dog, and here she had one that was already house broke.
London spent the next month in a boring routine. She went to work and home, she never went anywhere else. Unless she had to. Any time he called she ignored him.
He sent her flowers every week and she wanted to tell him to stop, but she did not want to talk to him. The pink and blue roses were just a way for him to twist that knife in her heart. Too bad for him they did
not work. He might think she had gotten rid of the baby, too bad for him she didn’t. So his weekly reminder did nothing.
The next month the diapers started coming and she wanted to scream at him. She knew they were from him. There was no one else on the planet that would try to get to her like that. Just a simple pack of diapers propped against her front door.
She smiled as she carried them to her guest bedroom. At this rate she would not need to buy any diapers. It was ironic really. The man was determined to get to her.
She was determined to ignore him. The little game of cat and mouse actually made her smile. Oh she doubted it would make her smile if she had the abortion, but that was something that he could not know.
London was happy about the changes her body was going through. She was showing and it made her feel so many things. Of course she was only five months along, but she could feel the baby move. Every once in a while she thought of how close she had come to having an abortion. That thought still made her tear up.
London was returning from her monthly visit to the OBGYN when her dad came into her office. There was a look in his eyes that she did not like. When he closed the door she tried to prepare herself. Without a word he placed his cell phone on her desk in front of her. Looking down she saw herself in Jon’s bed and they were having sex. So he did have videos.
“Oh God.” She could not believe this, she was going to be sick. The trash can was by her leg and she threw up in it. The pictures had been bad enough, but this, well this was too much.
“He said he will not release this if you will talk to him.” There was no comfort in those words.
“He said you would know where to find him. Something about where you first found him.” Then he was turning and walking out of the office. His cell phone still on the desk in front of her.
London made herself wait until five o’clock before leaving the office. She had to make herself look as normal as possible. It was not a normal that she felt. Pulling her jacket on she picked up her purse. Her father’s cell phone was still sitting on her desk where he had left it.
So he wanted to talk to her. Why did she ever think he would leave her alone? The little mind games that he had been playing with her were not enough for him.
Well this had to stop and she was pretty sure that she could convince him of that. The little one under her heart would convince him.
Entering the bar she was glad that it was not full. It was still early and she guessed that was the reason. There was the sound of pool balls hitting one another. Her heels clicked on the floor as she made her way to the bar. He was there with a woman all over him. The sight hit a place inside of her but she clamped down on the anger instead.
“You wanted to talk to me.” She said as she came to stand a few feet from him. He looked up from the blond that he had been kissing. The woman was all over him and it was not something that she liked to see. If he wanted to hurt her, that would do it.
“I see I got your attention.” There was something in his eyes that she did not like.
“This has to stop, Jon.” She was surprised at the strength of her words. She watched as he said something into the woman’s ear. That lady was ready to climb him like a tree.
“Fine, when you are ready to discuss this then call me.” She was going to turn and walk away. Her jacket drifted open and she knew that he did not miss the bump at her middle. The woman in his lap was shoved away and he was by her so fast. He had her by the arm. His hand went inside of her jacket to rest on her stomach.
“You didn’t do it.” He said a look of shock or confusion, she could not tell, on his face.
“Whiskey.” Angel number 38 called and London hated that she thought of the woman as that. Jon ignored her.
“I am serious when you are ready to grow up and talk to me, call.” She made to leave but he was not ready to let her go.
“Wait.” He said and she wondered what he was thinking.
“I have to get out of here.” She meant that more than anything. There was so much happening all at once and she could not handle it. The thought that she could keep the baby from him was gone.
Now she was dealing with the idea that she might have to share the baby with him. That was not something that she was ready to do.
“Ok.” He said before pulling her from the bar, the other woman completely forgotten. Once they were outside she had to take control of the situation. His hands were under her shirt on her bare skin and she had to make him stop.
“The videos, Jon.” She reminded him of the reason she was there. His hands were touching every inch of her stomach under her shirt. The contact warmed her blood, she told her body to stop. The traitor did not listen.
“I will destroy them.” He said as he met her eyes, his hands still on her belly. She wanted to believe him. Pushing his hands away she tried to fix her top. Jon was not happy about that and reached out for her several times. Each time she was able to stop him.
‘I’m sorry, London.” The emotion was raw in his tone, she did not want to hear it.
“It is too late for that.” Why would he even think that apologizing would change anything? It did not and she needed him to know that.
“What do you want me to do?” This was not a situation that he liked being in, she could tell. She remembered how he liked to give orders and how she just went right along with him. He was not in control and he did not like it.
“Right now at this very moment, I have no idea.” Because it was not as simple as that.
“You destroyed my life, Jon, you put me on display for the world to see. I never mattered to you.” That was what bothered her the most and she knew it.
“I was just a way for you to get revenge. I have tried to deal with that, I try every day to live with that. I can’t go anywhere that someone doesn’t recognize me. I am that girl on the internet. The one with the perfect breasts.” That last part came out with a little anger. She was so tired of all of the attention.
“And now I am going to have a baby that will have to live with that. Things on the internet never go away, ever.” It did not help that she still had those darn feelings for him. He simply looked at her and she could not begin to know what he was thinking. The man was so guarded at that moment.
“I am tired, Jon, and I just want to go home.” That was where she spent most of her time. She realized that now. Work or home, she thought about Paul telling her he was married to his job. Well she was married to her house and that was where she wanted to be at the moment.
When she turned from him he did not stop her. She was glad she just wanted to go home and sleep. The fact that she had said all of that to him was weird. It did not make her want to cry anymore.
Sure having seen him with that woman made her jealousy flare up and she had to admit that she still loved him. It was not going to change anything.
When she made her way through the house to let Elsa in she saw him on her front porch. She did not want to deal with him. When she opened the door he stepped inside.
“I am not going to bother you, but can I just sit on your couch?” His words were confusing to her. Elsa came over and sniffed his hand, Jon reached out and patted her on the head.
“I think he likes me.” Jon said his words lacking any real emotion.
“That’s odd, she is usually a good judge of character.” London wished she could bring those words back but she couldn’t. Closing the front door she left him standing there. If he wanted to sit on her couch she did not care. At that moment she just wanted to lay down. Elsa followed her upstairs, London never once looked back.
In her room she changed into a t-shirt and shorts, then climbed into her bed. She did not care that he was in her house, the thought did not bother her one way or the other. In seconds she was asleep.
The little nap helped her to feel a little better. Making her way to the kitchen she let Elsa out. When she looked in the den he was laying on the couch. She thought he was asleep.
Walking int
o the room she was going to cover him with a blanket. He moved and she stopped. When their eyes met she tried to smile, but could not stop herself from taking a step back.
“I am not going to hurt you, London.” She knew that, it was just a reflex.
“I thought you were sleeping.” The words sounded rushed to her own ears.
“Do you think there is any possibility that you might ever be able to forgive me?” She resisted the urge to ask him what he wanted forgiveness for. There was so much that she could have said to that, but she did not want to get into it.
“Probably not.” The idea that she did not want to hurt him had her saying those words. Why would she still consider his feelings after everything he had done to her? Because she loved him.
Whiskey Tango Page 7
