by Jane Casey
He shook his head. ‘I wouldn’t want to risk it. I’d do it that way if the Coastguard were here but we don’t have the right equipment. It would be bad if we dropped you.’
Bad was an understatement, I gathered. ‘So what then? Down?’ I fought hard to keep my voice casual but Will was too perceptive not to notice the terror.
‘It’ll be fine. It’s an easy one.’
‘For you, I can imagine it is. But for me . . .’
‘You can do it. I know you can.’ He crouched down in front of me. ‘I’ll be there the whole way. I’ll talk you through every move you have to make.’
‘What if I fall?’ I whispered.
‘That’s why God invented ropes.’ He grinned. ‘I’m not taking any unnecessary risks, believe me. I just think it’s more dangerous to stay where we are and get hypothermia.’
‘I can’t feel my feet. But that’s probably good because otherwise they would be killing me.’
‘If a few blisters are your only damage from tonight, you’re seriously lucky.’
‘Not as lucky as Coco.’ I sounded bitter because I was. ‘She should buy a lottery ticket tomorrow morning.’
‘She’ll get what’s coming to her, one way or another. Now stop thinking about it and concentrate on this.’ Will put his hands on my shoulders and shook me gently. ‘Are you going to do what I tell you to do?’
‘If the alternative is plummeting to my doom, yes.’
‘Good to know.’ He stood up and took out his phone again. ‘Let’s get these ropes.’
It didn’t take a huge amount of time to organize the things we needed, so I didn’t have long to start worrying about how I was going to cope with the climb. From somewhere or other, Dan Henderson had managed to get ropes. More remarkable still, he sent down a bag containing a pair of jeans and a jumper for me.
‘How did he know this was what I wanted?’ I could barely wait to take off the loathsome dress.
‘No one in their right mind would go climbing wearing that sort of thing. But don’t get too excited. These clothes will be too big for you. They’re Dad’s.’
‘They’ve got to be better than this.’ I plucked at the skirt. ‘The next time I want to get dressed up as Sandy from Grease, this is absolutely what I’m wearing. Otherwise, never again.’
‘Better take it off, then.’ Will was grinning at me again. I folded my arms and waited until he turned round, very slowly. I was smiling myself as I struggled into the clothes. As Will had predicted I had to roll up the sleeves and trouser-legs. I was still stuck with the hateful shoes but it was beyond brilliant to have trousers instead of a flouncy skirt, and I could breathe again. Or I could until Will started to sort out my harness and ropes. He manhandled me with a business-like detachment that I tried to copy, but I was intensely aware of his hands on my body.
‘Are you ready?’ he said at last.
‘I don’t think it’s possible to be ready, but I want to get away from here.’
‘That’ll do. You know what they always say, don’t you? Don’t look down.’
‘Will . . .’ I swallowed. ‘I’m scared.’
‘I know.’ He put out his hand and I held onto it. ‘It’s going to be fine.’
He sounded like he meant it, so I chose to believe it, or I would never have moved an inch off the rock ledge. I would never have stepped into space, trusting my life to a surprisingly thin rope and Will’s knowledge of the cliffs. But I did it. I eased myself off the ledge that had saved my life and clung to the rock where he told me to hold on, finding a toehold with his help. And almost before I realized it, I was three metres below the ledge, moving slowly but steadily towards safety.
In truth, I don’t remember a lot of the details of the climb. Will was doing the thinking for me. I was like a robot, letting him dictate every single move I made. He was brilliant at finding the easy way down, guiding me around difficult patches of rock to take advantage of a gentler slope, or finding another place where we could stop and take a breather. He was encouraging and stern and funny in turn, never stopping the flow of advice and praise that prevented me from panicking about what I was attempting. I concentrated on every movement I made at each individual moment, not allowing myself to think about what I had done already or what I still had to do.
And I didn’t look down once.
I have no idea how long it all took, but by the end of it my muscles were quivering and I was barely able to hold on.
‘You’re doing really well. Almost there. You can do it. Come on, Jess. Right hand here.’
I reached for the place he had indicated and my hand slipped on the stone, so I fell sideways with a gasp, swinging on the rope. Will caught me and held me tightly.
‘It’s OK. You’re OK. You’ve only got about three metres to go.’
‘I just can’t,’ I said, bursting into tears of sheer exhaustion. I was angry with myself for being so pathetic, which made me sob all the harder.
As if he recognized that I’d nothing left to give, he didn’t bother trying to cajole me into trying. He more or less carried me down the last part, setting me down on a flattish bit of rock. He kept his arms around me and I was glad of it, because my knees were shaking so much I could barely stand.
‘There. You’re on the ground. You did it.’
I looked up at the great wall of rock above us and wiped my eyes, sniffing. ‘I did, didn’t I?’
‘What do you think? Want to take up climbing?’
I looked at my fingertips, which were seriously battered. I didn’t even want to think about the state of my feet. ‘Not a chance.’ I sniffed again. ‘How embarrassing. Sorry.’
‘Don’t be silly.’ Will set about detaching us from the ropes. ‘I hate to mention it, but we’ve still got a walk to get to the beach.’
I looked around, taking in for the first time that we were in the middle of the piled-up rocks at the base of the cliff. They were jumbled together like giant building blocks at all sorts of crazy angles, and slick with seaweed or spray from the waves that broke not very far away at all. The water surged in under our feet, bursting through gaps in the rock here and there.
‘Don’t worry. This I can do.’
‘Statistically this is the most dangerous bit,’ Will said.
‘We are literally at sea level. I’m no longer scared.’
‘You should be. People get washed off the rocks all the time.’
‘Aren’t you the little ray of sunshine?’
‘Famously so.’ He paused. ‘Seriously, Jess. Be careful. We’re not done yet.’
We set off after Will had told his dad where we were and let him know we were finished with the ropes. I was too cold and my feet hurt too much to hurry, so I would have had to take my time even if Will hadn’t been barking warnings at me every two minutes.
‘I’ve got the message,’ I said. ‘Be careful.’
‘Yeah, but you still have to behave as if you’ve got it.’ He reached over and grabbed my arm as I wobbled on a perilously sharp bit of rock. ‘If you fall into the water I’m not going to dive in and rescue you.’
‘Yes, you will. You’re that sort of person. You’re a Saint Bernard in human form. Show you a damsel in distress and you can’t help yourself.’ I was giggling to myself. It was hard to take anything seriously when I had looked death in the face and survived.
‘Get a grip, Jess.’
‘I mean it. You need to be needed, don’t you?’
He ignored me. ‘Just watch where you’re going.’
I quietened down and did as I was told, and with the exception of a big wave that would have taken us both out if we hadn’t jumped out of the way, we made it round to the beach. I stepped off the last rock onto the soft sand at the same time as Will.
‘Are we safe now?’
‘Completely.’ He reached out and pulled me into his arms, holding on tightly.
I leaned in to him. ‘Not that I mind, but what’s the hug for?’
‘Just because.’
He was still holding me and I didn’t feel any need to fight him off.
‘Were you really worried? You didn’t tell me you were worried.’
‘There wasn’t any point in telling you.’
‘What happened to It’s going to be fine?’ I leaned back so I could see his face.
‘Truthfully, it could have gone either way.’
‘I’m glad you didn’t share that with me on the cliff.’
‘I’m not stupid. We’d still be sitting there waiting to be rescued, gradually turning into ice cubes.’ Will frowned, considering me. ‘You know, I like your hair. I think I did a good job.’
‘Don’t you miss the old me?’
‘Honestly? You could dye it blue and shave half of it off and I’d still think you were beautiful.’
It felt as if I was blushing from my toes to the top of my head. I couldn’t think of anything smart to say. I couldn’t think of anything to say.
‘Jess.’
‘Yes?’
Will took hold of me, his hands sliding into my hair, drawing me against him. I looked into his eyes, silver-grey in the moonlight, and there was nothing to stop me from falling this time, and falling hard. He leaned towards me and I forgot the pain in my feet, and the cold, and the bitter disappointment of not having done what I’d set out to do. None of it mattered. My heart was pounding, or maybe it was his. We were so close to one another I couldn’t tell. I closed my eyes.
‘Sorry to interrupt.’ The voice was deeply sarcastic.
I pulled back and squinted as, once again, a torch beam got me in the eyes. The same torch beam, in fact, that had blinded Ryan a few nights before. With a sinking feeling I realized that for the second time since I’d been in Port Sentinel, Dan Henderson had caught me kissing someone on the beach. Almost kissing someone, to be precise. And Will had dropped me as if I were red-hot the moment his father spoke. I risked a look in his direction and discovered he was staring into the middle distance, ignoring me and his dad. Which left me to do the chatting, I gathered.
‘Hi.’ Not winning any prizes for originality, but at least I’d managed to say something.
‘You made it down all right, then. Well done, Will.’ The torch played over me. ‘Any injuries?’
‘No. Not really.’ I looked down at my feet, at the sad excuse for shoes that I was still wearing. They were ripped and filthy, and would never be the same again, which was fine by me because I was never going to try to wear them. The nicest part was the blood that had soaked through from my heels. The seawater had made it spread, so it looked as if my feet were cut to pieces. Which, in fact, they possibly had been. I flexed the right one and winced.
‘That looks nasty,’ Dan said, his voice hard.
‘It’s not too bad.’ Even as I said it I was reassessing. My feet were actually in ribbons.
‘You’d better come and get checked out by the paramedics.’
‘I’m fine.’ I glanced at Will, hoping he’d tell his dad to leave us alone. But instead he nodded.
‘Sounds like a good idea.’ To his dad, he said, ‘I’m heading home.’
‘Good. Check on your mother.’
Will glowered at his father, but didn’t say anything. He turned to walk away without saying goodbye to me.
‘Thanks,’ I called after him. ‘I’ll see you around.’
I might as well have said nothing for all the response I got.
Which left me with Dan. He took hold of my arm. ‘Come on, young lady. The ambulance is over there.’
‘No!’ I pulled myself free and took two steps back. By the light of the moon, I could see him frown.
‘What’s the matter?’
‘I don’t need your help to walk over there.’
He tilted his head to one side, considering me. ‘All right. No need for the dramatics.’
‘There’s every need.’ My face was hot. ‘After the car the other night.’
‘What about the car?’
‘You know what I’m talking about.’
‘I’m afraid I don’t. Unless you mean’ – and he broke off to laugh – ‘tidying up your lipstick. Sorry. Did I step on your dignity?’
‘It was inappropriate.’
‘Oh, was it?’ He laughed again. ‘It was a friendly gesture. Fatherly. I’m going to assume you don’t get on well with yours, or you’d have recognized it for what it was. I always wanted a daughter, you know.’
‘Is that what you told Freya?’ My nerves were stretched to breaking point, but I knew if I didn’t confront him about it now, I never would. ‘You saw her as a daughter.’
Dan shrugged, puzzled but not alarmed. ‘She’s got nothing to do with this. Whatever this is.’
‘So you say.’
‘I mean it.’ He took a step closer to me. ‘This is what I was worried about, Jess. You start looking for mysteries everywhere and you get paranoid. You start throwing around wild accusations. You misjudge people.’
I hadn’t misjudged him. I was almost sure of it. But he seemed so confident, so unflustered, and I could hear myself telling my mother about it and not being able to convey how wrong his behaviour had been and how uncomfortable it had made me, without sounding like a lunatic.
Dan held out his hands. ‘Look, I’m not going to make you take my arm. But the sand is difficult to walk on and your feet are injured. If you’re sensible, you’ll accept my help and we’ll say no more about whether I should have helped you tidy yourself up after your little adventure with Ryan.’
My face burned but I couldn’t see what else to do. Forgetting about the whole thing was impossible, but making a fuss was even less likely to help. I’d been played, and I knew it. Defeated, I put my hand on Dan’s arm and together we began to plough through the soft sand towards the promenade.
But if I thought that was the end of our awkward conversation, I was wrong. Dan had more to say. ‘Right. While we’re walking, I want you to explain to me exactly why you thought that was a good idea.’
‘What?’
‘Setting up your clifftop confrontation. What did you think I meant?’
Kissing your son, obviously. I didn’t say that, though. I didn’t say anything. I adopted Will’s technique and kept completely silent while Dan told me what he thought of me and the unacceptable risks I’d taken and how angry my mother would be when she heard about it, which she would as soon as he had a chance to call her. He carried on all the way across the beach, and it seemed endless. By the time we got to the promenade I felt as if I’d walked across the Sahara accompanied by a really creepy, angry Bedouin.
The ambulance was parked by some steps, its lights twirling but the siren off. Both paramedics were standing by the back doors, which were open.
‘I want to have a word with these guys.’ Dan steered me towards the steps. ‘You go in first and wait. I’m not letting you go anywhere until you get checked over.’
I didn’t dare argue. I limped up the steps and climbed into the back of the ambulance, which was full of unidentifiable bits of medical equipment I hoped I wouldn’t need.
Also in the back of the ambulance: someone I hadn’t expected to see, sitting on the edge of a stretcher, wrapped in a blanket. I stopped dead as Coco looked up at me. I don’t know which of us was more shocked.
‘You’re alive!’
‘No thanks to you,’ I pointed out. It wasn’t my best ever comeback, but in the circumstances it was the best I could do.
Her face had gone completely white. ‘He told me you were dead. They said you were dead.’
‘Disappointing, isn’t it?’
‘You should have died.’ Her hands were clenched into fists, her voice rising hysterically. ‘I was sure you were gone. I pushed you off the cliff, for God’s sake. I saw you fall. You should be dead. Why aren’t you dead?’
‘Thanks, Jess. That’ll do.’ For once I was glad of Dan’s sense of timing, even though I was outraged that he hadn’t warned me what he was planning. He’d used me, and there was nothing I c
ould do about it. In the circumstances, I couldn’t even really complain. He clambered into the ambulance, taking a pair of handcuffs off his belt. ‘Cordelia Golding, you’re under arrest for the attempted murder of Jessica Tennant. You do not have to say anything . . .’
I turned and hobbled back down the steps. I didn’t feel the need to watch him arrest her and take her away. It was enough to know it was going to happen. It was justice for Freya, at last. I’d done what I set out to do.
I couldn’t have said why, but it made me feel like crying again.
18
I SPENT THE next three days lying on the dingy sofa in the horrible holiday cottage while a procession of people came to thank me, or tell me off, or both. My feet had been properly bandaged at the hospital, along with a gash to my calf that I hadn’t even noticed at the time, and I wasn’t pretending to be an invalid. Walking was agony; I could barely hobble across the room. I ached from head to toe, as if I had been systematically beaten up. On the bright side, it was quite fun to lie there like Beth in Little Women, looking fragile, as Mum brought me cups of tea and made vast quantities of toast. Her other job was opening the door to let in a noisy collection of Leonards who all wanted to hug me at the same time, or Darcy, creeping in miserably like a dog that knows it’s going to be told off, or once, memorably, Natasha.
‘I didn’t know she’d done it,’ she said without preamble, standing in front of me. ‘It wasn’t my idea.’
I looked up at her, curious. ‘What was your idea, as a matter of interest?’
‘I wanted to scare Freya.’
‘You wanted to get a reaction, didn’t you?’
The frustration showed on her face. ‘She never cared about anything. I couldn’t get through to her.’
‘So you had to shout.’ I shook my head. ‘You might not have intended for it to happen, but you set it up. You bullied her and tricked her and frightened her to the point where she ran out of places to hide.’
‘I know.’
‘Do you?’
‘Yes.’ She sat down abruptly and put her face in her hands. ‘I made a mistake.’
‘Understatement of the year.’ I really didn’t want to prolong the conversation, but there was one thing I still wanted to know. ‘Did Ryan know what you did? Was he there that night?’
